If A Person Wants to Know,

“Now you can look up detailed demographic information about thousands of private schools across the country and compare them to nearby public schools.”

Credit:Background image: Widespread Nightmare/Wikimedia Commons

Education

ProPublica Releases New Private School Demographics Lookup

by Sergio HernándezNat Lash and Ken Schwencke

ProPublica is a nonprofit newsroom that investigates abuses of power. Sign up to receive our biggest stories as soon as they’re published.

Join us Jan. 31 at 3 p.m. Eastern for a live demonstration of this database’s features.

Private schools in the United States are, on the whole, whiter than public schools, with fewer Black, Hispanic or Latino students. This may not be a surprising statistic because private schools can often be expensive and exclusionary, but it’s not a simple one to pin down. There is no central list of private schools in the country, and the only demographic data about them comes from a little-known voluntary survey administered by the federal government.

While reporting our project on Segregation Academies in the South last year, we relied on that survey to find private schools founded during desegregation and analyzed their demographics compared to local public school districts. Our analysis of that survey revealed, among other things, Amite County, Mississippi, where about 900 children attend the local public schools — which, as of 2021, were 16% white. By comparison, the two private schools in the county, with more than 600 children, were 96% white.

In the course of our reporting, we realized that this data and analysis were illuminating and useful — even outside the South. We decided to create a database to allow anyone to look up a school and view years worth of data.

Today, we are releasing the Private School Demographics database. This is the first time anyone has taken past surveys and made them this easy to explore. Moreover, we’ve matched these schools to the surrounding public school districts, enabling parents, researchers and journalists to directly compare the makeup of private schools to local public systems. (snip-MORE. It’s interesting.)

I’ve Got More Work to do on the Health Care Issue Here in my State-

Probably the taxes, too. There is a sense that they’re about to decide to try yet another Brownback ‘grand experiment’ while not addressing their work on funding the state. It’s a thing everyone with a state legislature has to do, though; monitor and lobby.

Kansas lawmakers will debate the taxes you pay and access to trans health care this session

Big fights on issues like transgender health care access will be repeated again this session as Republicans lead with a stronger majority.

Property tax cuts and access to care for young, transgender people are likely to be top issues in the Kansas Statehouse this year.

Top Kansas Republicans said they’ll look at amending the state constitution to put a cap on appraised values used to determine property taxes.

“People see these rapid appraisal increases, which turn into rapid tax increases,” Kansas Senate President Ty Masterson said. “Our hand in that is really giving the people the choice (as) to whether or not they want to have a cap.”

Masterson and Republican House Speaker Dan Hawkins spoke to KCUR’s Up to Date about their priorities heading into the 2025 legislative session. They said they want to eliminate the small chunk of property taxes that go towards the state’s construction and maintenance fund.

There are 21.5 mills levied for statewide property taxes. One-and-a-half mills go to the state; the rest goes to local governments.

Meanwhile, Democratic Gov. Laura Kelly is advising caution as the Legislature considers more tax cuts. The state has a budget surplus, but Kelly argues too many cuts at once could negatively impact state infrastructure like schools and roads.

Kelly vetoed several attempts at tax cuts last year that she said would be too costly for the state in the future. She wants to wait a year before pursuing further property tax cuts.

Democratic leaders in the House and Senate, however, said they would be open to some cuts this session, as long as they’re sustainable and benefit low-income Kansans.

“If we’re just talking about homeowners, and not helping our renters, that’s not going to be fair,” Democratic Senate Minority Leader Dinah Sykes said.

To help renters, they want the state to consider limiting rent increases and reinstating a tax credit for renters that was eliminated under then-Gov. Sam Brownback, a Republican.

Republicans also said they plan to pursue a ban on gender-affirming care for transgender minors.

Advocates for gender-affirming care say an early transition can reduce the risk of suicide in transgender teens. But critics say it amounts to mutilation.

Kelly successfully vetoed similar bans in years past. But with Republicans gaining seats in the November election, they have better odds of overriding a potential veto.

“I will tell you with 100% certainty that that will be back,” Hawkins told the Kansas News Service. “And we will have votes on it, and (Kelly will) veto it again, and we’ll override that veto.”

House Minority Leader Brandon Woodard said Democratic leaders are willing to negotiate with Republicans on the topic this session.

“This is a much more complex issue than many of the legislators really understand,” he said.

“I think there is a way to hear the concerns without invading parental rights, without inserting ourselves into physician offices, and I know that we are open to having those discussions with leadership,” Woodard added.

“The GOP Is Passing Anti-Trans Bills, But Damn The Dems Are Actually Fighting!”

by Crip Dyke Jan 17, 2025 | Rebecca Schoenkopf

Where’d all these shivs come from all of a sudden? Read on Substack

Maxwell Frost represents the 10th House District of Florida. I dutifully looked that up for you before realizing it’s right there on the screen.

Over the last three years, the states have been on fire with anti-trans legislation, bathroom bills, healthcare bans, and most recently sports segregation bills. In 2024, the Heterosexism Santa Anas whipped these flames into a an actual fire tornado. But on Tuesday this week, Republican Congress members took new action that might just reverse this trend: They decided to take away states’ rights to regulate trans bodies and start making these bans national. First up was an amendment to Title IX that would ban trans sports participation. Grotesquely titled the “Protection of Women and Girls in Sports Act of 2025,” HB 28 passed the House 218-206 — but its fate in the Senate is uncertain given the 60 votes needed to break a filibuster (there are 53 Republicans in the Senate this year). If it reaches Trump’s desk, he’s guaranteed to sign it.

What’s more clear than the GOP’s chances to get the bill through the Senate, however, is that the Democratic approach to this Republican proposal is very different from how they have responded to anti-trans efforts in the past. This week only two Dems sided against trans people, Henry Cuellar and Vicente Gonzalez. (Both represent Texas swing districts, if that matters to you.) But more importantly than the relative unity of the Democrats — even from Reps. Tom Suozzi and Seth Moulton who just recently decided to broadside the party for liking trans people so much they threw the election — they actually sounded a bit salty that the GOP was trying this shit on their watch. Almost like hating trans people was an affront to their values or something.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez got a lot of attention for her speech:

She started on fire by calling out infamous anti-woman actions to make it clear that she isn’t buying GOP protestations that the bill is somehow motivated by concern for girls and women. Then she hit them for what they were actually doing:

“[You] open up gender, and, yes, genital examinations into little girls in this country in the so-called name of attacking trans girls. To that, today, what we have to say are two words: Not today.

“The majority right now says there is no place in this bill that says it opens up for genital examinations. Well, here is the thing: There is no enforcement mechanism in this bill. When there is no enforcement mechanism, you open the door to every enforcement mechanism.”

She also stressed that having these laws on the books limits the freedoms of cis (that is, “non-trans” if you’re new) women and girls:

“What this also opens the door for is for women to try to perform a very specific kind of femininity for the very kind of men who are drafting this bill, and to open up questioning of who is a woman because of how we look, how we present ourselves, and yes, what we choose to do with our bodies.”

AOC wasn’t the only one to body the misogynistic GOP. Congresswoman Sara Jacobs sharpened her shiv and stuck it right in,

“This bill doesn’t even come close to protecting women and girls in sports. In fact, it puts all women and girls in danger of sexual abuse.”

Lori Trahan, the only woman Division-1 athlete in Congress, attacked on the same line, this time asking, What about the children?

“[T]he consequences of that approach will be devastating: Girls as young as 4 years old being subjected to invasive lines of questioning about their bodies and even physical inspections by an adult, a stranger, a predator, all because some creep accuses them of not being a girl. What parent would want to put their daughter through that? I know I wouldn’t.”

Brand new Congressman Rep Maxwell Frost turned up the heat even more, if that’s possible, giving a few small but horrifying details about a recent investigation into a volleyball player in his home state of Florida. And he did it in front of a sign naming HB 28 “The GOP Child Predator Empowerment Act.”

That’s some shit, y’all. His video was posted to Twitter, which I will link this one time, because he’s almost as good at this as AOC.

And this Dem messaging? It got under Republican skin. When secret Wonkette girl crush Rep. Jasmine Crockett accused Nancy Mace of whipping up cissexism as a fundraising tactic, Mace actually challenged Crockett to step outside and fight. Joy Reid had a great take on this, but there’s nothing funnier than Mace herself, thinking she can take Crockett on when just five weeks ago she had her arm in a sling from shaking a man’s hand (yr Wonkette did not see any evidence she’d even visited medical staff or had any injury diagnosed, but damn that sling was sure real for a couple days).

This is, to use a technical term usually found only in the official records of the Parliamentarian of the Housesome cool ass shit. I know that many of us have been waiting for Dems to hit the GOP and hit them hard when they come after minorities or rights or values that we on the Left would like to see them protect. So folks have to be wondering, what woke them up?

Though your friendly, neighborhood Crip Dyke doesn’t have hard information, it would be irresponsible not to speculate that last November’s election made a difference. And by this we mean not only the elevation of Trump, once again, to head of the executive branch which may indeed have lit a fire in some, but also the election of Sarah McBride, an election which elevated the entire US House of Representatives by finally making it possible for a trans legislator to participate in debates on the bills that target us.

Many noticed that McBride didn’t instantly and loudly fight back when Nancy Mace attacked her personally, using McBride’s election as an excuse to pass new bathroom restrictions for those working on Capitol Hill. But as yr Wonkette reminded at the time:

McBride [needs] a chance to work, a chance to develop reputation and influence. She needs to do some very careful relationship building now.

The House Dems did a fantastic job of articulating exactly how government interest in girls’ bodies becomes a predatory risk for cis and trans folks alike. But it wasn’t cis people that first noticed the problem or developed the argument. I know because I had to come up with these observations and arguments in 1996 without any cis help at all, and I spent 14 years teaching cis people patiently, over and over, how transphobia, like homophobia, is a weapon of sexism.

Whether McBride was secretly organizing Democratic rhetorical strategies and asking cis folks to take the point so that she couldn’t be marginalized as a trans radical, it’s certainly not an accident that it is now that congressional Dems are spending time on a daily basis talking to a real live trans person that they are figuring out how to talk about trans issues. Here’s hoping they’ll continue to make the GOP majorities bigoted victories more and more costly.

Supreme Court to hear case on opting out of lessons with LGBTQ+ books

The fact is these kids are exposed to sex and gender as soon as they learn there is a difference between boy and girl.  Hey what do you tell a boy in kindergarten when they need to go to the bathroom.  That’s right in all their younger grades they are instructed to use the bathroom of their gender, boy go to the boys bathroom, girls go to the girls bathroom.  That teaches them gender regardless of these cis straight religious people want to admit it or not.  Plus their goal seems to deny their kids the idea that some people are different, have different feelings when those very kids are in their class and maybe their friends?  They seek to deny these kids friendships with people who are different from them.  It reminds me of the segregation issues in the southern state.  White supremacist did not want their pretty white kids in the same class as the black kids they felt were … something.   It is like they thought the black was able to spread and be caught.  No matter if these religious people like it or not the world has changed, society has changed and it is not the time of their bible nor the fabled 1950s they dream existed.  Trying to deny the existance of the LGBTQ+ is like trying to deny black people exist.   Hugs.  

===============================================================

Parents in Montgomery County, Maryland, want to be able to opt out of instruction on gender and sexuality that they say goes against their religious convictions.

January 17, 2025 at 6:54 p.m. 
 
A large group of parents protested in Rockville, Maryland, on June 27, 2023, in an effort to allow their children to opt out of books that feature LGBTQ+ characters in Montgomery County schools. (Sarah L. Voisin/The Washington Post)
 

The Supreme Court agreed Friday to hear a case about whether public schools must give parents of elementary schoolchildren a chance to opt out of instruction on gender and sexuality that they say goes against their religious convictions.

 

The case stems from a challenge by a group of parents in Maryland’s largest school system, who objected to Montgomery County Public Schools prohibiting parents from taking their children out of lessons that used storybooks with LGBTQ+ characters and themes.

 

Parents, who are Muslim, Roman Catholic and Ukrainian Orthodox, filed suit in 2023, saying the policy violates their First Amendment rights to freedom of religion.

 

The case puts the high court at the center of a contentious national debate over how to teach and treat gender and sexuality in schools, which has spurred fights over booksbathroom use and on which teams transgender athletes should be allowed to play.

 

Eric Baxter, an attorney for the families, said in a statement that the school system’s decision to disallow opt-outs was “cramming down controversial gender ideology” to 3-year-old pupils. Becket, a public interest institute that pushes for religious liberty, is representing the families, and has been involved in other cases on LGBTQ+ issues.

“The Court must make clear: Parents, not the state, should be the ones deciding how and when to introduce their children to sensitive issues about gender and sexuality,” Baxter said.

 

Montgomery County schools declined to comment, citing the pending litigation. But the district wrote in filings to the high court that an adverse ruling could upend long-standing legal precedent that guides how schools teach.

“Petitioners seek to unsettle a decades-old consensus that parents who choose to send their children to public school are not deprived of their right to freely exercise their religion simply because their children are exposed to curricular materials the parents find offensive,” attorneys for the schools wrote.

 

During the 2022-2023 school year, Montgomery County schools introduced a reading list of books that included LGBTQ+ characters as part of an effort to be more inclusive to its diverse student population. The lists were intended for students from prekindergarten to 12th grade and were created with parental feedback.

 

The school system required teachers to read at least one storybook a year from a group of titles that included “Pride Puppy,” which is about a gay pride parade; “Intersection Allies,” which is about a group of children discussing their differences; and “Love, Violet,” which is about a girl who has feelings for a female classmate.

“The storybooks are not used in any lessons related to gender and sexuality,” the school district wrote in its filing. “Nor is any student asked or expected to change his or her views about his or her own, or any other student’s, sexual orientation or gender identity. Instead, the books are made available for individual reading, classroom read-alouds, and other educational activities designed to foster and enhance literacy skills.”

 

The parents wrote in court documents that the Montgomery school board also issued guidance that instructed teachers to emphasize that “not everyone is a boy or girl” and that some “people identify with both, sometimes one more than the other and sometimes neither.”

 

As teachers started using the books in the classroom, some families wanted to opt their children out of the discussions due to concerns that the lessons and subsequent discussions would conflict with their religious views. The books that targeted elementary-aged students were particularly controversial.

Originally, some principals let families pull their children out of the classroom when the books were read. But in March 2023, the school system’s central office announced that opt-outs would not be permitted.

More than 1,100 parents signed a petition asking the district to restore the opt-out right and hundreds protested the decision. Maryland is one of 47 states and the District of Columbia that have opt-out or opt-in provisions for sex education in schools, according to the parents’ filing.

 
 

In May 2023, a group of parents filed a lawsuit against the school system, alleging that the district violated their First Amendment rights and that the decision went against a district policy that allows for religious accommodations. The parents are not asking the school system to drop the curriculum.

Other parents did not support opting out of the curriculum.

After the lawsuit was filed, the school system quietly stopped teaching two of the books referenced in the lawsuit because of concerns that it would “require teachers to explicitly teach vocabulary terms outside of the context of the lesson,” according to a district database.

The parents who sued the district asked a federal judge in Maryland for a preliminary injunction to restore the opt-out provision, but the judge denied the request, ruling the parents were unlikely to succeed because they could not show “that the no-opt-out policy burdens their religious exercise.”

 
 

That ruling was upheld by a divided panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 4th Circuit in Richmond, before the parents petitioned the Supreme Court to hear the case. Oral arguments in the case will be scheduled later.

Mark Eckstein, a Montgomery County schools parent and LGBTQ+ advocate, said he wasn’t surprised the Supreme Court agreed to hear the case, given that discussions around gender and sexuality have roiled school communities across the country.

“I strongly believe that the district court ruled correctly, and I’m hoping there will be a vigorous defense of the wisdom of that decision and MCPS’s policy,” he said.

Montgomery is one of a number of school districts where controversy has flared over books dealing with sexuality and gender. In 2023, a Georgia teacher was fired after she read a book about gender conformity to her fifth-grade class. She sued.

 
 

A group of parents in Dearborn, Michigan, sued the school district in 2022, seeking to remove books from school libraries they felt had inappropriate sexual content. Hundreds of mostly Muslim parents also protested at a school board meeting.

The effort was part of a broader push to pull some books from schools and libraries. The American Library Association found more than 4,200 book titles were targeted for removal from schools in libraries in 2023, greatly outpacing the 2,500 targeted the year before. Almost 50 percent of the titles dealt with gay and minority themes.

The Supreme Court has moved in recent terms to expand religion in education and the rights of the religious.

 

In 2o22, a divided court ruled that Washington state discriminated against a football coach who prayed at midfield after a high school football game. The same year, the high court ruled Maine could not exclude religious schools from a voucher program that provides public assistance for education.

Last year, the high court ruled that the constitution’s free speech provisions shield some businesses from being required to provide services to same-sex couples, after a web designer argued she should not have to do such work because of her religious beliefs.

===============================================

Justin Jouvenal covers the Supreme Court. He previously covered policing and the courts locally and nationally. He joined The Post in 2009. @jjouvenal
Nicole Asbury is a local reporter for The Washington Post covering education and K-12 schools in Maryland.@NicoleAsbury

The case was filed by the Catholic anti-LGBTQ hate group, the Becket Fund, whose senior counsel celebrates below.

The Becket Fund last appeared here in July 2024 when they sued to overturn Michigan’s ban on ex-gay torture.

In 2014, the Becket Fund joined with NOM, San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone, and Alliance Defending Freedom to form an anti-LGBTQ “supergroup” to battle same-sex marriage.

In 2013, the Becket Fund joined with major Catholic groups in sponsoring the so-called Manhattan Declaration, signers of which avow that they will “civilly disobey” laws that protect LGBTQ people from discrimination.

The Becket Fund was founded in 1994 by a former Reagan administration Justice Department lawyer who worked under future Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito.

The group is named for Saint Thomas Becket, who was Archbishop of Canterbury under King Henry II until he was murdered by followers of the King in the year 1170.

Outside of LGBTQ issues, the Becket Fund is best known for winning cases on behalf of the Little Sisters of the Poor and Hobby Lobby.

Hayes: The trans population is far smaller than the right would have you believe

“Here is what is true: There are far, far fewer transgender Americans than the far right wants you to think there are,” says Chris Hayes

Peace & Justice History for 1/10

TGIF? ☮

January 10, 1776

Thomas Paine
Thomas Paine anonymously published his influential pamphlet, “Common Sense”. In it Paine questioned the fundamental legitimacy of the rule of kings, and advocated the doctrine of independence for Americans, and the rights of mankind.
The entire text: 
January 10, 1908 
A prominent young Indian lawyer, Mohandas Gandhi, was jailed for the first time. He had refused to register as an Asian in Johannesburg, South Africa.
He was released three weeks later.


Gandhi, 1906
Gandhi and how his time in South Africa affected his life 
January 10, 1917
The National Women’s Party began regular picketing of the White House, advocating the right to vote for women.


The first suffrage picket line leaving Congressional Union headquarters to march to the White House gates.
January 10, 1920
The League of Nations formally came into being when its Covenant (part of the Treaty of Versailles), ratified by 42 nations in 1919, took effect.
In 1914, a political assassination in Sarajevo set off a chain of events that led to the outbreak of the most costly war ever fought to that date. As more and more young men were sent down into the trenches, influential voices in the United States and Britain began calling for the establishment of a permanent international body to promote international cooperation and to achieve international peace and security.
Though strongly supported by President Woodrow Wilson (who served as Chairman of the Committee that developed the Covenant), the U.S. never joined.
January 10, 1930
In December 1928, Mohandas Gandhi attended a session of the Indian National Congress Party in Calcutta where it called for complete Indian independence from Great Britain. This was to be achieved through peaceful means, specifically complete noncooperation with the governmental apparatus of colonial British rule, known as the Raj.
On this day, Gandhi drafted the declaration, which stated, in part:

“The British government in India has not only deprived the Indian people of their freedom but has based itself on the exploitation of the masses, and has ruined India economically, politically, culturally and spiritually. . . . Therefore . . . India must sever the British connection and attain Purna Swaraj, or complete independence.”
January 10, 1940
Members of the Brethren, Mennonites and Friends religious groups sent a message to Presidend Franklin Roosevelt requesting alternative service in the event of war.

Civilian Public Service workers Clark and Kriebel in the Duke University’s hospital sterilizer room.
The Selective Training and Service Act of 1940 proclaimed that all persons who “by reason of religious training and belief were conscientiously opposed to all forms of military service, should, if conscripted for service, be assigned to work of national importance under civilian direction.”
More on those who refused to serve in the “good war” 

January 10, 1946

The first General Assembly of the United Nations convened at Westminster Central Hall in London, England, and included 51 nations. On January 24, the General Assembly adopted its first resolution, a measure calling for the peaceful uses of atomic energy and the elimination of atomic and other weapons of mass destruction.
January 10, 1966
Vernon Dahmer, a businessman and farmer in Hattiesburg, Mississippi, offered to pay the poll tax for those who couldn’t afford the fee that was then required before a citizen could vote (and which was made unconstitutional in federal elections by the 24th Amendment).
Vernon Dahmer (foreground)

former home of Vernon Dahmer
Dahmer was known for saying, “If you don’t vote, you don’t count.” 
The night after a radio station broadcasted Dahmer’s offer, his home and store were firebombed. Dahmer died later from severe burns. The man responsible for the arson attack, Ku Klux Klan Wizard Sam Bowers, was not tried and convicted until 32 years later.

The poll tax and other means of disenfranchising African Americans 
January 10, 1971
The Peoples’ Peace Treaty between the citizens of the U.S. and Vietnam was endorsed by 130 organizations.
Several million North Americans later signed it.


Peoples’ Peace Treaty organizers
The treaty had been signed in December by leaders from the South Vietnam National Student Union, South Vietnam Liberation Student Union, North Vietnam Student Union, and the (U.S.) National Student Association in Saigon, Hanoi and Paris. It was adopted this day by the New University Conference and Chicago Movement meeting.
Text of the treaty 
The People Make the Peace book
Article from New York Review of Books by the National Student Association with the text of the Treaty
January 10, 1994
Guatemalan government officials and leftist guerilla movement leaders agreed to negotiate to end 36 years of violent conflict.

https://www.peacebuttons.info/E-News/peacehistoryjanuary.htm#january10

I made a mistake, read what I shouldn’t, now can not stop thinking about it.

**** Trigger warning, talk of abuse with a few graphic details. ****

I had stopped going to the male survivor site as it was causing me to spiral badly into the bad places in my head, triggering my negative emotions, getting seriously depressed and spending hours stuck in my memories, crying, then having horrible nightmares as I tried to sleep.   

Look even without going to the site I still scream out in my sleep.  It is agonizing because in my dreams I am struggling to verbalize the words, get them out and it feels like my mouth is locked shut, sort of my like my lips are sewn together.  In my nightmares I can speak and scream normally until it gets so intense it seems I struggle to get the sounds out and they become much more guttural.  That seems to be when I am getting audible in the awake world.  When it seems I am able to unlock my jaws or rip my lips open is when I am in reality shouting out in my sleep.  Ron had to wake me just two days ago when I was shouting help help help.  I spared him the description of the abuse even though he is always willing for me to tell him the memories or nightmares because he knows it is very helpful for me to talk about it or get it out.   Especially when it has just happened.  

Anyway back to this morning.  So a new friend who is a survivor who has been on the Male Survivor site much more than I have been and posts there often about everything going on in his life, like I do here, this person has been saying to me that they wrote about their holidays so could I go to their posts to see what had been going on with them.  I went to the MS site, I started reading new posts before I got to his posts.  And I never made it to Steve’s posts.  

The post was about being anally raped and the person leaving their cum inside you that you try to prevent leaking out.  The post and the people replying / joining the conversation all also wrote about their underwear being stained with poop and cum or in some cases blood.  The conversation was about trying to get rid of or wash the evidence out before it was discovered by a mother or other who cared for them and they did not want to find out they were being abused. 

I did not have this problem.  My abuse was much more open and known in the house so I did not have to hide it or wash my sheets after.  I did get in trouble if I wore my white underwear after without cleaning myself up which would leave stains / marks in the white underwear.  So those if I saw that I would wash them myself soon as I could like the people in the conversation said they did.  When the wet underwear was discovered after a few times of me doing that, I was caught in the act cleaning them.  I was yelled at for it, told I was so stupid then pulled to the kitchen in front of everyone while naked, while my adoptive mother “taught me how to wipe my bottom and clean myself” after being raped.  I was told to rather than lay in the bed or put my underwear on, that as soon as the person was finished with me and they did not want to use me anymore I should go empty myself.  Then wipe / wash my bottom.  I then had to repeat and show I knew how to do this in front of the laughing hell spawn.  All that taught me was to wash and dry them before I put them in the laundry basket. 

So this brings me to what I can not get out of my head this morning.  Before I got side tracked by my memories and started the downward spiral, I was busy reading news articles, adding to my posting of crazy stuff that the right was doing, and gathering memes of Sunday’s meme post.  Then it all came to a halt and I started to crash.  Writing this out is helping.  So what about the above triggered me?

See I could hold it in, the fluids inside me normally while laying in the bed, or in the short timeframe from when it was over until I could get to the bathroom or if outside until I could dump / empty my bowels, but that left nothing to wipe with so I would have to carry my underwear until I could do so hoping not to soil my pants.  But there was one place and time I couldn’t do any of that.  It was when raped and abused at school.  

Please stay with me and try to understand the feelings / thinking of a small kid as I try to describe this without being too graphic.  It started at school when I was 7 and continued but tapered off as I became a teenager. So imagine being 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, or 12 and being taken to a supply closet, empty room, or after school hours to the principal’s office.  Once there told to drop my pants.  Being fondled and touched.  Then ordered to my knees to give oral sex to a male.  So far none of that deals with what I wrote about above, soiling myself.  But that comes from when instead of being told to kneel, I was instead told to turn around and stand on something, or picked up and draped over something, (more than once being forced to lay over the copy machine as it dug into my chest / belly while my ass was used to make the male staff / teachers happy) when I was very small I would be made to take my pants off then placed on my back on a shelf with my legs pined up as my back was bent to position my butt hole correctly for their use. 

Ok I tried to put if off as long as I could.  This is the part I was trying to get to and that the conversation on the site was about.  After being used, trusted into sometimes with lube and sometimes without, filled with those fluids and possible messiness, my bottom full of the ejaculate of the guy who just … fucked me, I would be told to get dressed and go back to class.  Of course the person who used me wanted to make the time I was away from class as short as possible if I was taken from class for the abuse.  So if I had been summoned or escorted from the classroom, I would be told to get dressed quickly and return to class.  I knew better than to tell.  If it had been painful and hurtful, I would be told to stop crying and wipe my face on my shirt.     

 So this gets back to the stained underwear.  I would have to put my underwear on, no choice, and go back to class not knowing if I was messy or not.  I would only know my butt hurt, maybe my belly, back, or legs would also hurt.  I would have to enter the classroom trying to not show anything wrong, feeling like everyone in the room was looking at me knowing what had just happened, what I had just done.  Again if it was oral all I struggled with was the taste in my mouth.  But if it had been anal specially if it had been forceful, in a bad position for me, or if no lube had been used, then my butt / asshole would be very sore and full of fluids.  I would be forced to try to sit still, and desperately pinch my butt cheeks together as painful as that was or let the liquids mixed with poop ooze out creating both smell and stains.  Most teachers soon understood and did not scold me for not paying attention or being not being still in my seat.   It was the same as when I had been given a belting, spanking, or bad paddling before school, they seem to understand the pain I was in that my clothing / pants covered. 

As soon as I could or when the teacher would quietly whisper in my ear asking if I needed to use the bathroom, I would leave the classroom walk carefully to the bathroom where I would rush into a toilet stall.  I would also check my underwear as best I could.  I would do the same as I walked or rode my bike home.  I lived about a mile and half from the school.  It was so much better in the warm months trying to do it in when bundled up for the cold was horrible.  Because in warm months I could run in to the woods or somewhere not able to be easily seen, strip off my lower clothing and then remove my underwear, and redress.   Then I could take the underwear to a brook like the one we had behind our home, wash the underwear, hang it in the sun to dry off something where I should be able to retrieve it later.  Stories of what happened the few times I was caught doing this another time.  

Many abuse victims just threw their soiled clothing out.  I couldn’t do that.   Punishment for losing my clothing was as severe as for soiling them.  

So that was what has destroyed my emotions and focus for the last 7 hours.  Taking the time to write this has helped me calm down and recenter.  But the remembered pain of being so small, the over whelming emotion of feeling that everyone knew when I entered the classroom, and the fear that it was leaking into my underwear knowing that I would be publicly punish and possibly also privately punish if they were stained.  Maybe most parents finding semen, blood, or poop stains all over the back of their child’s underwear would cause them to question what happened or rush to defend / help their son.  Not mine, if they felt anything at all maybe they were happy it was happening to me.  Maybe it relieved their own guilt knowing others did the same to me.  I don’t know. 

Just more from my childhood I have to deal with.  Anyway, no more meme hunting today, nor news about the stuff the right is doing.  Today I am going to answer comments and concentrate on the love and out pouring of support I get from this community.  Oh and tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment.   Hugs.

Yesterday’s asshat news headlines.

Hi Everyone.  I woke at 12:22 last night.  But I got up at 1 am and started making posts and doing things.   So I just finished the asshat yesterday news posts.  So now before I answer the comments … and I love comments everyone sends to me, I have to make a red sauce.   Ron promised to make me a grand lasagna if I make the sauce.   So with ear buds in, off I go to make the sauce.   Hugs and loves to everyone.  Remember that I really care for everyone.  Add any questions or comments in the comments and I will reply there.   Hugs.  


JoeMyGod
Moda day ago

Two months ago Fat Hitler vowed to imprison Zuckerberg.

This is the result.

If you criticize the dear leader of the maga cult then you are forever an enemy.  Death to the nonbelievers.   This is why the current republicans and maga is very much a cult.  Hugs. 

This is great.  The tRump world crowed about this citizen of Greenland who praised tRump’s plan to take over Greenland.  Yet the truth did come out … He was a tRump  loving fanboy violent felon drug dealer prison escapee.   Hugs.

Why Are Conservatives So Obsessed With Trans Kids?

Joe Rogan GOES OFF After Falling For INSANE Hoax | Hasanabi reacts

This is for those who think Joe Rogan is the top of the right wing media thinkers.  Like Tim Pool, he doesn’t think about what he is to say or post.  Rogan decided that he needed to post about kids in schools demanding cat litter boxes in schools without ever looking into it claiming it was because of furry kids.  During the transphobia panic.   Not bothering to ask any school about it.  Yes some schools did have buckets of cat litter in the classrooms, not for kids who were furries but for kids who were in a mass shooting situation that had to pee.  I am tired of these sad right wing media lying assholes.     Hugs