It was cold out in Ollie’s potty area this morning!
Later this evening and overnight, we should get between 2-4 in. of snow, which is fine, then the temps will be below 20 degrees for a few days. Poor little guy’s gonna have to chase his favorite ball inside for a while.
———–Other Thoughts————————————–
I enjoy spicing my oatmeal differently each morning. I think I especially like ginger with a dash of vanilla, but my top favorite is cocoa and cayenne pepper. It’s really awesome, and puts a fine shine on the day, for me. Ollie can’t clean my bowl for me, though, when I do that one.
Our kid’s birthday is this week. I have no good ideas; he himself has no good ideas; we’re all sort of at the place where if we need something, we just get it. I’m thinking of something to cook. And trying to decide between ice cream cake, or lava cake, both of which are his favorites.
I’ve been really relishing a TV show on Tuesdays, now at 8PM but used to be at 9PM on ABC, called “High Potential.” It’s really good, and I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who might try it; it’s a mystery show with a high IQ neurodivergent (show’s description) woman who becomes a detective while juggling family life and a missing husband. I really like it, and recommend it to anyone with an hour at 8PM on a Tuesday night! They stream it on Hulu, too.
I know no one thinks it’s much justice for We The People to see the FBI reports on the stolen documents found at Mar-A-Lago. It isn’t, really, except we’ll know if we want to, and will be yet better informed as we go about our civic duty of directing our government. And he’s still a convicted felon, as well.
I hope everyone’s got sun today, at some point. I usually prefer cloudy days with temps between 35-48 degrees, but since the election, for some reason, I’ve noticed I prefer a sunny day after a cloudy day, and maybe slightly higher temps, like between 42-60. Go figure.
That’s what I’ve got. I need to sweep the floor to make room for the new dog hair!
laughter brings endorphins. She blends humor and current events the same as she’s always done, excellently! (And just look at that salad- )
Hold On, Hold On by Samantha Bee
Marathon conditioning with humor, salads, and Neko CaseRead on Substack
Me. This morning.
Happy New Year, One 👏 Week 👏 Into 👏 The 👏 Trump 👏Administration 👏 And 👏 I 👏 Am 👏 Trying 👏 So 👏 Hard 👏 Not 👏 To 👏 Lose 👏 My 👏 Cool.
Here is the Serenity Prayer, as a quick refresh.
Wait, that’s the wrong one.
Anyway, you get the picture.
Oh believe me I could easily spend every moment of every day flaming the Trump administration for every single catastrophe they lob into the public sphere like tossing a grenade into a cellar full of Bubble Guppies.
Just not sure I’m ready for it, and it’s kind of twisting me up inside a bit.
Anyway, gonna go liquidate all my assets and I guess pour it into $Melania crypto tokens? Do I have this right? We just grift in full view now and that is just what we do? Instagram and Meta are blocking people’s access to healthcare information and it is NBD. This diva fired this woman DURING THE INAUGURAL BALL and a Fox News host runs the DOD now.
I guess…pace yourself? Don’t blow all your outrage in the first week out of…hundreds of weeks?
We must find humor where we can.
I, for example, was talking to my dad the other day about his arthritic hip, and I was like “what about just an aspirin every morning and some stretching and activity?” And he was like “Don’t be ridiculous, I think I’m going to go down a more natural path?”
Meaning?
“My friend has a naturopath and he got a prescription and he is going to give some of the pills to me.” (Which is not, to my understanding, naturopathy? In any case.)
“Well, what is in the pills? Are they unregulated supplements?”
“WHY ARE YOU SUCH A SKEPTIC.”
“I just don’t think it’s advisable to take other people’s medicati–”
*sound of father struggling with reading glasses and fiddling with another man’s bottle of pills*
“Here you go smart guy. It’s something called mi-…miso—…misoprostol??”
Yes, that is correct. MISOPROSTOL.
One man gave another man some Misoprostol, which can be used for ulcers I think, but is also used to procure a medication abortion.
My dad was like “do NOT write about this” and I said “unfortunately that is not possible.”
The elders are giving each other abortion pills for their hip pain. Everything is upside down. GIVE THEM TO ME, we need to stockpile those.
Speaking of open access to abortion pills for all – and not just my Dad, I must plug my most recent Choice Words with Amanda Skinner, who is the President and CEO of Planned Parenthood Southern New England. We have a fascinating conversation about the many misconceptions surrounding Planned Parenthood’s mission and the breadth of healthcare services they actually provide for a variety of patients. Please check it out wherever get your podcasts.
We must nourish our bodies. For example I made Andy Baraghani’s citrus and caramelized date salad from his amazing book, and I swear to God I think about it ten times a day. I gave myself so many high fives for this dish even though I didn’t invent it, and merely followed his highly entertaining instructions. Uncrate the sun!
And we must nourish our minds, or at least distract them a bit.
For example–I am hosting a book event for Neko Case tonight in New York City and friends, I am here to tell you that if you read ONE book in the next ten years, please make it this one. I feel blessed that she asked me to participate in this event, and tbh I pray that I can get through it without crying that she is also writing the music for the Broadway adaptation of Thelma and Louise. Nope. Already misting over like a g-d baby.
I also highly recommend the distraction of rewatching Downton Abbey, which I am embarrassed to tell you I thought was DownTOWN Abbey for three FULL ASS seasons, since I didn’t watch it and never listened to anybody talk about it ever.
Anyway now I’m watching it, and it’s great of course–and gives me that uncomfortable squirmy feeling I used to get as a child from all the awkward misapprehensions of Three’s Company.
Somehow in a time of turmoil, watching people brutally misunderstand each other and demonstrate extreme emotional constipation is just the ticket to relax and unwind my brain! Agonizing!
And something I would like to remind everybody, as we venture forth into semi-uncharted waters: cleanse yourself of social media as much as you are able.
I have put myself on a strict diet of zero brain rot social media time. Sure, I miss all the videos of cats launching themselves into Christmas trees, but this is a price I am willing to pay.
Only for business, only when I have something to say, only when necessary. Watching all of those tech bro Dobby’s on the dais boot licking Trump was brain Ozempic for me; I lost my appetite to carry their water and give them my eyeballs and personal data.
Happy to keep the lights on for the socials and post occasionally on a few platforms, but a better use of all those precious brain cells is to put them toward Neko Case’s new book and rest up for the marathon we are already running.
As some viewers know as my health has been failing over the last couple of years and Ron is starting to show his age also, so we have been spending a lot more time together doing things. Also I have been not able to spend as much time on the blog as I used to and love doing. So this morning as a treat to Ron I made a good sized breakfast for us. Normally breakfast in our home is a catch as catch can. I normally have leftovers from the supper meal as normally I am unable to eat at night, and Ron cooks grand supper. Ron normally has a breakfast he cooks / makes for himself.
I asked him if he would like an egg scramble with bacon and sausage, with a side of toast. He said he would love it. So I took a bunch of thick sliced bacon out of the meat drawer of the refrigerator and also some small link sausage from both that place and the freezer below. Then I prepared two trays that have grill racks over them and on one I placed 8 or 9 long strips of bacon, and on the other I put 10 small sausage links. I had preheated our very large Black and Decker counter oven. It is similar to a toaster oven only much larger. I put the bacon in first at 450.
While the bacon cooked I got the eggs cracked and put into bowls. 3 eggs in each bowl. I use a heavy knife on the sharp edge to crack the eggshell then they easily open the shell with no eggshells into the bowls. I find it works best if the eggs and shells are very cold. Into the bowls of eggs I add a heavy splash of water. Enough to make the eggs cook up fluffy but not leave water in the cooked eggs. Then I set them aside to put the sausage in the oven with the bacon. The thing about cooking sausage in the oven instead of on the stove in a pan is the sausage come out fully cooked but still juicy and soft.
Once the meat was cook Ron chopped what we both wanted in our scrambles, and I combined the meat and eggs in a small sauce pot. Ron had me put chopped opinion and peppers in his. I use a hard spatula like the kind you would frost a cake with not the kind that flip burgers, to stir the eggs and meats together and make scramble eggs. I started the toast as the stuff on the stove cooked up. Just before the eggs finished cooking the toast popped up so I buttered them and called Ron to come get his food. Even though I was happy to make the food I again was unable to my egg scramble, I ate my one piece of toast with grape jam on it. I put the scramble in the fridge for another time. I ate it the next morning and it was great.
During the afternoon I took another nap. This is now being written on Friday. So for supper that Wednesday I had the idea of taking the red sauce I had made the day before to make supper in a different way. I told Ron my idea and he agreed it sounded great. So we took an 8 X 11 baking pan and spread a layer of red sauce on the bottom of the pan. The idea was to use the chicken patties we normally fry to make chicken Parmesan, just with a different cheese. I took six patties and place them in the pan sort of pushing them a third of their height into the sauce. Then set in the oven to bake. When nearly done we took provolone and layered in on the chicken and put them back in the oven. Serve with spaghetti and sauce. Great.
Thursday morning we got up to a rainy cold day … again. But we needed groceries and I had decided it was better now to go with Ron to help him. He is 70 and not walking well. Plus while he is still smart, he does have periods of confusion and gets slow to think or respond. He complains of becoming very forgetful. To be honest I am the same way. I will 62 very soon. But he likes me to drive when possible and he likes the comfort of me being there for him.
So we went and spent all morning filling a grocery cart at Walmart. Some people say that you don’t save any money there and some say you do. Ron has the patience to stand there and compare price and size, unit price, and get the best deal. I can not do this. But I walk with him, talk to him, keep him company, watch our cart when he needs to go get something or his back is too it. I have seen people take stuff from other peoples carts or drop stuff in them. Ron had one of my dragon canes stolen when he had his back to the cart comparing prices. Turned back and the cane was gone. We have a game to guess the cost after it is wrung up on the register. I guessed 260 but he felt it would be well over 325. It came to 257 and change.
We were to go to another store but by the time we got everything put away both of use were tired so decided to go this morning. Temps are better so far than yesterday which had feel like temps in the 30s. This morning we have feel like temps of 41 degrees. The high is to be in the 50s. We plan to hit three small stores and then going to the big flooring store in Fort Myers to pick out the new flooring for the Florida room that I will soon be moving into to. I am leaning toward a light floor. The walls are a soft cream, the molding / trim a light tan / brown. Just enough of a difference to show up but not startling. The north long wall of almost 30 feet is entirely windows except for three feet at the bottom of the windows, even the turn to the east facing wall which has another large window and French doors made of mostly insulated glass panes in a wooden heavy frame. The room is very bright and cheery. Because the door going outside is to the carport and on the same level we were thinking a brown. But once I saw the shocking difference between the light and dark … I think I want a light floor. I am thinking a white marble with gray whirls. Ron thinks it will always look dirty even when not. So maybe we will go with a tan or light gray? That is why I have not done much on the blog or computer since Tuesday. Hugs.
Hi Everyone. I woke at 12:22 last night. But I got up at 1 am and started making posts and doing things. So I just finished the asshat yesterday news posts. So now before I answer the comments … and I love comments everyone sends to me, I have to make a red sauce. Ron promised to make me a grand lasagna if I make the sauce. So with ear buds in, off I go to make the sauce. Hugs and loves to everyone. Remember that I really care for everyone. Add any questions or comments in the comments and I will reply there. Hugs.
If you criticize the dear leader of the maga cult then you are forever an enemy. Death to the nonbelievers. This is why the current republicans and maga is very much a cult. Hugs.
This is great. The tRump world crowed about this citizen of Greenland who praised tRump’s plan to take over Greenland. Yet the truth did come out … He was a tRump loving fanboy violent felon drug dealer prison escapee. Hugs.
Ron and I had a wonderful Christmas day. We had good food, we had good times. Here is a couple pictures of me sharping our knives, including serrated ones you can do if you are careful.
Then there was the jolly elf in the kitchen working to prepare enough food for 10 people. How he misses the days we held being holiday gatherings. I helped on and off like doing the cooking and peeling of the eggs for the deviled eggs. Here is the elf at work.
And then there is the result of all the work. The food.
I can’t wait to make this cottage pie; I love them, especially with mushrooms instead of beef. But I’ll follow the recipe the first time I make it. I usually make cottage pie for Meal Trains, and just for us, and also like to make one with leftover ham, peas, and sweet potatoes. Meanwhile, this brioche is beautiful. I don’t keep white flour, but will buy some (brioche isn’t brioche when it’s whole wheat.) And the salad! It won’t be too many weeks, and we’ll be wanting cooler foods. Enjoy, everyone.
make a post about the noshies. I have a few minutes, so lets see if I can do it.
The other day, I exchanged treats with another good friend-we’ve been exchanging gifts family to family for 31 years. Sometimes crafty things, sometimes foodstuff treats, sometimes seasonal decorations, whatever. We don’t decide ahead of time, we just do what we feel. The past few years, we are older, of course, and it’s been foodstuffs because it’s easy to just make extra of what we’re making for our own households, then give it away. This year, I made up the afore-mentioned peppermint bark and snickerdoodles, and did up some candy-cane-dusted chocolate covered pretzels. I took photos:
The one on the left hand side is what we received, and holycowthisisaddictive. The photo on the right shows our gift with the lid on, and the snickerdoodles I shared; we have a few left over. Our gifts to give are packed up in boxes similar to the one we received. I’m sorry about no bark photo; every morsel of it is given away. It was dark chocolate, crushed candycanes, white “chocolate” layered on top, with more candy cane dust. Pretzels are pretzels.
OK, so. Yesterday I mentioned I ate a donut. The day before, I put a hurt (for me, anyway,) on the snack mix we received. I’m a nosher, and usually keep fresh veggies around so that when I’ve got enough calories, I can still nosh. I read the best thing in Yoga Journal one time: vegetables do not make a person fat. It’s the truth. Better for us raw, but even cooked, if it’s only veggies-no dip, cheese, butter, etc.-you can eat what you like, and they don’t make you fat. And as to dip, salsa is permissible, because, again, it’s vegetables. Raw carrots are delicious dipped in salsa, but likely as I did, you’ll have to find out by trying it, because I didn’t believe it, either. Anyway, I’m not including potatoes or corn as veggies; I mean veggies a person would eat raw. The thing is, they have lots of water along with all the wonderful nutrients, and even if a person eats a whole bag of carrots or bell peppers or turnips or celery, etc., it won’t make them fat. It would also take a long, long time. I read all this back then in a magazine I trust. Most people won’t eat that much at a time, and will lose their naughty craving well before they’ve polished off all the little carrots.
Well, I needed a nosh, went for the carrots and saw I’d picked up a package of a blend of various lettuces and spinach, and thought, cool! Chips. So, I spread out a cup (1 serving is a cup, fwiw. It fits on my sheet) and sprinkled a bit of water, then seasoned the leaves while I was waiting for the oven to heat to 375.
The photo on the right hand shows the raw leaves, and the seasoning I used. I like salt-free seasoning; veggies have flavor on their own that I enjoy plus plenty of sodium, but chips need a little oomph. This time it was Florida Hope Seasoned Pepper (which really needs to be in everything savory,) and a garlic salt called Justice that has shallots, garlic, onion, green peppercorns, chives, and green onion, but No Salt. It has the salty texture, though. It’s awesome on popcorn.
The photo on the lefthand is of the chips when I took them out of the oven (375 degrees, 15 minutes. Ovens will vary.) They are light, crispy, will not dip, but really solve that chips craving a person might get. And even with the water roasted out, you can eat as many of these as you can, and not get fat.
Well, time to see how this looks, and get it put up. I hope everyone has some fun exploring what they like to do to avoid overeating the delicious rich treats we have this time of year. And I hope Scottie maybe finds this a way he can get a little more nutrition in when he loses his appetite!
I need a tagline, the way Julia and Lidia have taglines. But I can’t steal those, of course. So, here’s to a great afternoon. Also, to anyone who’s made kale chips: this mixture does not contain kale, so the aroma kale produces turning into chips will not be present. Yay!
Yet Johnson had the time to slam in at the last minute with no committee hearings or being addressed by the entire House an add on to the end of year must pass military budget that would block the military from granting gender affirming care to dependents of service members. If that remains it will hurt moral and hit retention. Family with trans kids will leave the military to get the care their kids need. Plus again it is based on ideology and religion, not science. Ok the link above was gotten from Ten Bears’ site, the link will be below because of how fucked up WordPress has gotten. Hugs
Over the weekend, House Republicans once again failed to secure a deal to fund the federal government. The deadline for approving a spending bill is Dec. 20 and without its passage there could be another shutdown, which has happened before on the GOP’s watch.
Speaker Mike Johnson has been unable to get members of his own party representing farm districts to back the legislation currently being negotiated. Politico reports that Republicans planned to circulate the text of the bill among members on Sunday, but that soft deadline has passed without a solution and now leadership may reach out to Democrats for help.
Advocacy groups and lobbyists representing farming interests have been pushing Congress to include farm relief in the funding bill.
“Our country will suffer the consequences if Congress takes farmers & our food supply for granted. I call on members of Congress who represent ag to stand with farmers by insisting the supplemental spending bill include economic aid for farmers and voting it down if it doesn’t,” Zippy Duvall, president of the American Farm Bureau Federation wrote.
Ironically, one reason farms are seeking relief is that they are still dealing with the economic fallout from Donald Trump’s trade war, which led to decreased sales of U.S. farm products on the international market. Trump has proposed similar trade policies, including tariffs, for his second term despite the economic risk to millions of consumers.
While the House fumbled this key deadline, Johnson was not at the Capitol. On Saturday he instead attended the Army-Navy football game along with Trump, Vice President-elect JD Vance, and Trump benefactor Elon Musk.
Since taking the House in the 2022 midterm elections, Republicans have governed in a state of almost perennial chaos. The party could not decide on a consensus speaker and then after Kevin McCarthy was selected, he was removed from power.
Because McCarthy and now Johnson have had such a hard time getting the party in line, they have had to rely on Democratic votes to pass key legislation keeping the nation funded. Even after Republicans held on to the House in the 2024 election, the margin of the party’s control will be virtually unchanged from two years ago.
The incoming administration hopes to implement many of the unpopular ideas in Project 2025 (despite Trump’s claims that he had no connection to the conservative agenda), but the party’s track record of legislative incompetence may show another path forward.
Republicans had unified control in Trump’s first two years of the presidency and the party failed to repeal the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) or pass an infrastructure bill (President Joe Biden did). Now they cannot even agree on a spending bill with just a few days to go.
The future, even with Republicans in control of the House, Senate, and White House, does not look bright for Johnson and his party in Congress.
(I’ve been really enjoying this trip of his, through his column. Iceland sounds like my kinda place. -A)
Good morning from American soil, and to be more specific, Baltimore.
Six decades of oppressive dictatorship collapsed Sunday as Syrian rebels entered Damascus and sent tyrant Bashar Al-Assad fleeing to Russia. Russia and Iran were the backers who kept the Assad regime afloat and now have eggs on their faces for betting on the wrong dog.
Syria was Russia’s toehold in the Middle East and Mediterranean as they have two bases in that nation. If Russia wants to keep those bases, they’ll have to negotiate with the people they’ve been dropping bombs on for the past 13 years. They may feel some kind of way about that. For Iran, it could limit its ability to spread weapons to its allies in Syria, Lebanon, Yemen, and even Gaza. For Syria, this brings an end to 13 years of civil war that pummeled cities and left hundreds of thousands dead. Refugees from all across the region and Europe may finally be able to return home…maybe.
Even as a coalition of rebels liberated the capital and freed thousands of prisoners while promising to build a coalition government, American forces were striking known Islamic State camps inside Syria. Israel sent its military inside Syria to protect its border along the same region it captured from Syria decades ago. Some of these groups in the coalition are considered terrorist organizations by several nations. One of the groups was al-Qaida’s branch in Syria, but now they’re all wearing smiley faces. These groups, backed by Turkey, are saying, “Trust us. We’re the good guys.”
Vladimir Putin granted Assad exile in Russia, but it’s not like the former Syrian dictator will be sleeping on the Russian dictator’s couch. Assad left Syria with about $2 billion in assets that should belong to the people he ruled over. For them, Assad left cities in ruin along with a devastated economy. His people are suffering, but he’ll be OK.
I wonder how much American money Donald Trump will take with him when he flees for exile in Russia.
I’m home.
I’m home, back in my country. Not home home, like back in my apartment or even my city.
I woke up at 5 a.m. because my body still thinks it’s in the London time zone. Sleep has been fighting me for the past two weeks and I don’t think it’s ready to quit yet.
Yesterday morning started in Reykjavik as I got on a shuttle at the Reykjavik Creepy Arms Inn, which took me to a bus station that took me to the Keflavik airport, about 45 minutes from the capital…which was just overrun by Syrian rebels. Kidding.
Keflavik Airport was built by the United States military after England invaded Iceland during World War II. Why did England invade Iceland? So the Germans wouldn’t. There wasn’t any fighting when England invaded. They just showed up in four ships one morning and took over like it was India or something. The British built the regional airport in Reykjavik during their occupation. The “invasion” rescued Iceland from the Great Depression as there were just as many foreign soldiers in Iceland as Icelanders. The United States took over occupying Iceland before it entered WWII so England could use more of its troops to fight Nazis (who we used to think were the bad guys before we started voting for them). I think a movie should be made about the invasion of Iceland and it would be a comedy.
I started this cartoon in the airport where NONE of the electrical outlets work. There were dozens of tables in the airport for passengers and each one had at least four outlets…and none of them worked. I charged my phone by draining power from my iPad during the flight, that is, after I had drawn the day’s cartoon of course. I finished the cartoon during my flight and I probably freaked out passengers who walked by as they saw me drawing skulls. People are always sneaking peeks over my shoulder, and often regretting it.
Where I started the cartoon. Every retailer has to scan your boarding pass before they can sell you something, like someone’s going to sneak into the terminal while fighting off the very dickish Icelandic security guards (oh, they suck) to purchase one of the Icelandic hotdogs. You’ll see.
On the plane, I shared a row with a young lady and we started whispering to each other as the plane filled up with people, hoping that nobody would take our middle seat. We were counting the passengers left in the aisle and praying for the doors to close. I was like, “If someone does sit here, don’t let it be another fat guy. Please god, no fat guys.” Nobody did which made it a more comfortable flight for both of us. I had elbow room to draw and she had some extra room to nap. It was a long flight. My back still hurts.
Sorry for not doing all this in chronological order. How long am I allowed to blame jet lag? President Biden blamed jet lag from two weeks before for his dismal debate performance. Maybe he thought he was still on London time and the answer to the next question will arrive in five hours. Anyway, I decided to eat something good the night before for my last meal in Iceland, and I chose well.
Readers LOVE the food pics. At least they do on Facebook. This is a haddock covered in horseradish sauce, and it wasn’t as expensive as I expected. It came with broccoli and potatoes over rice. It was great and there was something done with the potatoes I can’t figure out, but they were excellent. Most of the other diners were eating cheeseburgers.
When I was done, the waitress asked if I wanted dessert…no thank you…or coffee. Coffee? Oh, god yes.
Nectar of the gods, people. Nec…tar…of…the…gods. I almost cried. Of course, I got more coffee the next morning at the airport and I have two cups with me now that I took from the continental breakfast downstairs in my B’more hotel.
After the haddock and coffee (that could be an emo band name), I braved the weather and 55 mph winds (I’m still not on the metric system), and saw my friend Renata one last time and I met her coworker Isak, who was born and bred in Iceland but has spent significant time in Astoria. How expensive is Iceland? Isak thinks New York City is cheap.
The patch Renata is showing off is her football team in Brazil, which her family has been following for decades, something Americans can understand. Also, Renata is reading the blog. Say hi to her in the comments. Renata, there are hellos in the comments.
Renata told me I couldn’t leave Iceland until I could finally accomplish pronouncing “Gull,” a very good lager made in Iceland. It was a constant theme of my stay on that frozen island. I still can’t say it properly. If you go to Iceland, order the beer and ask your server how it’s pronounced. It will fuck with you.
And I was wrong. The haddock was not my last meal in Iceland. Take a deep breath before you look at the next picture. I don’t want to start a panic.
Admit it. You did a little jump in your seat. This is the Icelandic hotdog. Rene, my niece from Alabama, was in Iceland a few months ago and tried it. She hated it. I thought she was probably too good for hotdogs but gave her points for trying it, and then I tried it, and yeah…she’s right. I didn’t love it.
We invented the hotdog so this must be how Don McClean felt when he heard Madonna’s cover of American Pie.
This was purchased from Bæjarins Beztu Pylsur, who created this dog. They have stands in the capital and a couple in the airport. It’s not a large airport yet they have two stands for these things. As the young lady handed it to me, she either said, “Have fun” or “Have a great time.” I can’t remember, but I thought it was cute. I saw a few people running for their flights while carrying a hotdog.
So that’s a dog made from lamb mixed with beef (I think) and it’s covered in APPLE ketchup, sweet mustard, remoulade, and crispy fried onion. At least that’s what it says on the website (I research for you). I’m religiously opposed to ketchup on hotdogs and any red-blooded American caught doing so should be sent to Guantanamo to think about what he did, but I tried this. I figured if I was going to try an Icelandic dog, then I should try it the way the Icelanders intended, but even with apple ketchup, it’s still not right. My defense for the ketchup is that I was on foreign soil.
On my flight, I saw a young man with two slices from Sbarro, which is worse than putting ketchup on a hotdog. He probably thought it was real pizza. I saw a lot of pizza in Iceland and I was like, “Nope!”
Yes, I am a bit of a food snob, but I’m the kind of food snob who enjoyed that Icelandic haddock but can also appreciate a Whopper and will eat a hotdog (a real American hotdog) from a Manhattan street cart.
By the way, four things Iceland doesn’t have: Snakes, mosquitos, an army, or McDonald’s. For awhile, I didn’t think it had coffee either. I should also mention I never got coffee in Liverpool either, but there was tea. It sufficed.
I’m a member of an author’s group in Fredericksburg. I think the rule for membership is that you have to have written a book. My two cartoon books count and I was invited after I won my RFK award, when I officially became a big shot. Basically, all it does is have dinners every few months which are usually held at a nice expensive German restaurant next to the train station. There’s lots of schnitzel. There was a dinner last night and the leader of the group was pushing me to make it.
My plane landed at 5:20 p.m. in Baltimore and the last train to Fredericksburg was leaving at 6 p.m. I was gonna have to get off the plane. Anyone who’s ever flown can tell you it can take 20 minutes to get off a plane. After landing in London, an old lady was telling her husband to look in the overhead bin again to make sure they didn’t forget anything. She kept saying, “Look in the bin, Harold.” He’d say, “I did look in the bin.” And she’d say it again. “Look in the bin, Harold.” “I looked in the bin.” “Look again,” Harold.” “I looked.” This went on a few more times. As they were holding everyone up over this bin shit, someone still in their seat, unable to get out because of this couple, shouted, “Look in the goddamn bin, Harold.” Ok. That person was me. And guess what. There was something in the bin Harold missed. Anyway, after getting off the plane in Baltimore, I would have to get through U.S. Border Patrol and Customs, whose employees are a LOT nicer than the Iceland Asshole Patrol posing as airport security. I asked a suit-wearing security guy where my airline’s check-in counter was located, and he interrupted, saying “I’m security, I don’t take questions.” He wouldn’t even hear the question and as I tried to say something else, he interrupted me again, and again. Finally, I told him he was a dick which made him look at me as if nobody had ever told him that before which is impossible when you’re a real dick. I saw him again later and he glared at me, so I said, “And your haircut’s stupid too.” And it was stupid, as it was some self-inflicted mohawk-looking thing. Who wears a suit with a mohawk? And how did a guy with a mohawk get a job in security without it being in a place like a casino in Atlantic City? Anyway, after getting through Customs, which can take from two minutes to an hour, I would have to get my luggage from baggage claim, catch an airport shuttle (which can take longer than Customs), get to the train station, and catch the train. There was no way I was going to do all that in an hour.
I took a shuttle to my hotel and got to talk to a nice lady from London as if I knew London. Oh, yes…don’t get me started on the Tube. Harumph.
So, I spent the night in Baltimore. Unfortunately, because I didn’t want to spend a lot of money just to sleep over for one night, I stayed in the same inexpensive hotel where they once gave me a room they had already booked, and I ended up walking in on a large hairy naked guy doing things to himself. Thankfully, that didn’t happen this time, and nobody has walked in on me either…yet.
Listen, I don’t really hate large people and I kinda am one myself, but it shouldn’t make me intolerant if I don’t want to sit next to them on an airplane or walk in on one while he’s naked doing things to himself. Get a room! Well, he had one. It wasn’t his fault.
I was also invited to a lunch today hosted by the Fredericksburg Advance, the local publication I’ve been drawing a weekly (most weeks) cartoon for over the past year or so. I’m not making that event either. I have to take a train from Baltimore to take a train from DC, and that one’s leaving until 1 p.m. Hell, I should get moving now.
I grabbed dinner last night at Glory Days (think Applebees, TGY Fridays, Ruby Tuesday, etc), had an American beer (not Coors), and watched American football. I had fried haddock.
Now, that’s an American haddock. Eh, the haddock in Reykjavik was better.
Now, can I pat myself on the back to end this? I just spent two weeks traveling abroad and produced a brand new cartoon and blog EVERY FUCKING DAY while doing it. Am I insane or what? During my trip, every cartoonist back in the states took the weekends off. And, I think I did a pretty good job of covering the issues during those two weeks, which involved a lot of drawing and researching on planes, trains, buses, and other things.
Some of my colleagues say I’m the hardest-working political cartoonist in the business. Well, yeah. It’s not like I’m expecting a Pulitzer Prize for this, but can I at least get a cookie?
On that note, don’t you dare call what I just did a “vacation.”
Speaker Mike Johnson
