A bit tired out today.

I was up all night fixing a modem then router problem. The modem kept cycling and negotiating channels. Normally restarting it would solve that issue. It did not. So I factory reset it. Then that was where me being tired after being up all day and now about 2:30 am, I missed an important piece of the puzzle. Ron got up at three to use his iPad and it wouldn’t connect because I had the modem out of the system. I had it hooked directly to my main computer.

Then trying to reboot the router I forgot to change the Ethernet cables back around and was getting frustrated I couldn’t access the router controls. I was factory resetting and rebooting the router, I was using my phone to try to access the system, nothing was working. I was super frustrated when Ron popped his head in the door and asked what I was doing. I explained it, then he told me his pad did not connect saying the Wi-Fi was not there. I sat there trying to explain it to him when the light bulb over my head came on. I told him to give me five minutes and he would have internet.

In trying to explain what I was doing to him after nearly 20 hours awake it dawned on me, I had failed to move the cables back to the router so I was trying to access a piece of equipment not in the loop, not connected. I quickly redid the correct cable configuration of modem to router to computers and then I accessed the now factory cleared router. I restored my security settings, all the passwords, and in about 7 minutes had the system up. I went to bed around 4 am. Tired but happy. I noticed that everything I did stopped the modem from cycling also. I got back up at 7:30 am. I am doing laundry now and will start on comments. It is going to be a long day. I still have to go into the router and bind the devices so they can’t be spoofed but I am too tired to work on it now. At least I don’t have Ron’s job of cutting out flooring around metal support beams and plumbing lines for water and sewer. Hugs.

What I love about this video is that Rev Ed makes a point about using pronouns and one I plan to start doing. Hugs

Responding to Ben Shapiro and other videos on LGBTQ+ sex and the bible

What kept me busy today.

So today I started out by posting a bunch of memes because I couldn’t sleep. Good and great. Then I went for a nap in the morning totally worn out. However my husband had determined to keep going with the sink pipe break under the house repair. However when I got up and seen how far he had come to removing the stuff in the room with the idea to redo the flooring / put in a new toilet. I had to hit him with my idea of remodeling the bathroom.

See that hallway bathroom was added as first as a toilet and sink, and had its access from the kitchen. But we needed the kitchen access door space for cupboards in our new kitchen so we moved the doorway to the hallway. But when James moved in he needed a place to shower and as he worked nights and coming in late in the evening to shower often got awkward. He would interrupt Ron and I being romantic … is a nice way to put it. I did not care, I had been in the US Army where if there were three people in a room it was understood that guys were going to have sex and we just pretended not to see or hear. James said he was OK with that. But my husband was freaking out. The third time it happened while we were in the throes of passion nude on our bed and James knocked on the door … Ron had enough.

He carved a large portion of our own bedroom master bathroom we had planned to use for a large shower to put a shower in the hallway bathroom. He then built our own much smaller bathroom shower in the space left. Now that James has been gone for years Ron simply has been too tired to deal with changing anything. The leak of the sink gave me the opportunity.

Ron has been in the middle stage of finishing the Florida Room I am moving out to so we can have a spare bedroom where my pink palace office is. Due to the kitchen sink leak I still plan to post on but it is not yet finished as you can see. See that one I really wanted to do a video on with the new program I spent so much money buying. It will show if it really was worth the money to buy and use. However I have to say even without using it I had an issue and the company stepped in and solved it along with a decade’s old one. So they seem a rock solid company.

So remember that Ron is now this year 70 and I am very disabled but I am willing to help him all I can. But during the attempt to fix the sink leak Ron struggled to get his legs to bed around the pipes and to get himself around the tight spaces. Turns out he has not got the flexibility he once had. Well damn it I knew that from our bedtime and the rest of our life. His is a muscle bound 70 year old man who has lost all flexibility.

So while we had everything removed except the shower I spend a lot of time convincing him that hey, if we shifted this there and that here and did this … we could have the bathroom of our dreams we originally planned on. Took a while. About two hours until he came back to me and said enthusiastically … YES, that is a great idea. But Scottie the work and effort. He told me he remembered how it was so hard for him and I to force that current shower into the room and twist it to the point it would fall into where it needed to be. I was not so disabled then and he was much younger.

I said yes I remember but also this is different. See it is only us living here, no one needs to access the bathroom or shower yet. Plus we don’t have to use any existing spaces. We can remove the walls around the current shower and just work on it as we move forward. We can even cut this shower into pieces and get a new one to put in there as it was a simple cheap 36 by 36 shower anyway. Once he realized that he was all for it. He even was online looking at extra tall elongated bowl toilets. I may regret this, I created a monster. LOL. So below are the pictures of the bathroom and I am going to bed. Love everyone and thanks for following the blog. This saga of remodeling is only beginnings. Hugs

Now all that need to be done is plan out where to put each item and run the needed piping. Hugs

During everything trying to do still struggling.

So today I have been having a very full day. I have been helping Ron with the bathroom stuff as well as I could. Did our morning walk. I talked to Ron a bought evening meals. I have been watching videos. I have been answering comments which always makes me happy even though I am getting tired. I am working on a post right now on the blogging computer how Ron and I redesigned the hallway bathroom. But even during all that old issues come up. I am so tired of it, and I am sorry to again hit you with it. But two videos showed up in my YouTube feed and I clicked on them. I have to say I shouldn’t have clicked on them, my own damn fault. Ok I admit that. But like a moth to a flame sometimes. What do I say? I should run, and keep running. But far too often I click. And I watch. And I hurt. But each of them tried to send me into the void. Luckily I have strong friends who keep that void from me. Here are the two videos below. I am not opening any more YouTube links for now except for those from those I know and respect. Hugs.

Unlike the story of the teen above I was shared willingly by my older hell spawn female siblings with their boyfriends / future husband. I was way to please the boyfriend without them having to do the work. When the oldest one’s second husband moved into our home and started raping me and her really young kids she laughed to my adopting mother saying it was so cute her soon to be husband thought he was sleeping with a girl. A year later her soon to be 8 years old son came to me saying he wished he had been born a girl so he could be a better girlfriend. I was so entrapped in my own abuse I couldn’t help him. Hell at that time I couldn’t even understand what he was saying, none of my abusers had told me I needed to be the girl, I just was. I regret that to this day. All I could do then was hold him and say please be glad of your man parts and don’t let anyone take them from you. I don’t know if that helped him or if he is angry because he told someone like I did, and they did not help. Sadly he told me who was being abused by the very people abusing him.

Both of these boys were me. Sadly in the first I had no one to go to, the teachers I told only abused me freely and the only time I pulled a gun on one of my abusers … something, maybe a higher power, maybe just a future me, or a better part of me, convinced me not to and to lower the gun, remove my hand from the trigger and to replace everything to the places they belonged. Of all the events in my life that once scares me the most. The idea if I had pulled that trigger that night. What might I have become. Horrible to think of. I was only 9 or so that night. How I might have destroyed the Scotty that was to be. But I had just been violently raped by one of my main hell spawn sibling abusers who had made me do unspeakable things before while growing up. Yet with the gun pressed to his passed out temple, my finger on the trigger, something held me back. I have never understood why. Surly I would have been let off by any court. Blood still tricked down my leg from his sexual assault. But really that was not the point. Something more was. At this point in my life at 62, I doubt I will ever know or understand. Love to all. Best wishes to those that don’t want hugs. Hugs.