As I have written about before I had to remove hate from my system. Because of what I experienced growing up and the toxic nature of those I was raised by / around I developed a deep anger building to intense hate. It was consuming me as I had no outlet for that poison it was ruining the being I was / could be. I saw Ron starting to pull away from me as he saw the effects of my inner struggle with hate even as he did not know why I had such deep emotions and intense reactions. I had a choice. I could go with the hate, give into it and make it all I was. That would make me like those I grew up with. Or I could excise it, leave it behind, look for and crave something far different that might be like cold water on blistered skin. A balm to help me heal and to build the person I wanted to be, not that they wanted me to be. I went from the “slave” name they called me to being Scottie. It was not easy, it still is not. I am not and never will be perfect. I struggle not to be easily angered, to look for the good in others, to not to imagine faults. But by making those first steps I was able to keep Ron and he guided me forward not even understanding he was doing it. Happy hugs. Scottie
Scottie's Playtime 