(I’ve seen, as I’ve followed her, that Jeannine is a brilliant writer, and this is seriously O.Henry-level work. Enjoy! -A.)

The Peaceful Takeover by Jeannine

The future belongs to the children… though maybe not OUR children. Read on Substack

Scoot’s Assignment: Write about a smoke break, including corrosive judgement, a character who is overjoyed, and the phrase, “wouldn’t you know it.”

Peaceful Takeover

The party was loud and boisterous, but the drinking games were boring for sober spectators like Ellie. She’d just stepped outside for some fresh air and a break from the nonsensical cacophony when she noticed a strange, red light out near the garden shed. Thinking it might be a fellow teetotaler having a smoke break, she walked out towards the red glow to say “hello,” but paused when she realized that she didn’t smell any smoke… and what had appeared in the dark to be a garden shed was actually some sort of spacecraft. But by then it was too late.

“Ah, hello, I’m overjoyed to meet you,” rasped the figure. It stepped closer, and Ellie saw a reptilian face, gazing at her through the ruddy illumination cast by some sort of penlight. “Wonderful, I can’t detect any of that alcoholic poison in your bloodstream. You’ll make a lovely host mother,” the creature proclaimed. Ellie promptly fainted.

She was awakened by bird song as the sun began to rise. She realized that she was lying on the ground in her host’s backyard, but the UFO and ET were both gone. She leaped up as she heard a voice behind her, dripping with corrosive judgement, “Well, wouldn’t you know it? Here she is. What are you doing out here, you scared the hell out of us!” It was her buddy, Harry, the one who’s dragged her to this disastrous shindig. Great, now he thinks she was passed out drunk, and he’ll never invite her anywhere again. Though considering how this night had gone, that might not be such a bad thing. She decided that it would be best not to mention Lizardman, though, lest she incur even more criticism.

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A few weeks later, Ellie missed her period. She’d been worrying about what the reptilian extraterrestrial might have done to her during the hours that she’d spent lying unconscious on Harry’s lawn. The positive pregnancy test confirmed one of her worst fears.

After a lot of soul searching, she decided to keep the unexpected baby. At 42, she wasn’t likely to have another opportunity. So she duly set off to visit Doctor Abrams. “Well, because of your advanced maternal age, you’ll need to be more careful than usual. Let’s do an ultrasound and see how the little guy is doing.” He ran the probe over Ellie’s belly, commenting as he worked: “Hmmmm, nice strong heart beat. Good, it seems very healthy. But… what the hell is that? It looks like a tail!” Dr. Abrams was getting more worked up by the second. Ellie stared at the screen, realizing that her unborn child looked familiar… the tiny fetus bore a strange resemblance to the lizard-like creature from Harry’s garden. Her contemplations were interrupted by the thudding sound of Dr. Abrams falling to the floor in a dead faint. Ellie quickly dressed and rushed home.

But she knew she couldn’t stay home. She was nervous that somebody from the hospital might show up, demanding that she abort her alien pregnancy. She needed to find a place that would be safe for her and her future offspring.

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Ellie’s childhood friend, Bert, lived out in the country. Bert was a lovable goofball and they’d always been best friends. He liked animals better than most humans, and worked as a veterinarian. Even though he was legally limited to the treatment of nonhuman animals, he was always open to helping out with a little illicit medical aid to his human friends when necessary. Bert was a bit ‘out there,’ but Ellie knew he was someone she could trust. Bert always accepted absolutely everything at face value. He not only believed Ellie’s bizarre story about her immaculate conception of a baby space lizard, he was super excited at the prospect of being allowed to deliver the scaly child.

“Ellie, this is so COOL,” he crowed. “I can’t wait to meet your baby! Can I be its godfather?”

Ellie smiled and nodded. Maybe the next few months wouldn’t be so bad after all.

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Ellie’s pregnancy was uneventful. The labor wasn’t too bad, either. Ellie supposed the fact that her baby girl was smaller than an average human child made everything easier. Bert was great. He coached her through the whole thing, and was only slightly freaked out as he examined the newborn, announcing, “Whoa, no umbilical cord! I wonder how she was nourished? Maybe sort of like a parasite?” Realizing that such thoughts were unworthy of a doting godfather, he contented himself with cooing at the little lizard girl as he cuddled her. At least HE didn’t pass out. Ellie named her Ignatia, but affectionately called her Iggy.

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Ellie and Bert raised young Iggy together. His veterinary skills helped in figuring out how to tend and feed the growing creature. They home-schooled her, realizing that there was no way that she would be able to attend a public school. She was a bright and affectionate child, and as her dietary needs progressed from crickets and mealworms to larger sources of protein, she respected the squeamishness of her foster parents and was discreet in the capture and consumption of her prey.

Eventually, the day that Ellie had expected and feared arrived. She looked out the window into the backyard one night and saw that the spaceship had returned. This time, she invited the extraterrestrial into their home and introduced Bert and young Iggy. “You’ve done very well! Thank you for taking such good care of the young one! She has grown up stronger and wiser than I could have ever hoped.” She — for as it turned out the older lizard creature was female — explained how her race had been scouting around various planets, seeking a home for their future children. When a possibly suitable planet was located, they then sought out suitable hosts to carry their eggs and raise the offspring to adulthood. Ellie’s pregnancy had been the result of an implanted lizard person egg.

Bert was worried. “But what about us humans? I’m not sure that the average Homo sapiens is sapient enough to get along with your species.”

The lizard woman grinned, a potentially terrifying sight if not for the fact that they knew she was friendly. “You’re right,” she agreed, “but fortunately for us and unfortunately for your species, your race is slowly dying out. Iggy’s children will have a clear playing field, someday in the distant future.”

Ellie was sad, but she realized that this fate had been a long time coming. At least she would be able to help raise Earth’s next dominant species. “But how will she reproduce,” she asked, “are there more like her?”

“Iggy’s the only one of her kind on Earth, but she will someday be able to handle the job herself. You see, we reproduce by parthenogenesis, one offspring every twenty years. That is why we are all female, and is also why our species will never overrun the resources of this planet,” she explained. “I must fly off to check on the others. I am most grateful and will see to it that you will never lack for anything.”

Ellie and Bert knew that their biological genetics would be lost to history. The human race was doomed. But their values, their beliefs, their thoughts, their legends, their dreams — these would live on in Iggy’s memory and she would teach her descendants to remember as well. And maybe that would be enough.

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Note: This story was inspired by a comment by Theresa Greene

 in  Chris J. Franklin’s most recent House of Haiku prompt post, “Alien.”

Here is the conversation that sparked the peaceful takeover: (snip-go see!)