Let me explain the lack of posts, and I do feel bad about it.

Since Ron came home we have been very intuned with each other. Each of us trying to give the other space and as much positive interaction as possible. Yet I started to get irritable and Ron was noticing so I apologized this morning. This morning is important, but let’s get back to that.

Ron needs interaction and attention. Plus I have gone back to making meals and making sure he eats. That takes two hours out of my morning at least, but even more when I tell you what happened this morning.

I got up at five, fed the cat who clings to me even though he is Ron’s cat. I settled down to “work” putting together the cartoon / meme / news roundup that has not gone out in recent days. Then Ron surprised me. He got up early at 6:30 am. OK.

TMI to come.

It is my birthday and knowing how sexual I am he appeared at my office door offering sexual relations. One of the issues Ron had with the effects of the libido killing medication is he felt pressured some times to meet my needs when he really did not want to or feel it. I had made a promise to not put such pressure on him when we talked about it when he got home at the same time he was trying to tell me he realized how important it was and wanted to work to be more sexual and he was starting to feel more sexual desire as the medications worked out of his system. But when he appeared with his grand offer I had to gently tell him I felt that because today was my birthday he would feel pressured to offer me favors. I did not want him to feel that pressure and because I am hypersexual … Again TMI… I masturbated in my office to porn before he got up… Twice. When I explained that to him at first he seemed surprised and then I got the reaction I wanted when I explained it. He blossomed and lite up understanding I was respecting him.

Then I went back to my posting and and for the next three hours Ron kept coming to my door to talk to me, to ask my opinion on this or that or could I go with him to another part of the house to talk about something. I guess I started to show irritation because Ron suddenly said this will be the last time I bother you.

But this is what has been happening since he has been home. He doesn’t seem to understand I need time and ability to do the posts. I need to understand he needs and wants my interactions. I try to divert him to his own projects but he is not easy to divert.

OK one of the reasons I voluntarily went to therapy was I was lashing out at Ron in irritation of everything. I have PTSD and according to the therapist, I am OCD. I use the OCD to try to manage my PTSD. So when Ron is being himself and is not ordered, not picked up, not… well Ron is a old never reformed youngest child frat boy. He leaves everything where he last used, he folds towels like if he just gets it somewhat near a shape he can push it on the shelf, or he will root for a towel leaving the rest looking like a possum made a nest of them. He will leave his socks on what ever surface in the livingroom he takes them off near. His shoes are all over the house I trip over them. The end of last year I was exploding and very angry. I went to therapy.

Before I saw “Sally Sunshine” I had already figured out the problem and the solution. I have lived with Ron for 36 years. I knew and accepted what he was in the first few months. I thought over the years I could change him but over the last year I was lashing out at him for these things and he was getting very defensive and withdrawing from me. I realized the truth before I ever saw the therapist, and she was shocked I figured this out.

The problem was not Ron nor his actions which he always apologized for and said he would correct. The problem was my reaction to it and how I was letting my irritation build to massive anger. I got to the point when the towel shelves were messed up I would angrily demand he come back down to the bedroom and refold every towel. He would do it but he was hurt. Once I steped back from it all then realized something important. He was hurt!

Before I went to therapy I realized the simple truth of the situation. If it bothered me so much I could simply correct it myself. Why humiliate him and make him feel bad for something he couldn’t help as it was ingrained in him and he couldn’t stop it anymore than I could stop the nightmares at night that leave me screaming that he tries to save me from? I vowed to change and I did. Now when the towels are rooted through I simply take them out and refold them my self like I want them to be. That is what I should have done from the start. I love him.

Back to this morning. While he was standing there nude in my office doorway I went to him and hugged him. I apologized for my irritability the last few days and told him it was wrong of me. I also told him it was OK for him to call me out on it if I get acting irritable with him again. Boy did he put that to the test this morning with three hours of needing / wanting my attention. But it worked out. I gave him the attention he wanted.

This afternoon he went out. Did I mention it is my birthday? He came back with two big steaks, something I have always loved but on our income have not had in nearly a year. He also had flowers he arranged and put in a vase. He got all the things I might like such as baking potatoes and the fixing for them. He had gone out for prime rib but he couldn’t find it, his other choice was to take me out, but sadly I have gotten to dislike leaving my home. I know I need to change that but even as I offered to go out Ron realized I wouldn’t enjoy it. I only leave the house now for doctor’s appointments or to accompany him on large shopping trips. I have developed an anxiety about leaving the house just like I have for voice conversations on the phone.

So Ron is making a large birthday meal complete…

So Ron called me to eat. He had set up the folding table we use as a dining room table while the remodeling is going on. He had a vase of flowers and our plates of steak and spiral potatoes. I could see he was frustrated as he apologized he never got the broccoli with cheese sauce done. It was a good meal, everything was tasty and good. I ate my fill of decent steak something I have not had in a long time and Ron cooked them on the grill. It was wonderful.

I did ask him what he wanted for his upcoming 71st birthday, and he suggested several things not available in our area that he got in Texas. But then he said he would think on it. What ever makes him happy I will do.

But I had started tomorrow’s cartoons / memes / and news roundup but it is late here after 7 pm, and I am wearing down. By this time normally I am thinking of bed and to tell the truth I am now. I will try to do a bit more and get up at 4 am to get it out at a resonable tiime. Just letting everyone know why posts have been sporadic and not timely. Thanks in advance for your understanding. This is our 36th year together and I am not going to jeopardize our relationship. But I have to get him to find a balance. I need to find a balance as well. Hugs

Well change of supper plans and I am OK with it.

Hi every wonderful person who comes here. If you read my last post you might have noticed that Ron and I talk over what to cook for supper. Tonight we were going to eat up the few left overs and we got talking of what I wanted to cook tomorrow. I was planning to get the fryer out and then do french fries and deep fried chicken patties. Ron had already bought a bunch of cheese slices because he was thinking of me making another red tomato sauce to have chicken parmesan with spaghetti. But I suggested today doing the french fries and chicken patties with putting cheese on them while they were hot out of the fryer, and that way I wouldn’t have to make another red sauce, but we could have the thing Ron suggested later. He thought about it and he loves the idea. So I am off to cook supper. Making both my husband and me happy. Does this make me a traditional wife or just a happy partner in a same sex relationship? I don’t care really either way. It makes Ron really happy and he makes me really happy. Isn’t that what it is to be about? Hugs

Kamyk’s go fund me. Thank you all so very very much

Hi Everyone. I just checked Kamyk’s go fund me. Thanks to all of you he reached what he told me was the original goal of $1,000. The fund was a huge success thanks to all of you. Everyone who could afford to give was grand for doing so, but it was not just the money. I love you all for the support you give me and you have shown for Kamyk. I am sure Kamyk wouldn’t mind if people still have a few dollars they want to give, he is going to be in that nursing home a long time. But he told me he needed $1,000 for the device, a secure pack for it, and a couple of games. You all made it possible for him. Thank you again. Hugs

Some times we all need someone to understand

Dealing With Christians Using The Bible Against The LGTBQ+

At the end of the video the Reverend says our only job is to love god by loving others. The only question is … how much will you love. Good thoughts in this video. Had the church been like this when I was a teen, had the church been inclusive like this when I was a little boy being molested by the Pastor I would have stayed in the faith, in the church. I might not have believed in the magic parts of the bible and I might have quibbled over the facts, but I would have stayed for the community. The environment of people who enjoyed each other’s company and loved the comradery of fellowship. Sadly the churches I saw as a child, as a teen, and as an adult lost people because rather than love, they clung to hate. The joy of feeling better than some other group, of being able to look down on them, to revel in negative emotions meant more to them than hugging those different that maybe they did not understand. They set themselves up as god judging others. Not as a loving flock, but as deciders over who was worthy to be in the flock. They were not the sheep, they wanted to be the Sheppard. Hugs

Comment… “Does it bother you devil worshippers want more christians like you?”

Neil deGrasse Tyson, The Trans Community, And “Rising To The Occasion”

Wow oh wow! This is a great video and a must watch video if you support trans people. I wouldn’t have expected a man of the Christian faith to come out for trans people but never would have expected them to do this that strongly and seriously. I watched it twice to be sure I heard what I did. After I post this I will watch it again. I am not even sure how to post this in the labels. Hugs and loves. This is why I really like this Christian man. Hugs

This is the comment I left on this post. I wonder if he will reply. Hugs

Hello Rev. I had only commented once before where I asked you if a caring loving atheist such as myself could find a place in your god’s paradise. You welcomed me and told me I did not have to believe in the supernatural but live a decent life helping others as I could, which I had said I did, you replied I was totally accepted by your god. I was honestly surprised by your answer. Since then I have followed your channel and often posted it to my blog. Most of my readers are not religious but all are caring wonderful people of different faiths, sexual orientations, and some are trans. But all have found wisdom in your videos. I thank you for this one. The trans community and trans kids are under heavy attack in the US. I suspect because it undermines the cis straight majority that has long ruled the US, but also driven by religious people who feel this allowing their children to be who they wee born to be, LGBTQ+ is an affront to their god they will be held to account for. Thank you, Hugs. Scottie

MAGA And The Danger Of Empathy

Migrants, Prisoners, The Poor; No Conditions On Our Love

For compassion and love for each other

This morning I woke at 3 and tossed / turned until nearly 4 am. I got up, fed cats, cleaned cat litter boxes, made my coffee. Then started my day online by first going to the Male Survivor site where I responded to those who had commented on my post. Then I started reading the new posts from others. This one I wanted to share with all of you. When I was using the VA for my healthcare from the mid 1990s to the early 2000s, we had a saying. “There but for grace go I”. So many had it worse than I did I would think yet they were happy it seemed, not bitter, living the best life they could. I met people who were WW2 POWs and who struggled with shrapnel still seeping from their skin who did not let that destroy life for them. Then I was young and did not understand. Now I am old … er and think I am beginning to. Hugs.

Plus in my morning video feed I found this waiting for me. Hugs.

Episcopal Bishops Encouraging Flock To Stand Up For Migrants

I like this person and his teachings. Clearly. In truth had he been the one to save me as a 17 yr old beaten boy hiding in his barn I think he may have still sent me to a church school to protect me but he wouldn’t have then expected me to go on and become a priest in their religion. I couldn’t tell my savior who wanted that from me why I rejected his strong demand / offer and instead went into the military was that I was gay. I had accepted it to myself. I was well versed enough in the acts of it due to my abuse to know that along with my internal emotions about guys vs women that the acts themselves did not repulse me. Just the way they were forced on me. Remember I had been forced to please females as well as males since I was 3 years old and I understood my attractions were to males. I was very gay. Instead I think he would have asked me my goals and I would have had to tell him the mystical parts of the religion I had issues with … but the reason I need to withdraw was I was gay. If he responded as he did in my comment to him, then I would have stayed in his congregation. Not believing the magic parts of the religion but the community and acceptance that their god has for those different. Rev. Ed Trevors admits he doesn’t preach facts, he preaches faith, and much of what he stresses is things as a humanest I can fully endorse.

I do wonder with his … more violent past if he had found a badly beaten very thin small 17 year old boy who told him he was being abuse if he would have done more than force the parents … well in their mind’s owner of the boy to let him leave. But again maybe that is my hopes / emotions talking over my understanding of reality. Hugs