Category: Funny / Fun / Parody
Well, It’s True.
Funny, some, but true. I enjoy reading at McSweeney’s, and I don’t do it often enough.
Final Exam for the Class โWhat a Presidential Candidate Can and Cannot Survive, Apparentlyโ Taught
by Howard Dean
by Tom Ellison and Nick Morgan
ย ย ย ย ย ย Final Exam
Poli Sci 401
Yale University,
Jackson School of Global Affairs
Professor Howard Dean
Part I (50 points) โ multiple choice
1. Which of these public utterances would immediately end a candidateโs presidential ambitions?
A. โI want to be a dictator.โ
B. โIf [she] werenโt my daughter, perhaps Iโd be dating her.โ
C. โYEEEAAAAAWW!!!โ
2. Each of the following moves would consolidate a candidateโs base, except:
A. Expressing agreement with the great replacement theory
B. Expressing solidarity with the Proud Boys and January 6 insurrectionists
C. Expressing enthusiasm, which was a big no-no in 2004 Iowa, apparently
3. Which violation of American values would cause the electorate to doubt the candidateโs fitness for the presidency?
A. Violating the human rights of families by tearing children away from their parents at the border
B. Violating the bodies of twenty-six women
C. Violating the unspoken decibel limit on cheering at an event meant for cheering, which is definitely a good rule that applies equally to everyone
4. If exposed to the public, which revelations would instantly decimate campaign fundraising?
A. The candidate being caught with boxes full of state secrets next to their toilet
B. The candidate being caught sleeping with a porn star just after his wife had a baby
C. The candidate being caught up in a moment, just a fleeting moment, which at the time seemed normal, not the end of everything the candidate had ever worked for since the candidate was twelve
5. Which of the following statements warrants being aired 633 times by national news outlets in a span of four days?
A. โTheyโre poisoning the blood of our country.โ
B. โLaziness is a trait in Blacks.โ
C. โYEEEAAAAAWW!!!โ
6. Which of the following audio recordings would be so damaging that it becomes a years-long political meme and defines the candidate for the rest of their life?
A. A recording where the candidate extorts Ukraine for election assistance
B. A recording where the candidate brags about grabbing women โby the pussyโ
C. A recording where the mics picked up the candidate but not the roar of the crowd, which, if you were there, was really loud and made screaming much more normal in context, actually
7. Which action would cause an immediate, double-digit drop in the polls?
A. Starting a movement to hang the vice president
B. Starting a coup dโetat attempt against the United States of America
C. Starting to say โyee-hawโ because it felt so right after rattling off the upcoming state primaries, but then realizing halfway through the first syllable that, dammit Howard, someone from Vermont canโt pull off โyee-haw,โ and then panicking and switching to โyeah!โ or โyay!โ all at once, but it was too late and a lump in your throat made it come out like the death knell of a tortured bobcat
8. True or False: It makes perfect sense that the twenty-five-year abortion record of the presidential candidate who ended Roe v. Wade has less Wikipedia content than the three-second audio record of a candidate who just, you know, was pumped up in the face of a setback in the Iowa caucuses, so pumped that he lost control of his body in a burst of unvarnished optimism:
A. True
B. False
C. There has not been a difference between truth and falsehood, right and wrong, or sanity and insanity since early 2004
9. Which charges would provoke widespread calls to suspend a campaign?
A. Being charged in New York with thirty-four felony counts for covering up sex with a porn star
B. Being charged in Florida with forty felony counts for stealing state secrets and lying to the FBI
C. Being charged in Georgia with ten felony counts for conspiring to steal an election
D. Being charged in DC with four felony counts for trying to stop the electoral vote certification in Congress in order to seize power from the lawful president-elect, Joe Biden, in violation of the US Constitution and the peaceful transfer of power
E. Being charged with all eighty-eight felony counts above, all in a five-month period
F. Being charged with a zeal to oppose the invasion of Iraq and establish universal health care, which looks pretty good these days if you ask some people but was apparently too sincere for the petty, vindictive shitheads who actually vote in this country.
10. Which of the following statements would make voters question a presidential candidateโs mental capacity?
B. โYEEEAAAAAWW!!!โ
Part 2 โ Essay (50,000 pts)
Write a twenty-five-page essay on the following question:
Does anything even matter?
Josh Day, Next Day
Clay Jones, Leading Kansas
I wish! ๐ Leading Kansas writes this time in regard to data centers, and about addressing our local governments in our own behalf. It works the same in every state.
He Has Risen
To vote yes

This cartoon was drawn for the Fredericksburg Advance. But don’t yell at them for it; you can yell at me.
If you live in Virginia, you have been bombarded with flyers about the special election on redistricting. And it’s not just flyers but also TV commercials, which are also popping up online. We are getting these things from both sides.
There is a special election in November on a state constitutional amendment that would give Democrats as many as four seats in Congress. The measure would also temporarily bypass the stateโs redistricting commission to redraw maps in the middle of the decade.
The stateโs Supreme Court approved the measure to be on the ballot less than a week before early voting began. State Republicans repeatedly tried to stop Democrats from moving forward with the referendum. The irony here is that Republicans claim that voting yes will disenfranchise voters, while they literally tried to keep this off the ballot so people couldn’t vote on it.
This is a direct response to Donald Trump and Republicans redistricting mid-decade to give themselves more seats. Donald Trump even said he was entitled to have more congressional seats. This is one reason why we need to No Kings protest. Donald Trump already believes he’s entitled to win elections heโs lost. (snip-MORE, and it’s on point)
The Parsons Project
by Andrรฉ Swartley
Key points at a glance
- Energy company Deep Fission is in the process of building a new and untested type of underground nuclear reactor in Parsons, KS
- The Trump administration has reduced regulations to encourage nuclear power production
- The reactor will likely power data centers for artificial intelligence
- Large data centers consume huge amounts of water and energy and produce different types of pollution, leading to health risks for nearby residents
In November 2025 a two-year-old energy company called Deep Fission broke ground in Parsons, Kansas. They hope this project will enable them to install the second ever energy producing nuclear reactor in the state, after Wolf Creek, potentially with more reactors on the way in the future. If the early โcharacterizationโ drilling goes to plan, they claim the reactor could begin pumping electricity into the grid in the near future.
Parsons is a city of 10,000 in southeastern Kansas, near the Oklahoma border. Iโve lived in Kansas for most of my life and I had not heard of Parsons until last week. So, why is Deep Fission in Parsons, Kansas, and why now? Not coincidentally, the Great Plains Industrial Park, also located in Parsons, has lately been advertised as a prime location for new data centers to power the trillion-dollar (yes, trillion with a T) artificial intelligence boom forced upon us by large technology corporations and their venture capitalist backers. Which means the Parsons nuclear reactor project would likely come as a package with one or more new data centers, along with potential economic prosperity and a host of legitimate concerns that community members have already raised.
Part 2: The New Nuclear Power
While the Department of Energy set a goal for the Parsons reactor to go online in July of this year, Deep Fission themselves are aiming to connect to the grid by 2027 or 2028. Two years is still an unusually rapid rollout for a nuclear power plant, which usually takes 6-10 years from groundbreaking to full operation.
This reduced timeline comes by way of the Trump Administrationโs efforts to slow the national and worldwide adoption of renewable energies like wind and solar power. In February of this year alone, Trumpโs Department of Energy halted the approval of โ168 projects โ those that focused on renewable energy projectsโ while allowing nearly 11,000 other energy projects to proceed as planned, including new nuclear energy projects. Executive Order 14301 in May of 2025 provided Deep Fission with the means to build their experimental nuclear reactor on such a short timetable.
Nuclear energy is typically labeled as โcleanโ energy compared to coal, oil, and natural gas, meaning that it releases fewer pollutants into the air and water than fossil fuel consumption. Still, there are two main concerns. First is the disposal of nuclear waste, which ranges from the lightly contaminated clothing of plant workers to the lethally radioactive spent fuel a plant produces over time. This latter โaccounts for just 3% of the total volume of waste, but contains 95% of the total radioactivity.โ
A relatively new method in the US and Europe for disposing of our most dangerous nuclear waste is to bury it very deep underground, so that it can be surrounded by solid rock to provide the same level of pressure containment as required at structure at a surface nuclear reactor facility. The father-daughter team that eventually founded Deep Fission originally created Deep Isolation to dispose of nuclear waste. Deep Fission takes their concept a step further by placing the entire reactor, and therefore its most dangerously radioactive elements, into a borehole drilled one mile underground.
The second main concern related to nuclear energy production is, of course, accidents or attacks. It is true that large-scale nuclear accidents are very rare, but when they happen, they become instant, globally recognized disasters whose names we all know: Chernobyl, Three Mile Island, Fukushima. The effects are so widespread as to be practically impossible to quantify. The reactor explosion and meltdown in Chernobyl, for example, caused several dozen deaths directly related to radiation exposure, but various studies have predicted anywhere from thousands up to a million eventual additional cancer deaths. Not to mention the environmental and economic cost to the entire region around Chernobyl. And radioactive boars still terrorize people and farmland in the region around the Fukushima plant in Japan.
But those issues are known, and regulations have historically attempted to shore up potential dangers posed by new plants. In contrast, nothing like the underground nuclear reactor in Parsons, Kansas has ever been attempted before, and thanks to Executive Order 14301, will not need to go through long established design and testing phases that other types of nuclear reactors have been subject to in the past. John Young, a mining environmental regulatory specialist who lives in Sedgwick County, asks, โWhy abandon the current regulatory process for something created out of whole cloth with no public input? And no one can define the current regulatory pathways for Federal and State authorizations.
โWhat,โ Young asks in frustration, โcould possibly go wrong?โ
Part 3: Data Centers and Artificial Intelligence
So that is a glimpse into the nuclear energy side of things. Next we must address concerns around data centers and artificial intelligence. Data centers come in different sizes, like the smaller center being proposed in Wellington, KS, which would reportedly โuse roughly 30% of the cityโs electrical capacity while generating an estimated $1.3 million in annual electric utility revenueโ while consuming only two gallons of water per day. Larger data centers consume resources less modestly. โAround the country, and the world, there is a land race among the big tech companies for sites for their data centers,โ claims a November 2024 investigative report by Rolling Stone. Data centers are much newer than nuclear energy technology, yet the ways in which they harm communities near them have already become apparent.
Water: โLarge data centers can consume up to 5 million gallons per day, equivalent to the water use of a town populated by 10,000 to 50,000 people,โ according to a June 2025 study by the Environmental and Energy Study Institute (EESI). And data centers built explicitly to power AI represent the fastest growing portion of the market.
Last year, researchers at the University of California, Riverside calculated that ChatGPTโone of several popular Large Language Models (LLMs) vying for marketplace dominanceโanswered about 10,000 queries per second. The processing load to do so guzzled about 6,000 liters (or about 1,000 toilet flushes) of fresh water per second, all day, every day. That is only generating written text. AI photos require more water, and still more for AI video. โThe extraction process is permanent,โ explains the University of Alabama at Birmingham Institute for Human Rights. Water used to cool data centers evaporates as it cools hot components, meaning it can no longer be used by people in the region who need water for drinking, cooking, bathing, laundry, and general survival.
Pollution: Unfortunately, it is not only consumption of water to worry about. The evaporation of water cooling data centers leaves behind higher concentrations of nitrates and other contaminants leaked through agricultural fertilizers and pesticides into local water supplies, drastically increasing incidents of โrare cancers, muscle disorders, and miscarriagesโ among people who live nearby. Geographically, Parsons, Kansas sits atop the Alluvial and Ozark Aquifers.
Reports of noise pollution have increased near data centers as well. Residents in different Virginia towns experienced disturbing high and low frequency humming in a wide radius around two new data centers.
Energy: New York City is the most populous city in the United States. The population consumes about 11 billion watts of electricity per hour. However, by 2030, โpower usage ofโฆdata centers is projected to rise to nearly 2967 trillion watts an hour,โ increasing load and wear on current energy infrastructure and raising energy prices for regular people while tech companies receive sweetheart discounts from local and state institutions.
Gradual Disempowerment: Artificial Intelligence scholars and ethicists have identified a trend they call โgradual disempowerment.โ As AI becomes more capable, people will continue to offload, โalmost all societal functions, such as economic labor, decision making, artistic creation, and even companionshipโ to their favorite AI service. The scariest part is that these studies have actually measured reduced cognitive ability โat neural, linguistic, and behavioral levelsโ after only a few months of using services like ChatGPT.
These same experts predict that the disempowerment will not only come at the individual level, but also at the societal level, as lawmakers turn their attention and favor even more toward tech companies and AI services that increasingly take over tasks that used to be performed by human beings.
DHS and ICE: The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), and have been using AI models to power their violent and unpopular immigration raids across the country. They are also surveilling, threatening, and creating databases of protesters.
Part 4: What Next?
The purpose of this article is not to overwhelm with doomsaying or inevitability. If the Deep Fission underground reactor works as advertised, it could genuinely provide cleaner energy than fossil fuel and mitigate some of the effects of climate change. But to get there safely, we need to demand transparency and regulatory protections from political and corporate leaders. If enough of us speak up in place like Parsons, Topeka, Sedgwick County, and every corner of our town, state, country, and world, we embolden those watching, each other, and ourselves to continue building the world we want and deserve.

Some Shorts & A Story
Science-y, funny, not as or at all funny, plus a big surprise. Enjoy!
A man planted tomato seeds from two McDonaldโs burgers. Three months later, whoa.
โI expected this tomato to grow,โ James Prigioni said, โbut I did not expect this.โ
By Annie Reneau
In many ways, fast-food restaurants feel like the opposite of a backyard vegetable garden. But one gardener has tied a McDonaldโs hamburger directly to a garden harvest in a way that even surprised him.
James Prigioni makes popular gardening videos on YouTube. In one, he wanted to see if he could grow a whole tomato plant by planting the seeds from a tomato on a McDonaldโs burger. He picked up a Deluxe Quarter Pounder with cheese, pulled out a tomato slice, and removed two seeds. After rubbing the seeds on a paper towel to remove the protective coating, which can inhibit sprouting, they were ready to plant.
Trying out different seed-planting methods
But like any good scientist, Prigioni wanted to try a different method for testing McDonaldโs tomato seeds. So he pulled a slice of tomato from a second Quarter Pounder and, instead of extracting the seeds, planted the entire slice.
With the help of a heat mat and a grow lamp, both sets of seedlings germinated and sprouted in soil-filled red Solo cups in about a week. After they were fully established, Prigioni separated the plants so they could thrive individually before being planted outside.
He planted one of the plants in the ground outside and another in a 5-gallon bucket. He then showed how he culled the lower leaves as they developed blight and used a tomato cage to support the plants as they produced fruit and grew heavier. He also added extra fertilized soil and mulch to the bucket plant.
The harvest was unexpected
After three months, the plants were producing abundant fruit. The bucket plant didnโt perform as well as the in-ground plant, which Prigioni said was due to insufficient watering during very hot days. The bucket plant also ripened faster, likely due to the stress it had been under. Still, it was an impressive harvest, especially for a plant that started on a McDonaldโs burger.
The in-ground McDonaldโs plant was even more incredible, with dozens of tomatoes dripping from it.
โI expected this tomato to grow,โ Prigioni said, โbut I did not expect this.โ
The fruit from both plants tasted good and sweet, he said. By the fourth month, the in-ground plant was starting to struggle with its health, but not with its fruit production.
โThe plant had so many tomatoes on it that it seemed like it was having a little difficulty ripening that much fruit at one time,โ Prigioni said. โI mean, I have had some plants with a lot of tomatoes on them, but never in my life have I seen a single tomato plant with this much fruit on it. I was completely blown away.โ
How the McDonaldโs tomatoes compared
He said one of his favorite parts of the experiment was seeing what kind of tomatoes would grow from the seeds. He thought it might be a beefsteak variety, but it turned out to be a Roma type. However, he surmised that the McDonaldโs tomato was likely a hybrid, based on its ripening characteristics.
Prigioni also shared how the McDonaldโs tomato plants compared with his other tomato plants.
โIn another area of the garden, I grew Roma tomatoes that I got from Loweโs, and I planted them at the same time as the McDonaldโs tomatoes,โ he said. โThe harvest from them wasnโt quite as large, but the fruit ripened way more evenly, and I was able to harvest a lot more fresh fruit right off the vine that was ripe.โ

โOverall, I was shocked with the level of production,โ he continued. โAnd this is probably my favorite experiment that Iโve ever done. I mean, to be able to take a cheeseburger, grab a tomato from it, then grow a tomato plant, and then harvest pounds and pounds of tomatoes from it is just such a unique and refreshing experience.โ
Perhaps an unexpected result, but a great way to challenge our assumptions and demonstrate the power of nature, even in the context of fast food.
You can follow The Gardening Channel with James Prigioni on YouTube for more gardening education.
Comics & Shorts
(A comic, and some shorts. I thought I had more comics!) Some current event related, some simple humor, some both. And dancing!
Bye Bye Bondi
Pam Bondi has been fired

There were a lot of reasons to fire Pam Bondi as United States Attorney General, but Donald Trump picked a bad one.
Bondi was never qualified for the job, which was the second choice after Matt Gaetz, who would have been another ridiculous choice. Bondi made it clear after the 2020 election that she didn’t need evidence to make legal claims, as she declared that Donald Trump was cheated out of that race. She had been in his pocket ever since he bribed her in the 2000s not to investigate Trump University in Florida, when she was the state’s Attorney General.
After Bondi misled the country about her initial disclosures in the Jeffrey Epstein case, Congress responded by passing a law forcing the Justice Department to release its files on the pedophile and his allies. (snip-MORE; click on the title above)
The Drumpf Family Theme Song
Based on The Addams Family…
Theyโre greedy and theyโre dummies
Drumpfโs face looks like a mummyโs
The opposite of yummy
The Drumpfy Family
Don Junior loves his cocaine
And Eric is a no-brain
Theyโre syphillitic, insane
The Drumpfy Family
Chum
Numb
And dumb
So hide beneath the covers
And find yourself a lover
Donโt be a MAGA sucker
The Drumpfy Family!
(snip)
Friday Fun
Tiny bit mean, too, but still funny.
2 Items Regarding Book Bans, & Time Travel For World Improvement
What to Know About the National Book Ban Bill
House Resolution 7661 is a potentially significant piece ofย book ban legislation. Here’s what you need to know about it.
On March 17, the U.S. House Committee on Education and the Workforce advanced H.R. 7661. There is no word regarding when the bill will be voted on, but the vote is expected to occur sometime in the coming weeks. While that bill number may not sound familiar, thereโs a good chance you have recently heard it referred to as the National Book Ban Bill.
Though that title is not formally associated with the proposed resolution, it does speak to the concerns many have regarding the billโs language, intentions, and potential long-term impact. While it can understandably feel overwhelming to keep up with every potentially impactful piece of legislation in the modern United States government, the details of H. R. 7661 (including those not printed, which only exist between the lines) make it worth knowing about for anyone who opposes the growing trend of book bans and public education funding.
What is H. R. 7661, or the Stop the Sexualization of Children Act?
Formally, what is sometimes referred to as the National Book Ban Bill is being presented as H.R. 7661 or the โStop the Sexualization of Children Act.โ You can read that act here. It has also been referred to as the โNational Donโt Say Gay bill,โ a reference to a 2022 statute that triggered significant school policy changes, including legislation that restricted public schools from introducing material in kindergarten through 3rd-grade classrooms that was deemed to be related to matters of sexual orientation and gender identity. The law also included requirements specific to students in higher grades and age ranges.
A sweeping initiative, the Donโt Say Gay bill (formally referred to as the โParental Rights in Educationโ bill) established several education restrictions regarding both curricula and school policies that could be enforced via various means (including potential legal action). It required schools to inform parents if their children received any mental health services at school, it allowed parents to have greater access to formerly private documents related to their kids, and it enacted a series of moderation policies that effectively enabled legislators to have greater control over what is (and isnโt) taught to students in those age ranges via funding decisions and similar policies. Said policies included book bans, which are also at the heart of H.R. 7661โs many potential effects.
The Main Provisions of H. R. 7661
The primary purpose of H. R. 7661 is to enable the U.S. government to deny federal funding to schools that use those funds for programs and materials the bill deems to be inappropriate.
The bill is effectively an amendment to the Elementary and Secondary Education Act of 1965. The act was designed to provide expanded federal funding to public schools to ensure that their students (more specifically, public school students in lower-income areas) didnโt continue to fall far behind students at schools with access to more resources. It was a milestone piece of legislation that remains one of the cornerstones for federal public school funding in the United States to this day.
While H. R. 7661 would not eliminate that act, it would, in the billโs own language, โprohibit the use of funds provided under such Act to develop, implement, facilitate, host, or promote any program or activity for, or to provide or promote literature or other materials to, children under the age of 18 that includes sexually oriented material, and for other purposes.โ
The broad nature of that language is one of the more controversial aspects of the bill. For instance, it would deny schools the ability to use federal funding for programs, literature, and related texts that include โsexually oriented materialโ and โmaterial that exposes such children to nude adults, individuals who are stripping, or lewd or lascivious dancing.โ H. R. 7661 also includes exemptions for scientific texts, works related to major religions, as well as โclassic works of literatureโ and โclassic works of artโ (more on those in a bit) that may naturally include references to the content it intends to restrict. Furthermore, the authors of the bill note that โsexually oriented materialโ includes โany depiction, description, or simulation of sexually explicit conduct (as defined in subparagraphs (A) and (B) of section 2256(2) of title 18, United States Code).โ You can read those United States Code subparagraphs here. They largely reference material such as โbestialityโ and โsadistic or masochistic abuseโ but also include the far more general idea of โsexual intercourseโฆ whether between persons of the same or opposite sexโ as sexually explicit content. It is a rather large collection of topics which could potentially fall under that umbrella definition.
However, H. R. 7661 would expand the definition of โsexually oriented materialโ to include material that โinvolves gender dysphoria or transgenderism.โ Along with suggesting that matters of identity should be considered a sexually obscene topic, the inclusion of that language has significant legal implications. That choice of wording makes it clear that this bill will most directly and immediately affect transgender students, transgender-related materials, and it could be argued, gender non-conformity topics in general, which may include discussions of specifically prohibited subjects in affected schools.
Whatโs important to remember is that the bill specifies works that will be excluded, but it is more vague regarding what, exactly, could be impacted. It could, for instance, be determined that a variety of LGBTQIA+ books that make passing reference (or even perceived passing references) to such materials could also be effectively banned from federally funded schools. The policies for such determinations and review procedures are not set. It should also be noted that the use of โsexually oriented materialโ and similar pieces of broad language have often been contested as the basis for similar pieces of legislation (more on those below).
There are undoubtedly concerns regarding the direct targeting of students and materials that would be most obviously impacted by the โgender dysphoria or transgenderismโ language. The reason that this is being referred to as a โNational Book Ban Bill,โ though, is due to both the billโs relationship with current federal funding policies (and thus its potential reach) and the ways that its language could be used to legally justify a variety of bans or create a precedent for similarly sweeping bills.
What Would Happen If H. R. 7661 Passes?
(snip-More, at link right up there. Go read it, so you know what we each need to know-)
And as a brain cleanser, enjoy
Five Time Travel Stories About Taking Out Hitler
Exploring very different takes on a familiar thought experiment.
Byย Lorna Wallace
Itโs a familiar question in time travel narratives: If you could go back in time and kill Adolf Hitler, would you? Sometimes, of course, there are time travel rules in place that prevent such interference; for instance, in About Time (2013) time travelers can only go back to moments in their own pasts. But there are plenty of other stories where the opportunity does present itself (although not everyone is able to follow through with it, including antihero Deadpool).
While the basic premiseโremoving Hitler from existence in some way (often as a baby, or before he can be born)โis sometimes only briefly touched on in time travel narratives, there are a number of stories that explore the problems and ramifications of such an action in a bit more depth. Here are five short stories (well, four stories and one comic, which is arguably a short story with art) that do just that.
โI Killed Hitlerโ by Ralph Milne Farley (1941)
Just a few years into World War IIโbefore America had even joined the fightโRalph Milne Farley wrote the earliest known story about using time travel to kill Hitler. The unnamed main character is one of the Nazi leaderโs distant cousins but he lives half a world away in Massachusetts. Heโs deeply unhappy about Hitlerโs warmongeringโpartly because the genocidal leaderโs actions are unequivocally wrong, but also partly (and honestlyโฆ largely) because being drafted into the war is going to interfere with our narratorโs painting career.
After complaining to a friend about all the Allies who havenโt taken the chance to assassinate Hitler during their face-to-face meetings, our protagonist gets the chance to go back in time and murder the Fรผhrer while heโs still a young boy. Although the outcome is now a fairly basic rendition of the theme, this story remains notable for being the first take on the idea.
โI Killed Adolf Hitlerโ by Jason (2006)
Set in a world where being a killer-for-hire is a legitimate profession, this comic book sees our protagonist, an anthropomorphic dog who is once again unnamed, take on an unusual job: killing Hitler. The time machine that sends him back only has enough energy for one round trip every 50 years, so itโs crucial that he doesnโt mess it upโwhich, of course, he does. Not only does he fail to kill Hitler, but the Fรผhrer uses the time machineโs one ride back to the present and then promptly blends in with modern society.
Our hitman still needs to finish the job, though, and now heโs tasked with tracking down the Nazi leader, in spite of the fact that heโs much older once heโs caught up to his target (because, after being stranded in the past, he had to live through the years to get back to the present). He decides to enlist the help of his (now much younger) ex-girlfriend and the journey they go on together is filled with both dry humor and unexpectedly tender moments. Sure, their goal might be murder, but thereโs still room for touching character growth along the wayโฆ
โMissives from Possible Futures #1: Alternate History Search Resultsโ by John Scalzi (2007)
Written in the second person, this short story sees you sampling a technology called Multiversityโข, which is essentially Google Search for the multiverse. You enter โTHE DEATH OF ADOLF HITLERโโone of the most popular searchesโand are shown eight sample realities based on the various ways that Hitler has died in alternate histories. This story is short and sweet, with only a few sentences outlining each scenario (although youโre informed that you can get a more detailed breakdown for the low, low price of $59.95!).
The hilarious scenarios become increasingly unhinged (and one does explicitly feature time travel!), but because there are only eight I donโt want to spoil any of them by going into too much detail, here. What I will say is that I would absolutely pay to find out more about the squids in Scenario #8โฆ
This short story served as the basis for the โAlternate Historiesโ episode in the first season of Love, Death & Robotsโso if this concept seems familiar to you, that might be why.
โWikihistoryโ by Desmond Warzel (2011)
โWikihistoryโ is written entirely as a series of online forum posts from members of the International Association of Time Travelers. The first post in the story comes from FreedomFighter69, a new member of the IATT who is celebrating their first excursion: going to the opening of the 1936 Olympic Games to kill Hitler. SilverFox316 is none too impressed with this move and a few minutes later posts to say that theyโve successfully gone back and stopped FreedomFighter69. Much to the frustration of SilverFox316, new members continue making this same mistake (which could be avoided if theyโd simply read Bulletin 1147 as theyโve been repeatedly asked to do!).
The forum format is inventive, the time travel plot is chaotically fun, and the bickering dynamic between the posters feels hilariously true to life.
โItโs OK to Say if You Went Back in Time and Killed Baby Hitlerโ by Jo Lindsay Walton (2018)
This is another short story written in the second person; this time youโre a member of a small group of anti-fascists intent on using a time travel rig to kill baby Hitler. Umeko volunteers for the gruesome mission and when she returns, sheโs confident that she got the job done. But then she learns that history hasnโt changed, which makes no sense because sheโs certain that she beheaded baby Hitler.
While the group squabble over this unexpected result, you as the protagonist take the opportunity to slip into the rig and go back to 1890 to figure out what went wrong with the original mission. You get your answer, but unfortunately both time travel and group projects are a very messy business, so combining the two isnโt exactly a recipe for success.
Although using time travel to put an end to Hitler and his rise to power is a fairly well-trodden trope at this point, hopefully this list has proven that there are still plenty of creative ways to tell this kind of story. Iโd love to hear if you have any particularly intriguing, thoughtful, and/or original stories that riff on this theme, regardless of format!
(no snip; they’re all here.)
A Snip, Short Vids, & A Chance To Vote
There are links here so you can go vote. Vote Josh!! ๐

Hi Friends, I have been nominated for โช@TheWebbyAwardsโฌ and you can vote if you want me to win. https://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVo… . Iโll also be hosting the awards this year which is truly wild. Thank you all so much for getting me here โค๏ธ
http://youtube.com/post/Ugkx__HG-YmAkQTa7nviWbuaUqd05QWyZ1x8?si=C7rai-VAr9tNrk-u
https://youtube.com/shorts/Kcol2OLmmko?si=2OFQPUVfmJyLrf6E
(Which is your favorite failed Donald Trump business? It’s hilarious! Go watch it-very brief!)
Elderly cats are being saved from being euthanized with adorable cat retirement village
Itโs a cat paradise.

An amazing retirement village is accepting guests in Shropshire, Englandโbut instead of catering to elderly people, itโs designed for elderly cats. Shropshire Cat Rescue has been rescuing elderly cats set to be euthanized and providing them with top-notch elder care for over 21 years. Thanks to donations and sponsorship, the retirement village was built in 2009 to create comfortable homes within the rescue for senior and super senior kitties.
The owner and co-founder of the rescue, Marion Micklewright, was tired of seeing older cats get passed over for adoption and subsequently put to sleep simply because they were old. So she decided to do something about it. Shropshire was created in 1991 and moved to Micklewright and her husband Richardโs current home address in 1998. Today there areย cats wanderingย the retirement village who are over 20 years old. One cat, lovingly named Cat, loves to hang out in the little โstoreโ in the tiny cat town, while others lounge in cat condos. (snip-MORE)
Josh Day, Next Day!
All the usual device protection protocols should be in place.