Not much these days, end up walking in circles around the house. Hugs

#upl from lonely

 

#Bud Koenemund from What Are You Really Afraid Of?

Political news I want to share. 8-19-2026.

Supreme Court asked to hear case on Texas law requiring Ten Commandments in schools

Freedom Writers Collaborative (@fwcollaborative.bsky.social) 2026-08-17T18:00:00Z

Scores of James Talarico donors are exceeding federal donation limits, with regulators at the FEC identifying 143 such donors who exceeded the legal limit, according to a letter they sent to the Texas Democrat campaign this month.

NOTUS (@notus.com) 2026-08-17T14:11:02.278407873Z

AP on Trump's rule by rich people: "The number of people worth at least $100 million whom the Republican president has appointed to his administration is more than four times the combined total under the three previous presidents."

Michael Derby (@michaelsderby.bsky.social) 2026-08-17T15:39:02.719Z

Trump: "The people that are opposing the ballroom are people that in my opinion are very disloyal to our country. Very very disloyal to our country."

Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) 2026-08-17T18:10:42.193Z

Trump says he's talked with Kim Jong Un since yesterday and demands South Korea pay up

Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) 2026-08-17T18:06:33.919Z

"I asked for $10 billion" — Trump demands protection payment from South Korea

Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) 2026-08-17T18:04:24.278Z

hours after threatening military strikes, Trump says he'd "handle Oman very easily"

Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) 2026-08-17T17:59:47.162Z

If you lost your right to have and use a firearm due to a felony conviction, now, promises Todd Blanche, you can get it back. The right sum paid in crypto to the Trump Bros will insure a prompt decision. http://www.wsj.com/politics/pol…

Scott Horton (@robertscotthorton.bsky.social) 2026-08-17T18:45:41.831Z

The U.S. and Iran on Monday missed their 60-day deadline to reach a deal to curtail Iran’s nuclear program under the terms of the cease-fire they agreed to in June, underlining the breakdown of a truce that President Trump promised would end the war. Here's what to know.

The New York Times (@nytimes.com) 2026-08-17T09:25:07.323481Z

Iran decided to shift its policy from defensive to ‘fully offensive’ due to the deadlock in efforts to agree to end to its war with the US, a senior Iranian official told Reuters. Progress towards peace ground to a halt since the conflict began in February reut.rs/4x4EuNZ

Reuters (@reuters.com) 2026-08-17T16:31:37.489Z

At the end of his life, when he stands before God in judgment, J.D. Vance wants to be able to say he did everything he could to help MAGA Rep. Brandon Gill get re-elected. http://www.peoplefor.org/rightwingwat…

Right Wing Watch (@rightwingwatch.bsky.social) 2026-08-17T16:16:32.463Z

Ken Paxton says he's probing widespread noncitizen voting, claiming that tens of thousands voted illegally in a single Texas election. Three have been prosecuted. Of 53 cases referred for investigation, at least five are US citizens. http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/ele…

Sahil Kapur (@sahilkapur.bsky.social) 2026-08-17T14:18:22.365Z

Trump says he has a good relationship with Kim Jong Un, asks the lifeguard he's honoring to co-sign his attacks on the press, and then snaps at a woman reporter: "Be quiet! Be quiet!"

Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) 2026-08-17T18:07:39.031Z

Photos like this are the reason why minority people and women who were sexually abused don't trust law enforcement. Look who they cheer for.

Paul Graf (@paulginva.bsky.social) 2026-08-16T21:19:32.066Z

Hasan Piker Threatens Scott Jennings with Defamation Lawsuit Over ‘Lynchings’ Claim

Mediaite (@mediaite.com) 2026-08-17T14:52:41Z

It used to be that once a NIH grant award hit “status 19,” the money was about to go out the door.That’s not the case anymore. The Trump administration has enacted an unprecedented political review process, pushing hundreds of awards into limbo.

NOTUS (@notus.com) 2026-08-17T11:05:58.0452125Z

The number of parents in the U.S. choosing not to vaccinate their children rose dramatically in the last school year, according to data CDC data released Monday. @erikaedwards.bsky.social @nbcnews.com

sara g miller (@saragmiller.bsky.social) 2026-08-17T21:13:06.999Z

Nation’s Largest Reservoirs Are Drying Up, Threatening Life in the Southwest http://www.nytimes.com/2026/08/17/c…

Justin Felder (@justinbluepal.bsky.social) 2026-08-17T21:26:52.463Z

ICE pitches legal insurance to help shield local officers who make immigration arrestsapnews.com/article/ice-…

Dave Shutton (@daveshuttonpbs.bsky.social) 2026-08-17T22:05:15.259Z

Luigi Mangione's September trial is off as defense tries to get state charges dismissed gothamist.com/news/luigi-m…

Gothamist (@gothamist.com) 2026-08-17T20:43:52.308885Z

Two DHS Sources Confirm to Migrant Insider — The ICE Agent Who Pointed His Gun at a U.S. Citizen in Virginia Is Martin Lagunas

 

https://migrantinsider.com/p/exclusive-two-dhs-sources-confirm

The Chicago-based agent was already identified on social media and by Unraveled Press. Now, two Department of Homeland Security sources have confirmed his name to Migrant Insider.

US Supreme Court Is Legalizing Sex Discrimination

Some very important points about trans athletes. As he says the bans only apply to trans women but not trans boys / guys.   Plus as he also points out, the court and society don’t care about a smaller weaker boy getting their ass handed to them by a much bigger boy but a girl losing to another bigger girl is now against the law and the bigger girl must summit to have someone look at their genitals to make sure.   Hugs

Israel HUMILIATES Trump Ceasefire With CONSTANT BOMBINGS

 

Mehdi DEBUNKS NYT Columnist’s Viral Argument Denying Israel’s Genocide of Gaza

Mehdi takes down Bret Stephens’s viral argument and explains why Israel is unmistakably committing genocide in Gaza. Ever since Israel began their horrific war on Gaza, many pro-Israel pundits and genocide-denialists have suddenly decided that they know far more about war crimes, ethnic cleansing, and genocide than actual human rights experts. How convenient! New York Times’ conservative columnist Bret Stephens is of course no exception. In this latest ‘DEBUNKED’ video, Mehdi breaks down why Stephens’s viral argument – in which he claims that calling Gaza a genocide is “farcical” – is total BS. Watch the full video above to watch Mehdi bring the receipts and show Stephens how real journalism is done.

It shouldn’t hurt to be a child. I am so tired

I have had three weeks of steriod shots, allergy shots, and testosterone shots. My hormones are a mess and coursing through me like angry bulls alternately making me happy and then very sad.  I have barely slept for three days. Tonight I made fried chicken and french fries for supper. I need to go to bed but to tell the truth, I am scared to do so. When I do fall asleep, the memories will come back.  Every hard hand and fist that hit me, the times I was hurt in so many ways, I remember them all.  As one of the songs says I told the lies to protect those abusing me because if I had not, it would have been worse.  I feel them.  I live it all over again.  And I am so tired. My pain doctor tried to help, and asked me if she could send me to a trama therapist; she said “Scottie you really need to talk to someone”. I told her another time, not yet, not now.  But every one of these songs has parts of my life in them. I guess I will go back to reading the news rather than go to bed; the news I can deal with maybe.  The memories I cannot, not tonight. Last night, in the middle of the night Ron realized I was very upset and had me move next to him. I need to sleep.  I am afraid to. I wonder if anyone can understand that.  Being afraid to go to sleep?  Hugs

 

 

 

 

 

I am trying not to really I am. but here. is where my mind is. I used to be so much stronger, I was a solider who did things …. yet

I dream of this song.  If I ever have to go I will leave this as my good bye.   Hugs

 

When I was locked in the attic this was one of the records I was able to find and play.  I emagined so many reasons while Daniel went away.

This was one of the other records I had.  I listened to it play over and over as I fell asleep.  A sad lonely 14 year old locked in an attic over a  garage  because he was only wanted when he could be used to satisfy the abusers.   The weird thing is they thought keeping me up there made me unhappy, but the truth is I felt safer there than in their home.  I only worried when the lock was opened and one of them walked in.  I had few choices then.   But it was still one of the best summers of lack of abuse.   Hugs

 

I should be very happy. I got my computer back. …. yet

Ok earlier this week I was exhausted, but I was sick of a registry error I couldn’t clear on my video computer. So I tried to reset it. But every time I did Microsoft demand I sign in to rest the computer. That has long been my redline for Microsoft computers.  So I got out an old ISO I had and installed the Windows program from that.  I kept waiting all week for it to accept me into the extended updates program.  But it did not do so.

So today, after getting home from taking Ron to get his eye exam and scheduled for the next couple weeks, I again dumped the computer, and this time I simply let the install and update program happen at its own pace.   I am not sure if that is what did the trick, but the secondary computer is back up and on the Windows 10 Extended Updates program. That makes me very happy.

However, while I was working on the other computer I got the YouTube algarthym push of two songs that set me off: Terry Jackson’s seasons in the sun and REM Everyone Hurts.  I started playing them… and falling down that rabbit hole when Ron innocently asked me to help him with something in the bedroom.  Totally sabotage the meltdown that was building inside me. Oh, what did I do with the YouTube suggested songs? I closed the tabs as soon as I got back to the computers.   I wish I had the strength to do that when YouTube first pushed them on me. But then it is not YouTube’s fault that those songs resonate so much with me. But then, as I was to regroup, I got hit with Eleton John’s Danial. Why does that song hit me so hard, you might ask? Because the summer I was forced to live in the attic over the garage with only a single electric cord that I could plug several things into, I found an abandoned record player one of my Hellspawn siblings had and a couple of 45 records.  One was this one by Elton John, and I have no idea the real meaning of the song but I created lots of meanings in my head laying alone on a playwood floor with only a sleeping bag to give me comfort and a small black lab dog that I swam out to save who stayed in that space with me.  

Do I need to list the songs that are triggeering me… or describe being locked in a storage space above the garage?  The wired thing is I know they must have realized I was able to take some electric from the grarage below.  But when they locked the door, did they know I was still small enough to fit between the studs and shimmy down to the garage below?  I wonder if they depended on it. Anyway, this is a non-graphic part of my life that might help others understand me.   

However there were times that summer when the door opened and one of my abusers came in.  I knew what I had to do, I knew what was the only way to protect my dog, and I knew my place as a 14 / 15 year old kid.    Sad hugs.   Scottie

The election results and my feelings

I had a really bad night where I was tearing my skin on my butt and thrashing around. Ron tried twice to wake me and once when he did it I was so deep in my memories of abuse that I tried to protect myself from him.  Once I was awake and knew what he had tried to do for me I couldn’t go back to sleep.  I tossed and turned until I got up.  

But then I did something that most people won’t understand, and in truth I don’t either. I suffered from the memories of my past and then when I woke up and went to my office to then go online to the Male Survivor site.  There I read more stories of abuse like mine.  Not all abuse stories have the physical abuse that mine did but the rest is still abuse I understand.  Still the reading of their abuse so mirrowed mine caused me even more distress and upset. 

I sat at my desk this morning and just cried.  No video on the other computer, no reading anything on the other computer. Just sitting here remembering the assaults, the pain of having a cock forced into my rectrum unwanted and not lubed, being forced to take a cock into my mouth with their hands firmly grasping my head so I had to take more of their dick than I could breathe with in my mouth. I apologize for being so graphic, but either I rejoin the survivors site and go down that rabbit hole, or just try to gently share the childhood I had here.  To tell the truth even now I am rocked and my stomach is upset over what I remember.   

I know those who were abused either physically, emotionally, or even sexually understand what I am trying to say.  The memories never go away; they fade and for a while you can ignore them. But then like what happened to me the last two nights I had nightmares of my childhood in complete color and detail. I not only remembered the events in my dreams; I felt every aspect of it on my body, and then the worst part. Something I have not shared yet. Ron woke me saying Scottie, no one is hitting you now.  My body did not agree with him.

Some of my abusers would force me to say back to them things they wanted to hear me say. You like this don’t you!  Thank me for fucking you!  You caused me to beat you and now say you’re sorry for doing that.  So many more.  I struggle with the memories of one hellspawn sibling male holding my little balls in his hand and squessing until I agreed to drink his pee just to stop him hurting me.  For the two male siblings and their father there was no understanding or sympathy. They wanted a couple of things, my humiliation and their sexual satisfaction.  They demanded I admit I was not equal to them and that they could abuse me with no consequences.  

So I had had many months without much issues rocking my calm.  But the last three nights have given me nightmares, and Ron has had to wake me because I was trying hard to scream out. I am a bit scared to go back to bed because as soon as I sleep the memories will return.  I do not want or need to relive that time of my life. Anyway I will go back to listening to the election results. But I am worried this will be another even  worse night for me.  How do I avoid the pain I know is coming?  Damn now I am scared to go to bed.       Hugs