After a long day of doing posting, getting stuff correct, starting supper and then this song landed in my YouTube feed.

OK everyone tired of myself pushing / punishing posts about my childhood please skip this one.  I won’t be talking much about my abuse only in vague terms.   I am very tired, got up early to take care of the cat and been doing as much as I could all day.  But I was OK, when my back gave out I let Ron do the dishes while I dried them so we could have the supper I made.  It was a pork tender lion seasoned my way, mashed potatoes, green beans, and brown gravy.  By the time that Ron was done, I was exhausted and hardly able to stand up, so he took over washing while I dried the few remaining dishes.  

Then when I finished eating and got back to blogging.  That was when YouTube slammed me with the song I will put at the bottom.  The song is about a man and child abandoned by the mother as she got wealthy.  But in my case when I did talk to my sires kids they told me why the little boy that was so shortly in their home and disappeared never to be spoken of.  Seems that my sire’s wife said she wouldn’t tolerate another one of his off spring with other women to live in their house.  She was already raising several of his children from women not her, and she was going to pull the line here.  The little boy who already knew to hide and not be seen did not come into her concern at all.  According to her daughter she was not a really nice person as she tried to pretend to the world she was.  She simply did not care what happened to me as long as I was not in HER house nor taking her husband’s time away from her own kids.  I asked my real sibling if the wife knew what would happen to me, and she said yes but she was willing to have it happen rather than take me into her home.  I still have the letter and it causes me to cry each time, that an adult knew what I was going to face but simply did not care as raising me safety was more work for her and a reminder of her husband fucking other women.  

So the song.  All that glitters is not gold.  I often wondered what would have happened to me if I had been raised in that family instead of the abusive one I did.   But would it have been as abusive in the house of my sire as in the house of my adopting rapists?  My sister from that family thinks in some ways yes.  No I wouldn’t have been raped but I would have been blamed for everything wrong, I might have been disciplined very harshly, and yes made the scape goat of everything wrong in the family … if the man who sired me had let her do it.  All just too scary and hurtful.  A little boy sold to abusers because adults couldn’t reconcile where and how they used their private parts.  I will place the song below and you can tell me if my tears were worth it.   Hugs.