On of my female abusers died

OK this won’t be a full post on my abuse because Ron is terrified of my being emotionally upset before my surgery tomorrow. This female sibling was pregnant at 13 and married at 14. But while she was in the house she was the defacto caregiver to me. She was the one who tied me to a stair banister and let her boyfriends and other boys rape me. Her soon to be husband wanted more so she arranged for him to force me to give him blow jobs and rape me in other places / context. He had a fascination with buttholes so you can guess what that meant for the 3, and 4 and 5 and 6 year old me.

She was the one who farmed me out to the guy across the street at age 3 who was a real little boy lover so while he used my body he never made me hurt like I was being hurt at home. He often got upset at my bruised body. He often gave me the only real affection I felt at that time. I just had to let him use my body to gain it.

She tried to get me removed from the will due to the fact I was adopted. In her own writings she said I was never a part of the family so shouldn’t have a share of the inheritance. She failed to mention how badly I was treated by the family for some reason. The courts disagreed with her. Her husband was the executor of the estate and he was informed and needed to be ordered by the court to change the legal paperwork to reflect my new legal name, but in her obituary she used the family name of my abusers. She knew better at this point, as did her husband who once was said to be a corrupt cop.

I am going to try to keep my mind from it. But what Ron doesn’t know is my mind went there last night. Just not bad enough for me to yell / scream out. I will have to deal with it soon. But not hopefully tonight the night before my spine surgery. Hugs

West Bank Pogroms Intensify | Jasper Nathaniel | TMR

I watched this the day it aired on the show. My gods how horrific and horrifying. The out of control settlers try to kill these people because they are recording the stealing of Palestinian lands and murdering Palestinians. If the driver had been any slower these people in the cars would have been killed. And the IDF supported the attacks on helpless people. US citizens. The Israeli government takes our taxpayer money and supports the killing of US citizens and reporters. If there is anything that says the Israelis know they are committing war crimes it is the killing of the reporters for showing their crimes. The place these attacks took place is in a zone that no Israeli is supposed to be even allowed in. Israeli is out of control and they use our taxpayer money to do it. The reason the reporter wanted to go to that spot was because a palestinian man’s son was killed and those with him hunted for 2 hours by settlers. The settlers live in the homes that the Palestinians built for themselves. Israeli settlers are nothing more than thieving thugs, and the population of Israel supports them which makes all those in Israel supporting this nothing more than thieving thugs. The people in these cars were terrified. You can hear it in the cries of the people in the car. The US ambassador supports Israel in this killing of US people. Please watch and do what you can to stop these lawless attacks against innocent people by Israeli settlers. Hugs

Conversation Starter: Is the very beauty of what is to come ruined by man?

I recently had a somewhat uncomfortable conversation with my Dad. At 88-years old, he is understandably considering what comes next, and knowing that I’m a ‘blowhard democrat and therefore think I know everything‘, lol, he made it part of my own considerations – at least out loud. But, as we talked, I began to realize that how we look at “what comes next” truly inspires how we view this thing called life, what we value and hold dear.

When I was much younger, I had the opportunity to read Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. I think I’d like to read it again. It was a story that had a great impact on a young troubled life, and while I am sure I didn’t get nearly as much from the book as was offered, I still carry some of that book within my thoughts nearly 35 years later. Chief among those ringing ideas was the consideration that we are on this world to be excellent, to fly free and powerfully, to be our best selves. It is an idea that gives me hope and conviction on the same blade, for I’ve not made much of myself. What I have done, perhaps better late than never, is I’ve begun to understand what is important to me and I’ve tried to adjust my life accordingly.

During my studies of different religions, I found a great deal of beauty. It is probably shocking to some, but Muslims have a beautiful religion filled with dedication to their God, peace and humility. I recently heard a person of influence, a politician, say publicly that he “hated the Muslim religion”. I thought that was tragic. He has painted a billion people with a the same brush and feels fully justified in his self-righteous hate. His words did not influence me to hate Muslims, they only brought me sadness. Here is a man who hopes to profit by hate, and I can only imagine what those wages bring.

Over the years, I’ve come to find a lot of hope in the Christian Faith, but I don’t find myself deluded into thinking that the Bible is definitive or that the Pulpit is infallible. Clearly humans have left their mark on both, and both have gained their insecurities and foibles. Unfortunately, most religions are marked by the greedy and deluded powerful who are sure that they know what is best for everyone and damned be those who disagree. As a result, parishioners lose their search for what is beautiful and magnificent in whatever may come next. They instead follow a set of rules, a kind of club, a group identity. They have given up on God and hope only to please the pastor and Sister Bertha Betterthanyou. They have forsaken courage to seek for the safety of the flock.

Perhaps this is just what we are. How many of us are caught in this idea that by hating someone else, we are somehow doing as God would want? I would be very curious to ask them what they value, and then would I be so brave to ask how their spoken values reflect their current words. Do they value freedom, or just their own freedom? Do they value love, or only for those like them? Do they value hope, but do performative acts some man told them would get them into Heaven? Do they seek or are they comfortable in being told what to think, what to feel, what to do? Do they look for what comes next or are they seeking identity and safety in a church, a political movement, in the acceptance of someone seeking to control them?

I don’t know what I would tell Dad if he asked me again. I don’t think the answer is in religion, any religion. I do think there is something that comes next, what I would loosely if respectfully refer to as God, and if I could quote Ghandi I’d say that God is not restricted by any single religion. I want to believe that this beautiful thing called life doesn’t end. I want to believe in Love. I want to rest in Hope. I want to live a life absolutely riddled with awe at how fabulous humanity can be, rather than live a life of judgement and insecurity. And, when I regard my final days I hope I am looking forward with eager anticipation for all the wonders I will experience.

-Randy

Ro Khanna RIPS Bibi For LIES After IDF Detention

Ro Khanna details the abuses the Israelis commit against the palestinians and how the authorities do nothing to stop these abuses. Khanna gives numerous details and says that the israeli governments want to make it clear that no one should go to see the attractions and abuse done to the Palestinians but should only visit the Jewish parts of Israel. This is the best reporting of what happened to the congressman and the other US citizens. Hugs

Violent Israeli Settlers Detain U.S. Congressman Ro Khanna

Today and why things are the way they are with me and the blog.

So this starts from last night. Without being graphic or at the risk of oversharing, Ron and I decided to put Tupac on the far out side with me in the middle. Tupac prefers to be in the middle, which I understand but it interferes with Ron and me being able to show eachother intamaticy and touch / hold each other during the night. It has been a frustration since Tupac moved in because before that even though we have a king size bed we were always touching and entwined during the night.

Move to monday morning. I have a standing order for 4 cases (24 individual 2-liter bottles of soda) of Publix caffeine-free diet soda. Because I couldn’t walk Ron has been going to pick them up along with all the rest of our groceries. But it was taking a lot of time out of his day to do the remodeling we needed to get done.

So today I went for the soda and a few groceries. Now I go to the nearest Publix store but it wouldn’t matter they all have super happy employees who are eager to help anyone who asks them. I often remark if you ask a person in a different store where such item might be they will tell you what aisle and leave it at that. In every Publix I have ever been that I asked the employee, they stoped what they were doing and took me to where they thought the item might be. If it was not there they did not just walk away they kept looking with me.

So remember I just got back to walking, and I have fallen twice. So I go in with a cart and tell the person at the service desk who I am and what my standing order is. She makes the calls and then remarks she has not seen me in a while. I explained that my spouse was coming in to get the sodas. I always wear my pride hat and it is clear that my spouse is male. Again never a problem.

A young man who he later told me he was 22 yrs old came with my order in a cart so I asked him if I could switch my empty cart with his full one. He was sure. Then he noticed me taking my cane from the cart before he took it. He took my cart to the cart area and then stood by while I paid for my soda and then offered to take them to my car for me. I was grateful and explained that I just got the ability to walk again and was worried about lifting these heavy cases.

This young energetic happy so very young person who is to me very cute as all young people are to me at 63 years old and disabled. He pushed my cart out to the car and put them in it while talking a steady stream about things. I have often told Ron that my pride hat is a magnet for the young Publix boys. One of them told me he was in in the dinner theater scene and loved acting. So if anyone mentions to you that the Publix stores are / were founded by Christian people who wanted the stores to show a Christian application in the world, they are correct. They are the most progressive pro LGBTQ+ and helping the poor while taking care of the immigrant or minority store chain I have ever seen.

As the young man and I talked I told him I needed to go back into the store and get some groceries. He walked me all the way back into the store and offered to help me do my shopping. I declined while thanking him.

I had 18 items on my list and I admit I added Cheez-It snacks to it. By the time I was done I was limping and very tired out. This was the first time grocery shopping alone since I got the epidural on my spine dealing with my right leg that let me walk and the right foot was cramping.

I do not know how decrepit an old man I looked but when I pulled into the open checkout lane, the young woman at the end of the counter who would normally do the bagging walked up to the end of the aisle in front of my cart. I appoligised to her for blocking her way and said I would move my cart for her to get by. She smiled and said no I just wanted to help you unload your cart. She loaded everything on the converbelt and then I limped up to the pay pad device.

Again I don’t know how disabled I seem but as we chatted the bagging young woman kept asking me if things were going to be too heavy. When I paid she offered to take my stuff out to the car and load it in the back as the other young man had done. I demured, I guess I can manage, I said I don’t want to take you from your duties. Nonsense said the older woman chassier and the younger woman said it is what I want to do and she offered to push the cart.

The young woman took my cart out to the car and loaded the stuff into the car. I admit I was grateful, as I was pretty beat and dragging as I walked with her. I had offered the young man a tip and he refused, I did the same with this young woman and she also refused telling me she was very happy to help me. Ron tells me he finds the store’s prices slightly higher but I remind him the aisles are wide enough for people to pass and all I wrote above, far different from the walmart he thinks is saving us so much money.

So I got home and Ron carried the heavy things into the house while I carried the small stuff. Then after putting stuff away Ron showed me the current “kitchen / livingroom A/C unit” he had pulled apart to clean. Yesterday all day he cleaned the one in our bedroom and gods how full of dirt and crap it was. Ron had started the laundry of cat pee towels and then the dark load. So I took care of all that.

But it soon became noon and lunch time. I made him a large sandwich of the meats, lettuce, and the condiments he wanted. I had four cheese stuffed hot dogs … Sorry the steroids that got me walking also increased my eating and sadly my weight a lot. I went from 168 to now 182. It is a catch 22 situation. Do I want to walk or be thin? Right now I struggle to control the hunger beast which two months ago I had no hunger at all and would go days without eating.

So to end this. Ron is sleeping and I will finish this and work on getting tomorrow’s cartoons/ memes / news post scheduled. I took out a porkloin for supper and will serve it with mashed potatoes, brown gravy, and a vegetable. If Ron is still working on the house stuff I will stop everything I am doing and do the best I can to make supper. If he gives up for the day I will save taking the extra pain medications and he will make supper as I do blog stuff.

It is 2:45 PM my time. If I remember my military training it is 14:45 for the rest of the world. Here again is an issue I want or hope everyone remembers. With my pain and my medications I get about 12 hours up time during the day. Right now that time is shrinking for me. It would be like most people coming home from work at 5 or 6 pm. They have about 4 hours left to do everything. I hope everyone understands my day is very compressed and at this point I have about 4 or 5 hours left in my uptime.

Please don’t feel bad about that. I am super lucky; I have limitations I can’t break. But I have a home to be in, a bed to go to, food when I am hungry, and pain medication to help me deal with my life. I feel bad for Ron my husband for 36 years who has to do the things I can’t, who heard me fall the other night and rushed to the room to help me up. But the truth is my life is constrained and limited. I got up at 5 am after a wonderful quality time with my husband. He can sleep in the afternoon; I can’t. If I try I am down for the day. So now I am back to putting tomorrow’s post together. I just wanted to share this part of my day with you. Hugs

ISRAELI SETTLERS/IDF DETAIN RO KHANNA

I watched this on one of the sunday news shows. From the way he describes it the event was very scary and he was afraid. The settlers were damaging the vehicles. Pointing machine guns at the congressman. The IDF soldiers that were there said they agreed with the settlers and wouldn’t get involved. This is an official of the US government. Think of what would be the outcry from Israel if the situation had been reversed. I want all funds for the israeli military stopped until they apologize at the highest level for this and promise it won’t ever happen again. Hugs

Today and the plans and what will be.

Hello everyone. What a morning. I got up at 4 am and the plan was to power through the cartoons / memes / news post for tomorrow and then dive into the comments. I understand from what I have been told some are pretty contentious. However … the best laid plans of mice and men I think is the phrase. It is now 1:14 pm and I am just getting back to my computers since 8:30 am.

Ron got up late around 8:20 am and he was struggling. I offered to make breakfast which he really wanted me to do. But at 9 am my news programs via over the air waves broadcasts of Sunday news programs came on. But the TV in the kitchen is a very simple plain TV with no features. The apple box attached to that TV has bluetooth so I can use earbuds. However again I can’t for broadcast stuff so if Ron doesn’t want to hear it I can’t use the TV.

Nevertheless Ron said go ahead and watch the news and while I cooked a breakfast of thick sliced bacon, sausage links, and a large bratwurst sausage Ron wanted. Normally I would do potatoes, but I was not up for that today. Along with the meat I made 8 hard boiled eggs. And toast.

While I was doing this Ron tore apart the bedroom window A/C unit. It was a dirty mess even though he cleaned the filters regularly. But as he took it apart it was good he had asked me to order a special A/C cleaning liquid. Decon 30 I got from Amazon and what a mess he got into as he deep cleaned the unit and then cleaned everything up.

After I made breakfast and we ate he went back to working on the A/C. I started cleaning up and doing dishes along with setting up the coffee stuff for tomorrow. We finished at the same time. 1:20 pm about. Ron and I then discussed what to do for supper. It was decided I would make tacos with extra beans and other seasonings while Ron started doing the laundry, both to finish the stuff we had not gotten to and to clean the towels / wash clothes he used to clean the unit. Ron wanted me to get time to finish the post for tomorrow and I will. However the comments are a wait and see. However I pushed sharpening the knives until tomorrow but other than that I have no appointments so should be able to get to comments if I don’t today.

Last thing I want to mention. The week after the 4th I had many doctors visits. As I am a person who engages with the people behind the counters the question kept coming up “What did you do for the 4th”. Many people complained about the heat and how they tried to either go out or find other activities. However when they asked me what we did they were surprisingly supportive of what Ron and I did to celebrate the holiday with many saying they wished they had done so as well.

Ron and I stayed home and we did one of the things we enjoy. Something we have enjoyed all our time together but much more as we aged. Cooking and making things in the kitchen together. When we knocked the walls out and made the extra large kitchen, we did it with just this in mind. We used to make christmas gifts of baked goods we would work together on for days.

We made a meatloaf. I have never liked meat loaf before but Ron and James loved it. They would have it and I would have something else. But as I have aged my tastes have changed and in truth so has the way we make the meatloaf. So we made a meatloaf together with Ron doing the making work and me doing the seasoning work. I then made the potatoes and side dishes. I will admit at 63 years old it is one of the best 4th of July’s I have ever had. Hugs

Evaluating The Interview With Jenny Racicot, Graham Platner’s Ex

Another person who has questions about the reporting and evaluating what was said in in those reports. Suris is trying very hard to be even handed and fair to all involved. He does point out some of the issues many people have with the entire affair. Again this is a serious accusation that is not only at this point. Again no one is under oath and some of the things reported have been found incorrect. Such as her telling her ex at the time it happened, but that is not true. Now she is not under any obligation to tell anyone. Every person who has been abused deals with it and opens up about it in their own time when they feel they can do so. Some never do. But if you are using the fact that you told someone and it turns out you did not, that is important information to know. I want to add two things. Suris is not a misogynist and is very openly pro-female and pro-LGBTQ+. He is really trying to just understand the facts and evaluate them without making a moral snap judgment or purity testing either party. But he has no advanced training in sexual abuse nor in court procedures of interrogation. He simply is listening and giving his best reasoning on it. Hugs

What’s Next In Maine’s Senate Race? | Ryan Grim | TMR

As Emma says in the intro what reporters including herself decide to include, leave out, or highlight can influence how a story is received and the reaction to it. I know my last post had raised some concern. I will be addressing all of that after I get tomorrow’s cartoon / meme / news post scheduled and the Sunday morning semi news shows watched. If you listen to this please note that neither one of the reporters is excusing what Platner might have done; they are discussing the omitting of details that could color the story in different ways and should reporters be concerned with that shading effect. The fact is in my opinion there are a lot of unknowns and unanswered question. This is not a court of law that a person’s life is being examined under; no one is under oath in any of this. It is being tried in the media of public perception. So in that case I want to be sure of the facts before I condemn a person and ruin their life.

I also believe strongly in redemption. We all have made mistakes and we all were young. I am not perfect. I have always had the idea of being a better Scottie today than I was yesterday. I had a temper in my 20s and have struggled most of my life to not just control it but to remove it and the triggers that ignite it. Should 20 year old me ready to battle and fight at the least provocation be the down fall of 40, 50, 60 year old Scottie now? Is there no redemption, compassion, or empathy for the experiences that lead to mistakes and wrong choices? But that is not what this post is about, it is about what facts should be included or omitted in reporting. Hugs