I can hardly breathe but I have taken more medications and it is getting easier.

An update and a photo. The update from last week is the testing seriously poisoned me and I was very sick. When I told that she was cruel and even told the doctor I should report him to the Geneva Convention both were stunned until they looked at my back. Then they kept saying I should have called in. But I reminded them I was reacting so badly during the midweek visit they already claimed it was a serious problem and gave me a list of things to avoid in products. On Thursday Ron started using every medication we could get including the ones given me from the allergy office. By Friday afternoon I was a raw mass on my back and so sick I was throwing up. Ron wanted to take me to the emergency room. I decided to take a bunch of Benadryl as that was what they would do in the ER. It was a long weekend.

Today I was starting to feel better, but still so very tired. But ready to seriously get back to my blog rather than just read / watch stuff and post it. But the universe is not done messing with me yet.

Ron has not been feeling well either this last week he has been in a lot of pain in his back and hip. But today he decided to put up the shelves I have been asking for … a long time. Due to the small space and James being at work I needed to help Ron. That was a mistake that couldn’t be avoided.

The effort involved with putting up the shelves aggravated and caused serious spasms in my back. Due to that I started having trouble walking and couldn’t stand without support. Lucky for me I have lots of great canes. The pain caused my heart at one point to peak at about 168 and go out of rhythm for a bit. I took my medication and it settled at about 115. Then slowly slowed to 95, 85, and then down to 83. Right now it is 80. But the good news is my disk has a lot less stuff on it and will have even more stuff tomorrow when I feel like moving more of the wired stuff. Odie is happy he has more room to spread out. I did not get back to the comments and other blogs like I planned today but I sure have that as my goal. Anyway here is a picture of the new shelves long after the sun went down and I could stand again. I was able to move a lot of stuff off the desk which was over crowed and yet the other set of speakers the cord is too short. I have to look in my many boxes of extra cords for an extensions of the right wires / jacks … (What I want is a new set of much better sounding surround sound speakers …) Hugs and lots of love. Scottie Oh Yes that is Odie on my desk, now that Tupac is a house permanent person Odie is making sure he gets as much desk time as possible. Hugs

My new shelves

What the allergy test on my back looks like

Yes it itches and burns. This morning they take them off but I still cannot wash it or scratch it and Friday the doc sees me. Hugs

clearing up what I said the testing was for.

Monday I mentioned I was going to have testing done and said it was for heavy metal poisoning. That was a misunderstanding from the person who set up the appointment because Ron my spouse had that same testing a few months ago. My testing had to do with the different things in shampoos, lotions, soaps, and some minerals. They also want to start my allergy shots again. But that will involve doing this same kind of testing I think before they start. I am headed of to bed, I am very tired and my back hurts so bad I can hardly breathe. Oh and enjoy the meme I included. Best wishes and hugs.

The sadistic bastard is playing with me.

I gave up about 5pm I think. I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to bed. I tossed, turned, rolled over until I fell asleep. By midnight I was again awake. The pain in my back and shoulders is too much to lay in any manner or direction. I got up at 1pm and went to the computers. The one loving this is Odie who is sprawled on my desk purring and snoring.

I feel like there is a hand around my spine in the middle of my back. It is squeezing and letting go, then gripping and pulling, then letting go, then squeezing again. The pain can get so bad I have to take all of my allowed medication basically putting me asleep or unable to concentrate / reason well.

At 10 PM I took a 12 hour long acting morphine, a backlofen, two 50 mg tramadol, and an 800 mg Ibprofen. All are the max now allowed by FL law, as the legislature knows more than the doctors that are trained and treating me do. I used to take much stronger morphine which helped but the Republicans in the Florida government who never studied medicine in any advanced learning feel that my pain is not worth their political posturing.

At 2am I took another two tramadol’s and a baclofen.

This was happening in several places in my spine. They just gave me injections into my spine near the base. The part near the yoke, I could tell you the place if my mind was clearer, but as Ron can tell you they have to go sideways into the spine so the needle is long and yes painful. But they really help. I am not sure if it is the same as they give women giving birth but it is great at stopping the pain.

But until now they have been trying to treat the middle of my back with muscle injections. That has failed. So I have another MRI for that section. Also again my pain doctors are insisting I up my pain medications. They want me on fentanyl. I like what I have as I can control how much I take and how. I lose that with the stronger medications. It will flood my system regardless of my activities or what I wish. But I cannot continue as it has been for the last three months. I am at the end of my tolerance.

I blame nothing but my own body and my efforts after the hurricane to help to return my home to a usable / livable state. It caused a lot more damage and pain than I had before. Too bad FEMA cannot pay for pain and suffering. The wealthy can hire people to fix the problem or afford to stay elsewhere, us poor have to deal with it as we can. I am at a loss as to what to do now, how to move forward. The goal is to get the next MRI and see what it says. If they can do injections into the spine to kill the pain, OK. If not we have to think of the next step.

Hanging out there always is surgery. But every doctor I have talked to tells me it is a never ending slippery slope. If I have the first one, I will need to have more regularly as the things hurting me back there will grow or happen even faster. It will become an arms race in my spine.

The reason for this post! I have not been able to sit and process news, the most lately I can do is watch videos. Those I think have value I have reblogged. (even with the new chair there is a spike going into my middle back) I have not looked at the comments in over a week. I plan to do that this morning. I have set aside the time to reply to as many as I can. Randy asked me today about the other blogs I went to and love. I told him I just cannot get to them, every second sitting in my chair is like a nail gun driving nails into my back.

Anyway I wanted everyone to know. I want everyone to understand why I am not getting to the wonderful comments I love. I will do so as soon as they inject my spine or increase my medications. Hugs and lots of love to all. Scottie

After writing this but before sending it I went to bed about 6 AM. I got up at 10:30 AM. Back to sitting in my chair trying to rev up my mind. Hugs

Some new pictures for the holidays

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed in the computer array …

Hello and happy holidays to everyone. I hope each of you have had a joyous holiday so far, filled with food and enjoyment. The last time I fixed up the computers I mentioned I had blown out the graphics card. The new card arrived late last week and I put it in. Also the platter 1tb hard drive I used in that computer was chattering bad. Not a good sign. I planned to change it out with another one soon. Well soon happened Christmas day because I may or may not have had a medium risk virus / malware I couldn’t clear that looking back I was attacking the wrong thing.

I ran Norton Power Eraser first thing on both computers. The Video computer was clean, no problems. The Blogging computer had the medium severity virus / malware saying it was in the GeForce …, which is where I screwed up. Because I tired from being up most of the night due to both steroids and both Ron and James setting the house alarm system off. I miss read where the virus was. It was not in the graphics card driver like I assumed. It was on a file to install the automatic GeForce NVidia graphics card drivers. But the driver install and the program install had very similar names and I did not catch the difference.

When I ran the cleaner program it said it couldn’t remove the malware. I Was surprised as it normally uninstalls the malware easily. I uninstalled the driver manually but the computer kept putting it back in when I tried to run the Power Eraser scan. And every scan was telling me that I still had the virus. After about a couple hours I decided to stop monkeying around and just dump the OS (Windows) and change the secondary drive I was using for the data / programs not need to installed on the OS SSD. I did that. Ron put the computer back on the floor and as I am not supposed to get down on the floor or under desks ROn hooked it back up.

That is when I found out I seriously messed up my windows install USB last time I was doing the install / changing drives. I was having an issue with the 1 TB hard drives and switching data / programs where I wanted them. I was getting write protected errors and blocks. I changed the attributes on the drive and files and forced the changes. It was only after that I suspected I was trying to do it to the Window’s install USB, destroying the ability to use it to install Windows OS. Lucky for me I have several others but they were even older versions and would need even more time consuming updating. I worried it was so old that windows would reject it.

When you install windows if you leave the computer connected to the internet the OS program will go to Window’s servers and install an updated copy of the OS program. That saves a lot of time installing, updating, installing more, updating over and over. I have taken to doing that. Yes it is before the anti-malware anti-virus and firewalls are installed but I find it is an acceptable risk. But right after it stops downloading and get to the region / license stage you must disconnect the internet access or Window’s will force you to use your online Microsoft account or set one up to start the computer. I hate that because it informs Microsoft every time you start your computer, plus it use to require a person to keep putting in their password to start the computer. The first time I did the installation I forgot and locked myself in a loop of Windows refusing to let me go further unless I used the Microsoft account. I had to redo the download and start of the install.

Once I got the OS running I installed Norton and ran the power eraser. Still had the malware. But I had not installed the graphics driver so I looked closely at where the malware location was. Damn it, it was on a thumb drive I was storing some of the programs I wanted to install so I wouldn’t have to look each one up. I deleted the file, and told the NPE to fix the problem, and it did. What a lot of extra work because I did not read / understand what the malware was or where it was located.

Well I got everything done and set up by 10:30 last night and went to bed. Hopefully I can do a bit of computer housekeeping and get to answering comments and do a bit of posting. Best wishes and hugs.

Republicans Want You To Snitch On Your Librarian

If anyone wonders , yes the blogging computer is down. I had to swap secondary drives, and the last time I updated the computers I ruined my good newest windows 10 USB drive, so I had to use a very old one that caused its own problems and after several hours of installing I had to reset windows itself downloading it off the internet from Microsoft so I can complete the install. So here are some videos on Christmas day for everyone while I fix my blogging computer. Happy whatever holiday you celebrate today for everyone, my hope for you is you have the greatest fun, the tastiest food, and are with people you enjoy if that is your thing. Hugs

An update on my medical issues

Seen my pain doctor this morning, came home, ate, and went to bed. Got up a while ago. Tomorrow morning I go back and have spine shots in the base of my spine to keep me walking and treat that area of bad pain. The MRI showed more damage there. The C area of my spine shows a little damage but not enough compared to the other areas to be concerned about now. So now I have to get an MRI of the middle of the spine. I have a very large amount of pain from there and that is where the worst of my muscle spasms are at. But Medicare would only let my doctor order two MRI sections at a time so we had to do it this way. I also have to schedule a nerve study because my pain doctor thinks I have Carpal tunnel in my right hand and damage in my right shoulder. She is having it done in both arms. Then I have to have shots / treatments in my right shoulder. So much pain right now makes it really hard to think and sit. Hugs

This afternoon has been family fun

This afternoon is grand and I am so happy. Last night I couldn’t sleep because of pain and muscle spasms. I got up at 4 AM after not sleeping. But after everyone was up I went back to bed and got some sleep while Ron and James went to a warehouse store to shop.

Why is this afternoon so grand? Because I am sitting here at my desk while the guys work in the kitchen and we are together because it is the open concept I love. The guys got huge blocks of cheese and meats at good prices and are using the slicer to slice it and put it in the vacuum freezer bags. As they are working and I am on the computer everyone is talking and joking, sometimes teasing each other, making jokes, having fun. Such a difference from my childhood. There is no anger in the room, no fear of saying the wrong thing, no stress or anxiety. No violence or even harsh orders given. Just three people in a room with two working on their thing, me working on mine, everyone talking, joking, laughing, making mistakes and helping each other, James cutting me slices of things and bringing me them. I wish as a kid I had known such kinds of families could exist. It is so uplifting and makes me so happy. In a few months I will be 60 years old, I am still grappling with my abusive childhood. I am still just in love with how it can be, enjoying these times, enjoying the daily love, the concern from each of us towards each other. I still cry for the abused boy in my memories, and I wish I could tell him how good it will be a lifetime from then. How withstanding, taking all the hurt and harm will one day lead to a home where he is safe, loved, protected, and happy. Hugs

And the troubles continued

Hello wonderful readers. Ah life happens. I have some bad news and some really good news. A recap for the trouble I have had including thinking because I got a weird message on the write page of my blog I had better dump and clean then reinstall the OS and programs on both the computers causing the loss of a section of the SSD drive and a hard drive misfunctioning and reporting as half the drive being bad sectors. the bad sector problem I was able to fix with a program I had bought in January of last year. But in going over everything I explained to Ron how much faster and less bogged on high program demand the computer with the SSD was. But because the SSD was so small basically only the OS could fit on it while I had to move as many programs as possible to the secondary drive. It did cause problems with some programs like the security programs that are designed to be on the OS drive. Plus the second computer did not have an SSD and it started much slower. Ron asked me what I thought I should do. I showed him the 500 GB SSD I wanted for the computers. He agreed and I bought them plus the cables and tray needed to mount the SSD in the second computer. The SSDs work great and have improved the performance of both computers and the programs. But as I wrote at the time, I made the mistake of letting the secondary computer sit on the first screen that comes up after the install that loads the OS on to a drive. It is the one that wants the region and other information to continue. For some reason that overheated the graphics card and destroyed it. A day of testing proved that. So far about three or four days of not being on the blog or online a lot. I used the onboard graphics and put the graphics card in the video computer. I went online to Amazon where they had the card I had researched and bought for the computers last time. The old cards were priced at $175 down from $226 or such. But in the day or two before I was ready to order the price went to $199, with tax about $225. So I spent a day looking at graphics card in the price range I wanted and the size to fit the space I had. I found the best deal I could of about $264 and the card was the next step up in card models with more onboard ram and faster processing speeds. I ordered it, but that night I rethought it and, in the morning, I canceled it because I figured the card that was in there at $225 now price did everything I wanted it to do easily, and I knew it fit and the computer could power it well. So that should come on the 24th. Yes there is a big difference between the onboard graphics and the graphics card in how things look.

Which brings me to this week of troubles. My back has been getting worse and I have noticed my chair was getting lower and lower. I tried several days to raise the piston, but the piston seemed not to go to the top of its range. Then Sunday morning I sat in my chair to watch the morning programs and felt that it was wrong, with my butt far too low, the seat painful, and my knees much higher than normal it felt like. I looked at the seat and the webbing was all rotted away and torn out of the side of the seat. I figured by putting a cushion in the seat spot I could get some more time out of it, this being a hard month money wise already. But after trying to make it work for a couple of days where it made my back really hurt and I had two near sleepless nights of pain we decided to go this morning to get a new chair.

Which brings me to the good news! I looked up the chair at Staples where I bought the old one. It had lasted over 7 years or more. The chair was still priced at the original $299.99 but was currently on sale for $149.99 There was another one for $169.99 that looked very similar and so we wanted to check them out. At the store we couldn’t see anything better with the one that was more expensive, and I felt the seat did not fit me as well as the lower priced one. But the price tags said that the chair was $221 dollars. We went to the cashier who said it would ring up at the sale price, but when the young woman brought the box out to the checkout it did not, and it rang up at full price. The cashier needed the online advert to change the price back so I got out my phone and said I would look it up. As I went to open the phone, go to my browser, look up the store, look up chairs in the store … the young woman said “I have it” and showed it to the cashier. Everyone but me thought that was funny a young person got the online information faster than a nearly 60 year old man. I failed to see the humor but as I was getting my chair for $149.99 plus tax I played along. Ron put it together and I am again high up and well supported again. By the way we went with a webbed chair after we bought a very nice padded leather chair that the cats tore up just through the normal processes of jumping up in it and other things. It lasted only a short time before it looked like a reject from a horror film.

Ron is making lunch of hamburgers and french fries as neither of us had breakfast and after our nap I should be back to do comments and other blogging stuff. Below are the pictures of the old chair and the new blue one. Hugs