One of the things that got me down was last Thursday the car died as I was driving home. The car had been acting up and we were planing to have it checked when Ron got paid. The car did not give us that time. I was lucky in that when it died I was able to coast on to a side street that was safer and better than being on the main road. But there is bad news. Remember when the Ford dealership told us we would need a new engine for $10 grand, well they were premature but it may come to that.
What the mechanic told us is that the timing chain broke. There are three sprockets. The bad news is it is not just the timing chain that went. I don’t understand it but because of what the top three sprockets do somehow that made the pistons and values all crash into each other. That means engine seized. It is going to be an expensive fix.
Now for the worse news. The guy that came and who has fixed our car before can’t fix it. Because the way they get to the engine is they unbolt it and then raise the body with a car lift. He doesn’t have one. So he is looking around to find out who can fix it. We have no clue as to what it will cost. So that is one thing getting me down. Best wishes for everyone and hugs to those that want them. Hugs
Hi everyone. I have a video started to address a lot of what happened. But I had a horrible week and only wanted to hide from life. Long story short if I don’t finish the video as so often happen. At the beginning of the week I talked to my primary care doctor about my childhood in vague terms, the intrusive thoughts that have gotten worse, and the nightmares / yelling out at night. He admitted he was out of his depth on the issue but would help as much as they could and that they have a therapist on site that works with a psychiatrist and if I would see her she could help me better. Next week I will call her. He prescribed a medication to help me but I won’t take it. It kills your sex drive and ability entirely. Ron got on it before we knew what it did, and so now he will try to get off it. For a long time we did not know or understand why his desire and ability just stopped, now we know that it was the medication. Then Thursday coming home from the allergist the car broke down. I was lucky I was able to get it safety off the road on to a side street. Then I dealt with the getting it towed and all that. Then Friday I saw a podiatrist and found out that there is nothing they can do to help me, another one thing I have to learn to live with. It was all too much for me. Today we are finishing the floor in the small bathroom and reseating the toilet which is a horrible hard job for a weakening 70 year old man and a disabled 62 yr old with bone / muscle / nerve problems. My plan for this weekend is to catch up on all the comments I missed over the week by withdrawing from everything. Thanks to everyone for being here and to Ali and Randy for all the posts they make. Hugs
Both Barry and Judy recently left comments saying that a lot of the cartoons are not displaying for them. This is a problem as I take a lot of hours to build these posts. If I have a cartoon source that won’t display for the viewers I am wasting my time using that source. When I check the pages the cartoons and links display normally for me. Let me know if they don’t display for you and what country you are in. Thanks. Hugs
Ok I have to admit these cartoon posts are becoming like the old cartoon posts I made on Scottiestoybox. What stared out as 50 cartoon sites became over 150 before I had to end doing it. It would take 8 to 10 hours to post and people need to understand I only get about 12 hours awake and now less time to be online. So again what started as a small post taking 2 hours has now become a 6 hour project. I got up at 7 after a wonderful … with my husband. Took care of our remaining cat and made myself coffee. About an hour later when my husband got up I made him coffee.
I then spent a bit of time watching videos, listening to my husband and having a second cup of coffee. The entire time I was adding to this post. Then I went to take my shower which due to the skin condition I have I must shower every day even though I rarely get dirty / sweaty enough to need it.
The point I am making is there is no shortage of memes / cartoons to post on all the evils of what is happening is endless. Every website I have saved in this group for opening, which is now up to 70 pages plus every cartoon takes me to ten more. So if people want these I will keep doing them, but I think I need to shorten how long these get.
The truth is I went back to cartoons and memes because my eyesight is so bad that it is hard for me to read an article and post it. It is far easier to click copy and then post for a cartoon or meme. But unless people want this feed I don’t want to keep doing it. I will soon go back to doing videos again which I like a lot more. But again it is what people who come here want to see. Please let me know. The truth is I have an issue with being on the computer right now which I will share in a different post. Hugs
“I can’t believe that the summer, and civilization, are almost over.”At least A. I. ain’t comin’ for our jobs.”
At least A. I. ain’t comin’ for our jobs.”
Ok yesterday afternoon I was so tired but after washing dishes Ron asked me to make supper. He had taken a pound of hamburger out and asked me to make a beef goulash. I said OK but realized I was going to have to wing it. I did misspeak a few times and I need to remember when doing a video with a TV or other sound on to stop them or turn them down. But it does show how bad my intrusive thought problem is that I need constant input from something to keep my mind occupied to keep the thoughts at bay. I hope you enjoy the video and my recipe as such as it is. Hugs
The weekend before this last one Odie started throwing up and he was not eating as well as he normally did. On Monday last week Ron took him to the vet. After 800 dollars the vet said she felt he had no blockage and most likely he had an ulcer. She gave us several medications and told us to get him some over the counter Pepcid. We managed to give him his medications in a syringe.
But on Thursday we took him back to the vet for a bolus of fluid because he still was not eating nor drinking. We increased his new make him hungry ear rub. All weekend we tried hard to entice him to eat or drink. On Monday I had a doctor’s appointment. When I got home I suggested that Ron call the vet. He told me he got Odie to drink something and said he heard cats can make huge turn a round after not eating or drinking for days. I felt what it really was a cry for more time. As Odie seemed stable and not in pain I let things be, after all Ron watches a lot of animal vet shows and I hoped he was correct.
For the first time since Odie got ill he did not leave his safe space which is Ron’s closet that day. Ron tried hard to get him to drink or eat. This morning (Tuesday 8-5-2025) I told Ron he needed to call the vet and he agreed, he had faced the fact of Odie’s situation and realized that Odie was passing and not able to get better.
The vet told us to bring him in around 4 pm or 1600 for those on a 24 hour clock. All day both Ron and I checked on him and Ron kept trying to get him to eat or drink. The veterinarian hospital is only like five or 7 minutes away from us. At about 3:50 pm Ron set the carrier on the counter and put a fresh blanket in it. I picked Odie up from the closet and realized he had no strength to even support himself anymore. Once I got him in the carrier he did not even try to turn around and we struggled to get his tail completely in the carrier. I ended up having to reach around him to pull the blanket further in so we could secure the door.
I needed Ron to carry the carrier to the vet’s office, but while I had been with every furry family member when they walked the rainbow bridge, Ron has not joined me during the procedure as his feelings are so strong and he has struggled with the death of each one. I feel it is the last act of love I can do for them. My last duty for them.
The vet asked if we both wanted to stay and I said yes. I was surprised Ron did also. The vet assistant took Odie to have an IV inserted. I asked Ron if he was sure he wanted to stay instead of going to the waiting room or the car. He wanted to stay. When they brought Odie back we petted him until the doctor came in to do the finial step. As first the sedative and then the last medication was injected Ron sat near him and talked to him. I stood next to him and gently rubbed his head and neck fur. I said a few things verbally and a lot more mentally. I could see Ron was doing the same. I was proud of how he handle a very painful experience. The one who was crying the most was the vet, she said that her cat was a ginger and she really liked Odie when he was visiting them.
I have included a few pictures of Odie below. Best wishes, Purrs, and Hugs for all who want them.
Odie as a Kitten
Odie older.
Odie in his favorite spot to get my love and attention. My desk.
I went to bed about normal 7 pm for me. Surprisingly when I told Ron he said he wanted to go also. That was about 2 hours or earlier than he normally goes to bed. His normal time to go to bed is 9 or a bit later. But we went to bed together. Along with Tupac.
We cuddled several hours with me holding him and then us reversing and him cuddling me. We go back and forth during the night. We often fall asleep in each other’s arms, and I often get my most restful sleep while we cuddle. Which is going to seem strange with what I am going to write next.
After four hours of holding each other, I noticed Ron’s legs were fidgeting and fussing. I asked him if he legs were bothering him and he replied yes. I was a bit miffed he did not tell me before I noticed but I told him we needed to take some time off on our own sides and he asked if we could cuddle later to which I agreed.
At some point I started to have a bad memory nightmare. I know in the nightmare I was begging for help, I was screaming for help. Then I could hear Ron’s voice calling me begging me to wake up, but my fear / pain was too much and I still yelled for anyone to help me.
Then With Ron yelling next to me, as he knew better than to touch me when I am in that state, I started to hear him and even as I was still crying out for help I heard him beg me to follow his voice. When I came to he told me I was the loudest I had been in a long time, begging for help at one point I screamed out several times “help me, someone please help me”.
After he woke me I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. When I got back he asked if I wanted to talk. I said no. He told me Scottie that was bad, you were really upset and loud. I just got back into bed and faced away from him. He understood I was not ready to deal with it.
For the next couple of hours I lay there trying not to think of the memories I had just experienced in my nightmare. In the morning I got up early, when Ron got up he twice asked me to talk about what I went through. I told him I was not ready yet. I could see him wanting more but knowing pushing me would only cause me pain.
The memory / nightmare was a really bad hours long rapes by multiple people when I was a really young kid. I was young enough to think that screaming and yelling would get me help. As I got older I understood doing such things only brought more punishment. In the dream I was experiencing it as I did then, with all the pain, panic, desperation and then submission.
I have come to realize burdening Ron with these memories only causes him to feel pain thinking of what I went through with no way to stop it. Trust me my wonderful Ron would have killed to stop a child being abused. Yes he tries to be a grand husband to comfort me, but it is wrong of me to ask that of him I think. Is it transferring my pain on to him in the name of “sharing”, the same question could be asked of my sharing of it on the blog. But he can only take the pain and memories I share as I could only take the abuse. He is then stuck with them in his mind as I am with them in mine. Do I have that right? Is that not abusing my own husband the man I adore to do that, to ask that. Is that the same for when I share with everyone here on my blog. I am giving you my memories and pain with no way to stop it. Have I become a villain, an abuser?
Until I figure out if I am doing more damage than good I will have to keep telling him I just don’t want to talk. Better to suffer in silence than cause him a pain he can not rid himself of. Hugs
Scottie's Playtime 