As I have written about before I had to remove hate from my system.  Because of what I experienced growing up and the toxic nature of those I was raised by / around I developed a deep anger building to intense hate.  It was consuming me as I had no outlet for that poison it was ruining the being I was / could be.  I saw Ron starting to pull away from me as he saw the effects of my inner struggle with hate even as he did not know why I had such deep emotions and intense reactions.  I had a choice.  I could go with the hate, give into it and make it all I was.  That would make me like those I grew up with.  Or I could excise it, leave it behind, look for and crave something far different that might be like cold water on blistered skin.  A balm to help me heal and to build the person I wanted to be, not that they wanted me to be.  I went from the “slave” name they called me to being Scottie.  It was not easy, it still is not.  I am not and never will be perfect.  I struggle not to be easily angered, to look for the good in others, to not to imagine faults.  But by making those first steps I was able to keep Ron and he guided me forward not even understanding he was doing it.   Happy hugs.  Scottie