Another blog question

I think I asked this question before but I can not find the post to see the comments. Sorry I am buried with things I need to do, you should see my white board there is very little white space left.

My question is about the paragraphs and my changing their colors to make them stand out. I started that because the old theme was so pale it was hard for me to read. I see this done on other blogs and I like the look, so I do it for most posts. What do you think, does the colors make it easier to read or harder? Should I continue to do it or just leave the quoted parts the color they are? This time I will remember to check this for comments. Thanks. Hugs

Good news / bad news

Good morning everyone, all you grand people who come to my playtime. I slept last night, the entire night. Yes! That is great news because it has been three days of sleepless nights. Bad news is I have MRIs on my spine this morning. Now I don’t mind MRIs, the machines don’t bother me. However I have gotten to where I don’t like to leave the house. The drive to get to the MRI place is miserable first thing in the morning this time of year. There are people going to work and that has swelled during season. The MRI place is just above on the other side of the road from a school and hospital outpatient center. I will have to leave a lot early just to get there. It is driving my anxiety over the top. I never used to be this way I would jump in the truck and drive anywhere without even looking at a map. But now I get upset to simply go anywhere. As I told Ron everything I want is right here at / in my home. But I have to go this morning so I will. I will see everyone when I get back. Hugs

OT. The last time I had an MRI I had private insurance from Ron’s employer. Then it cost me out of pocket either 600 or 800 I forget. But it was very costly, and I was having them every two years. So I have been putting off having them because of cost. This time I have to have it, so I was willing to bite the bullet and pay the costs. Yet when I found out the out of pocket cost for a person on Medicare I was stunned. For two MRIs my entire out of pocket cost will be … $84 dollars. Yes only $84 dollars. We need Medicare for all now! Hugs

Weird messages.

This is what I am trying to understand and fix. The other day it said What are you wearing. I dumped and cleaned both computers, I turned on two step verification and instead of fixing the issue I managed to lock out a 1TB hard drive and lose the recovery partition on the main blogging computer’s SSD. So far I am losing the war here with this. I have wrote to WordPress to see what they can find out for me. Hugs

weird wordpress message.

Question about categories on the blog

I am interested in the viewers’ opinion of the categories I use to sort posts. I got into a big mess with my first blog where I had such a long list of categories / subjects I was frustrated having to go through such an awfully extensive list of categories. When I started this blog at first I was not going to have categories and then decided to bunch them up to make the list of choices short. But that has led to categories that have two or more different subjects such as Animals / Children / Food being used for only one of those subjects leading people to wonder where the other two are in the post. Is this confusing for you the wonderful readers of the posts? Would it be better to expand the categories to single issues / subjects or just stop using them at all? Let me know. Hugs

Let me explain. Or why I got to bed early.

Yesterday … was a good day really. I hope everyone had a great holiday if you celebrate it, and a great day generally if you don’t. I woke up at around 1 AM and dosed on and off in short bursts which Ron was doing also. We kept telling each other that we were going to get up then drift off to sleep for a short bit only to wake up and watch the clock for the next 45 minutes. But I did get up at 6.

I got Ron up at 8 and I got showered and headed out for my blood work. Everything came back good except my triglycerides are high, as are most peoples. That is because I eat a lot of bread and pasta and always have. Yes I am diabetic, yes all my doctors tell me to eat other things. Here is a secret I learned in childhood. Fruits and vegetables are only safe to eat if covered in frosting, chocolate, or other super sweet substances. Otherwise fruits and vegetables are toxic to the human body. I will eat a couple vegetables like corn (never creamed) and lettuce, I love mushrooms, and I love tomato based red sauce, which is a fruit, right! Anyway I have a narrow set of foods I like and one of my favorites is pasta and tomato sauce.

I ate spaghetti & sauce at noon, got tired and at 1 PM went to lay down for a nap. Ron joined me for a couple hour nap. Got up at 3 PM and puttered around until about 6:30, when I helped Ron make a new batch of spaghetti (yes three meals in a row but Ron did not feel like getting groceries yesterday and our choices were limited, plus for me as I said I love tomato sauce and pastas in different configurations such as baked ziti or lasagna. The great thing about tomato sauce is it doesn’t have to be the same each time, you can season it differently and it still tastes great. We make it in big batches of like around 5 quarts at a time) I recently had trigger point injections which help me greatly but mess my blood sugar up badly, makes them go very high. So I had to take a larger than normal amount of insulin and ate the pasta, the two chemicals fought each other in my body. I got really tired.

And now we get to the point of all the words taking up space above. By 7 or 8 at night I normally cannot stay awake. I have found that if I go lay down for an hour or more and get back up I am OK, but most days I did what I did last night. I went to bed after helping Ron pick up, around 7:30 PM. I slept great until 2 AM and laid there tossing and turning basically awake until I got up at 5 AM

The point is that one of the reasons I don’t seem to get much done on the blog / computer these days is I am spending a lot of my time in bed. I take strong medications that cause sleepiness and being tired, often I have to lay down due to pain levels, add to that the blood sugar issues and you get someone who spends a lot of time napping or laying down. I need to start getting up at 2 Am which is when I normal seem to wake up. That would give me more time to get things done. Anyway just wanted everyone to know. Hugs

Dobson got revenge, messed my blog site up

This morning I posted the story of Dobson abusing his dog and saying you need to do the same thing to willful children. After I posted it, I went on to post a couple other things I had queued up. Then I noticed something weird, the background colors of my blog had changed, and I couldn’t change things back to white, that made comments hard to see. I then decided to try shifting themes to something easier to use and cleaner looking. I started to do that and on the third one I tried I lost the entire right side bar. That upset me, I loved that sidebar with the stuff in it. I tried to recover it. The blog said it was there, and the new themes said it was there, but I couldn’t find it. Then I scrolled down to the bottom and it was there. I tried repeatedly to move it back to where it belonged, but nothing worked. So I found a good clean clear theme and set it as active. Then I started to go through each post I made this morning, and I found the Dobson one was even more screwed up than it was before and getting worse. The words were right to the edge of the pages past the margins. I had notice before that it seemed odd when I posted it but each time I tried to fix something that post looked weirder and weirder. I got the idea to open the link and then I went into the post editor and made a little correction to get the update button to light up. I hit the update. Then I checked the post itself. The post not only displayed normally but also my side bar had returned. All fixed. It took over three hours of my time but the blog is back and maybe even better. I think Dobson was trying to get revenge for me pointing out he is a complete insecure loser who has to beat little dogs and kids to feel manly and in charge. Hugs

I sort of goofed here is a redo

Hello Everyone. 7 days ago I made a joyful post about my system being back up in a temporary place using the kitchen table. But when I got to the comments on that post I noticed that only one of the four pictures I tried to put in the post went in. Yes I need to start checking posts after I publish the post. So I took a video of the setup to show everyone. Yes I was speaking but the words are not important, the important thing is the visual of the setup. Best wishes and hugs.

OT: An update on how sick I was. I was really ill with a high fever, but I took Tylenol and it kept the fever down and it broke late last night. But today I have a baseball sized swelling under my arm in my arm pit. It is a swollen lymph node and it is irritatingly painful. I am not so much bothered by it but it freaked Ron out. He did not realize how sick I was yesterday. Hugs

Oh boy I am ill.

I am so ill. I got two injections yesterday afternoon. I got both my second shingle shot and my latest Covid booster. I was up all night, and both Ron and I got up at 2 AM. I went back to bed at 6 AM for an hour, but couldn’t sleep. So got up. But 9 I was shaking, running a high fever, aches over top of my normal pain levels. I went back to bed. I just got up at 3 PM and wish I had not. Ron has gone back to bed. I have been taking Tylenol to handle the fever and my pain pills for the aches and pains. However one side point. It is not much importance but James found a suspicious program, a key stroke logger on Ron’s I phone. So we are all dumping our devices in a couple days and doing a hard reset, but in the meanwhile I dumped both computers this morning before crashing after I backed the files up. I was far enough along that I can post and watch videos but I have hours of updates and fixes to do. If not days. Plus most of my security programs are not on there. One last thing. I was proudly on day 7 of comments I was answering and was doing that this morning before getting so ill. However I won’t be answering comments until the fever comes down and stays there. One other note I looked it up and a high level response like this to a Covid shot means that your immune system is running really well and already sees Covid as a virus threat that it responds against. Thank you. Hugs to all.

We Voted

Short note. We went and voted this morning. We got there about 10:30. It was great timing but glad I took my walker. There was no line and there were more workers than voters but by the time I got away from my very talkative check in worker and went to sit down there was only one seat and then as I was voting there was a line developing. But the worker wanted to talk all about the hurricane, what damage we got, what damage she suffered. She was a real gossip for sure. I sat on the seat of my walker and chatted with her. They have a different system for voting this time than for the primary. The primary was the large paper ballot with circles to be filled in with the pen they give you. But this set up they gave you a strip of paper about four or five inches wide and 10 inches long. Everyone sits at an electronic touch screen display, it walks you through the ballot and at the end it displays all your choices and lets you edit or change the vote. When all done it prints your choices on the strip of paper. You can then check it to make sure it prints what you chose on the paper, then you take it to the back of the room and insert it in a tabulating scanner. I like it a lot, it is easy to read, easy to use, and has ways to verify at every step. I am sure the rabid republican right will find a reason to hate it. But I was really struggling by the time we got to the tabulating stage and the worker had to help me get the strip into the scanner. I thanked all the workers for helping with the election and there were a lot of them. Then we went to the store for Ron to get a couple things on our way home. I was going to get my second shingles shoot and a Covid booster but I just was not feeling up to it, so as Ron waited in line I went back to the car. When Ron got to the car he said he had not realized how bad I was until he watched me put the walker in the back of the car and then hang on to the side of the car to walk to the front. He tried to cross the parking lot as fast as he could to help me but I managed. We got home and I went to bed until about 2:30 or so. But we did it we voted, I hope against bad feelings the Democrats win the races. Hugs

The inside of my head is starting to reverberate with my internal screams again.

Damn it! Dogs that love gravy, thank you for the peace you gave. I am not sure how many hours I got without the screams, without the feelings, but it must have been 5 or more hours. I did so many things, I researched our voting ballot for tomorrow, I helped make supper, cleaned it all up and put the dishes in the dishwasher, helped James with his washing, folded and put away my left-over laundry, basically I kept busy. But the background sound of the abuse is starting to build up in the back of my mind. The muffled screams I wanted to make. I am starting to get concerned and wanting to shut it down before it rises to a level I have to deal with it. Again

People don’t understand what my life is like, why I insist on constant media input. This is why. I don’t want to hear my own cries of pain in my memories. I want to drive the memories back, to keep them at bay, hidden and the worst of them locked in a chest wrapped in chains then thrown into the deepest part of the ocean. Most of the time I succeed in that. Most of the time I am so busy with other issues, other demands that it is only a distant cry at the edge of my hearing. I can live with it like that.

But sometimes like recently and happening far more often, those cries get louder and activated by what I read or hear they burst the chains and come raging at me, threatening me, trying to take me over and then dragging me down into the abyss that is the memories of the past.

While writing this my apple watch went off with a high heart rate alert, when I looked at it was 133 beats a minute. That is well down from what it was earlier, but still spiking too high. James set up our phones for him to be notified when our health readings get too high / low so he keeps asking me if I am OK. What do I tell him. Ya sure I say, it must be an error of the watch I tell him. I took my watch off. How can I tell him the memories playing on a loop in my head? He doesn’t need that in his head, and even though he knows I was abused in my childhood what would he think hearing all this? Then I remember a decade ago when we were watching TV and something in a movie we were watching and a part came up about child sexual abuse came on the screen and he leaped off the couch and slammed the TV off later telling me he forgot that was in there. So he knows, but I don’t want him to know the details. I mean really who would right?

I have to go to bed, everything is done except replying to more comments, there is no more news I want to read. Yet I don’t want to go, and don’t feel tired. I know why. I am scared of what will happen if I sleep. The same thing that happened last night when I started thrashing around and first murmuring then letting out loud cries, Ron then woke me up. It is not worth going to bed to live that anymore. The doctors tell me they can give me medications but those don’t stop the memories, they simply stop me reacting to them. Anyway, good night, until I go to bed I am going to answer comments. Many warm hugs for all. I hope I can sleep