Ice Ice Barbie by Clay Jones

Noem is more interested in her face than in providing assistance to the Texas flood survivors Read on Substack

ICE Barbie, Kristi Noem, the Director of Homeland Security, is failing at her job miserably.

A portrait of Noem is going to be displayed in the South Dakota Capitol building, and there are three options. Who gives a shit, right? Kristi Noem, that’s who. Noem went on Instagram and posted to her creepy followers, “Which one do you like for the official Governor’s portrait to hang in the South Dakota State Capitol? Thank you David Uhl!” She added the three paintings of herself on horseback by artist David Uhl.”

She did this five days ago, during the floods in Texas that have killed at least 120 so far.

Here are the other two portraits.

I wonder how much South Dakota tax money was spent on this.

Before Noem’s survey about herself, Puppy-Killah Kristi did her stupid photo-op in El Salvador with the notorious prison behind her, with Trump deportees as props. She was in full makeup while making sure her shiny $10,000 Rolex was visible, which is probably less than her teeth cost.

She’s done other photos with guns, posing as an ICE agent. In one of them, she wasn’t holding the gun correctly and got roasted for it online. I bet she can’t ride a horse either.

We should be relieved that she didn’t shoot that ICE agent in the face. In her defense, she does know how to shoot a gun because that’s how she murdered her puppy. So there, critics.

Kristi is the kind of person that if you went out to dinner with her, she’d humbly say at some point, “Enough of me talking about myself. Now let’s hear you talk about me.” She can’t get over herself. She might be the female equivalent of Donald Trump. She already has the fake hair, and now she just needs the ridiculous tie, the orange make-up, and an adult diaper that hasn’t been changed since his first flip-flop on tariffs.

Remember, Kristi used to look like this…

…before she looked like this.

She definitely went for the Melania look, which is an improvement over the look for hunting wolves from a helicopter. She even got free dental work while she was governor, on the condition that she make a commercial for the Texas dentist who did her work.

It seems that’s the only time she’s interested in Texas, when she can get free dental work, but not when there’s a disaster.

According to The New York Times, two days after catastrophic floods roared through Central Texas, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) did not answer nearly two-thirds of calls to its disaster assistance line.

An anonymous source close to the issue said the lack of responsiveness happened because the agency had fired hundreds of contractors at call centers.

FEMA, which is a part of Homeland Security (I have to include that because trolls are commenting on this cartoon on Facebook asking, “What’s DHS got to do with FEMA?”), laid off the contractors on July 5 after their contracts expired and were not extended, according to the documents and the person briefed on the matter. Noem, who has instituted a new requirement that she personally approve expenses over $100,000, did not renew the contracts until Thursday, five days after the contracts expired, and about a week after the floods started.

Where was ICE Barbie? She was probably spending her time looking at herself in a mirror, or maybe she confused Texas for one of the seven Native American tribes that banned her from their reservations.

Adam Zyglis: There’s a part of this cartoon that is my standing in solidarity with my colleague Adam Zyglis. So what happened with Adam? Adam, who works for the Buffalo News, drew a cartoon mocking Republican hypocrisy, asking for federal aid after protesting against federal disaster relief for other states. This has upset Republicans, which shows more hypocrisy for the gang that shouts “snowflake” at their political opponents. They even cried on Fox News about it.

Now, an event at the Buffalo History Museum by the Buffalo News Guild, which was to feature Adam among other journalists, has been postponed because of “credible” death threats toward Adam and his family.

And just today, a MAGAt posted on one of my client’s shares of a cartoon of mine about how Democrats are the violent ones. (snip-MORE, and it’s great)

LOLing-

This is something my son says:

https://www.gocomics.com/lockhorns/2025/07/11

Clay Jones

Bribed In 60 Minutes by Clay Jones

News outlets are supposed to expose corruption, not engage in it Read on Substack

The headline at Fox News blasted, “Paramount, CBS forced to pay eight figures, change editorial policy in settlement with President Trump.” Forced? Would Fox News use the word “forced” when they settled a lawsuit with Dominion for over $787 million? You may feel forced, but a settlement is a choice. It’s a choice not to go any further into a trial and shut that shit down, for whatever reasons. And yes, CBS has changed its editorial policy, which is that anytime Trump comes for a bribe, you pay it.

Usually, when someone settles a lawsuit, they’re trying to get off cheaper as they fear the result of the trial will cost them more. In Fox News’ case with Dominion, they were afraid the verdict in a trial would bankrupt them. They were guilty of spreading misinformation that they knew were lies. It’s why Tucker’s no longer on their payroll.

When CNN and the Washington Post settled with teenage Trumper Nicholas Sandmann, one of those smirky, obnoxious, entitled white privileged Catholic Covington kids who was in the center of a viral video controversy with an elderly Native American, they didn’t settle because they were guilty. They settled for what legal experts estimate to be a small portion of the $275 million they were sued for, in order to save on lawyer fees. They weren’t afraid of losing the trial because it had already been dismissed once, but felt they’d pay more to their lawyers than to the little asshole whose feelings got hurt. I hope the ugly little entitled priviliged fuck isn’t feeling too litigious today.

When Disney settled a lawsuit with Trump earlier last December, who sued because ABC news anchor George Stephanopoulos said Trump was “liable for rape,” it wasn’t because they were guilty of anything other than hurting TACO’s feelings because Stephanopoulos was technically correct. Disney, ABC’s parent company, settled because the judge was scary and said in her denial to dismiss that “a reasonable jury could interpret Stephanopoulos’s statements as defamatory,” despite the fact that Donald Trump is a rapist who also liked to pal around with rapists while also endorsing pedophiles for the United States Senate. Also, Trump put Alexander Acosta in his first cabinet. He was the prosecutor who saved Epstein from a criminal trial.

When Meta settled a lawsuit with Trump in January, it was to bribe Trump. Trump sued Meta for banning him from its platforms, Facebook and Instagram, in 2020 after his election denial and white nationalist terrorist insurrection attempt. Trump told Mark Zuckerberg that he would have to settle the lawsuit before he could be “brought into the tent.” I don’t think he’s talking the kind of tent migrants will be forced to sleep in at Alligator Alcatraz, but the MAGA tent. The settlement was for $25 million, and it was a bribe.

Even Elon settled a lawsuit with Trump, and was also to bribe Trump. As if the $275 million Elon paid to elect him wasn’t enough. Like with Meta, Trump sued Twitter for banning him, citing that his First Amendment rights were violated. A federal court in California tossed the case, saying only the government can deny First Amendment rights, not corporations. But Trump’s team took it to an appeals court, which was skeptical. Elon settled with Trump for $10 million. Why would you settle when you already won? Because it’s a bribe.

Also, do you like the irony of Trump claiming his First Amendment rights were violated, and now he’s trying to deport people for protesting? (snip-MORE)

Boca Refugee by Clay Jones

A cartoon for the Boca Raton Tribune Read on Substack

This cartoon was drawn for The Boca Raton Tribune, whose mayor went on Fox News and offered New Yorkers an escape from “socialist” New York City if Zohran Mamdani wins the mayoral race in November.

The mayor, Scott Singer, has aspirations for higher office, and to do that as a Republican, you have to be a vile piece of shit. This is the kind of stuff MAGAts find amusing, like throwing migrants to alligators.

Being the mayor of a city in Florida, Singer should focus on being the mayor of his city in Florida. That’s the job he was elected to do, and not worry about who’s the mayor of New York City. Right now, Republicans are using Mamdani as red meat for their base, without even understanding what they’re talking about.

Sometimes, I think I should move to Florida just for the issues, and syndicate cartoons about them to Florida newspapers. But then, I’d be living in Florida. (snip-MORE)

Frickin’ With Medicaid by Clay Jones

The Big Beautiful Bill is evil Read on Substack

Trump’s $4 trillion (at least) “big beautiful bill” is giving seniors a tax credit of $6,000, which is great because they’re gonna need it.

The bill makes deep cuts to Medicaid, the government health insurer for the poor, which covers more than 60 percent of the nation’s nursing home residents.

The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office (CBO) estimated that the BBB will cut federal spending on Medicaid and Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP) benefits by $1.02 trillion, due in part to eliminating at least 10.5 million people from the programs by 2034.

This will lead to benefit losses, increased paperwork requirements, and rural hospital closures that will hurt Americans, especially those with disabilities. It will also make nursing homes scramble to find resources for services they’re currently providing, or simply eliminate services.

Republicans like to say, or lie, that people who receive Medicaid aren’t going to notice any changes. But you can’t find one of the shitweasels who can explain how you don’t lose any services after cutting out over a trillion dollars. Find me one Republican, just one, who can explain that shit.

This will hit rural communities harder. Do you know which party rural communities mostly vote for? The one that just cut their Medicaid. Republican voters are stupid. Red states need the most federal support. Red states need the most welfare, which they also cut. (snip-MORE)

Hmmm.

(I think we’ve seen the long cut of this riff, before. This short popped up last night. Enjoy! -A.)

Enjoy Some Eye Candy + Snark, 7/1 Fun

This one is especially hilarious-go see it! 🤣 🤣 🤣

Cover Snark: Saint Nick the Oil Slick

Ready, set …. Slide

Sliding into ur DMs like… 😅 #dog #dogday #monday

— I Post Animal Vids… 😊 (@realjfairclough.bsky.social) 2025-06-30T12:31:26.341Z

Clay Jones

Big Beautiful Bezos by Clay Jones

What else are they cutting to give the rich tax cuts? Read on Substack

I’m bummed I didn’t get an invite to Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez’s $56 million wedding. What? You didn’t get an invite either? What we should do is form a protest. We’ll just have to get in line with all the citizens of Venice, Italy. I didn’t want to catch a bouquet anyway.

The folks in Venice (Venucians, Venetians, Venicers, Veniceeans?) aren’t too happy about this “secret” wedding taking place in their city. Apparently, it’s too much for them. There sure are a lot of celebs attending despite it being a secret. If you want something to remain low-key, you don’t invite every Kardashian to it, as well as Tom Brady, Orlando Bloom, Javanka, Usher, Jewel, Sydney Sweeney, Bill Gates, Sam Altman, Tommy Hilfiger, and Oprah Winfrey. Oh, Oprah. No.

The guest list pisses me off because I invited all these people to a crawfish/oyster party and none of them showed up, but they all found time to go to Bezos’ thing. Hmph!

Bezos, who founded Amazon, bought the once-great Washington Post, killed an endorsement for Kamala Harris, and chased away the great Ann Telnaes, proposed to Sanchez on his $500 million yacht, which is worth 10 Bezos weddings and only half the size of his nose. And then, he sent Sanchez to space with Katy Perry on one of his rockets.

And, if he and Sanchez ever decide to split, he can just send her to space again…and not bring her back. In space, no one can hear you scream about a prenup.

Bezos kept it humble. On Thursday, there was a party at the Madonna dell’Orto complex, which contains a church and a cloister, whatever the fuck a cloister is. On Friday, there was a party at San Giorgio Maggiore where famous Italian singer Matteo Bocelli, whoever the fuck that is, delivered a celebratory performance where everyone requested he sing Freebird. There was another party Saturday, and because they wanted some authentic Italian food, was held at Olive Garden (I made that up, but the Freebird requests were real).

The protests are called the “No space for Bezos” movement. Get it? “No…space?” It’s because he owns Blue Horizon, a space company. Oh, never mind. (snip-MORE)

TACO Daddy by Clay Jones

An open letter to Republicans and MAGAts Read on Substack

Dear Republicans and MAGAts,

This whole “Daddy” thing regarding Donald Trump…it’s weird. It’s not weird as in we disagree with it or because there are better nicknames for Trump, and there are, like Hair Fuhrer, Donny Dementia, Toupe’d Fucktrumpet, Mango Mussolini, Diaper Don, Trumplethinskin, Rug-Wearing Thundernugget, Tiny-Finger Vulgarian, Sweet Potato Hitler, Cheeto Benito, Dumb Donald, The Lyin’ King, Don the Con, Fuck Boi Von Clownface, Tangerine Toddler, Cheetolini, Tiny, and T.A.C.O (Trump Always Chickens Out). Feel free to use any of these at your next cross-burning.

No, it’s weird because it’s fucking weird. It’s weird, as in it’s sexually weird. It’s gross. It’s icky. It’s icky and gross like the bathrooms on Amtrak.

Remember during the presidential race, when you were labeled the weird party? You were weird all along but the “weird” label emerged when you added the couch fucker to the campaign. And then all you idiots started wearing bandages on your ears. Now, calling Trump your daddy doesn’t help diffuse the weird thing. You are all weird. It also adds to the cult thing.

I believe we should keep our politics and fetishes separate. If you wanna fuck a dolphin, that’s you, but you can’t lecture anyone about anything else ever again, especially the president of Ukraine. Just sit on the couch and keep your mouth…no! Never mind. Get off the couch. We know about you and couches.

Even though he was a shitty president, America looked up to Ronald Reagan as though he was the nation’s grandfather. It worked because he was very old, accepted that he was old, and gave the impression he was taking care of the nation, even when it was just the White people the old racist was taking care of. But, there was never anything kinky about it.

Grandpas are supposed to be kinda sweet. They might ask you to pull their fingers at times, and might have some different generational opinions about “Indians,” but he usually has a butterscotch in his pocket that you really shouldn’t put in your mouth, but still, he means no harm…mostly. Like you, he doesn’t know he’s racist.

But at least nobody has said “bow-chicka-wow-wow” to someone they call “grandfather.” You guys haven’t, have you? (snip-MORE)

I Did A Thing Again

just for fun.

Cartoon One Oh Eight Three by Josh Lieb

Lav Read on Substack

Frankenstein’s Monster sits on a toilet, reading The New Yorker. Caption: GREAT MONSTERS GOING TO THE BATHROOM. THIS WEEK: FRANKENSTEIN! FIRST IN A SERIES.

Monsters have to go to the bathroom too, right? But you never see it in the movies.

Here’s Ali Redford with a delightful quick turnaround on one oh eight two:

She went with the old school 1950’s style Golden Arches; I like it! Thanks, Ali.

Back next week you will come, as will I, I think. Read my books. Draw my comics. I’ll post them here.

F-Bombs & Third Party Countries

SCOTUS allows deportations to “third party countries” by Ann Telnaes

The Supreme Court justices pauses a federal judge’s ruling Read on Substack

Justice Sonia Sotomayor dissented and was joined by Justices Elena Kagan and Ketanji Brown Jackson. Sotomayor wrote, “the Court finds the idea that thousands will suffer violence in far-flung locales more palatable than the remote possibility that a District Court exceeded its remedial powers when it ordered the Government to provide notice and process to which the plaintiffs are constitutionally and statutorily entitled.”

==========

F-Bombs Over Broadway by Clay Jones

Shush Yo Mouths Read on Substack

I gotta be honest with you. I didn’t think Trump’s F-bomb was anything unique or scandalous in the New Normal. Sure, it’s not presidential for a president to say, “They don’t know what the fuck they’re doing” to reporters while standing in the White House driveway, but none of this has been presidential.

So, I didn’t think it was cartoon worthy, but then I saw one yesterday, and another one today, and then another one, and then another one, which means there are going to be at least 12 more by the end of the day. I decided to use it myself in doing a cartoon on the New York City Democratic mayoral primary, but put a little twist on it.

Political Cartooning 101 lesson: Use the F-bomb in your cartoon as a tool, but don’t make the cartoon about the F-bomb…unless it’s too funny to resist.

Former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was and maybe still is trying to resurrect his political career after resigning in disgrace after being accused of sexual harassment by at least 11 women, which is less than half the number of women who have accused Donald Trump, yet his political career is still going. And former senator Al Franken is now playing a fictional senator in a limited Netflix series.

Cuomo was the favorite to win the Democratic primary, but unfortunately for him, it was rank-choice voting, where voters rank candidates for office in order of their preference. This system gave the nomination to young upstart Zohran Mamdani, an Islamic democratic- socialist state assemblyman with very few legislative accomplishments. And this is what I meant when I said Cuomo was/is trying to resurrect his political career.

Of course, Cuomo’s bid to become the Democratic nominee for NYC’s mayor is over, but not his bid to become mayor…unless he changes his mind and removes himself from the ballot, as Cuomo is now running as an Independent.

Previously, victory in the Democratic primary all but guaranteed a move to Gracie Mansion, as Democrats outnumber Republicans 6-1 in the Big Apple. But now, it may be a five-way race.

Rank-choice will not be implemented in the general election, where Mamdani will have to compete once again against Cuomo, but also against current mayor and bribe-taker Eric Adams (who will have Donald Trump’s support), Guardian Angels founder and Republican nominee Curtis Sliwa (who had no opposition for the nomination), and former federal prosecutor Jim Walden, who is also running as an Independent. And I’m sure there are a few dozen other never-heard-of-before dingbats on the ballot.

While some pollsters may predict that Mamdani will win the general election, you can’t be too sure with his socialist platform, that Cuomo’s still in the race, and NYC has the largest Jewish population in the world outside Israel. If Cuomo does drop out, I’d predict Mamdani to win.

One thing you can expect during the race is chaos, and more of this… (snip-MORE, and though well-written, the story is not pretty)