A Little Theater & History For PRIDE

Time traveling to a 1980s ACT UP meeting through theater

David Wiseโ€™s new experimental play, โ€œFight Back,โ€ opens a portal to an earlier era of organizing and spotlights the enduring power of slow-moving consensus building.

Amelia Possanzaย 

Imagine a murder mystery dinner party, where everyone sheds their true identity at the door and assumes a role to play in the nightโ€™s events โ€” only instead of solving a crime, they must reenact a contentious activist meeting. Thatโ€™s what artist David Wise tasks participants with in his immersive theater piece โ€œFight Back.โ€ He recreates the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power, or ACT UP, meeting on March 13, 1989 in the same room where it happened nearly 40 years ago. 

Itโ€™s impossible to sit in the same room in New York Cityโ€™s LGBT Community Center where their meetings happened nearly 40 years ago without feeling the echoes of todayโ€™s governmental failures, and the urgent need for both resistance and mutual aid.

At the May 18 performance of โ€œFight Backโ€ โ€” which takes its title from ACT UPโ€™s chant: โ€œAct up! Fight Back! Fight AIDS!โ€ โ€” I did something we rarely have to do these days: relinquish checking and doomscrolling on my phone to spend uninterrupted time face-to-face with strangers, co-creating something from scratch. Nearly 40 of us had two and a half hours to make our way through a 26-item agenda, an education in ACT UPโ€™s work. 

ACT UP is a direct action group formed during the AIDS epidemic to fight for visibility, healthcare access and an end to the crisis. To mark the second anniversary of the groupโ€™s formation, they were in the midst of planning Target City Hall โ€” the kind of creative, high-profile direct action for which the group had become known โ€” to protest Mayor Ed Kochโ€™s failure to adequately address the AIDS crisis in New York City. 

By the beginning of 1989, more than 18,000 New Yorkers had been diagnosed with AIDS and over 12,500 had died. ACT UP was demanding affordable access to the highly toxic but potentially life-saving drug AZT, which had just come on the market a year earlier. They also demanded housing for people living with AIDS and changes to the Food and Drug Administrationโ€™s drug trial policy to give more patients hope. They demanded dignity for the living and the dead. In the midst of all this, members still found the time and space to plan fundraising parties and, more importantly, to flirt.

The 1980s was an era of phone trees and answering machines. We checked our cell phones at the door. The experience is an invitation to follow the advice writer Mira Jacob gave on Instagram earlier this year: โ€œStop scrolling. Do literally anything else โ€ฆ Weโ€™re going to prevail, but only if you donโ€™t let this app scare you numb.โ€ If you were mad in 1989 because your friends were dying at the hands of the government and you wanted to yell at someone about it, you had to show up to a meeting or participate in a phone zap or volunteer to surreptitiously print flyers at your office denouncing Mayor Koch as a closet case. (One attendee politely corrected our pronunciation of โ€œKochโ€ โ€” no relation to the present-day billionaire brothers who pronounce their last name โ€œcoke.โ€)

A smaller group within ACT UP gathers during David Wiseโ€™s experimental theater piece, a reminder that the organization was not a monolith. (Hong-An Tran)

The atmosphere in the room was tentative. Every question opened up a minefield that only the basic tenets of improv could answer: Say โ€œyes, andโ€ to help the scene unfold; make bold choices, even when you are unsure of them, and donโ€™t โ€œbreakโ€ the illusion. Most of us had brought hastily scribbled notes about our assigned historical personas, pulled from summaries and the ACT UP oral history archive. This background helped with questions like, โ€œWhat affinity groups are you in?โ€ and โ€œIs this your first meeting?โ€ But they offered little to lean on when it came to more quotidian conversation starters, โ€œAre you coming from work?โ€ or โ€œAre you out to your family?โ€ Those we stumbled through, together.

I had been assigned the role of Bill Bahlman, my first part since a non-speaking role in the middle school production of โ€œSchoolhouse Rock!โ€ A lifelong New Yorker and a music journalist, Bill had been a part of the Gay Activists Alliance and the Gay and Lesbain Alliance Against Defamation, or GLAAD. A self-described anarchist, he sometimes found the groups to be too soft, particularly the Gay Activists Allianceโ€™s discussions of whether to drink mixed drinks or soft drinks at their dances. He splintered off from GLAAD into the Lavender Hill Mob, a direct action group formed in 1986 and named after a British comedy film. The dozen members focused on AIDS activism and organized disruptive โ€œzaps,โ€ interrupting a CDC meeting, a Catholic mass and other high-profile events with leaflets and banners bearing slogans like, โ€œGays and lesbians will not be silenced!โ€ 

When ACT UP formed in March 1987, Bill and many other Lavender Hill Mob members joined, but their affiliation and camaraderie with one another remained. While ACT UP is often remembered as a monolith, it was in practice a true coalition under which many smaller groups coalesced, including affinity groups like Delta Queens, La Cocina or Wave 3 that demonstrated together at actions.

Bill was slated to speak late in the agenda. The items were laborious in their minutia. Should the flyers Wave 3 planned to wheat paste around the city to gather people for Target City Hall in two weeks be printed in color, or black and white? Should we send three or four people to the Lesbian and Gay Health Conference in San Francisco? We rose from our chairs for civil disobedience training, half of us playing cops and half of us playing protesters gone limp to resist arrest, but then it was butts right back in seats. 

By the two-hour mark, I could no longer stifle my yawns. There may have been flirting at meetings, and even a little in our reenactment, but the agenda was a reminder that there is little instant gratification in organizing. It took much longer than an Amazon delivery or a ChatGPT response. This focus on consensus decision making has undergirded some of the most visible movements and organizations, like Occupy Wall Street, Jewish Voice for Peace and the Democratic Socialists of America. While they donโ€™t offer an instant dopamine hit, the memorable actions and ballot wins delivered by these groups are clear evidence of their effectiveness.

There are no professional actors associated with the production. Every meeting member was a stranger assigned to play their role for one night only. That said, I recognized an actor from an old TV show who attended as a curious citizen. She had been assigned the role of our chant leader Ron Goldberg, and I expected that, given her background, she might be the one to voice the most objections. Or, I thought, they might come from the tall, brawny and bespectacled man who wore a Larry Kramer name tag, a historical figure whose outspoken anger and divisive politics had been a catalyst for ACT UPโ€™s formation. Instead, the objections came from Karen Ramspacher, a 24-year old curatorial assistant played by a middle-aged white woman seated in the back row with a bun on top of her head. โ€œPeople are dying and we canโ€™t cobble together the money for color printing?โ€

The meetingโ€™s facilitators, one of whom I assumed must be Wise himself, tried to keep us on track. I kept glancing at my watch, hoping that time would run out before it was my turn to speak. When my name was called, my hands shook. I stood at the front of the room and looked out at the gathered crowd, some in their 50s, some in their 20s, many filling out the ages in between. I held the mic and spoke about Steve Zabel, my friend who I had found murdered in his apartment at the beginning of the month. The police had done nothing. What could we do to put pressure on them? Steve was just one man, but we all knew a Steve. To my surprise, everyone had ideas. The Media Committee wanted to take it to the press. The woman with the bun wanted to agitate with the neighbors. They had Billโ€™s back.

When the bell rang to return us to 2026, I made my way over to the outspoken woman, who in real life looked closer to 54 than 24.

โ€œYou were great!โ€ I said, relieved to speak as myself again. โ€œReally channeled the anger of the time.โ€

โ€œI was there,โ€ she said.

โ€œWhat?โ€

The woman who had interjected so many times during โ€œFight Backโ€ had attended ACT UP meetings as a teenager. She had a job in the 80s in Philly calling men to let them know where they were on the wait list to see the only doctor in the city who would treat AIDS patients. Many had died before their turn came. 

A little group gathered around to hear her story. One man shared that he had come to the center that night with a friend who had also been a part of ACT UP, but he had turned around at the door because she wasnโ€™t ready to reopen the emotions of that time. Wise revealed himself to have been Iris Long from the Treatment and Data Committee, a cancer researcher determined to publicize the life-saving uses of aerosolized pentamidine. The reenactment of the meeting had, in fact, been facilitated by everyday people.

Later, the woman continued, she had worked as a social worker in New York City with young transvestites, as they called themselves then, and sex workers. At one point she was given one dose of AZT and had to choose who to give it to in her community. She didnโ€™t realize at the time that the medication had to be taken once every 12 hours to be effective. Of course she was still angry.

After everyone else dispersed, I lingered. The woman pointed across the room at her adopted daughter, a young Black woman whose biological parents had died of AIDS in Africa. She had remained in the global AIDS fight her whole life.

โ€œIf the AIDS crisis happened in New York today, weโ€™d all be dead already,โ€ she told me. โ€œYou had to be out there, you had to be visible, you had to be risking arrest to make yourself heard. Today everyone is stuck at home. You know what you have to do?โ€

I leaned in closer.

โ€œHost a dinner party of strangers. You donโ€™t even have to cook. Tell everyone to bring their favorite dish. People love to show off their culinary skills. Think about the seating arrangements. You donโ€™t even need to set an agenda. Thatโ€™s where political action comes from, talking to people.โ€

Wise had laid the groundwork for such unexpected offline encounters. His theatrical experiment will take place again on June 15, but Wise hopes to make his impressive research on these figures widely available someday, so school groups and others can try to reenact the meeting on their own.

Art about AIDS abounds. For starters, thereโ€™s โ€œRentโ€ and thereโ€™s โ€œAngels in America,โ€ thereโ€™s Sarah Schulmanโ€™s โ€œPeople in Trouble,โ€ Rebecca Makkaiโ€™s โ€œThe Great Believers,โ€ and, more recently, Natalie Adlerโ€™s โ€œWaiting on a Friend.โ€ Those pieces invite sorrow and rage, empathy and memory in equal measure. โ€œFight Backโ€ invites you to act.

Amelia Possanza

Amelia Possanza is a writer and book publicist who lives in Brooklyn. Her book “Lesbian Love Story: A Memoir in Archives” was the winner of a 2023 Lambda Literary Award.

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An update on today.

I was to have an appointment this morning with my pain clinic provider.ย  My pain medication and steroid shot provider.ย  But first thing this morning I called into the clinic and got a less than understanding person who would only tell me her screen was different from mine and was rude, belligerent, and not really on the same brain level as I was.ย  The result was I had no appointment today that would give me relief and let me walk.ย  ย 

This was important to me because my ability to walk or even function is getting less and less, but the clinic has been in the process of moving and has been the target of anger from the largest profitable medical providing system in our county.ย  Ron and I worked for that system.ย  They don’t like any company that provides services they have in house or contracted doctors to do so they try to either take them over, have cooperative agreements with them (meaning they get a cut of the cash) or destroy the competition.ย  Thier responce is to try to either ruin any competition or to fold it into their company.ย  ย So my pain providers who once worked in partnership with that hospital system but then refused to submit to them agreeing to be folded into the hospital system the hospital system is endeavoring to destroy.ย  ย Sadly for the hospital system the patients like me were loyal and stayed with the providers we had instead of abandoning them.

The pain group grew and merged with some other groupsย  because they needed protection from the hospital system that runs the majority of medical services in our area and provides the only hospitals for doctors that business requires access to hospital type services.ย  Blackmail on display for the for profit healthcare system in the US.ย ย 

The building they had was far too small, so they are moving.ย  I had my last visit on the first of June as a telehealth because they couldn’t get the city inspection certificate to allow them to use the new building.ย  My pain doctor listened to me and said I needed the next in person visit to get muscle injections and then an appointment with my pain surgeon for spine shots.ย ย 

That has led to this where I get multiple emails and texts of appointments that then never appear on my patient portal.ย  So today I got showered and dressedย  and Ron put my walker in the car.ย  But then the appointment disappeared from my patient portal list and several new appointments were listed.ย ย 

Which leads me to the point of this post.ย  I was emotionally rocked at 7:45 this morning after finding out I did not have an appointment for the relief I needed and was depending on.ย  I went to work doing the cartoons / memes / news post for today.ย  But by 10 I was in serious pain.ย  I took my noon medications early.ย  It did not help and by noon I couldn’t walk.ย  At 1 pm I took an additional 15 miligarm extended relief morphine and another 15 miligarm instant relief.

At this point Ron had done everything all day in the house and seeing how much pain I was in wouldn’t even let me do the easiest things.ย  Ron had been doing that for weeks now trying to make sure I did not do anything that might cause me pain even to the point of getting into arguments if I should do the dishes even though for the washing part I could use my grand rolling stool.ย ย 

That did not help so at 3 pm I took another 30 miligarm exstened relief morphine and another 20 miligram backlofen muscle relaxer.ย  That did the trick.ย  It was slow in helping but by 4 pm I could feel the relief and the frantic desperate need for the pain to stop was dissipating.ย  By 5 pm I felt almost pain free, as pain free as I can ever be.ย ย 

So why this post you might be wondering.ย  Several reasons.ย  I still have to finish tomorrow’s cartoons / memes / and news posts and want everyone to understand why it might be late.ย  ย But most important are the draconian laws about pain medications that have swept the country mostly driven by republicans but also some democrats that want to look tough on drug abuse since they got caught doing nothing over the OxyContin scandal.ย  So if one company convinced doctors on lies to overprescribe medication leading to massive addiction issues when those pain drugs were withdrawn politicans with no medical backgrounds or information just started setting abartary rules which made no medical sence.

ย So state legislators who had no expertise started to push laws that limited the amount of medications that doctors could prescribe.ย  I want you to understand how that affected me.ย  I was receiving a combination of medication that made it so with all my dying bones, all my bones growing in very painful ways, my immune system attacking my own body that let me live a normal life.ย  I could walk, I could garden, I could grocery shop.ย ย 

But then those drugs were taken away or reduced by nonmedical people in the Florida legislature who wanted to look tough on illegal drugs.ย  Remember my legal drugs were prescribed by doctors that had years of experience in pain medication.ย  So for a politician to run for reelection on being tough on illegal drug use I had my medications reduced and restricted.ย  That was the start.ย  Over the years legislators who were realtors or other wealthy people with no medication criteria or education background created more laws in Florida resticted my pain medication amounts that could be prescribed to me.ย 

Which leads me to this year.ย  I was down to the barest amount of pain medication daily along with having to have trigger point muscle injections every two months and every 6 to 8 months having spine epidurals.ย  That of course increased the cost of each visit to my pain doctors.ย  Grand how the government is looking after the lower incomes.ย  But I no longer could do any yard work, couldn’t do any real house work other than folding clothing or doing a small amount of dishes.ย  I had been basicly reduced to sitting in my chair at my desk.ย  Then came the new fuck you from the tRump people.ย ย 

RFK Jr. decided that people like me were getting too much pain relief and all we needed to do was live like he did.ย  So he sent out a directive to all doctors that they had to get all their patients to 100 morphine equivalent levels with the goal of taking them to less than 50 morphine equivalent levels or those that did not comply would be fined and possibly lose their license.ย  ย 

I was well above that limit set by a toilet seat snorting cocaine addict that made his millions refuting real medical science while playing off his family name.ย  So I got taken down another 15 milligrams of instant release with the pain doctors having to keep every visit to justify my being over that and risking their license and practice.ย  To day I had to dip into my saved medication to function.ย  What am I to do when they are gone?

My primary pain doctor along with my pain surgeon has recommended and sent a referral to a neurosurgeon to have some of the vertebrae/nerves repaired.ย  ย But I have to have eye surgery, Ron needs eye surgery, and all of this is not covered completely by medicare.ย  So we are on the hook for the costs.ย  We recently paid $2,800 for Ron’s heart catheterization, which thankfully turned out he did not have any real blockages.ย  Was that collusion between the people who did the scan and those that did the heart catheterization?ย 

But his eye surgery will be at least $ 1,000 and mine for my eyes will be at least twice that.ย  So my back surgery is not going to happen anytime soon.ย  As I let everyone know my eye doctor would not even give me a prescription for glasses as she said my vision is far too compromised.ย  Yes I will address that issue, I promised Randy after he chewed my ass off for a long time over the issue.ย  My point is that we have a lot of medical issues and it will take time.ย ย 

That flows to my last point.ย  Tomorrows cartoons / memes / news post.ย  ย It is not done yet but I am working on it.ย  Now that I am not in excruciating pain with every breath I will try to finish up and get it scheduled.ย  However, and I am going to regret mentioning this.ย  Due to the medication and pain I did eat anything but a small breakfast.ย  ย I simply can not stomach food now.ย  I know the wonderful people here will tell me to use MDavis’s grand advice to use a nutritional shake and I will do so.ย  But I wanted to be honest as I am always here even when it is painful for me, I just can’t stomach food now.ย  ย  Best wishes for everyone and hugs for those that want them.ย ย 

 

June 8th “Lay Lines”

https://www.gocomics.com/lay-lines

To nights supper and an apology.

Yesterday I had a relapse after nearly a week of feeling very energetic compared to lately.ย  Last night I went to bed early.ย  I had started an email to MDavis who sent me a beautiful, encouraging email and it has been three weeks but I was just feeling up to replying to them.ย  But today I had my yearly eye appointment with the same eye doctor who referred me to the eye surgery center for needed cataract surgery.ย  If anyone needs reminding that was a year ago when I was on the gurney with IVs in and eyes medicated but as they were about to take me into surgery the anesthesiologist stopped everyone to ask me questions.ย  ย She went over my medical list with me and then sadly said I take more heavy pain medications daily than she could give me during the operation.ย  Thatย  would mean that I would have to have eye surgery without any sedation.ย  When I told her I was sensitive to anything near my eyes she told everyone to pause and she went to talk to the surgeon.ย  They agreed that I would need to go to a much larger surgery center that could put me under enough anesthesia that would knock me totally out.ย  ย 

So today I saw the same eye doctor at a much bigger facility they had joined.ย  Long story short after the exam the doctor told me the bad news.ย  My current vision is far beyond what glasses could help with.ย  She was emphatic in saying I must get my cataract surgery done as soon as possible.ย  She went over everything with me and detailed why she couldn’t give me a prescription for glasses that would make it so I could see the computer, the phones, the Ipad, and see well enough to drive better.ย  At this point my vision is so bad they couldn’t even make the letters smaller than the largest ones they wanted me to read clear.ย ย 

She wanted to know why I had not followed up with their surgery center’s referral to the larger university run on in Naples as I was referred to.ย  I explained to her the horrifically emotional and financially draining year we had had.ย  She listened and when I explained Ron and I had decided his eyes needed to be done before mine as he has a torn lens and eye inflammation issues, she understood and agreed to take him on as a patient.ย  But she kept pushing for me to get my eyes done in the next 6 months.ย  She said she would send the referral, which was good for 6 months and it normally took that long to get set up with the facility and have the necessary visits.ย  She added that if in the 6th months I was not financially ready to do it the surgery center in Naples would extend my time to have it done.ย  But she again pushed that I did not have a lot of time to wait with my diminished vision.ย  She asked how I did my daily stuff and I explained to her I have my large desktop monitors set to 250 and that my browser is set to 110% which I take up to 130 some days.ย  I also showed her my two over the counter readers I have which one is 150 and the other is 175, which I use for my phone, tablet, and the computer monitors.ย ย 

I explained all this to Ron as we drove home.ย  He agreed to get an appointment with her to start his eye surgery but the closest appointment he could get was in August.ย  At which point he got upset with me and said we would have to move forward with my eye surgery even before his.ย  ย He went on at length about how he had noticed how I was struggling on the computers and with things I was trying to do.ย  He mentioned the lighted magnifying glasses I keep around to help me read stuff.ย  He mentioned how now I was having to have him read everything that came in mail and instructions to me.ย  He reminded me that when he asked me to help him set up his sister’s new electronic entry system on the house she just bought I had to have him do the actions as I explained it to him as I couldn’t see the key pad clearly enough even with a bright light on them.ย  Then he dropped the mother of all bomb shells on me which made me give in.ย  ย He wondered with my vision so bad how I well I was seeing to drive.ย  He was getting more and more upset.ย  As I don’t think he is a good driver and I think I am a far better driver I gave in.ย  ย So …

I said I would make supper.ย  I got my very tall adjustable stool out and offered to make fried eggs, fried potatoes, fried bacon, and fresh ham steak I cooked in a large frying pan of water.ย  All with a side of two slices of toast.ย  Ron loved the idea which stopped him from harassing me about my eyes.ย  I do love to cook and it was emotionally satisfying for me.ย  I was unable to eat much of mine but I did eat the potatoes along with all the ham I took, a strip of bacon and half a piece of toast.ย  But Ron ate most of what I couldn’t which is why he blames me for his current weight.ย  Picture below.ย  ย Hugs

Her Gotcha Backfired Spectacularly…

Sam and crew go over Graham Platner’s win and his interview with Mika Brzezinski Scarborough on Morning Joe.ย  ย Amoung the jokes about her interview they go over his acceptance speech.ย  I am personally satisfied he has answered all the questions.ย  I love his line “… if you give me the chance I will be a senator for the people who cannot afford to buy a senator”.ย  I am a progressive and a believer in DSA policies.ย  Graham Platner is not the perfect person who is flawless and unlike many his flaws are out in the open, not hidden behind a facade of fake religious politeness.ย  He is a populist.ย  I am not looking for religious leaders in our lawmakers, I am not expecting someone who walked blamelessly through life, that they way only one person did and his name was Jesus.ย  I am looking for someone whose policies help the lower incomes and the public at large, not the privileged few.ย  I am looking for a congress and White House filled with people who do not think elected office is their golden ticket to personal wealth and authority over others.ย  ย Real people screw up and those that ask and work for a second chance should be given a chance to show they deserve it.ย  In my opinion Platner has and doesย  shown he deserves his forgiveness.ย  ย Plus people look at Graham’s past are not looking at Collin’s past or even Mika who started dating Joe when he was still married.ย  To me a lot of these people going on about Platner’s past seem to hold him to a different standard than they themselves are held or republican canidates are held.ย  ย Hugs.