Suzy Sunshine and I met today and we mutually agreed that she couldn’t help me.  She started off the session on grounding technics, and when she told me what they were I led her through each sense and how I try to stop the vortex from taking me and the steps involved, I described every step involved she stopped and looked sad.  I asked her what was wrong and she said you knew all this before I could tell you.   I said I have been dealing with these memories, emotions, and the cascading tornado of the vortex along with the emotional roller coaster of what happens for most of my life.  I have learned to image and use the positive things in my life as handles to keep the tornado black vortex from drawing me in to it.    In the last decade or more I have had to seriously draw on them to stay sane.  No one taught me these things, I found them on my own because I was in such distress.  At that point she told me I had passed the point where anything she could offer me would help.  We left it I would work on it more myself and if I started to get in a bad place like I was in November and December I would call her and she would get me in with a trauma therapist.  We parted on good terms with her saying as I put my heavy over shirt on because it is really cold here in Florida, “I am sorry I wanted to help, but what you are dealing with is way beyond anything I was trained for or ready for”.  I thanked her and explained what I am dealing with most people can’t understand … but all I need is their caring support and honest concern for my wellbeing, something I never got as a child.  I think what broke her was when she asked about smells could I think of a positive smell that might pull me from a trigger.  I explained to her that all smells are relative and for example Ron might be cooking hamburgers and french fries and it might make me happy.   Or it could remind me of when as a child the rest got to sit at the table eating hamburgers and French fries while I was made to stand across the room and watch.  I saw her start to close down and she stuttered as she said yes I can see how that may be triggering.  Anyway a song for the attempt at therapy.   Oh if no one noticed I updated the Kamyk post, please read the new part at the end.  Hugs