Right from the start of my leaving the military I vowed to be an out proud gay man.  This was in 1986.   It has lead to a lot of embarrassing conversations.  People have asked me such personal questions on same sex actions and how gay feelings might differ from straight feelings.  At first I found it weird and offensive, but as I got older I realized I brought a lot of straight cis people to be allies simply by being willing to answer sensitive or stupid questions.  I remember one weekend a straight co-worker with two young children showed up at my house.  Thankfully he had left his children at home with a sitter as he had lost his wife.  After talking for a few minutes he got around to discussing gay sex and why I liked it.  I struggled to understand his questions and to explain it to him.  He then surprised me.  He said show me.  I was like what?  He said let’s have sex.   I thought oh shit a straight guy who just wants to fuck a gay guy and put that notch on his sex card.  I was wrong.  He started taking off his clothing and said to me, you say it feels good, it is like me with a woman, so it should be the same.  He wanted to do oral sex and then anal, but wanted me to do anal with him being the bottom first.   I was desperately trying to explain to him that the first time can be bad or painful and it is not just about sex.  It is a need, and emotional feeling.   He was like we are friends, I like you, you like me so it should be OK. 

Let’s just say after that night he was still straight but he understood how two men had sex.   I was surprised when after giving him oral he insisted on doing the same to me.  But later I remembered my years in the military and how many straight young guys begged me to go with them on passes and have sex.  It was never one sided.  I have realized a lot of bigotry can be undone, can be reversed by simply sharing time with those that are the “other”.  Everyone needs someone to hold, to touch, to feel a connection with.   Hugs