These took several days to wade through. I admit I do it not only for the news but for the memes in the comment sections which are pure gold. But just reading the headlines and blurbs can give you a great idea of how really dangerous and disastrous the right / republicans are. Fox is a totally unhinged media arm of cult tRump. The rest of the right wing media is desperate for their cult ideas of ruling people and having control of their private lives, sexual expressions, and how people simply exist. Please look these over and read the ones that interest you. This shit is serious and real and we have few days left before a direction is chosen for this country. Also notice that why the right claims that crime is up and people are terrified to step outside their homes, crime is way down. Hugs
Harris appeared here in June 2021 when he attempted to bring a loaded and concealed handgun onto the House floor. He then denounced calls for his resignation as “cancel culture.”
In October 2021 he had to be physically separated from Democratic Rep. Collin Allred after an argument over the certification of the 2020 election, which Harris had voted against.
Residents pleaded with the council, arguing that such proposals were divisive, stoked fear among the community, and would further stretch city services. “It is not only unnecessary but also a complete waste of the city’s time, money and resources,” Alexander Ermels, president of PFLAG’s Odessa chapter and a transgender man, said. Mayor Javier Joven [photo], who is up for reelection in November, has said his mission has been to help the city “repent.”
Penalties include a $500 fine and trespassing charges. Odessa, located in west Texas, has a population of 120,000.
For the past 13 months, when a 17-year-old applied for a driver’s license or state ID and marked that they would like to register, the DMV’s system did not transmit their voter registration application to the SEC. As a result, approximately 17,000 young voters were not registered to vote despite indicating a desire to do so. These voters were also not notified that their registrations had been rejected.
(Way to go-run for office! Especially in and as opposition to people like Steve Scalise-A)
A trans nonbinary Louisiana candidate for the U.S. House released a defiant campaign video this week, showing themself injecting testosterone to defend bodily autonomy.
Mel Manuel, who is running to unseat far-right House Majority Leader Steve Scalise, released the video on social media platforms on Tuesday. In the video, Manuel called on voters to “take a stand” while performing a routine testosterone injection.
“I believe that you, not the government, own your own body,” Manuel told viewers, wearing a “My Body My Choice” T-shirt. “LGBTQ+ rights are human rights.”
Manuel, who is running on a platform of abortion rights, universal healthcare, and gun control, highlighted a recent analysis that found Republicans had spent more than $65 million in anti-trans advertisements since the start of August. They also promoted Louisiana’s “Geaux Vote” app, which allows voters to find their polling location and get ballot information.
“To my LGBTQ+ family and our allies… No one is coming to save us,” Manuel wrote in the video description. “We have to show up at the polls for ourselves and for those we love. I’ve spent the last year and a half campaigning because we need to speak up and be represented before it’s too late. You can speak up now with your vote.”
Manuel is the cofounder of Queer Northshore, an LGBTQ+ activist organization based in St. Tammany Parish, and has previously organized against conservative book bans and anti-trans laws in the state. In contrast, Scalise has earned a reputation as a staunchly anti-LGBTQ+ Republican since first taking office in 2008, voting against the Byrd-Shepard Hate Crime Prevention Act, the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and the Respect for Marriage Act; he is also firmly anti-trans, condemning “the left’s radical gender ideology” in a 2022 statement calling for trans girls to be banned from school sports. Scalise even once described himself as “David Duke without the baggage,” referring to the infamous former leader of the Ku Klux Klan.
Given that Manuel is running in opposition to all that, injecting T on camera is a pretty big flex. Still, that doesn’t necessarily mean they expect to win; as their campaign website notes, Manuel’s goal is simply to get 35% of the vote. “Even if your candidate doesn’t win, if we can move the needle to 35 percent or 40 percent of the vote, that means the next progressive candidate will get more funding,” they explained to The Nation last year. “There’s a very, very small chance at winning, and I understand that, but we can still use the role of candidacy as a platform in and of itself.”
A teacher in Manchester, England, who outed a trans student and posted transphobic messages on social media is now banned “indefinitely” from teaching in England.
Prior to the decision, Camilla Hannan had admitted to posting a series of tweets in which she outed a student of hers as trans and disparaged the trans kids at her own school. Though the panel convened in September, the UK’s Teaching Regulation Agency posted the decision online on Tuesday.
(snip)
“In particular, the panel found that Miss Hannan had a deep-seated attitude, and that, whilst she was entitled to have that attitude and hold the views that she did, it was not acceptable for her to have posted these on social media in a way that was damaging to the profession, the school, pupils and in particular Pupil A,” the report reads.
Hannan will be allowed to appeal the decision in two years, though the panel’s decision did not bode well for any future lifting of the suspension. “It is necessary to impose a prohibition order in order to maintain public confidence in the profession,” the report reads.
This summer, a group of 20 trans teen activists gathered outside the U.K. Department of Education’s London Headquarters in order to demand greater protections for trans students. Activists hoped to underscore the “urgent need for policy changes that respect and protect the rights of trans youth, including their rights to autonomy, safety, trust, respect and inclusion.” One of their demands included protection from transphobic bullying, misgendering, and deadnaming, something that is apparently just as applicable to teachers as fellow students.
Again I wish to thank Janet, whose link I will place below, for showing me the article that had this link. I was in a bit of despair of having to fight all over the same fights I fought as a kid. Not realizing for years my fight was over while hers has continued. I realized how self centered I was being. I am not sure if the links will come through, but if you go to the site linked above they list states where anti-trans attacks have failed. Again thanks Janet. Hugs
Voters have routinely rejected candidates who peddle transphobia and try to control their personal health care decisions, and polling shows widespread American support for equality, Democrats as defenders of young people, and a rejection of anti-transgender rhetoric.
In State After State, Anti-Trans Attacks Have Failed
In Arizona…
In Georgia…
In Kansas…
In Kentucky’s 2023 gubernatorial race…
In Michigan…
In Nevada…
In Ohio…
In Pennsylvania…
In Wisconsin…
In Virginia…
In 2022 Post-Election Polling, Equality Was a Winner and Anti-LGBTQ+ Attacks Were A Dud
Equality Voters delivered huge margins to Democrats at every level of the ballot.
At the U.S. House level, 81 percent of Equality Voters supported the Democratic candidate. Equality Voters delivered similar margins for Democratic U.S. Senate candidates and Democratic candidates for governor.
That number was comparable to the level of support Equality Voters gave Joe Biden in 2020 (also 81 percent) and nearly matched the level of support Black voters delivered this cycle (87 percent).
Among self-identified LGBTQ+ voters, who made up a midterm record 7 percent of the 2022 electorate, fully 80 percent supported U.S. House Democrats. LGBTQ+ voters delivered similar margins for Democratic U.S. Senate candidates and Democratic candidates for governor.
MAGA efforts to spread propaganda about and attack transgender people failed.
In this survey, voters were asked which specific issues motivated them to vote this year. Inflation (52 percent) and abortion (29 percent) ranked first and second on this list. Less than 5 percent identified gender affirming care for transgender youth or transgender participation in sports as issues motivating them to vote – last on this list.
This confirmed extensive research prior to the election that found anti-transgender attacks were only effective in riling up extreme members of the conservative base
While the attacks were ineffective with the general electorate and in fact repelled swing voters, they still caused harm, including increasing stigma, discrimination, and violence against the transgender community.
A Super Majority of Americans Support Equality
New data from Navigator Research shows strong majority support for LGBTQ+ equality, and deep concern over MAGA attacks on fundamental freedoms.
Nearly two-in-three Americans support federal nondiscrimination protections for LGBTQ+ people, including 58% of independents and 42% of Republicans.
61% say they will not support candidates who want to ban health care for transgender people, including 59% of independents and 41% of Republicans.
70% say they are concerned that politicians are attacking gay and transgender youth to divide us, maintain their political power and control, and score political points, a clear indication that the American people see through the MAGA anti-LGBTQ+ agenda.
A majority of Americans agree that parents, mental health professionals, and doctors are best equipped to decide the kind of care a child needs, not politicians.
The vast majority of Americans — 7 in 10 — think that politicians are not informed enough about abortion and gender-affirming care to create fair policies
According to September 2023 polling by The 19th and SurveyMonkey, Americans would prefer that politicians either protect transgender people or not focus on transgender issues at all. Only 17% of Americans, and only 29% of Republicans, say politicians should focus on restricting gender-affirming care.
Americans Believe the Amount of Anti-LGBTQ+ Legislation Is Excessive, Agreeing It Is “Political Theater”
Likely voters across all political parties look at GOP efforts to flood state legislatures with anti-LGBTQ+ legislation as political theater. Polling indicates that 64% of all likely voters, including 72% of Democrats, 65% of Independents, and 55% of Republicans think that there is “too much legislation” aimed at “limiting the rights of transgender and gay people in America” (Data For Progress survey of 1,220 likely voters, 3/24-26, 2023).
This quote from Cuban-American former Republican Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen sums it up:
“Intolerance is not a good look on anyone. I remain optimistic that voters will see through this charade and will encourage their elected officials to solve the real problems of America instead of masquerading as Moral Police Officers.”
Majorities Disapprove of Banning LGBTQ+ Content in Schools – and Seem Prepared to Punish Candidates Who Do So
When asked if middle school libraries should include materials related to “gender identity” (57% “should”) and “sexual orientation” (56%), the majority of Americans believe this content should be available. In fact, by a margin of 32 percentage points, Americans are more worried that “materials that could be valuable to students will be removed from school libraries”(62%), than worry that “materials that could be harmful to students will remain in school libraries”(30%).
Yet again, Democrats and Independents are in a different place than their GOP counterparts suggesting headaches for Republicans in the 2024 elections. (Grinnell College National Poll, 3/14-19, 2023)
Indeed, it looks like this issue could be a disqualifier for elected officials who support curriculum censorship and book bans, based on recent polling (Ipsos, 4/24-25, 2023 among 1,005 adults nationwide, the vast majority of whom are registered to vote). More than six in 10 Americans say they would be less likely to back a candidate who “supports policies that ban books in schools and in school libraries on subject matter that deals with sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity”(38% more likely, 62% less likely).
And Americans Trust Democrats to Defend Equality, Youth Wellbeing
The 2024 Navigator Research poll showed that President Biden and the Democratic Party are more trusted than Republicans to safeguard LGBTQ+ equality and protect America’s youth.
60% of those polled say they trust Democrats to protect the LGBTQ+ community, compared to just 19% who say they trust the GOP.
54% say they trust Democrats to protect the rights and freedoms of the community, compared to just 22% who say they trust the GOP.
46% say they trust Democrats to care for children’s wellbeing, compared to just 37% who say they trust the GOP.
I admit I was getting very discouraged lately. I fought the hate generated by hyper religious Anita Bryant as a gay kid growing up, listening to adults around me from my adoptive parents and hell spawn who were abusing me to teachers / adults around me. They bought in to her save the children as all gays are monsters who abuse little boys. Yes the irony was not lost on me that my adopted family bought into the lies. But we gay people fought for acceptance. In my last two years in the Army I was able to live almost fully out, until a new company commander came in who was an infantry officer who told me that if I did not leave the service when my time was up he would have me court marshaled for being gay. During the following years as a civilian in the late 1980s and 1990s I fought for acceptance living as an openly gay man. I got beat up at work, I lost promotions despite being told I had the best scores for a supervisory position, I was told no man was going to take direction from a fagot. I lost jobs when the bosses realized I was gay. It was a horrible time. But in the early 2000 it got better and as time moved on it got better. Schools were pushing acceptance and tolerance for those different. In 2015 in January we were the first gay couple in our county in Florida to be married by the county clerks and the entire office wanted to be involved. They gave us so much time, photos, and love it was incredible. When I go into doctor’s offices and mention my husband the people, especially younger workers are all supportive. I really though things were really moving forward. Then came the Libs of TikTok and Chaya Raichik who admitted to lying with the hate she spewed because as a Christian woman lying was not illegal was it. She found fame creating the most horrible attacks on innocent people demonizing the LGBTQ+ and their supporters and she glorified in it. Red state politician jumped on the bandwagon and the Christian nationalists thinking they found a way to force their morality / god on everyone in the nation led the charge to try to return the society to the 1950s and roll back the rights of everyone not white cis and straight. To hell with the rest of the population as long as their god is happy because of forcing their ways on everyone else.
Then Janet who has had a fight as hard or in a lot of ways far harder than I ever did to gain acceptance for who she is gave me some rays of sunshine and hope. Amazing how when people stick together and help each other the gloom and doom can be pushed back and strength be gained. Thank you, Janet, for this article. Hugs.
Data for Progress finds that among likely voters, Democrats, Independents and Republicans alike don’t want to see “mean-spirited” ads targeting the transgender community.
74% of voters say that transgender people deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
Polling released today from Data For Progress shows just how ineffective and unpopular the anti-transgender ads being run by MAGA candidates really are with voters.
Key findings from the poll back up the long-supported claims that anti-transgender rhetoric is not what wins elections:
The use of political attack ads against transgender people was described as “sad and shameful” by the majority of Democrats (61%) and Independents (58%), and even by a plurality of Republicans (41%). The majority of voters also said that they feel that these ads are “mean-spirited” and “out of hand”
85% of Republicans said candidates should back away from transgender messaging, more than the share of Democratic (75%) and independent (82%) voters who said the same
By a more than 20 point margin (52% to 31%), voters would back a candidate who supports transgender rights versus a candidate who opposes transgender rights; by similar margins (52% to 29%), voters trust the Democratic Party over the Republican Party to handle transgender issues
In addition, a study from Ground Media found that a recent Trump anti-trans advertisement yielded “no statistically significant shift” in voter choice, mobilization or likelihood to vote.
It’s not just the ads that voters dislike, it’s also the policies. Data for Progress found that among likely voters:
Nearly three in four (74%) say that transgender people deserve to be treated with dignity and respect
58% of respondents believe the government should be “less involved in regulating what transgender people are allowed to do, including health care they can receive”– including 61% of Independents and a plurality (45%) of Republicans
55% of respondents there is too much legislation targeting transgender people, and view them as “political theater”
Without a positive message or any plans to improve the lives of families, MAGA politicians continue to resort to these ads to try and distract voters from their failures and unpopular positions. But voters continue to prove that their efforts to spread hate and division are a political loser. Read more about the long history of the failure of anti–trans ads here.
(More good news, after Scottie’s video, as to the early voting news! Blue language alert, so no reading until you’re not somewhere the f-word is not acceptable. Else scroll just a bit, because of course the first sentence is joyous and contains the f-word. Also, italicized script beneath the suns are by the author, Jeff Tiedrich.)
A majority of voters (80%) say they made up their minds about which candidate to support over a month ago, while 11% made up their minds in the last month, 6% made up their minds in the past week, and 3% still have not made up their mind.
“Voters who made their decision on who to support over a month ago break for Trump, 52% to 48%, while voters who made up their mind in the last month or week break for Harris, 60% to 36%,” Kimball said. “The three percent of voters who said they could still change their mind currently favor Harris, 48% to 43%.”
but there are huge swaths of votes who just don’t pay attention to politics until the very last minute — and now that they’re finally tuned in, it’s dawning on them that wait, one of the candidates is ass-spraying mayhem?oh, fuck that shit.
Kamala leads dong-obsessed fry chef Donny Convict in favorability by 11 percentage points, while 58% of registered voters fucking loathe Donny.
The nationwide poll, conducted last week, found Harris’s favorability to be significantly higher than Trump’s, with 51 percent of registered voters viewing Harris as a favorable candidate compared to just 40 percent who felt the same about Trump. Independent voters, notably, were equally split on their opinions of Harris, while the majority of independent voters—58 percent—felt negatively about Trump.
don’t forget that this is going to be the first post-Roe national election.
But perhaps no Democratic stance resonated more with voters than abortion, which saw Harris lead Trump by 23 percent.
reproductive rights continues to be a losing issue for Donny, and he’s still bragging about being the guy who shitcanned Roe.
Donny is being abandoned by his base.
white folks who never went to college have long been Donny’s most hardcore cultists — but this year they seem to be suffering from Dear Leader Fatigue.
“it’s been a key demographic for him — his base. and this is what’s so interesting … in fact, it’s moving away from him. this is Trump’s margin with non-college white voters. this group is not moving towards him. it’s moving slightly away. go back eight years ago, he won it by 33. you go back four years ago, he won it be 31. now we see he’s only up by 27.”
Donny’s losing the people who have been filing out of his hate-rallies early.
after a half hour of listening to him drone on about sharks and batteries and Hannibal Lecter wants to have you for dinner, they turn to their spouse and say Lurleen, let’s go home and see if NASCAR’s on TV.
plus-27 is still a fuck-ton of support from Donny’s base — but in a close election, he can’t afford to lose the additional 6% who voted for him in 2016. these people may never vote for Komrade Kamala, but enough of them may stay home on election day to make a difference.
we’re all worried about post-election fuckery, but let’s not forget that nearly all swing state governors are Democrats.
Constitutional expert Richard H. Pildes reminded us that scenarios involving mischief by governors are unlikely. “In nearly all the swing states, the governors are Democrats, who are hardly going to be receptive to any entreaties by Trump,” he wrote. Even in Georgia, Gov. Brian Kemp and Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, both Republicans, “have done as much under fire as any political officials to prove their commitment to certifying an accurate, lawful count.” And although a few local boards might refuse to certify, there are remedies in court. (A Georgia court recently rejected the notion that officials could refuse to certify results.)
An Arizona County elections official has agreed to plead guilty after she refused to certify the 2022 election in which Kari Lake lost to Katie Hobbs.
The Washington Post reported Monday that Peggy Judd, who helps lead Cochise County southeast of Phoenix, was indicted last year for allegedly “flouting the state’s deadlines” for the 2022 election certification.
actions, consequences. it’s nice when things work out in that order.
Jill Stein might be hurting Donny this year.
perpetual Kremlin dinner guest Jill Stein is like some fucked-up asteroid. every four years, her weird-ass orbit swings her too close to the Earth, and she ends up dicking with the tides and screwing with our electoral magnetic field.
A new poll suggests that Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein is drawing more voters from former President Donald Trump than from Vice President Kamala Harris.
The poll shows Harris leading Trump 49 percent to 47 percent. However, with Stein in the race, Trump’s support dips to 46 percent, while Harris maintains her 49 percent backing, suggesting that Stein draws more support from Trump than from Harris. Though Stein’s voter base remains relatively small, at about 1 percent, it could prove crucial in an election that hinges on tight margins in swing states.
The five men who make up the Central Park Five and now call themselves the Exonerated Five have filed a defamation lawsuit against Donald Trump over his remarks during the presidential debate last month.
During the debate he said: “They admitted — they said, they pled guilty. And I said, well, if they pled guilty they badly hurt a person, killed a person ultimately. And if they pled guilty — then they pled we’re not guilty.”
At the time of the trials, each had pleaded not guilty, and the victim of the attack survived.
ok, this one is not election-related news — but it still makes me laugh to see Donny get served another big, fat slice of Justice Pie.
Aphasia is a language disorder that affects how you communicate. It’s caused by damage in the area of the brain that controls language expression and comprehension. Aphasia leaves a person unable to communicate effectively with others.
Alexa, can aphasia be a sign of dementia?
what the fuck do you think?
so, there’s lots of good news all around — but as a commenter under yesterday’s post said, “we still have to fight like we’re ten points down.” that person is exactly right. we don’t have the luxury of complacency. that’s how we fucked it up in 2016 — we all thought Hillary’s got this in the bag, and so we blew up the balloons and popped the champagne way too early, and too many of us decided it was totes okay stay home on election day. after all, Nate Silver promised us that Hillary had a 99% chance of victory, right? but polls don’t vote — people do.
this year, we all understand the assignment.
Kamala understands the assignment, too. unlike the email lady in 2016, Kamala and Uncle Tim are hitting all the swing states. meanwhile, Donny Convict is squandering his time doing vanity rallies in places like California and New York — states he hasn’t a snowball’s chance of winning.
Hi everyone. Maybe people are getting tired of hearing my daily struggles that break through my normal defenses sometimes and bring me to not a cliff, but a steep hill almost impossible to not fall down, with things to hit and bounce off of hurting more but very few things to grab on to that I can use to stop the falling. Two of those things together stopped my fall Friday night, hopefully giving me something I can hold on to that will stop the falling long enough to get off the mountain slope. I reached close enough to the bottom once in 2014. I don’t want to fall that far again nor see what is below that at the very bottom of that long fall.
I also need to explain that for a week I was running on 4 hours sleep and last night I only got 2 hours and 23 minutes (Friday night Saturday morning). This morning (Saturday) on our walk Ron who also struggled to sleep noticed I was sluggish, slow for me, not talking much. When we got back home my body couldn’t do more. Barely able to take off my jacket and getting Ron’s help taking off a heavy long sleeved sweatshirt that was too small for me, after I put on a tee shirt I fell into bed. I slept all day. Ron also had not slept so came to bed for 3 or so hours. During that time I had a nightmare of my childhood abuse and woke him by crying out for my abuser to please stop, to not hurt me more. Ron woke me as gently as he could. I again felt shame and sorrow over waking him from his slumber over my own trauma. It had slowed down greatly but this last week the nightmares and crying outburst while sleeping, and while awake in my Pink Place, which Ron has tried hard to make a safe space for me. I go through a lot of facial tissues in here.
On Thursday after not sleeping well and having other issues I watched two videos which later was followed by a third A few days later while still trying to recover. I just realized over half of my current tabs open on YouTube are of PSAs on child abuse or testimonies of victims trying to find resolution. I get them in my feed because when I am in a triggered emotional set back I tend to watch these and of course Google / YouTube fills my recommendations with a constant feed of more of them. And I fall down that mountain slope reaching out and read more and more and more of others abuse making the slope steeper with the things to hit that hurt harder, bigger, and the helpful handholds so less. The very same reason I had to stop participating on the Male Survivor site. Once I fall down that mountain slope the more I read / hear of others abuse so much of what happened to me the faster I fall with few things to grab on to that will slow my falling, which seems to get faster the longer I fall.
The first video was the one that set it off. I cut it off after the movie went to “Jesus saved my life from my abusive father who was killing me part” when I watched it. If that saved him I am glad, but Jesus nor religion never stopped my abuse nor were any of my abuser anymore into religion than for a brief period when they got a lot of attention from being involved in the Sunday School teachings they so loved the attention as new members and maybe thought that would wash away all their sins. They soon got disinterested and left, and I was still being abused. Abused before it, during it, and after it. Sometimes I would be abused before we got ready for church and if not before then I knew I would be when we got back home. In my case the power of the lord had no help for me.
So the first video was the worst. It talked about how the father hated the kid because he was another man’s son. In the video the wife had an affair and that left the husband forever taking his violence on the kid. In my case I never thought my adoptive mother was my mother, and from the few records I could find after her death it seems my mother’s father paid for me to be adopted and paid the biological father a large sum of money. But sadly my birth certificate list both of them as my parents. But that was the feeling of my adoptive father, he was not raising another man’s kid. He took that anger out on me and made clear his own kids could also to retain his favor. In the video the other kids snuck him food and comforted him, not mine. Mine denied the food unless I either humiliated myself or sexual pleased them. For a few years the daily abuse was less when the adopting mother was around, which was rare, because I was still her adorable little toddler toy to parade around, yet she explained the bruising and lack of normal interaction I had as I was shy and clumsy falling often into things. The dead eyes and lack of interest in things she explained as being tired because I fought to not go to bed. As I have said before by the time I was 6 years old in first grade she had stopped protecting me and slowly became a participant in my abuse as I aged rather than just turning away ignoring it. It took my school getting involved to change a lot in my life.
But as in the short video, shorter if you don’t watch the Jesus intervention part at the last third, I became aware of the sound of every abuser. Their footsteps with shoes or bare feet, their breathing when hurting me or using me sexually, both oral and anal, and feared being around them or the sound of them getting closer. I also wondered if this was the time they did not stop. I am not sure if I understood if they did not it would be death, I just feared this time they wouldn’t stop and it would keep going on forever. As a child we had no religious beliefs so I had no idea that the abuse might stop in heaven or continue in hell, I knew nothing of death. I just knew I wanted them not to hurt me, I wanted to have food and eat like they did, I wanted someone to hold me and tell me I did a good thing like they got. I wanted affection. I wanted to be able to go to the bathroom without conditions or being told to pee in a glass that as it filled I would have to drink all of it before being able to continue peeing in the glass until finishing, humiliated, crying, sad, hurt, while the hell spawn and their friends gloated over being able to make me do it. The friends may not have understood the punishments if I peed my clothing or on the floor being reported to my adopting parents by the hell spawn, as my view wouldn’t be heard. If they said I just peed myself rather than tell them I needed to go or they made me pee on the floor and said I did it before they could stop me … they would be believed and nothing I said would be heard. Many times I remember them holding me forcing me to pee on something knowing I would take a nude beating with them looking on gloating. It was a way to make me willing to accept what they demanded and willingly give them what they wanted from me.
Sadly the only kind affection I got between late 3 to nearly 7 years old was from a little boy lover pedophile across the street. His abuse I have never seen as traumatic. Yes he used my body for his own needs, but he was kind, gentle, his touch and hugs were warm with good feelings. Even when inside me he was kind, gentle, and constantly praising me as a wonderful boy. It made me want even more to try to make him happy. He told me over and over what a good boy I was, he really seemed to care for me which I never saw from the young hell spawn who hurt me for their enjoyment, nor from either adoptive parents.
One punishment the hell spawn would do when they were home with no adult was to tie a wide belt or rope around my neck and then attach it to the stair banister in a way that my head was jerked into looking up at a painful angle, my hands would be tied to or through the stair rails so I couldn’t use them to defend myself. I would always be nude. I would sometimes be blindfolded, that was when I knew that more than them hitting me, hurting me, other kids would also be there to hurt and rape me. I couldn’t tell where the blows might be coming from, who was grasping me grabbing my hips, who was …, everyone must get the idea. So yes I learned to hear them, to fear them, and the child diddler across the street never seem bad or a threat to me. He was the only bright kind light in my life. Then he killed himself and that kindness when away forever. But it did set me up for looking for kind abusers in my life. Such as the principle at my 1st to 6th grade school. He quickly realized the kid I was and made a friendship with my adoptive mother. Even as he was facilitated a place and way for me to leave class to laydown behind the library shelves along with letting me go with a police officer questions deflected, he was also using me sexually. Only once he was he hurtful, that was when I insulted a female teacher so before he raped me he made me with a bare bottom bend over his knees and spanked me hard as a lesson. Then when I stood up, kissed me, hugged me, told me sternly to always obey my teachers. And then turned me around, lubing my butt hole, and inserted himself inside me to finish … planting his seed there. I was then given an abnormal instruction to pull my pants up, go back to my classroom. That time I was not offered the option to go laydown, nor go to the bathroom to expel his cum. I understood I was being punished. I worried about it leaking and the pain of sitting. Thankfully my teacher never called me out for fidgeting and constant movements in my hard no cushion chair, maybe knowing what was going on with me at home and in school.
Now it is Sunday morning. I couldn’t finish this post last night. I was getting too upset and was too tired. I got another 3 and half hours of sleep before I got up again. So here is the rest of the story hopefully with less emotional upset from me.
Wow just rereading correcting my errors now has me worn out emotionally already. I can not imagine how it must be for everyone reading who don’t know what the life I lived is like. It must be stories from a strange foreign world or harmful different government on earth somewhere far away. Sorry it happened to me here, in New England. But let me continue to get this out before it consumes me again. I have so much unresolved pain from the past. Some want me to ignore it, some want to reveled in it seeing my survival as overcoming it but they lose the point, it still haunts / hurts me. Left undealt with I will be the one left falling down that steep mountain slope with no way of stopping hitting the bottom … which might be death.
So you have read all of the above, no reason not to provide you with the videos. The first was the beatings of a defenseless child, making him the other in the family simply because he was the product of another man’s seed he resented having responsibility to feed or care for. You have read all of the above so here is the video, and again I ask you to make sure you are in a good place to understand that was my daily life so do not take that pain on yourself because I have already done that for all of us. Here it is.
The second video that continued my downward spiral and the steeping of the mountain slope I was trying to find footing and keep from falling further down that slope to the hell I knew to be at the end. This is the one being raped at school. I was by adults but not students, but the older boys were sexually aware enough to act out on me. Not physically hurtful but emotionally building that idea that was my place in life, to serve the more aggressive, more developed male. Lucky for me what they wanted was so silly and quick it meant nothing. And the teachers caught on quicly that if I asked to use the bathroom and other male kids asked right after … they were told to wait until I was back. Which was very frustrating to them and made several to try to be my out of school friend. One night If I could plead for it using my body as currency they never wanted to come back again. No one came to our home and I was not allowed to go to theirs. I have no idea what scared the older kids in grade school from wanting wanting to stay over night again. I was willing to please, but the adopting parents were not willing for me to develop friendships. One of the prices of the “school friend” leaving the next day was instant abuse to make me avoid asking anyone else to stay over again.
The last video that I watched a day or two after trying to absorb / deal with the abuse was again one that religious overtones. But even with that the ending was so shocking / revealing I want to include it. See if I had understood any religion, if I have thought that there was a way to stop the abuse … I would do what so many other kids did. I would have taken my life. That is why this post is so hard to make. It shows how stupid I was at that age, it shows how clueless I was. If I thought there was a way to move beyond my life at that stage I would have gladly let them go all the way and kill me. Sorry for all this. This has been a many day post as I struggled to first write it, reread it and edit it again, then fall some more down the mountain slope to briefly grab something to try to write again. Side note. On the other computer I have 10 videos cued up ready to play about child abuse. Some are PSAs and some are personal survival videos from abuse victims. Mostly male but a few female. YouTuber dumps them into my feed and I open them / watch them or save them … all now send me to the mountain making the slope steeper. There was a time when the slope was not so steep and much easier to walk away from. The force drawing me to the bottom so small. Yet now it is returning to like 2014 and I am no longer having the flat stable land before the slope that I lived on so long. Now I am right at the edge of that slope and far too often I am struggling as I fall down it unable to resist the pull with few handholds and the hurtful things getting ever more / harder as I fall.
This is what I have been fighting for months, I forget how long. I am dealing with my own needing to leave the Male Survivor site, Kamk’s abuse and his now being in the hospital afraid and triggered. I struggle to balance his needs that right now are far more immediate than mine. He feels he is looking at death or worse, life with no way to ever be who he was or wants to be. I want so badly to reach out and hug him, to hold him, to help him … but I again am that child who was forced to ask to be allowed to drink a 14 year old boys urine so I wouldn’t be beaten in the morning. Here is the last video I watched. I wont be sharing the others in my cue … maybe just as links but no commentary, but maybe I will grant myself mercy and not include them at all. I am going to post this and go get a shower I have put off for three days. Much love and warm comforting hugs for those that want them but also simple heartfelt thanks to those that follow and don’t want that physical touch. Trust me I understand how disrupting and jarring unwanted touch can be. I love you even if you don’t want hugs. Here is the last video which was while Rand and Ron were with me providing the handles to grab on to and the way to make the mountain slope less steep. Hugs / best wishes.
