Here is a short, which is hilarious. Beneath it is his entire set, posted last night as he did it; it is wonderful! It depends how much time you have. I recommend the longer one, if you can only watch one. The short is contained within the longer one, but won’t spoil anything if you watch it first. Obviously, there is a lot more varied material in the full set. Enjoy!
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I think we’ve posted him here before; he also anchors the Daily Show some. He’s great! This one is hilarious.
Yeah, me, neither. Also! I am not, and never was, a KISS fan. I always thought they were bubble gum. Needless to say, I enjoy Clay Jones’s commentary re KISS!
MAGA KISS by Clay Jones
MAGA can kiss my arse Read on Substack
I’m a KISS fan, to an extent. When I was in the 4th or 5th grade, a friend introduced me to KISS, and I was hooked. I had posters and albums. I wanted to be Ace Frehley and started playing guitar. I was obsessed with KISS. Other than my guitar obsession (I’m still obsessed), all that was over by the time I hit the 8th grade. With a bit more maturity, I had become more interested in not just the current music of the time, like Van Halen, but another friend had introduced me to The Beatles, and I think I discovered the Rolling Stones on my own. I started paying attention to my mom’s music and got into CCR.
A few years later, I was walking through the music department of K-Mart, and saw the album cover for KISS’s latest album, Lick It Up, and learned that they had a couple of replacement members and had taken the makeup off. This was huge news in KISS world, but I was out of the KISS ARMY (that was the fan club) by that point.
And that’s the thing about KISS. Their audience was mostly little boys, such as myself. While KISS looked like a dangerous rock and roll band, at least at the beginning, they had become more of a marketing product than a rock and roll band. In addition to the posters I had, KISS were marketing lunch boxes, action figures, trading cards, bed sheets, pillows, comic books, and even had made a TV movie, KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park, which might be the worst TV movie ever.
KISS may have been serious about their music, but they weren’t taken seriously, which is difficult to obtain when each member is face-painted like a clown. The Insane Clown Posse is probably more respected. And while there are some gems in their catalog, most of their songs actually sucked. KISS chased trends. They started as a rock band striving to be on Led Zeppelin’s level, but they didn’t have the songwriting chops or musicianship, despite Ace Frehley being a badass (when he was sober enough to play on the albums, and didn’t force the band to use a hidden replacement for his lead guitar playing). KISS went from trying to be the next Beatles to producing a disco track, to chasing hair metal in the 80s, to writing songs with Michael Bolton and Bryan Adams, to making a grunge album. Critics didn’t like them, and they never made the cover of Rolling Stone during their prime (but did make it decades later for an article that was mostly retrospective).
They were more noted for their theatrics, fire-breathing, blood-spitting, and smoke pouring out of Frehley’s guitar than for their music.
Most musicians in respected rock bands are invited to play on other artists’ albums, such as Bob Seger, members of Fleetwood Mac, Mike Campbell of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, and every member of The Eagles. Even members of Cheap Trick got invites, and even lured Beatles producer George Martin to produce their albums. But I can’t think of a member of KISS who has ever played on another artist’s album. After leaving KISS, Ace Frehley called John Waite (the Missing You guy) to see if he’d like to start a band with him, and never got a return call. And Ace was the most successful solo artist to come out of the band (though his last album was embarrassing). Peter Criss’ albums are unlistenable.
Gene Simmons was not a good songwriter (sample lyric: “Let me put my log into your fire”), and his bass playing is still mocked today (they often used a hidden replacement, or Paul and Ace would play bass on the songs they wrote). Paul Stanley had an operatic voice (that didn’t have a natural sound), but he tried too hard to show it off, and his guitar playing and songwriting were cheesy. Peter Criss was more of a jazz drummer than a heavy rock guy like John Bonham of Zeppelin, and he had timing issues, but his voice had an amazing sound, especially considering that he was tone deaf. Ace Frehley, who is unfortunately a racist who used to get drunk and bang on his Jewish bandmates’ hotel room doors dressed as a Nazi (really. They used to call him RACE Frehley), inspired millions with his guitar playing, but his skills decreased due to his laziness and addictions. By hiring studio musicians to pretend to be Criss, Frehley, and Simmons on their albums and hiding it from the fans, KISS didn’t even take themselves seriously.
KISS was never a great band. So why are they the first to be honored by Donald Trump since he made himself the head of the Kennedy Center? Because Trump has no culture (ketchup on burnt steaks), and he has the maturity of a 12-year-old boy.
Trump will be hosting the ceremony for these “honors,” which will be interesting. People will probably tune in because folks love a good train wreck.
Each member of KISS expressed how honored and humbled they are for receiving these “honors,” but boys…being “honored” by Donald Trump isn’t really an honor.
That’s another difference between KISS and bands taken seriously. Musicians sue Trump to stop playing their music at his rallies.
And, yes. KISS has a song glorifying pedophilia. Gene Simmons wrote it. I had to adjust the lyrics for space, but those cited in the cartoon say,
“I don’t usually say things like this to girls your age,
But when I saw you coming out of the school that day,
That day I knew, I knew,
I’ve got to have you, I’ve got to have you.”
Even as a kid, I thought it was weird that Gene only saw Christine because he was hanging outside her school. (snip-MORE)
I hope everyone is safe and comfortable, or able to get that way. Today I had an appointment in a city about 30 mi. away; I decided that afterward, I was going to stop in at their larger grocery and pick up the stuff on the list, and maybe a few other things. Their prices are a little higher, and there are spaces on the shelves over there. It doesn’t make sense why that is; the gas prices are the same; still under 3.00/gal. Anyway, I had a good trip, am safely home now for the rest of the day, and I ran across this article, which is the fun. Enjoy!
Cage match! Cage match!
Dean Cain made headlines last week when he hopped on social media to announce that he was taking a break from his busy Hollywood career to become an ICE agent. “For those who don’t know, I am a sworn law enforcement officer as well as being a filmmaker,” he revealed. “I felt it was important to join with our first responders to help secure the safety of all Americans, not just talk about it. So, I joined up.”
Given Cain’s status as a washed-up TV star, the news was ready-made for late-night monologue fodder, and John Oliver didn’t disappoint on his most recent Last Week Tonight. “There’s an old saying in Hollywood,” Oliver began. “If all you can get is Dean Cain, you are fucked.”
Not satisfied after a single punchline, Oliver proceeded to make a meal of the Cain announcement. “I’m not saying that ICE isn’t finding people,” he continued. “I’m just saying when you are reduced to pinning a badge on the 59-year-old star of The Dog Who Saved Christmas, The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation, The Dog Who Saved the Holidays, The Dog Who Saved Halloween, The Dog Who Saved Easter and The Dog Who Saved Summer, maybe you are in trouble.”
Are those titles simply funny punchlines about the kinds of movies Cain has been reduced to starring in? Nope — that’s Cain’s actual IMDb.
Are there any positives to Cain becoming an ICE agent? Oliver can think of one: “No need for that guy to wear a mask because the chances of anyone recognizing him are fucking zero.”
Harsh. But it’s not officially beef until the other guy punches back, which is just what Cain did yesterday.
(snip-embedded tweet that won’t embed here but transcribed below)
“He stole that mask joke from the internet,” Cain insisted, trying to score points by pointing out that other people are making fun of him as well.
Oliver “also laughed hysterically when Trump said he was going to run for President. Case closed,” Cain posted, equating Trump’s presidential victories with his own decision to round up day workers at Home Depot.
Finally, Cain defended the honor of The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation. “Those movies were sweet, by the way!”
Oliver hasn’t posted on his own X account in 2025, so don’t expect any counterpunches — if any — until the next Last Week Tonight. In the meantime, fans of the burgeoning feud will have to make do with Oliver’s parting shot on his most recent episode. He gave viewers this advice if approached by an ICE agent: “Attorneys told us the only two things you should say to them are: ‘Am I free to leave?’ And ‘I want to speak to a lawyer.’ That’s it. You have the right to remain silent. And I recognize that in some cases, you may be unable to help yourself from saying: ‘Didn’t you used to be Superman? I thought you died.’”
Cover Snark!
(Seriously, go read this. You’ll get great laughs, and the oxygen will be so good for the brain! -A)
Snippet:
Amanda: Does she have to pee?
Claudia: Yes! Also, his left pant leg is missing?
Sarah: Why is the perspective weird? Their legs look so short and their heads are so large?
Okay taking another look, I think the angle of her hip looks too low.
So it looks like her legs are short and her midsection is bizarro long, and her head is sized correctly, just looks out of whack with the leg. (snip-I cannot overstate the gold: go read it! And no drinks over your keyboard… )
Still grifting after all these years by Ann Telnaes
Trump and his spawn continue making money off the presidency Read on Substack
The Guardian is reporting that World Liberty Financial, co-founded by Don Jr. and Eric Trump, has made the president and his family 500 million dollars so far.
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Dildos and Big Balls by Clay Jones
This entire regime is a dildo Read on Substack
The FBI is now officially politicized. There are reports that Director Kash Patel, who’s not just a joke as director of the FBI (an organization he once said should be destroyed), but also as a human being, has assigned 1,000 agents to comb through the Epstein Files to flag mentions of Donald Trump. Now, he’s sending FBI agents after Texas state Democratic senators who’ve fled to other states so Republicans can’t build a quorum to vote on gerrymandering.
Trump told Texas that he deserves five more congressional seats, just like the time he told Georgia officials that he deserved 11,781 more votes in the 2020 presidential election.
What’s the FBI going to do when it finds a Texas Democrat? They don’t have any more authority than Cartman (respect my authoritah!) to apprehend, arrest, or detain a state senator avoiding a vote. The Democrats haven’t broken any laws. So, for anyone who says the redistricting in Texas isn’t illegal, then neither is avoiding a vote on it. This special session was called to deal with the flood, not to cheat and disenfranchise the voters. It should be illegal to abuse the FBI this way. It should also be illegal to gerrymander to prevent minorities from voting. Oh, wait. IT IS!
And poor Big Balls got beat up by a teenage girl. Edward Coristine, a former DOGE official, was attacked in Washington, DC. Trump and others claim a gang was trying to carjack him. Others claimed a woman was being carjacked, but Big Balls rushed in to save her and got himself attacked for his heroism. My cockles are warming up already. Such a hero…but wait!
Now it turns out, he may have been with the woman already, and his attackers were less of a gang and more like a couple of kids on bicycles. A report from Fox 5 said they attacked Big Balls until cops stepped in. Why are kids attacking a man in front of cops? There’s a lot of this story that does not add up. First up, how do we know Big Balls literally has big balls?
The report says they’re looking for a third guy, and he’s the right skin color for MAGA outrage. (snip-MORE)
(“Jerks” is a joke on another blog.)
Dancing cockatoos more common than previously thought
Velentina Boulter
A new study shows cockatoos in captivity dance more often than expected, with the birds pulling out moves like the “body roll” and the “moving jump”.
The researchers observed cockatoos showing off a total of 30 distinct dance moves. Some stylish birds showed off unique moves not seen in any other bird.
“The work suggests that playing music to parrots may provide a useful approach to enrich their lives in captivity, with positive effects on their welfare,” says lead researcher Natasha Lubke from Charles Sturt University, Australia.
Lubke and colleagues analysed 45 videos of cockatoos dancing that had been posted to social media.
Across the videos, the researchers established 30 distinct dance moves like the “headbang” or the “sidestep”. Of these dance moves, 17 had not been previously described scientifically.
The “downward movement” was the most common motion, appearing in 50% of the birds’ repertoire. Routines involving just wings, like “flapping” and “wings back”, were the least common.
Each cockatoo species had a unique top 10 most common dance moves, and the researchers observed that closely related species did not display similar dances.
The researchers then followed up their initial video analysis by investigating the behaviour of 6 cockatoos at Wagga Wagga Zoo in Australia.
The cockatoos were then played either music, an audio podcast or no audio at all. All cockatoos performed dance moves whether there was music playing or not.
“I showed that dancing behaviour is more common in cockatoos than previously thought and was seen in 10 of the 21 cockatoo species,” says Lubke.
“My analysis also indicated that dancing is far more complex and varied than previously thought, recording 30 different movements seen in multiple birds and a further 17 movements that were seen in only one bird.”
Some of the dance moves observed were similar to those displayed by wild parrots when they are in the process of courtship. This suggests captive cockatoos may have redirected their courting dance toward their owners.
More research is needed to understand whether the cockatoos actually enjoy dancing in order to improve the welfare of captive cockatoos.
“The similarities with human dancing make it hard to argue against well-developed cognitive and emotional processes in parrots, and playing music to parrots may improve their welfare,” says Rafael Freire, a professor in animal behaviour and welfare at Charles Sturt University.
“Further research would be beneficial to determine if music can trigger dance in captive birds and serve as a form of environmental enrichment.”
All 30 of the cockatoos’ groovy dance moves are listed in the research paper published in PLOS One.
Originally published by Cosmos as Dancing cockatoos more common than previous thought
(I wait on news in favor of comics in the mornings on BP days.)
https://www.gocomics.com/bliss/2025/08/05
https://www.gocomics.com/broomhilda/2025/08/05
https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2025/08/05
https://www.gocomics.com/closetohome/2025/08/05
https://www.gocomics.com/darksideofthehorse/2025/08/05
https://www.gocomics.com/foxtrotclassics/2025/08/05
Henchman Pam Bondi by Ann Telnaes
who prosecutes on behalf of Trump Read on Substack
Bondi tweet:
(original hanging in the Hay-Adam’s Off the Record bar)
My colleague KAL has also a post about the coasters he, Matt Wuerker, and I created for the bar.
(Note from A: Click through on KAL’s-you’ll love it!)
Irritating Screechy Blowhole by Clay Jones
Look, Europe! Our president (sic) is a raving lunatic Read on Substack
It’s one thing for Donald Trump to display his deteriorating mental state here at home, like ranting about lightbulbs or batteries so heavy that they sink boats to waiting sharks, but it’s another thing for TACO to go overseas and reassure our friends and allies that the United States of America has an insane racist at the helm (he howled about immigration into Europe).
While sitting next to European Commission chief Ursula von der Leyen, Trump went on a rant about windmills…again.
Trump said in a long-winded rant, “And the other thing I say to Europe, we will not allow a windmill to be built in the United States, they’re killing us. They’re killing the beauty of our scenery, our valleys, our beautiful plains. And I’m not talking about airplanes, I’m talking about beautiful plains, beautiful areas of the United States, and you look up and you see windmills all over the place, it’s a horrible thing. It’s the most expensive form of energy; it’s no good. They’re made in China, almost all of them. When they start to rust and rot in eight years, you can’t really turn them off, you can’t bury them, they won’t let you. But the propellers, the props, because they’re a certain type of fiber that doesn’t go well with the land, that’s what they say. The environmentalists say you can’t bury them because the fiber doesn’t go well with the land; in other words, if you bury it, it will harm our soil. The whole thing is a con job.”
Keep in mind, Trump’s Environmental Protection Agency is fighting its own power to fight Climate Change. Talk about a con job. (snip-yadayada [Trump] I mean MORE)
to post snarky news about a very bad person.
Alan Dershowitz Suing Martha’s Vineyard Farmer’s Market Vendor For Tortious Withholding Of Dumpling by Rebecca Schoenkopf
He kept his panties on the whole time! Read on Substack
Evan Hurst Jul 31, 2025
Are Good Pierogis the only pierogis you’ll ever need? Yes! Drive to Martha’s Vineyard and eat them. Tell them, “Alan Dershowitz ain’t got no panties on.” We don’t know if they’ll give you a discount, but they might laugh.
If there’s one thing anybody knows about famed lawyer Alan Dershowitz’s life and career, it’s that he has panties on, except for all the times he’s being a nudist, which by definition implies the absence of panties. One time he definitely always had panties on? When he was getting a massage at Jeffrey Epstein’s Haus of Naked. That’s a five-alarm-panty-party for Alan Dershowitz, he has always assured us.
Another time Alan Dershowitz is always wearing panties — at least as far as we’ve heard — is when he’s having his civil rights and his bill of rights and his human rights violated by the evil shopkeepers and librarians of Martha’s Vineyard, where nobody will invite him over for dinner because they hate his guts, avec ou sans panties. Apparently the Jewish Democrats on Martha’s Vineyard really loathe El Chico Desnudo. Also everybody else on Martha’s Vineyard hates him, all the other liberals, and this makes Alan Dershowitz feel lonely and, well, naked. They won’t let him come to brunch, and it’s definitely not because he’s naked and won’t stop dipping his balls in the hollandaise, why would he dip his balls there, that’s not where Alan Dershowitz’s balls go. They won’t let him do his world-renowned standing-room-only readings and lectures at the meeting room at the library, it is an outrage, it is a seven deadly sins, it is a violation of the Geneva Conventions. Larry David doesn’t invite him over, Barack Obama skips his birthday parties, and now he has to sue a Martha’s Vineyard farmer’s market vendor because they wouldn’t give him a dumpling.
A pierogi, to be specific. The vendor wouldn’t give him a pierogi, so now he has to show them his pierogi.
WITH PANTIES ON.
Dershowitz explained what’s going on in exhaustive detail on his Rumble show, but first here’s a tweet:
OK, so here’s the situation, here is Alan Dershowitz’s Yelp review for “that guy at the farmer’s market with the pierogis.”
“There was the pierogi place,” he said. “They’re Ukrainian, Russian delicacies. And I had gone there a few times before, and I bought the pierogi. They were ok. They were not my grandmother’s pierogi, but they were ok.”
Alan Dershowitz just wanted some pierogis, even though they weren’t that good, just OK.
BUT THEN HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED, ALAN SAYS:
DERSHOWITZ: Can I have six pierogi?
“BIGOTED VENDOR”: No.
DERSHOWITZ: Oh, you’ve run out of pierogi? Too bad.
“BIGOTED VENDOR”: No, no, no. We have plenty of pierogi. I just won’t sell them to you.
DERSHOWITZ: What do you mean you won’t sell them to me?
“BIGOTED VENDOR”: I won’t sell them to you because I don’t approve of your politics. I don’t approve of who you’ve represented. I don’t approve of who you support.
DERSHOWITZ: What is it about my politics that you don’t–
“BIGOTED VENDOR”: I’m not gonna tell you. I just don’t like your politics.
Love it when vendors at the farmer’s market are like “Forsooth, I don’t approve of you! I forsake you! You shan’t have six pierogis today, not to put in your belly, not to eat with panties on, not to slather in your Alan Dershowitz ball-ondaise sauce and save for later!” It’s just how farmer’s market vendors talk.
“The clear implication was that he opposed me because I defended Donald Trump on the floor of the Senate,” Dershowitz added. “I think that’s illegal.”
Alan Dershowitz is a very famous lawyer.
It gets better, because there’s video of at least part of the situation, or at least the aftermath, don’t worry it’s safe for work. Dershowitz was also filming, because he is a serious lawyer and we imagine he knows that sometimes cops and ICE agents and pierogi vendors are full of lies.
This is the other person’s video, though:
Therein, you can see the cop gently explaining to Alan Dershowitz The Very Famous Lawyer that according to his own understanding, restaurants can refuse service, but if he wants to pursue it further, he can pursue it civilly. Oh yes, Alan Dershowitz says! He is going to put this on the internet too, Alan Dershowitz says! That’ll be the end of this reign of terror for this pierogi seller whose pierogis are OK but not like Alan Dershowitz’s grandmother’s pierogis!
If you’d like to listen to Dershowitz debate the cop for one hundred hours on whether it’s OK for people to discriminate against Alan Dershowitz based on his protected class of sucking so much, that’s in that video. You can’t discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation or race, so how is it fair to discriminate against Alan Dershowitz on the basis of fuck that guy, we hate him? He asks to speak to the manager. The cop explains that actually he’s in charge right now. Dershowitz explains he’s lived here for 53 years and nobody has ever sent him home without pierogi in his belly. He accuses the extremely patient cop of “silencing” him. The cop gently explains that he is causing a disruption, that multiple people have complained, and that no, he may not stand next to the pierogi stand and tell people not to go to the pierogi stand. Alan Dershowitz explains that he would like to get some lemonade.
The user who posted the video says:
“I met Allen Dechowitz [sic] today. I stopped him from harassing a vendor who wouldn’t serve him pierogi at the farmer’s market on Martha’s Vineyard.”
The pierogi person, or the person who is presumably the pierogi person, replied, “Hey, thank you so much!”
Again, Dershowitz rushed to get on Rumble and talk about all of this, and he did so wearing a Martha’s Vineyard Farmer’s Market T-shirt. If you choose to subject yourself to this, skip to 3:54 or so in the video. He talks for a LONG VERY LONG TIME, about how the farmer’s market is on QUASI public land, and he pronounces QUASI like SWAYZE.
He explains that he really wanted to go to the farmer’s market that day because it was corn day, and he got there early, because corn day. He says corn day wasn’t supposed to be until August 1, but he had “insider information” that told him corn day would be this weekend instead.
So that’s insider corn day trading, by his own legal admission, somebody should sue Alan Dershowitz for tortious corn day.
In the Rumble video, Alan Dershowitz is much more agreeable than he is on the video with the cop, so we can only imagine what the actual encounter with the pierogi vendor was like. He does mention that when he was told that the pierogi vendor identifies as non-binary and uses the pronoun “they,” Alan Dershowitz responded, “I’ll use whatever language I choose to use, that’s a matter between me and my grammarian,” and when he said “grammarian,” it was like he was gesturing to the Great Grammarian in the Sky, so that might have also contributed to why Alan Dershowitz did not receive any pierogi, for himself or for his grammarian.
In the video, Dershowitz creates his own new metric for whether it’s OK to discriminate, based on the categories of “race, religion or politics,” which is, legal factcheck, not what it is. (The nice cop also tries to explain that to him.)
Dershowitz says he wrote an op-ed about this, he has sent an email to Sean Hannity — yes because the pierogi person was mean to him — and then, having babbled for over 10 minutes about this, starts explaining other times he’s faced discrimination on Martha’s Vineyard, just for being Alan Dershowitz too much. He’s discriminated against by the book fair, he’s discriminated against by the library, he’s discriminated against by the synagogue — he says they hate Israel — and blah blah blah blah blah Alan Dershowitz.
And then we turned off the video.
If you, like us, don’t want to watch the whole video, here is a screengrab of Alan Dershowitz making an Alan Dershowitz face while he complains.
So that is what has happened. Everybody on Martha’s Vineyard still hates Alan Dershowitz and Alan Dershowitz did not get a pierogi, therefore SUING.
Cannot hardly wait for Pam Bondi’s press conference on how she’s filed charges against the pierogi stand for discrimination and anti-semitism and also probably announcing that she found the real Epstein files in the pierogi stand’s fryers, they were there the whole time. (snip)
Scottie's Playtime 