Category: Love
A Couple Of The Bloggess’s Substacks
Leave room for yourself
Dear friend,
This week I’ve been struggling a little with the fact that I can’t do all of the things that I want to. My book comes out next week (you’re in it!) and I feel so excited and lucky but also terrified and filled with dread. I worry people won’t like it…that no one will show up to the book tour…that I’m failing my publisher because I can’t do some of the things that most authors would jump at because I just don’t have the energy or mental strength to say yes to everything without making myself sick. I even felt a little bad about drawing this week when I probably should be doing author stuff.
But then I reminded myself that I need this quiet drawing time (is it considered “quiet” when I’m doing it while binging Dexter? I say yes.) to keep myself sane and to replenish my energy and to remind myself that I am more than just my work, and that it’s okay to not work yourself to exhaustion even if it’s for something you love.
I suspect we all struggle with this. Perhaps as parents or partners or in our career…the urge to try to be more than our bodies and minds allow, but not being able to because you are…human. It’s so easy to put ourselves last when it’s for something else that you care about.
“There is a fine line between beautiful and suffocating. Don’t forget to leave room for yourself.”
So this is a reminder from me to you to make time for yourself if you can. To rest. To create. To refill your cup. There is so much beauty in what we do for others, for our work and for our passions…but there is also a necessary beauty in what we do for ourselves…a beauty we often forget.
Sending love (and quiet moments of calm repose even when watching serial killer shows)
~me
From the road
This morning I was in New York filming the Today Show where I managed to talk about explosive diarrhea, fears of my foot falling off, apologized for using my hands too much, sat on them, promptly pulled my hands back out bc I can’t talk without them and then made all the anchors put pencils in their mouths…all within about 4 minutes. By this afternoon I was in Amish country in Pennsylvania where I met some very nice “fancy Amish” people (this is a real thing) and did not pet a horse even though I really wanted to. Tomorrow afternoon I’ll be in Lancaster for my first tour stop and signing even though technically my book doesn’t officially come out until Tuesday. Then it’s back to NYC, and then a stop in New Hampshire for another reading and signing and then I get to go home for a week to rest for the next round. I’m feeling tired, happy, lucky, scared, excited, embarrassed…all of the things. Oh, and did I mention my first book got banned from a Texas high school after a senate bill deemed it obscene and profane? It’s been a busy week. I would link to everything but I can’t figure out how to do this with my phone
I should have written all this before I left but i was overwhelmed with packing all the wrong things and so instead I’m writing this tonight, on the eve of my first new book event in over half a decade, to distract myself from the fear and from the incredibly loud but very happy drunken wedding taking place two rooms down from mine. It feels like you’re here, in a weird way. I know that’s strange, but it’s comforting.
I’ve drawn in planes and cars and green rooms to keep my hands and mind busy but it’s a jerky mess so instead I’m sharing a drawing from my new book, because it seems fitting while I’m traveling so much in spite of the fact that I never know where I am. It’s an adventure, after all, if I look at it with the right kind of eyes.
I super crazy love you,
Jenny
The Birds Must Be Heard & Seen
Just click through on the birds’s names to see more and hear their songs.
Anna’s Hummingbird
Calypte anna
Colibrí Cabeza Roja (Spanish)
About
The Anna’s Hummingbird is a characteristic and charismatic species of coastal Central, Southern, and Baja California, although this species has expanded its range northward along the Pacific Coast and eastward into the Desert Southwest. Like the Rufous Hummingbird, Anna’s is well known for its aggressive territorial behavior. Males fiercely defend feeding areas, where they chase away other male hummingbirds and even large insects such as bumblebees and hawk moths that try to feed there.
Although the Anna’s Hummingbird readily feeds from non-native plants, wild plants are still crucial to these birds — and the birds are just as critical to these native plants. Anna’s Hummingbirds are important pollinators of the chaparral flora of coastal California. Many of these plants flower in the winter months, coinciding with California’s wet season. To take advantage of this boon of nectar, Anna’s Hummingbirds in coastal California breed in what is the nonbreeding season for most North American species, nesting as early as mid-December. After the rains end, many hummingbirds will move up into the mountains to take advantage of blooms at higher elevations.
The Anna’s Hummingbird is a highly vocal species, especially for a hummingbird. Males sing a complex, scratchy-sounding song while perched and during their high-flying courtship spectacles. The male performs this diving display by first ascending to 100 feet or higher, then swooping toward the ground. At the bottom of his dive, he will be moving at about 60 miles per hour, just overhead of a female (or intruding male). At the last minute, he banks upward and flares his tail, causing his modified tail feathers to produce an explosive, high-pitched chirp. The gravitational force (“G-force”) caused by this maneuver would cause a human pilot to lose consciousness, but these little hummingbirds do it again and again, up to about 40 times back to back, when trying to impress a female. He also orients his dives to maximize the reflectance of his beautiful gorget — the gem-like patch of tiny iridescent purple-pink feathers on his throat. According to researchers Christopher Clark and Stephen Russell, from the perspective of a female, he looks like a “tiny, glowing magenta comet” plummeting towards her. (Snip-More on the page. Actually hear a hummingbird!)
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Emerald Tanager
Tangara florida
About
The Emerald Tanager is truly a gem of the forest, roaming through the canopy in search of fruiting trees in the humid montane forests of Central and northern South America. Although primarily a fruit-eater, this species is also adept at hunting insects and other invertebrates on tree branches, deftly manipulating mosses with its bill in search of prey. This behavior sets it apart from other tanager species it often flocks with, but outside of the Emerald Tanager’s range, other specialized tanager species may fill this niche.
The Emerald Tanager’s relationship with moss extends beyond its foraging habits. Though their breeding biology is largely undescribed in peer-reviewed literature, the nests that have been observed have either been made of moss entirely or thoroughly covered in it. This, of course, provides good camouflage on the mossy branches where these tanagers build their nests. (Snip; MORE, and hear the Emerald Tanager)
“‘Cool, sing to yourself. You’re a grown woman.’”
Taylor Tomlinson Turns Purity Culture Baggage Into Comedy
By Emma Cieslik
It has been a joy to deconstruct my religious trauma alongside 32-year-old comedian Taylor Tomlinson. Four years ago, as I was coming out as queer to my family, I found her Netflix special Taylor Tomlinson: Look at You to be a warm welcome into the community of formerly Christian queer kids and purity culture survivors. Dark humor gave all of us a silly sort of grace, a space where we could grieve and grow.
Tomlinson, who was raised in a conservative Christian household in Temecula, Calif., got her start in stand-up through the church comedy circuit. But as she grew up, she began deconstructing how her conservative Christian upbringing was hurting her mental health and sexual development, deciding instead to be a “secular” comic.
Her new Netflix special Prodigal Daughter was filmed inside Fountain Street Church in Grand Rapids, Mich., which welcomed her not despite but rather because of her comedy. On her aptly named “Save Me” tour, Tomlinson builds on a foundation of jokes about toxic Christian culture to call out not just people who weaponize religion as a tool for bigotry but also the people who make fun of those who still believe in God.
“Because if God does exist, he does not exist to make you feel better than other people. He exists to make you better for other people,” she said. “We judge each other’s coping mechanisms. Like, ‘You’re a quitter if you get on antidepressants. You’re stupid if you believe in God. B—-, I’m on mood stabilizers, you’re on Jesus. We’re all trying to get to ‘dead with Daddy.’”
In fact, Tomlinson recognizes the people in her life—her grandparents, aunt, and uncle, himself a pastor—“who are using religion correctly.”
“There are a lot of people who are using religion as a tool for community and connection and compassion and comfort,” she says, “and when I was writing this hour, I was thinking about those people.”
Cheekily, Tomlinson compares her own stand-up specials to her uncle’s Christian services. “We’re both out here on the weekends, changing lives.”
But the comedian is not here to absolve all the sins of Christianity or its effects on her.
“When you grow up in a religious environment, you spend a lot of your young adulthood untangling who you are from who they wanted you to be,” she says. For Tomlinson, this is best represented by her “late” coming out at age 30.
Tomlinson explains that she has so many queer friends who are open and free about their sexualities—the “Samanthas” of the group—but she didn’t see anyone else who, like her, was nervous entering the queer dating scene. “We need more gay prude representation,” she chuckles, making those of us coming out at an older age and experiencing a real queer second adolescence feel less alone.
A second adolescence refers to how many LGBTQ+ people didn’t have the chance to experience the joys of teenage years. Because of rampant queerphobia inside and outside religious communities, we didn’t have access to the romantic and sexual “firsts”—first crush, first kiss, first sexual encounter—that many heterosexual people did because we were told repeatedly that our love and our bodies were shameful and had to be hidden.
While she doesn’t explicitly name “second adolescence,” the significance of coming-of-age as a queer person runs throughout her special.
According to Adam James Cohen, a therapist specializing in helping LGBTQ+ patients, adolescence is critical to developing and cementing a person’s identity and sense of self. For those who missed out on that true identity formation earlier in life, second adolescence offers a mental and physical stage of healing and liberation, often involving people deconstructing their internalized anti-queerness and religious trauma. Sometimes this liberation happens through comedy, sometimes through therapy, or as Tomlinson discusses in her special, sometimes both. During this formational time, adults reckon with the grief of missing adolescence, and make up for lost time.
Second adolescence isn’t just a uniquely queer experience. Many people raised in far-right Chrisitan environments experience a new phase of psychosocial development after they leave their conservative Christian homes. For people raised in purity culture, their second adolescence can be a time of sexual exploration, experimentation, and liberation during and after deconstructing harmful theologies of the body.
For the queer Christian kids like Tomlinson, we were robbed of moments of bodily and social experimentation and generation, so experiencing our second adolescence is like coming home to our bodies, an emotional rebirth or reversion, to put it in Christian terms, of learning and loving to be a queer child and queer teenager again. For trans and nonbinary people undergoing gender affirming medical care, second adolescence can be even more physical, as hormone therapy brings about a second puberty.
And for many of us, this second adolescence is characterized by an eagerness—and joy—to accept and share the possibilities that many never questioned. As Tomlinson joked, “When I started dating women, it was the closest I’d come to feeling religious in a long time because my friend would complain about their boyfriends and husbands and I was like, ‘Have you heard the good news? You don’t have to live like this. There’s a better way.’”
Second adolescence is especially common among people who have a later-in-life realization or acceptance of their LGBTQ+ identity, often called a “queer awakening” or “second coming out,” just like Tomlinson. There is no time limit on coming out or discovering and affirming gender or sexuality, but as Tomlinson jokes in her special, “coming out as bisexual at 30 feels like saying to a waiter, ‘By the way, it’s my birthday.’ They’re like, ‘Cool, sing to yourself. You’re a grown woman.’”
Tomlinson’s special portrays this second adolescence with a humor, grace, and visibility I hadn’t encountered before but am deeply indebted to. Prodigal Daughter, and her comedy as a whole, carries special poignancy for the formerly queer Christian kids coming of age through humor and deconstruction.
Banned Books
It’s a blog entry by Jenny Lawson, about one of her books. I haven’t been able to open her WP blog for a few weeks, now; I get the page that says it’s an unsafe connection. I either don’t know how, or can’t get a whole post in the WP Reader, but I did get this whole post in email, so I’ll copy & paste it here. Jenny is funny, but this is not good news about Texas and literacy.
 The BloggessRead on blog or Reader Today they banned my book. It was not the first. It won’t be the last. Here’s what I want you to know .  By thebloggess on March 25, 2026 |
| This is not what I wanted to write. I wanted to write about how I’m about to go on book tour for my new book in a few days. Instead I am writing about the fact that I was just informed that my first book Let’s Pretend This Never Happened was banned from the high school library of a nearby town I love and visit often. Honestly, I’m not that upset about my book being banned. I’ve had so many letters from young people who felt they’d been helped by my books but it does have some profanity and so I can understand the reasoning even if I disagree with it. What I am upset about is the stories about how New Braunfels ISD has pulled more that 1,500 books from their school library shelves after the Texas’ Republican-backed book banning law (senate bill 13) passed. The bill ordered all public school libraries to review books for “profane” and “indecent” content and I guess Let’s Pretend This Never Happened was deemed too dangerous for high schoolers. Weirdly, my book was not on the original list of the 1,500 books triggered for review on March 13 but a week ago it was added to the New Braunfels ISD website as being removed for being “non-compliant”. (I’ve been called worse.) I guess 1,500 books weren’t enough. But then, it’s never enough for book banners.This is going to happen more and more. It used to be a rarer thing…almost a badge of courage to have a book banned. Now? It’s everywhere…this war against books and ideas and people. Reading is how you fall in love with people different from you, and how you develop compassion for them…because if you love them, you want to protect them. But there are some people who don’t want you to love others. They need you to fear them. Books save lives. They have saved mine. Books are safety nets for so many of us, and right now those nets are being cut.The list of banned books is incredible in length and includes so many that I adore. Equally upsetting is the fact that so many classics that shaped me have been pulled from the shelves and placed into restricted sections where they can only be accessed by students enrolled in Advanced Placement Literature, because God forbid a normal high school student would want to read the works of dangerous writers like *checks the list* Jane Austen and Emily Brontë (whose name they misspelled). Sometimes it feels like we’re living in A Brave New World (restricted) and that the book burning of Fahrenheit 451 (restricted) is closer than ever, with no Sense and Sensibility (restricted) about what this will cost. It feels like we’re going through The Crucible (restricted) and are caught in a Catch-22 (restricted) where we can’t convince people how terrible it is to ban books because they either don’t know the power of books or they absolutely know it and fear it. It’s An Absolutely Remarkable Thing (banned) how book banners go out on some kind of A Discovery of Witches (banned) and fight against Acceptance (banned) and of diversity, while we are losing All The Beauty in the World (banned). America is a Beautiful Country (banned) in so many ways, but we will lose so much of that beauty if we don’t make Changes (banned) to cherish and embrace and grow what makes us Educated (banned) and compassionate. The diversity of voices is necessary…it is a reflection of who we are and who we want to be. A plethora of ideas and voices and experiences…This Is What America Looks Like (banned). We can’t just pretend that Everything’s Fine (banned) and that this is just an overreaction of Anxious People (banned). Do you think this is what the founding fathers like Alexander Hamilton (banned) envisioned? I’m going to stop here because I’m sure you can see that this dumb paragraph is WAY TOO EASY TO WRITE because there are so many books they have issues with and you probably get the picture already but y’all….Jane Eyre? The Color Purple? The Odyssey? Crime and Punishment?? THIS IS WHAT WE’RE SAVING TEENAGERS FROM? So what can you do? You can buy books that are being targeted, especially those written by the LGBTQ+ authors or authors of color because they are being targeted the most. Supporting those authors tells publishing to keep producing those books because they are needed. Publishers will lose money if libraries become afraid to purchase books and so we need to make sure that they know the audience is there and greedy for diverse voices. Get a library card and start checking out those books and more, to prove to the government that libraries need funding and that people care about reading. Read to your children. Read in front of your children. Talk online about the books that you love so that your passion ignites others. If you’re a parent you can get involved with your school to make sure this doesn’t happen in your school and you can protest it if it happens. You can vote out the people who seem to be obsessed with freedom, but mainly when it’s their freedom to take away yours and your children’s. You can run against school board members who are book banners and show up at the meetings. You can keep updated by following organizations like PEN AMERICA, or the Texas Freedom to Read Project or Authors Against Book Bans. *deep breath* This is probably filled with typos and is not really the sort of thing that I should be writing the day before I leave to start my book tour but it’s important. When books and thoughts and people are suppressed, we all lose. Keep fighting the good fight, friends. It’s worth it. Comment |
Yesterday and today.
Yesterday was so stressful and a wash. We had to go get our blood drawn. Medicare tossed out three tests one on my prostate, my A1C, and a lipid. All the tests together were over $400, and I refused to pay for them. Then we went out for breakfast. Ron was fading but we hoped food would boost him. It did. Next we went to our local Publix and got a few things for supper. I would make a marinara sauce and Ron would take some chicken breasts, coat them in breading and cook them with Pepper Jack and swiss cheeses. Then after shopping we went to the carwash next door for a $36 carwash. Then we came home about 1 and I was just able to lock in the free full The Majority Report. Then he wanted to nap but once in bed we couldn’t find his phone so he could listen to music. I searched everywhere and then tried to ping it. The ping wouldn’t work which was odd. It would start to then shut off. Which meant someone had shut the phone off each time. I had Ron use my phone to call the diner and yes it was there. So at 1:30 pm I drove him back to the restaurant to get his phone. He was lucky this time. I did not see him put it down, he claims it must have fallen out of his pocket, I lets say I am skeptical. Remember I still had laundry to do, dishes to wash, and Ron wanted me to make a sauce. Because of everything I never started making the sauce until 4:30 which is late because it has no time to simmer. I was limping badly and couldn’t trust my right leg to stand. This morning I got us up at 5:15 am and got him in the shower. He has the important heart doctor appointment. I then took mine. While in the shower I realized as a new patient he would have a bunch of forms and history to fill out. But he couldn’t get to them because you have to be in their system already in the patient portal to even get to the new patient forms. So I rushed to print all the forms and 6 page questionnaire for him. He had just enough time to finish them and now in three minutes we have to go. Sorry for the rushed explanation and for not getting to any comments. I fell into bed right after eating in a lot of pain. My labs are horrible claiming stress and immune failure and possible kidney failure. My body cannot handle stress and I am under a lot of it. Hugs
Josh Day, Next Day
Thanks, MDavis!
MPS posted Lucy Darling in the Midday Palate Cleanser yesterday; absolutely fantastic, and you should click “Midday Palate Cleanser” right up there to see it. In the comments, MDavis mentioned that Lucy Darling had performed on “Penn & Teller: Fool Us,” and was brilliant there, as well. This morning, why, what would be in my phone stream, but Lucy Darling performing on “Penn & Teller: Fool Us”, and here it is!
Toons And Stuff
I save the best for first. So, you all should know that Josh Johnson is hosting The Daily Show Tuesday night, along with Wed. and Thurs. nights. Thank you for your attention to this vital matter!
Next, and almost as good: maybe this has been seen, but here it is, for your enjoyment.
School Bus Stranger Danger
Parents, do you know who your children are sitting next to?
Trump celebrates Robert Mueller’s death
Melania, you must be very proud.
The French General had it right
A French General told Drumpf to go EFF HIMSELF
The French general did the right thing
“Fuckez-you!” he did happily sing
“Vous est a dicque
Et vous makez me sicque!
Mange a bite of my low-hanging thingue!”
“The only thing we really have to work at in this life is how to manifest love.”
George Harrison
Some Unrushed Lunchtime Reading-
What Was Lost: A Queer Accounting of the NY Times Book Review, 2013-2022
Thirteen Essential Books by Trans and Queer Writers,
Reviewed by Trans and Queer Writers
“Goodbye, Pamela Paul,” was the headline of Andrea Long Chu’s now-iconic, recently ASME-nominated New York Magazine farewell to the former NY Times Book Review editor, when Paul left the paper two years ago. For a little background, Paul was named editor of the NYTBR in 2013 and took over books coverage for the entire paper in 2016, effectively becoming the most powerful editor in literary criticism. In 2022 she moved to the paper’s opinion pages to publish her own ideas about the world, many of which became political lightning rods in a publishing community that had for years been beholden to her editorial decisions.
Particularly infamous was one explicitly anti-trans essay from July, 2022, which was widely criticized at the time. It also had many people wondering how Paul’s politics might have come into play in her decisions as the most important books editor in the world.
So at some point I began dreaming up an idea: to commission a whole package of reviews of books by trans and queer authors, folks whose projects weren’t covered by the NYT under Paul’s reign. I asked Maris Kreizman to collaborate and to my delight, she agreed. What followed became an exercise in thinking through what is lost—and perhaps can never be regained—when transphobes and their enablers rise to prominence as our most powerful cultural gatekeepers.
*
So, to the nuts and bolts of this project. First of all, the volume of seemingly great books published by queer and trans authors between 2013 and 2022, and not covered by the NYT, was intimidating. It took Maris and me a while to work through the many great pitches we received and arrive at our final lucky number of 13. (Funnily enough, in actually trying to commission these reviews, I felt surprising sympathy for book review editors like Paul who are no doubt constantly buried in new titles to consider.)
Our effort here offers reviews of a mere sliver of all those titles we might have covered, many of which would be worthy of inclusion if we had limitless time and resources. I’m immensely grateful to all who submitted ideas, especially to all the fellow authors who wrote to tell us about their books (some were even writers I’d call heroes). My to-be-read pile is now, as ever, impossibly tall.
On a personal note, this entire project has made me feel much less alone. I feel more connected to other trans and/or queer writers, who are doing this work despite the shitty odds we face, despite our society’s continued denial of our full humanity, despite the efforts to ban our words and to decimate our entire lives, despite the media and publishing industry’s failure to actually reckon with—let alone correct for—any of this.
What follows is hardly meant to be comprehensive. I hope it inspires others to write their own reviews of whatever books they’d wish might be covered. I’d love teachers to assign this as a group project to writing classes, as I’ve heard of at least one doing already. I hope this project won’t be perceived as anything except the start of a conversation—one I feel everyone with stakes in this must join us in having.
–Sandy Ernest Allen
(Snip: please go to the page-that’s a link, right here, too–to see the books and the reviews.
Scottie's Playtime 