As many who come here to read my rants and Ali’s up lifting posts, and Randy’s deep thought out posts may understand I have a troubled issue with religion. At 17 after years of abuse, emotional, physical, and sexual, I took a bad beating just as school ended. I was working for a wealthy local farmer who was deeply religious. He found me hiding in one of his barns, his wife was a nurse and she addressed my bleeding wounds. I begged him to let me stay in his barns for a while sure the anger at home would blow over. He had a totally different idea. He talked me into going to a church school he supported and paid for other kids to go to, but there was a catch, I would have to agree to the principles of his church and honor them while at school. Considering where I was in my life I would have agreed to become his sex slave it if would have saved me from more beatings. I don’t know how he did it but as he left me in the hands of his nurse wife he went to face my adopting parents. I have no idea what was said, but when he came back he told me to go home and promised I would be safe, pack my clothing needed … and he gave me a list. Then he would come get me in the morning. I was terrified to return back to the place I lived and still very sore from my beating. But I did it. No one spoke to me or stopped me. I got my stuff and stayed in my room until the next day when the farmer showed up in the driveway.
That is why I have conflicted feelings about religion. See I feel that man saved my life. Yet his religion was very much against gay people. By now I had accepted that I was gay, I was a homosexual that they claimed were all these horrible things. I knew I was not that, and I was a good church boy. But inside I knew I was something they felt was an abomination. After school the farmer took me to his Livingroom and told me he felt I would make a great pastor for his religion. He decided to pay for me to go to their seminary. I knew two things, I couldn’t tell him why, and I couldn’t do what he asked. I was gay and my desire for male sexual comfort was too high to be hidden. I thanked him, and too the only choice I had left, the US military.
Which leads to the video posted below. I love this Priest. Maybe if I had been in his accepting church I could have given my best to joining that ministry. But the faith that saved me also was a faith that hated me for existing. Hugs