For Those Of US Who Wondered…

Scottie mentions restroom etiquette sometimes. Turns out, there’s an actual etiquette, as he says, and here’s a story about it!

1976 research study confirms science behind ‘urinal etiquette’

The “buffer urinal” is more important than we realize.

By Evan Porter

There’s a theory that most men, and people in general, intuitively understand “urinal etiquette.” It’s the art and science of where to stand in relation to other men when using a public restroom. Stand too far away, and you risk coming across as standoffish or rude. Stand too close, and you’ll make the other person uncomfortable.

Most people prefer to have a “buffer” between themselves and strangers, and it’s not limited to urinals or public restroom stalls. When given the option, most of us will sit at least one seat away from the nearest stranger in a movie theater or auditorium. We’ll leave a bench or treadmill between ourselves and a fellow gym-goer.

The buffer may seem like common decency and consideration for the people around us, but there could be more to it than that, according to a decades-old research study.

Scientists put theory to the test

In 1976, a team of researchers actually got the idea to test whether the proximity of a stranger had an effect on the way men urinated. Yes, really.

More specifically, they wanted to test what happens when someone invades your personal space. Do you just feel awkward or uncomfortable, or are there more measurable things happening in the body.

Objectively, the worst kind of urinal. Photo Credit: Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

For the experiment, researchers began with a pilot study in a men’s public restroom. An observer stood by the sink, appearing to busy himself with washing and grooming, all while secretly keeping tabs on the men who entered. The published study takes it from there:

“When a potential subject entered the room and walked to a urinal, the observer recorded the selected urinal and the placement of the next nearest user. He also noted (with a chronographic wristwatch) and recorded the micturation delay (the time between when a subject unzipped his fly and when urination began) and the micturation persistence (the time between the onset and completion of urination). The onset an cessation of micturation were signaled by the sound of the stream of urine striking the water in the urinal.”

Ethical concerns about observing unsuspecting men in a restroom aside, the study found that none of the 48 subjects chose to stand directly next to another “user” at the urinal banks. The data also showed that men urinated longer the farther they were from the nearest person.

The study was repeated, but this time, confederates were involved. Volunteers were stationed at specific distances from unsuspecting bathroom users, while another observer hid in a nearby stall and used a “periscope” to get a clear sightline of the urine stream.

The surprising findings

Once again, the data was extremely conclusive: men who stood directly next to a confederate while urinating took longer to begin and also urinated for longer overall.

“These findings provide objective evidence that personal space invasions produce physiological changes associated with arousal,” the authors noted in their abstract.

It was an important, if controversial, study in advancing the field of proxemics—the study of physical space in human nonverbal communication. Research like this unusual bathroom study has helped us understand “intimate distance,” a space very close to our bodies that we reserve for romantic partners, children, and close friends.

Research in the field has also mapped the “personal bubble,” or “personal distance,” typically reserved for family members and friends. However, when strangers invade this space—in a crowded elevator, a packed subway car, or by standing next to us at the urinal—that’s when things get really interesting.

Our bodies respond, and MIT Press notes that people often deal with an invasion of personal space by “psychologically removing themselves from the situation” by listening to music or staring blankly at a wall.

Now we know a little more about the physiological response behind this aversion, and it makes urinal etiquette make much more sense. It’s not just “machismo” or homophobia—it’s a way of avoiding a serious stress and anxiety trigger. Or, at the very least, a way to have a much more satisfying pee.

Comics & Shorts

(A comic, and some shorts. I thought I had more comics!) Some current event related, some simple humor, some both. And dancing!

Bye Bye Bondi

Pam Bondi has been fired

Clay Jones

There were a lot of reasons to fire Pam Bondi as United States Attorney General, but Donald Trump picked a bad one.

Bondi was never qualified for the job, which was the second choice after Matt Gaetz, who would have been another ridiculous choice. Bondi made it clear after the 2020 election that she didn’t need evidence to make legal claims, as she declared that Donald Trump was cheated out of that race. She had been in his pocket ever since he bribed her in the 2000s not to investigate Trump University in Florida, when she was the state’s Attorney General.

After Bondi misled the country about her initial disclosures in the Jeffrey Epstein case, Congress responded by passing a law forcing the Justice Department to release its files on the pedophile and his allies. (snip-MORE; click on the title above)

The Drumpf Family Theme Song

Based on The Addams Family…

Frosty McGillicuddy

They’re greedy and they’re dummies

Drumpf’s face looks like a mummy’s

The opposite of yummy

The Drumpfy Family

Don Junior loves his cocaine

And Eric is a no-brain

They’re syphillitic, insane

The Drumpfy Family

Chum

Numb

And dumb

So hide beneath the covers

And find yourself a lover

Don’t be a MAGA sucker

The Drumpfy Family!

(snip)

About Conversion Therapy

A Christian ‘Conversion Therapy Dropout’ on the Supreme Court’s Decision

By Tyler Huckabee

On March 31, the Supreme Court sided with a Christian therapist in Colorado and tossed out the state’s ban on conversion therapy for minors. The therapist, Kaley Chiles, challenged the state’s ban on the grounds that it violated her First Amendment rights. The Court agreed with Chiles by an 8-to-1 vote.

Conversion therapy is a practice that generally involves treatment intended to “cure” same-sex attraction or gender dysphoria. Every major medical study has determined that conversion therapy does not work and often leads to serious mental health problems for patients who are subjected to it. Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez knows that from personal experience.

Rodriguez is the author of Conversion Therapy Dropout: A Queer Story of Faith and Belonging, which will be released on May 5. The memoir unpacks the eight years Rodriguez spent in conversion therapy, struggling to reconcile the tension between the version of Christianity he had been taught growing up and his sexual identity. For Rodriguez, the path to healing began when he accepted that there was no tension.

Rodriguez told Sojourners the Supreme Court’s decision is deeply personal and painful, and he hopes that his story will both help LGBTQ+ Christians feel a little less alone and help convince non-affirming Christians to rethink their convictions.

This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

Tyler Huckabee, Sojourners: When critics talk about the harm that conversion therapy can cause, particularly for minors, what sort of harm are we talking about?

Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez: Where to begin? There’s documented research to show that anyone who experiences conversion therapy, especially as a minor, is subject to higher rates of depression and anxiety. The suicidal ideation rate nearly doubles for LGBTQ+ youth who have experienced conversion therapy, and then the long-term effect of it tends to show up in the inability to create lasting relationships, substance abuse, all those kinds of things. It’s a very devastating practice in the sense that it attacks body, mind, and spirit. When all three of those parts of yourself have been attacked, disengaging from the harm that that causes takes a lot of time and a lot of real therapy. But a lot of folks who have experienced conversion practices are untrusting of therapeutic spaces.

What arguments did conversion therapy advocates use that convinced the Supreme Court to side with them?

They were able to successfully reduce the idea of what the role of a therapist in a therapeutic setting is: that it’s just a space for conversation, that this is a free speech zone, that this is a space where we should all be allowed to say what we believe. Really, it shifted the definition of what happens in therapists’ office from approved therapeutic practices, to saying, “Well, actually, if a therapist has a different viewpoint, they should be allowed, with their First Amendment right and religious freedom, to be able to interject their own thoughts and go against what has been the conventional therapeutic practices.”

Tell me about your experience with this practice. You call yourself a conversion therapy dropout.

Yeah, I grew up in an evangelical Christian home in Illinois and was insulated in the evangelical Christian culture of the late 1990s and 2000s. Not much was said about homosexuality, but everything around me led me to believe that to be anything but straight was a problem.

So, when I was 19-years-old, I finally admitted for the first time that I was “struggling with same sex attraction,” as I called it back then. I was working at a church in Washington state and was dismissed on the spot for even admitting that it was a struggle that I had. I was told that I was broken and that there was no place for people like me in churches.

I was 19.

No one forced me in [to conversion therapy]. I opted myself in because I thought that was the only option someone like me had to maintain my relationship with God, my family, my community, the church.

I first was involved with the organization under the umbrella of Exodus International. It was an online forum that existed for folks who didn’t have access to a local ministry in their area. I was a part of that for about a year. I did talk therapy with a therapist for eight years, and then when I moved to Chicago and had access to in-person ministries, I started going to in-person support groups. And then all throughout that, I also attended an annual conference put on by Exodus that was their flagship event. It took a lot of different forms over eight years. It was a wild journey.

When somebody like me hears about conversion therapy, we assume a lot of Jigsaw-type Saw torture traps with gay people being violently forced to recant their sexuality. But in reading your book, you describe it as a process that can be deceptively gentle and cloaked in the language of love and acceptance. You even found some community there.

The experiences that people see portrayed in movies or documentaries—just the lore of conversion therapy—those do exist. But when I encountered conversion therapy, it was much more insidious. I was in talk therapy. I thought I was talking to someone who was trying to help me process my past, but all the information that I gave my therapist was weaponized against me and used as proof as to why I was struggling with what I was struggling with.

And so, from that side, you know, I was trained to moderate myself, to police my mannerisms, to change my behaviors, to change my interests, to try to be more like a man, all those kinds of things. And then there was a spiritual component to it: Pray, seek God, do what all good Christians are supposed to do.

And there was a community component to it. I think it was probably the thing that I’m most grateful for that I got out of it, but also the most dangerous. Most of us were on our own little islands and had no one around us who knew what we were going through. And when we’d go to these groups or go to these events, we’d be around hundreds or thousands of people who were facing the same struggle. There was a camaraderie in the community that formed. Most of us didn’t realize it then, but that was the first time we were ever really, truly experiencing queer community and what it was like to be around others who are like us. Even though we were trying to do all we could to not be ourselves, there was still that underlying connection that bonded us all together. As harmful as all of it was, some of the closest friends that I have in my life today are people that I met in conversion therapy. We were in the trenches together.

But there was an underlying sense throughout all of it that I didn’t measure up, that something was wrong with me because I wasn’t experiencing the change that other people experienced. They were really good in those settings at bringing people out to share their testimonies: “Hey, I went from darkness to light, and here’s my wife and kids! God really can work miracles!” There was this whole system of shame, self-hatred, and self-doubt. But on the surface, it was hard to see that at first.

What was your breaking point with this process?

After eight years, I had done everything. I followed the rule book, and I was also working in evangelical Christian megachurches. I was becoming a rising star in that space for helping churches understand digital marketing and communication. The whole time, I never questioned the program. I was always taught to question myself. If there was something that I wasn’t experiencing, it wasn’t because the program was wrong; it was that there was something in me that wasn’t adding up.

So that was just this constant state of depression and anxiety and fear and all those things raging. I started drinking a lot. I was just a shell of a person. I threw myself into my work, and thought maybe if I just work hard enough, God will finally do the work that I wanted God to do in me.

I was at a big Christian conference—Catalyst—and there was a pastor speaking there, talking about how we needed to fight against gay marriage, that we needed real men, no more sissies, that we needed to fight the gay agenda. And I watched this whole stadium of people erupt and stand on their feet and cheer, knowing that they were talking about me. That led me to have a nervous breakdown.

It just came to a point where I thought I would rather end my life than keep going. But thankfully, I chose to end the way I had been living my life and decided to figure out how I could integrate my faith and sexuality, quit conversion therapy, and figure out what it could look like to become a gay Christian.

There were—especially during the late 2010s—not a lot of openly gay Christian blueprints to follow. Today, many parts of the church obviously remain very hostile to the LGBTQ+ community, and that feeling is often understandably reciprocated. What’s it like having a foot in both worlds?

It’s the weird experience that we carry. I understand why queer people leave the church when they come out, because they’ve been told their whole lives by this particular religious community that they’re broken, that God doesn’t love them, that there’s not a place for them. Why would you want to stay there?

Thankfully, right after I dropped out of conversion therapy, I was connected with Q Christian Fellowship—it was called the Gay Christian Network back then—but it’s one of the leading organizations that’s working with queer Christians to help them reconcile their faith and sexuality.

I went to one of those conferences in 2010, and it was such a weird experience, because it felt just like Exodus or any of the other conferences I had gone to, except it was OK for me to have a crush on other attendees and admit it [laughs].

It just exposed me to a whole new way of reading the Bible, understanding what scripture says, and just seeing other folks who were still engaged with their faith. It gave me the hope and courage that I could find affirming spaces where I could be loved and accepted just as I was as a gay man.

So, given all of that, tell me about how it feels to see this ruling come from the Supreme Court, largely on the pretext of religious freedom. I imagine this feels like the war that you experienced within yourself for so long made manifest in the legal system.

It’s disheartening, but it’s not surprising. As long as the church continues to other people and to draw lines around who is accepted, this will, sadly, be a fight we’ll have. I am grateful, though, for the churches that have made room at the table for queer people and that have courageously gone against the conventional wisdom.

But the Christian nationalism that we’re experiencing today is emboldening people to do a lot of horrible things in God’s name. I think people like me are very frustrating to them, because it would be a lot easier for their narrative if I were a person who had been in the church and left it because now I’m gay and hate the church.

But there’s a growing number of us where that’s not the case. We still love God. My relationship with God is stronger today than it ever was when I was in conversion therapy. I’m being fully honest with who I am and who God created me to be.

I hate that my story and my book are very relevant right now, but I’m grateful too. I didn’t have those mentors or those people or that guidebook to follow when I was on this journey early on. I can hopefully help others like myself—that younger version of myself—to know that you know who they are, loved just as they are.

For any queer people reading this—maybe they’re out, maybe they’re not—who are scared or alone, what would your message be?

Take care of yourselves, keep your chosen family close. There are affirming church communities out there. Church Clarity is a great resource that can help you connect with those if you feel like you need that kind of support.

But church can be complicated. Tony Campolo said at that Q Christian conference I went to that the church may be a whore, but she’s your mother. And so remember that what the church did to you is not how God feels about you, and it’s not the truth. Remember that God is love, and God loves you just as you are.

And for folks who have experienced conversion therapy, this is a time for all of us to be emboldened to share our stories. Our lived experience is the thing that can counter all the narratives that are out there now. We can bring a human face and voice to what this decision means, and hopefully, our experience can help the next generation.

I get the sense that there are a lot of Christians who, inside, wish they could be affirming, but don’t feel like they can, maybe because of their jobs, or their community, or just because they feel that the Bible doesn’t allow them to be. That’s a place I know that you yourself were in for quite a while as well. What would you say to them?

Listen to our stories. Talk to queer Christians who have walked this path. Matthew Vines’ book God and the Gay Christian is an excellent starting point just to understand how you can start to look at scripture in a different way and examine all the things that were shoved down all our throats about how we were taught to believe.

Also, look at churches that are affirming and learn from them. See what they’re doing and how they’ve chosen to read scripture and care for and love people.

I didn’t know that affirming denominations existed. I mean, I knew that they did in the ether, but it was a foreign world to me. And I think one of the challenges, particularly for those churches now, is to really become bold in their stance and in how they are speaking about these issues. It is a life-or-death issue, and I think many mainline denominations that have historically been affirming can tend to rest on their laurels. You just start thinking: “Hey, we’ve got this. We’re good. Everyone’s welcome.” But someone like me, who’d never set foot in a church like that, doesn’t even know how to even begin to navigate that space. We see your rainbow flags. We see the “All Are Welcome” signs. But I think that we need some love and coaxing in, just because it feels like we’re crossing an enemy line going into those churches. It felt that way for me at first.

https://sojo.net/sojoshare/MTUyNXwyMzgzOTl8MTc3NTI0MzM0M3w5

Earth Month On Friday

Every litter bit helps, as was sung on TV when I was a child. Here is a thing that might be done these days, or we can share it and that will still help. Earth is our only home (no matter where our legislators tend to spend their time…)

Earth Month Ecochallenge, running from April 1st to April 30th, is a 30-day program focused on environmental and social engagement. During this month, you’re invited to select actions that resonate with your values, committing to them for 30 days to foster and reinforce positive habits. Each action you complete earns points and generates real-world impact. Your efforts, combined with those of your team, contribute to a significant collective difference.

This year’s theme, People and Planet: Resilient Together, focuses on resilience: the capacity to adapt, recover, and grow stronger through change. Resilience lives in people, in communities, and in the natural systems that sustain us. In a world shaped by uncertainty, it helps us stay grounded, connected, and capable of creating positive change. Our new actions and categories will help you explore resilience at many levels – personal, in your community, in the organizations you are part of, and in nature. (snip)

https://earthmonth.ecochallenge.org/challenges

A Snip, Short Vids, & A Chance To Vote

There are links here so you can go vote. Vote Josh!! 😄

Josh Johnson 9 hours ago

Hi Friends, I have been nominated for ‪@TheWebbyAwards‬ and you can vote if you want me to win. https://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVo… . I’ll also be hosting the awards this year which is truly wild. Thank you all so much for getting me here ❤️

http://youtube.com/post/Ugkx__HG-YmAkQTa7nviWbuaUqd05QWyZ1x8?si=C7rai-VAr9tNrk-u

https://youtube.com/shorts/Kcol2OLmmko?si=2OFQPUVfmJyLrf6E

(Which is your favorite failed Donald Trump business? It’s hilarious! Go watch it-very brief!)

Elderly cats are being saved from being euthanized with adorable cat retirement village

It’s a cat paradise.

By Jacalyn Wetzel

An amazing retirement village is accepting guests in Shropshire, England—but instead of catering to elderly people, it’s designed for elderly cats. Shropshire Cat Rescue has been rescuing elderly cats set to be euthanized and providing them with top-notch elder care for over 21 years. Thanks to donations and sponsorship, the retirement village was built in 2009 to create comfortable homes within the rescue for senior and super senior kitties.

The owner and co-founder of the rescue, Marion Micklewright, was tired of seeing older cats get passed over for adoption and subsequently put to sleep simply because they were old. So she decided to do something about it. Shropshire was created in 1991 and moved to Micklewright and her husband Richard’s current home address in 1998. Today there are cats wandering the retirement village who are over 20 years old. One cat, lovingly named Cat, loves to hang out in the little “store” in the tiny cat town, while others lounge in cat condos. (snip-MORE)

Happy April 1st To You, From Me

We’ve got a tornado watch with storms on their way, so I don’t know how active I’ll be online tonight. However, I want to finish off the day nicely, since nothing is happening right now. Enjoy! TTYL, or tomorrow. 🙂

Josh Day, Next Day!

All the usual device protection protocols should be in place.

So, It’s April 1st.

What is your favorite April Fool’s prank, that you’ve done? Put it in comments, no matter how long the story!

My favorite thing was giving out prank phone messages at work. You remember those little pink phone message notes? I used to make up names (I used some venerable phone prank names, as well.) It was fun!

Now, you.

Words, Words, Words

British teacher flawlessly translates everyday sayings into Victorian English, and people are hooked

“‘My faculties have been exhausted by perpetual toil’ goes hard.”

By Evan Porter

A British teacher is showing how to speak in Victorian English, and people are loving it. – Photo credit: Abram Elenin/Facebook

It’s hard to believe now, but communicating via the written word used to be a gigantic deal. Long before texting, social media, quick emails, or even short postcards, one of the only ways people could communicate across space and time was by writing long letters.

The 18th century is considered by some to be the peak of the Golden Age of letter writing. It was a key element of education for people wealthy enough to receive one, and it was incredibly important: business was conducted via handwritten letters, love was declared, and new introductions were made.

It was crucial, then, to choose your words extremely carefully. This was especially true in and around the Victorian Era in England, roughly between 1820 and 1914.

Victorian-era translations of everyday sayings

An English teacher from the United Kingdom has been delighting followers with Victorian-era translations of everyday sayings.

Abram Elenin runs Berber English, where he says, “I help professionals master British English… and communicate more effectively.”

He also likes to have a little fun with his work as a linguistics expert and accent coach. In a wildly popular series of Instagram Reels, he performs “tiered” translations of common phrases, transforming them into increasingly formal variations. Victorian English is usually the final resting point and comedic punchline.

In one popular video, “I’m burnt out” becomes “I’m entirely depleted” in formal English, and “I have been worked to the very marrow” in gentlemanly English.

But Victorian English, the age of beautiful if long-winded novels like Great Expectations and Jane Eyre, takes the cake: “Where to begin, for my faculties have been exhausted by perpetual toil, and incessant application has so stripped me of vitality that I am scarcely able to summon the strength requisite for the smallest effort.”

(The Instagram post, below. You don’t have to log in to see/hear.)

View this post on Instagram

In another Reel, “I’m poor” becomes “I find myself in a precarious financial position,” and finally:

“It is with no small measure of affliction that I acknowledge my fortunes to be sadly diminished, my purse exhausted, and my station reduced to one of grievous penury, such that I find myself abandoned to the stern tutelage of want, the harshest master to which mankind is ever subject.”

It just sounds so much better that way. Can’t you just hear Moira Rose from Schitt’s Creek saying that? (snip-a little MORE, with another little video)

In Further Observance Of Trans Day Of Visibility

From It Gets Better:

Transgender (Trans)

[ˌtranzˈjendər]

(Gender Identity)

Adjective.

Someone whose gender identity differs from the one that was assigned to them at birth.

Many transgender people identify as either male or female, while others may see transgender as an umbrella term and identify as gender nonconforming or queer. How transgender people choose to express their gender is individualistic, as is their transition.

(NOTE: Avoid using transgender as a noun, as in “a transgender,” or with an extraneous -ed on the end, as in “transgendered.”)

“For me, being transgender is going through a journey to find yourself. Cis people know who they are from the moment they are born but transitioning is a journey to that same point. Like any journey, there are many different ways to get there. Even the outcome might not be the same or it might change. You never stop transitioning as your gender expression will change. I would advice other youth to do this journey how they want. To take how long or short they want. To explore or just go for what they want. Do not let anybody pressure you to take a different path.”
– Kiki, 14 years old, New Jersey
Youth Voices, Class of 2022

‘A Run for More’ shows us what it’s like to be a transgender candidate in Texas politics

It’s a story of hope, self and fighting for your seat at the table.

By Sa’iyda Shabazz

Frankie Gonzales-Wolfe is the subject of the documentary, “A Run for More.” – Photo credit: A Run for More

When we think about elections, so many of us focus on presidential elections and forget about congressional, statewide or even smaller, local elections. The documentary film, “A Run for More,” focuses on Frankie Gonzales-Wolfe as she runs for one of those local positions—city council member in San Antonio, Texas. Focusing on Gonzales-Wolfe as the first openly transgender woman to run for such office, the film shows how the campaign gave Gonzales-Wolfe a deeper sense of self. I was lucky enough to chat with her and the film’s director, Ray Whitehouse, about their friendship, the campaign, making the film and Frankie’s future political plans. (snip-MORE)

A 2021 Trailblazer:

Canadian soccer player is about to become the first openly trans, non-binary Olympic medalist

As Canada’s women’s soccer team prepares for its gold medal match against Sweden this week in Tokyo, it also prepares to make history as the first Olympic team to have an openly transgender, non-binary athlete win a medal at the games. Quinn, the 25-year-old midfielder, announced their non-binary identity on social media last September, adopting…

By Annie Reneau

Quinn, the 25-year-old midfielder, announced their non-binary identity on social media last September, adopting they/them pronouns and a singular name. Quinn said they’d been living openly as a transgender person with their loved ones, but this was their first time coming out publicly.

“I want to be visible to queer folks who don’t see people like them on their feed. I know it saved my life years ago,” they wrote. “I want to challenge cis folks ( if you don’t know what cis means, that’s probably you!!!) to be better allies.” (snip-MORE)