Stroke Updates by Clay Jones

So how am I doing? Read on Substack

I recently transferred to the rehab center, which is just across the street from the hospital. Today I took a cognitive test, I took a speech pattern test, and I took a physical test. Every day from here on out, I will be taking a physical test, which we call PT. They usually wanna work people till they wanna quit, but they haven’t had that problem with me yet, not because I’m super amazing or awesome, but because I really want to beat this shit as quickly as I can.

My friend Melissa Colombo came by and brought me some clothes. Nobody can go on Facebook and ask people to bring them shorts, T-shirts, and underwear while they’re in a rehab center, but I can. Hell, I once got people to send me self-addressed stamped envelopes for messed-up business cards. But I sent out a request on Facebook for someone to bring me some shorts and T-shirts to the rehab center. All I had this morning was just a road in the hospital, and my ass was hanging out.

A few people offered to ship me stuff, but that wasn’t the issue. I have money. I could easily order something. But I need something now because, let me put that again, my ass was hanging out. So my friend Melissa brought me some clothes. Funny thing is, someone else went ahead and quickly ordered me some stuff, and that was Leslie Elliott.

I want to thank Melissa and Leslie for literally saving my ass.

The next 10 days are going to be more PT. I am expected to be in this place for at least 10 days. After that, I’m expected to go home. The thing is, I live in a second-level apartment, and I want to be able to walk into my apartment and take care of myself again. Unfortunately, I’m nowhere close to that yet. Walking, taking steps, things are extremely difficult right now, and even grabbing things is impossible, but I am further today than I was yesterday.

If you have donated to me either by becoming a paid subscriber to my Substack, or donated through PayPal, or donated through Venmo, or donated through Zelle, and I have not sent you a message, please accept my apologies. I want to thank everybody who has supported me through this. The outpouring of support has blown me away. In fact, it’s blown away the entire cartooning community. We are all very impressed and overwhelmed by your support, especially me. I just wanna say thank you. I’m never going to stop saying thank you.

And on that note, I was just visited by a former photographer from the Free Lance-Star, Suzanne Carr Rossi. She brought me pants.

And now the Facebook updates from the past few days.

Today, October 16, 2025

Remember when Donald Trump took that cognitive test and bragged about it? Remember that he had to repeat “person, woman, man, camera, TV”. Trump said. “They said nobody gets it in order, it’s actually not that easy. But for me it was easy. And that’s not an easy question.” He is right.

It’s not an easy question when you have to answer five minutes later.

It’s not easy when the question is “bridge, Sarah, justice, banana.” It’s not easy when you have to remember photos that include car keys, a comb, and a helicopter five minutes later.

It’s not easy when you have to remember letters and numbers in the sequence of 1, A, 2, B, 3, C, 4, D, etc, to ten.

It’s not easy to count backwards from 20.

It’s not easy to have to draw a clock and other shapes with your left hand when you’re handed and your right hand is kind of dead from a stroke.

It’s not easy to do any of the stuff after having a stroke, but I did it. The thing is, nobody told me I was great or amazing for it. Sicophants didn’t fawn over me for it. Nobody threw a parade for me because I remembered five words. Idiots didn’t go until late-night TV to tell me I was a genius for it.

Donald Trump wants you to treat him like a baby for remembering five words.

Donald Trump never suffered from a stroke.

So why was Donald Trump given this cognitive test?

Who knew that my stroke would become part of my research?

October 16, 2025

Ok, Peezeheads!!! Who wants to volunteer to help out a stroke victim, and possibly an opportunity to see my ass?

I am at Encompass in Fredericksburg. I need someone to bring me a few button-up shirts. I can’t use a T-shirt because my shoulder is messed up from the stroke. I also need a pair of shorts. I just need athletic shorts, nothing with buttons or belts, or zippers. 

I could also use some underwear.

At this time, I am still wearing the gown from the hospital, and my ass is hanging out. Fortunately, the entire nursing staff has told me that my butt is not too hairy, but maybe they’re just being nice. 

Update: I am only asking local people to help. I need this stuff today, not delivered by Amazon. Thank you.

Update update: Melissa Colombo to the rescue, and then Leslie Elliott, and my friend Suzanne.

October 15, 2025

So many people have touched me this week, and I’ll never be able to you how much it means to me.

As I was being rolled out on a gurney to be taken to the rehab center, an old friend I hadn’t seen in nearly a decade was waiting outside my hospital room to see me.

I want to cry. I love you, Rhonda.

October 15, 2025

I had an MRI this morning after the procedure scan my heart. They were looking to see if there was a hole or any other abnormalities in my heart that may have caused the stroke. As it turns out, there’s nothing wrong with it.

But the MRI was brutal. You can’t move, your back hurts, you don’t know when it’s going to end, you are continuously being asked to hold your breath, and they’re playing 90s music made by other people. Instead of Pearl Jam, you’re getting Pearl lame.

It’s time to go. They want more blood.

October 15, 2025

I am being moved tonight to a rehab facility. I think this is good news. 

October 15, 2025

One of my nurses was training another nurse this morning. Just as the trainee was applying alcohol to my skin, in order for me to inject myself with insulin (yes they are making me inject myself), I decided let out a little scream. AAAAAGH! The trainee jumped, and the other nurse laughed her ass off, and said that was great.

They both said that they’re going to remember me.

Damn straight.

This is the GoFundMe set up by Kevin Necessary and Jack Ohman

This is a cartoon drawn by John Buss.

How to draw Peezy by Dave Whammond, and he’s trying to get more cartoonists to join in. I hope it happens because I would love to see more of my colleagues’ renditions of our favorite pizza.