Josh Johnson’s Set This Week

The radical urbanist media loves to throw around baseless accusations like “rampage.” “Godzilla rampages,” “cities destroyed in rampage,” and “world in the grip of rampagism.” The word has lost all meaning by this point. And it’s not even fair because the lawful, beautiful actions that I undertook around the globe against the likes of Tokyo or New York were anything but a rampage. It was a precise enforcement of the law meant to keep everyone safe.

I have nothing against cities. There are plenty of good, honest cities out there just trying to get on with their lives. I’ve known some really great cities in my time. But when a city shows up without papers, without proper authorization, just popping up out of the blue instead of doing things legally, the right way, I have no choice but to act swiftly and decisively. These are really bad ciudades we’re dealing with here. You see an innocent skyline; I see a potential security threat. Those towers can be signaling enemy kaiju. Those electric lights may be sending signals into space meant for alien invaders. You don’t know. I’m not willing to take that risk.

Critics always focus on the wrong things and don’t give you the full story, like how I “leveled all of Sydney.” Yes, I did. What you won’t hear is how the city was defiantly inviting lethal threats like a moth the size of a jumbo jet and a giant Marxist lobster (you can tell by its red color) by just existing out there in the open. If destroying the city is what it takes to protect my domain from future attacks and the disastrous open-border policy of my weak-on-crime predecessor, then you better believe that that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

Because let’s not forget that, as King of the Monsters, all the oceans are within my jurisdiction, INCLUDING up to fifty miles inland from any shore. I have the right to stomp any downtown into dust, and it’s all legal. It’s not trespassing, it’s not chaos, and it’s definitely not a “rampage.” It’s affirming my sovereignty in the interest of national security to protect law-abiding cities. If you’re here legally, have all the proper paperwork, and have never harbored a three-headed alien dragon, your skyscrapers have nothing to worry about. (snip-a bit MORE)

Day Old JoshDay

It’s hilarious even if you don’t know who it’s about. Enjoy!

Bonus Josh Johnson, Just for Fun!

I hope all reading here have a very good day, and enjoy at least some of the fruits of your labors.

Some More Fun

When it’s seafood, it’s Shrimp Fantasia! Unlike the movie, you won’t have to wait years before it’s re-released, so to speak. It’ll probably be back tonight, around 3 AM.

Glorify. There’s that word again. As I’ve said elsewhere, it means “to improve in a magnificent and theatrical fashion, wonderfully so.” Early use of the term: Zeigfield’s Follies. Now it means the opposite, and was used sarcastically: that’s just a glorified X,” intended to deride the item for its pretensions.

Chicken Delight includes chicken that hasn’t just been cut, but washed. And dried! Sure, it sounds daunting, but you’ll get the hang of it. (Note from A-of course, don’t wash your chicken, unless you want to follow up by washing your kitchen with disinfectant from the splashing. We probably already know that, though.)

Set a pretty table, because you’ll be judged by it. People will wonder where you got this stuff – why, it’s Georg Jensen, he’s the most. No, dear, I mean who provided it? You can’t afford this on your shopgirl salary. Daddy help out?

You stare daggers at Betty and her innocent smile, as if she doesn’t know exactly what’s doing, reminding everyone her father owns the factory while your father merely manages it. If only you weren’t serving chicken, but had a dish that called for red wine. Something you could make sure ends up all over that nice white dress of hers.

Garden Salad #1

Imagine you’re hungover. Deeply hungover. Someone presents you with this – and shakes the plate so it wiggles. Frankly, it already looks like someone heaved into a mold and stuck the result in the fridge. But that’s Gel-Cookery!

Meat Thing

Bleached, washed, plucked Scalp of Klingon.

Bleached shrimp or rolls of fatty bacon? If you’re lucky, it’s both. In the middle: One of those rare recipies that include the words “Type AB Negative.”

Apologies. Really. There are many meals in the Gallery I’ve described in terms of inadvertent stomach evacuations, but this is perhaps the most vomitous dish I have ever seen. Just Rupe ‘n’ Heat!What were they thinking? Didn’t anyone remark how much this looks like a skillet full of spew? I’d suggest that this entire book was made by vegetarians, a sly piece of propaganda, but even the beans look awful.That concludes the Better Homes Guide to Meat, and I think I speak for us all: Thank God.Not to say you’re out of the woods. Let’s look at the Family Circle Guide to Meat.

The above and so much more come from here: