Clay Jones

Big Beautiful Bezos by Clay Jones

What else are they cutting to give the rich tax cuts? Read on Substack

I’m bummed I didn’t get an invite to Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez’s $56 million wedding. What? You didn’t get an invite either? What we should do is form a protest. We’ll just have to get in line with all the citizens of Venice, Italy. I didn’t want to catch a bouquet anyway.

The folks in Venice (Venucians, Venetians, Venicers, Veniceeans?) aren’t too happy about this “secret” wedding taking place in their city. Apparently, it’s too much for them. There sure are a lot of celebs attending despite it being a secret. If you want something to remain low-key, you don’t invite every Kardashian to it, as well as Tom Brady, Orlando Bloom, Javanka, Usher, Jewel, Sydney Sweeney, Bill Gates, Sam Altman, Tommy Hilfiger, and Oprah Winfrey. Oh, Oprah. No.

The guest list pisses me off because I invited all these people to a crawfish/oyster party and none of them showed up, but they all found time to go to Bezos’ thing. Hmph!

Bezos, who founded Amazon, bought the once-great Washington Post, killed an endorsement for Kamala Harris, and chased away the great Ann Telnaes, proposed to Sanchez on his $500 million yacht, which is worth 10 Bezos weddings and only half the size of his nose. And then, he sent Sanchez to space with Katy Perry on one of his rockets.

And, if he and Sanchez ever decide to split, he can just send her to space again…and not bring her back. In space, no one can hear you scream about a prenup.

Bezos kept it humble. On Thursday, there was a party at the Madonna dell’Orto complex, which contains a church and a cloister, whatever the fuck a cloister is. On Friday, there was a party at San Giorgio Maggiore where famous Italian singer Matteo Bocelli, whoever the fuck that is, delivered a celebratory performance where everyone requested he sing Freebird. There was another party Saturday, and because they wanted some authentic Italian food, was held at Olive Garden (I made that up, but the Freebird requests were real).

The protests are called the “No space for Bezos” movement. Get it? “No…space?” It’s because he owns Blue Horizon, a space company. Oh, never mind. (snip-MORE)

TACO Daddy by Clay Jones

An open letter to Republicans and MAGAts Read on Substack

Dear Republicans and MAGAts,

This whole “Daddy” thing regarding Donald Trump…it’s weird. It’s not weird as in we disagree with it or because there are better nicknames for Trump, and there are, like Hair Fuhrer, Donny Dementia, Toupe’d Fucktrumpet, Mango Mussolini, Diaper Don, Trumplethinskin, Rug-Wearing Thundernugget, Tiny-Finger Vulgarian, Sweet Potato Hitler, Cheeto Benito, Dumb Donald, The Lyin’ King, Don the Con, Fuck Boi Von Clownface, Tangerine Toddler, Cheetolini, Tiny, and T.A.C.O (Trump Always Chickens Out). Feel free to use any of these at your next cross-burning.

No, it’s weird because it’s fucking weird. It’s weird, as in it’s sexually weird. It’s gross. It’s icky. It’s icky and gross like the bathrooms on Amtrak.

Remember during the presidential race, when you were labeled the weird party? You were weird all along but the “weird” label emerged when you added the couch fucker to the campaign. And then all you idiots started wearing bandages on your ears. Now, calling Trump your daddy doesn’t help diffuse the weird thing. You are all weird. It also adds to the cult thing.

I believe we should keep our politics and fetishes separate. If you wanna fuck a dolphin, that’s you, but you can’t lecture anyone about anything else ever again, especially the president of Ukraine. Just sit on the couch and keep your mouth…no! Never mind. Get off the couch. We know about you and couches.

Even though he was a shitty president, America looked up to Ronald Reagan as though he was the nation’s grandfather. It worked because he was very old, accepted that he was old, and gave the impression he was taking care of the nation, even when it was just the White people the old racist was taking care of. But, there was never anything kinky about it.

Grandpas are supposed to be kinda sweet. They might ask you to pull their fingers at times, and might have some different generational opinions about “Indians,” but he usually has a butterscotch in his pocket that you really shouldn’t put in your mouth, but still, he means no harm…mostly. Like you, he doesn’t know he’s racist.

But at least nobody has said “bow-chicka-wow-wow” to someone they call “grandfather.” You guys haven’t, have you? (snip-MORE)

I Did A Thing Again

just for fun.

Cartoon One Oh Eight Three by Josh Lieb

Lav Read on Substack

Frankenstein’s Monster sits on a toilet, reading The New Yorker. Caption: GREAT MONSTERS GOING TO THE BATHROOM. THIS WEEK: FRANKENSTEIN! FIRST IN A SERIES.

Monsters have to go to the bathroom too, right? But you never see it in the movies.

Here’s Ali Redford with a delightful quick turnaround on one oh eight two:

She went with the old school 1950’s style Golden Arches; I like it! Thanks, Ali.

Back next week you will come, as will I, I think. Read my books. Draw my comics. I’ll post them here.

F-Bombs & Third Party Countries

SCOTUS allows deportations to “third party countries” by Ann Telnaes

The Supreme Court justices pauses a federal judge’s ruling Read on Substack

Justice Sonia Sotomayor dissented and was joined by Justices Elena Kagan and Ketanji Brown Jackson. Sotomayor wrote, “the Court finds the idea that thousands will suffer violence in far-flung locales more palatable than the remote possibility that a District Court exceeded its remedial powers when it ordered the Government to provide notice and process to which the plaintiffs are constitutionally and statutorily entitled.”

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F-Bombs Over Broadway by Clay Jones

Shush Yo Mouths Read on Substack

I gotta be honest with you. I didn’t think Trump’s F-bomb was anything unique or scandalous in the New Normal. Sure, it’s not presidential for a president to say, “They don’t know what the fuck they’re doing” to reporters while standing in the White House driveway, but none of this has been presidential.

So, I didn’t think it was cartoon worthy, but then I saw one yesterday, and another one today, and then another one, and then another one, which means there are going to be at least 12 more by the end of the day. I decided to use it myself in doing a cartoon on the New York City Democratic mayoral primary, but put a little twist on it.

Political Cartooning 101 lesson: Use the F-bomb in your cartoon as a tool, but don’t make the cartoon about the F-bomb…unless it’s too funny to resist.

Former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was and maybe still is trying to resurrect his political career after resigning in disgrace after being accused of sexual harassment by at least 11 women, which is less than half the number of women who have accused Donald Trump, yet his political career is still going. And former senator Al Franken is now playing a fictional senator in a limited Netflix series.

Cuomo was the favorite to win the Democratic primary, but unfortunately for him, it was rank-choice voting, where voters rank candidates for office in order of their preference. This system gave the nomination to young upstart Zohran Mamdani, an Islamic democratic- socialist state assemblyman with very few legislative accomplishments. And this is what I meant when I said Cuomo was/is trying to resurrect his political career.

Of course, Cuomo’s bid to become the Democratic nominee for NYC’s mayor is over, but not his bid to become mayor…unless he changes his mind and removes himself from the ballot, as Cuomo is now running as an Independent.

Previously, victory in the Democratic primary all but guaranteed a move to Gracie Mansion, as Democrats outnumber Republicans 6-1 in the Big Apple. But now, it may be a five-way race.

Rank-choice will not be implemented in the general election, where Mamdani will have to compete once again against Cuomo, but also against current mayor and bribe-taker Eric Adams (who will have Donald Trump’s support), Guardian Angels founder and Republican nominee Curtis Sliwa (who had no opposition for the nomination), and former federal prosecutor Jim Walden, who is also running as an Independent. And I’m sure there are a few dozen other never-heard-of-before dingbats on the ballot.

While some pollsters may predict that Mamdani will win the general election, you can’t be too sure with his socialist platform, that Cuomo’s still in the race, and NYC has the largest Jewish population in the world outside Israel. If Cuomo does drop out, I’d predict Mamdani to win.

One thing you can expect during the race is chaos, and more of this… (snip-MORE, and though well-written, the story is not pretty)

Some Comics That Tickled Me This Morning

for my sense of humor is particularly quirky just now. Also: Stay Proud!

https://www.gocomics.com/scarygary/2025/06/24

https://www.gocomics.com/saturday-morning-breakfast-cereal/2025/06/23

https://www.gocomics.com/savage-chickens/2025/06/24

https://www.gocomics.com/super-fun-pak-comix/2025/06/24

https://www.gocomics.com/ufo/2025/06/24

https://www.gocomics.com/bliss/2025/06/23

A Letter From God 😉

I Made A Rainbow To Troll Trump For Pride Month by God

Happy Pride! Read on Substack

Dear Humans,

First I sent a thunderstorm to ruin his stupid birthday parade. Now behold! I painted the skies with a rainbow to troll his helicopter for Pride Month!

1. God Hates You, Donold

The White House posted what they thought was a photo showing God’s endorsement: Marine One lifting off with a rainbow in the background.

But as always, the faux-king liars misinterpreted My meaning!

God LOVES LGBTQ+ people!

And I despise that infinite bigot Donold.

Luckily, Gavin Newsom’s press office understood and quote-tweeted it with:
“Happy Pride 😌”

2. Their ‘Big Beautiful Bill’ Just Collapsed

Trump’s prized “One Big Beautiful Bill” crumbled in the House.

It was supposed to be his grand legislative comeback. Instead, it got nuked by the parliamentarian.

Now the GOP is in full-blown civil war. Fighting over AI, Medicaid cuts, deficit math, and whose bootlicking is most loyal.

On top of all that, Tangerine Palpatine is raging at Fox News because his poll numbers are in the toilet.

Verily, thou mayest eat shit, Donold.

3. God Bless the ACLU

God bless the ACLU, who just won a unanimous court ruling striking down Louisiana’s ludicrous Ten Commandments law.

Public schools are not Sunday schools. And this court had the guts to say it.

Let it be known: while the cult worships golden idols of Donold and demands state-mandated religion, real Americans are still defending the Constitution.

Before you go, I need to say something important.
This part isn’t a joke. It’s about survival. (snip-MORE)

Extra, Extra, Read All About It!

Urgent Breaking News by gene weingarten

Special to The Washington Pist from The Washington Ghost Read on Substack

Hello. Today…

… is proud to re-publish, here, an unsigned parody newspaper that showed up on the streets around The Post building today, tucked under windshield wipers, etc. It’s four pages. That is the front page above, top and bottom, and the back page. It appears to be generated by Brits — they use the word “lorries” and “toilet rolls” — and is about Jeff Bezos’s revoltingly, ostentatiously tone-deafedly expensive upcoming marriage in Venice to the generously bodiced Lauren Sanchez at a time when his Post is drastically contracting its operation and jettisoning sections to save money, and when his overworked Amazon employees earn peanuts and have to pee in jars to meet their quotas.

That’s really all I have to report. Whoever is responsible for it is clearly a journalist and clearly paid quite a bit to produce it. It is very worth reading.

More stuff tomorrow.

—

Gene Pool Gene Poll: (snip-Go Vote! Click above on “Read On Substack”.)

Well Done, Personnelente:

Blowing Up Palestinian Hospitals OK

This Just Showed Up This Morning; It’s Funny-Enjoy!

How I sleep at night

Comics

The Autocrat’s Parade by Ann Telnaes

Your tax dollars at work Read on Substack

Brain Quack by Clay Jones

Never mind the new quack hole Read on Substack

On Monday, Secretary of Health (sick) Robert F. Kennedy Jr. removed all 17 members of the vaccine advisory committee for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

RFK Jr. said in a statement, “A clean sweep is necessary to reestablish public confidence in vaccine science. ACIP (Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices) new members will prioritize public health and evidence-based medicine. The Committee will no longer function as a rubber stamp for industry profit-taking agendas.”

RFK Jr. is a rubber stamp for conspiracy theories.

The American Medical Association said Kennedy’s decision undermines “trust and upends a transparent process that has saved countless lives.”

In 2019, RFK Jr. engaged in spreading conspiracy theories and misinformation that helped spread a measles outbreak in Samoa that killed at least 83 people, mostly babies, in that nation.

RFK Jr is an agent of bullshit and only an insane person would listen to him, less enough, put him in charge of the nation’s health. (snip-MORE, and it’s really good!)