Taking advice about how to run free, fair, and democratic elections from Vladimir Putin would be like taking advice from Donald Trump on how to make a steak.
“What you want to do is purchase the most beautiful cut of meat possible, preferably from Walmart, but with a “Trump Steak” sticker on it. Then, you’re gonna put that steak on the stove and cook it for about 45 minutes until it’s nice and charred. Then you will want to bury it in ketchup to the point that you can’t even see the steak. Then, have someone else cut it for you, but make sure it’s in tiny pieces so you don’t have to chew so hard. You gotta eat your ketchup steak in tiny bites if you’re like me, and your dentures keep popping out.”
I read that when he had meetings with his campaign people during the 2016 race, he’d serve hot dogs. The anonymous source said that Trump eats like an 8-year-old. He will serve his guests a scoop of ice cream while he gets two, so they know who the big boy is. I bet that bastard puts ketchup on his hot dogs, that sonofabitch.
Trump is taking Putin’s side again. Not just in the war that Putin started against Ukraine, but in the war he started against American democracy. On Monday morning, Trump posted on ShitSocial that he’s getting rid of mail-in voting and voting machines. Disclaimer: I haven’t read his entire post because…damn. (snip-MORE. Seriously, go see it, it’s worth the click!)
Yeah, me, neither. Also! I am not, and never was, a KISS fan. I always thought they were bubble gum. Needless to say, I enjoy Clay Jones’s commentary re KISS!
I’m a KISS fan, to an extent. When I was in the 4th or 5th grade, a friend introduced me to KISS, and I was hooked. I had posters and albums. I wanted to be Ace Frehley and started playing guitar. I was obsessed with KISS. Other than my guitar obsession (I’m still obsessed), all that was over by the time I hit the 8th grade. With a bit more maturity, I had become more interested in not just the current music of the time, like Van Halen, but another friend had introduced me to The Beatles, and I think I discovered the Rolling Stones on my own. I started paying attention to my mom’s music and got into CCR.
A few years later, I was walking through the music department of K-Mart, and saw the album cover for KISS’s latest album, Lick It Up, and learned that they had a couple of replacement members and had taken the makeup off. This was huge news in KISS world, but I was out of the KISS ARMY (that was the fan club) by that point.
And that’s the thing about KISS. Their audience was mostly little boys, such as myself. While KISS looked like a dangerous rock and roll band, at least at the beginning, they had become more of a marketing product than a rock and roll band. In addition to the posters I had, KISS were marketing lunch boxes, action figures, trading cards, bed sheets, pillows, comic books, and even had made a TV movie, KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park, which might be the worst TV movie ever.
KISS may have been serious about their music, but they weren’t taken seriously, which is difficult to obtain when each member is face-painted like a clown. The Insane Clown Posse is probably more respected. And while there are some gems in their catalog, most of their songs actually sucked. KISS chased trends. They started as a rock band striving to be on Led Zeppelin’s level, but they didn’t have the songwriting chops or musicianship, despite Ace Frehley being a badass (when he was sober enough to play on the albums, and didn’t force the band to use a hidden replacement for his lead guitar playing). KISS went from trying to be the next Beatles to producing a disco track, to chasing hair metal in the 80s, to writing songs with Michael Bolton and Bryan Adams, to making a grunge album. Critics didn’t like them, and they never made the cover of Rolling Stone during their prime (but did make it decades later for an article that was mostly retrospective).
They were more noted for their theatrics, fire-breathing, blood-spitting, and smoke pouring out of Frehley’s guitar than for their music.
Most musicians in respected rock bands are invited to play on other artists’ albums, such as Bob Seger, members of Fleetwood Mac, Mike Campbell of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, and every member of The Eagles. Even members of Cheap Trick got invites, and even lured Beatles producer George Martin to produce their albums. But I can’t think of a member of KISS who has ever played on another artist’s album. After leaving KISS, Ace Frehley called John Waite (the Missing You guy) to see if he’d like to start a band with him, and never got a return call. And Ace was the most successful solo artist to come out of the band (though his last album was embarrassing). Peter Criss’ albums are unlistenable.
Gene Simmons was not a good songwriter (sample lyric: “Let me put my log into your fire”), and his bass playing is still mocked today (they often used a hidden replacement, or Paul and Ace would play bass on the songs they wrote). Paul Stanley had an operatic voice (that didn’t have a natural sound), but he tried too hard to show it off, and his guitar playing and songwriting were cheesy. Peter Criss was more of a jazz drummer than a heavy rock guy like John Bonham of Zeppelin, and he had timing issues, but his voice had an amazing sound, especially considering that he was tone deaf. Ace Frehley, who is unfortunately a racist who used to get drunk and bang on his Jewish bandmates’ hotel room doors dressed as a Nazi (really. They used to call him RACE Frehley), inspired millions with his guitar playing, but his skills decreased due to his laziness and addictions. By hiring studio musicians to pretend to be Criss, Frehley, and Simmons on their albums and hiding it from the fans, KISS didn’t even take themselves seriously.
KISS was never a great band. So why are they the first to be honored by Donald Trump since he made himself the head of the Kennedy Center? Because Trump has no culture (ketchup on burnt steaks), and he has the maturity of a 12-year-old boy.
Trump will be hosting the ceremony for these “honors,” which will be interesting. People will probably tune in because folks love a good train wreck.
Each member of KISS expressed how honored and humbled they are for receiving these “honors,” but boys…being “honored” by Donald Trump isn’t really an honor.
That’s another difference between KISS and bands taken seriously. Musicians sue Trump to stop playing their music at his rallies.
And, yes. KISS has a song glorifying pedophilia. Gene Simmons wrote it. I had to adjust the lyrics for space, but those cited in the cartoon say,
“I don’t usually say things like this to girls your age, But when I saw you coming out of the school that day, That day I knew, I knew, I’ve got to have you, I’ve got to have you.”
Even as a kid, I thought it was weird that Gene only saw Christine because he was hanging outside her school. (snip-MORE)
Everyone can contribute to protecting our democracy Read on Substack
A reader sent me this photo of a poster he created for an anti-Trump rally (He asked for permission. Thank you). I love it when you all use my work to protest… just please send me a photo and no revisions, like changing any text.
Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin held their summit yesterday at a military base in Anchorage, Alaska, and nothing came of it except validation for the Russian president.
Trump had put a deadline, HAHAHAHAHAHA, on Putin for a ceasefire in its war on Ukraine, which Putin started based on bullshit about Nazis in Ukraine. Now, you can’t find anyone in the Trump regime talking about his deadline. TACO done taco’ed out again.
Trump and Putin talked for two to three hours, when they were expecting a much longer summit. After that, they spent 12 minutes gushing over each other in front of the media, and unlike their little summit in Helsinki during Trump’s first term, they didn’t take any questions from the press.
Trump fashions himself as a great negotiator, which has always been a lie. He promised during the campaign that he’d end Russia’s war with Ukraine and Israel’s on Gaza in one day. It’s been almost eight months since Trump was sworn in, and there are no peace deals.
Trump said afterward, “There’s no deal until there’s a deal.” Remember, he’s a great negotiator.
He said, “I will call up NATO in a little while. I will call up the various people that I think are appropriate. And I’ll, of course, call up President Zelenskyy and tell him about today’s meeting. It’s ultimately up to them.”
Isn’t it nice that he’ll “call up” Zelensky, who was kicked out of the White House after being scolded by Trump and Vice President Couch Fucker? Trump plans another meeting with Zelensky in the White House. Good luck, Volodymyr.
Note the difference in the way Trump treats Zelensky and Putin. Zelensky has to travel around the world to meet Trump, and then gets scolded and kicked out of the White House for his trouble. But with Putin, Trump will travel to Alaska, literally roll out a red carpet for the guy, give him a ride in his armored limousine, and celebrate him with a flyover of stealth bombers, like they do at football championships. Maybe Trump thinks Putin won the Super Bowl.
On Saturday morning, Trump revealed that he and Putin decided not to try for a ceasefire at all, “which often times do not hold up,” said Trump, but instead work directly on a peace agreement. Well, why didn’t they think of that beforehand? And why the trip to Alaska if that’s all they were going to get out of it? (snip-MORE)
The Trump regime sent a letter to the Smithsonian Institution on Tuesday, requesting/demanding a “comprehensive internal review” of eight of its museums to bring the organization in line with Trump’s cultural directives ahead of the country’s 250th anniversary celebrations
The letter reads, This initiative aims to ensure alignment with the President’s directive to celebrate American exceptionalism, remove divisive or partisan narratives, and restore confidence in our shared cultural institutions.
The museums are the National Museum of American History, the National Museum of Natural History, the National Museum of African American History and Culture, the National Museum of the American Indian, the National Air and Space Museum, the Smithsonian American Art Museum, the National Portrait Gallery, and the Hirshhorn Museum and Sculpture Garden.
What will these reviews determine? That the African American History Museum is too Black? This is more fascism.
The letter also stated, “Within 120 days, museums should begin implementing content corrections where necessary, replacing divisive or ideologically driven language with unifying, historically accurate, and constructive descriptions across placards, wall didactics, digital displays, and other public-facing materials.”
The beatings will continue until morale improves. (snip-you bet there’s MORE)
The news media keep referring to Trump’s law & order agenda, which sets off my irony antenna. How about also mentioning in this coverage that Trump is a convicted felon and seditious ex-president who violated his sacred oath of office?
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Deep State Sandwich by Clay Jones
And this is why we can’t have $5-dollar foot longs anymore. Read on Substack
One of the editors who receives my cartoons wrote me today saying that he didn’t understand this cartoon, and would wait for the blog to explain it. Then he followed that with, “Hey, did you hear about the WNBA dildo throwers? Dude…
Anyhoos… Cops in Washington, DC have arrested a man who viciously attacked Border Patrol…with a Subway footlong sandwich. Maybe, if he had just thrown a 6-incher, there wouldn’t have been any ruckus over it, and Pam Bondi would have only charged him with a misdemeanor or would have been given a simple citation.
Baghdad wasn’t filled with violent insurgents until the US military invaded in 2003. It wasn’t long after the occupation of Iraq began that the terrorists showed up to kill Yankee devils, and I’m not talking about the Red Sox. Now, people who wanted to kill Americans didn’t have to travel so far.
W and Cheney promised a quick war, and they were right in that Saddam’s military was defeated in short order, but they ignored us when we told them the real fight would come after. Remember when they claimed we would be “greeted as liberators?” Yeah.
And you can say that cops weren’t being assaulted with sandwiches before Trump ordered the federalization of Washington, DC. Federalizing DC has not been greeted with warmth. It’s been greeted with derision and Subway sandwiches. I hope it wasn’t an Italian BMT. Those are my favorites. Remember the crab salad sub? What happened to those?
On Wednesday night, around 11 p.m., a man approached several Border Patrol officers in Washington, DC, in front of a Subway sandwich shop. Sean Charles Dun, the sandwich guy, reportedly called the heavily armed officers “fucking fascists,” yelling, “I don’t want you in my city!” before hurling a wrapped Subway sandwich at the chest of a Border Patrol cop, which bounced off his riot gear harmlessly. Kash Patel, a joke of an FBI director (this doesn’t help), shared a video of the incident. Dunn was later caught, “I did it. I threw a sandwich.”
The video is hilarious as you watch several cops chase a sandwich-throwing man in a pink shirt down the street. I get the whole chasing thing when they had a free sandwich. Maybe it was chicken teriyaki. You bastard!
Attorney General (ha!), Pam Bondi said, “This is an example of the Deep State we have been up against for seven months as we work to refocus DOJ.” That’s not a joke. She literally tweeted that. J6 was a little harmless protest, and the real danger is these deep-state sandwich fuckers. First, they sex traffic babies out of the basement of a DC pizza parlor, and now they’re throwing sandwiches at federal law enforcement. (snip-but wait, there’s MORE!)
Scottie's Playtime 