It happened again. Trigger warning for child physical and sexual abuse.

Last night I had gone to bed earlier than Ron, my husband as is normal.  I slept on my side of the bed and Tupac slept on Ron’s side against Ron’s pillows.  We have two small car type pillows and we normally put one down against Ron’s pillows with a towel over them for Tupac to lay on.  He sometimes has incontinence of his bladder and at the end of the time length of his drops he tends to get drips from his anus.  We are not sure if he just gets into something outside that causes it or it is his drops preventing it as Ron is not great at keeping track of the drops or his spotting.  

So when Ron came to bed he started to pull back his blanket and sheets only to realize Tupac had urinated a lot.  Again not his fault, he does this when deep asleep sometimes.   He is old and badly injured on his lower back end.  We think he got hit by a golf cart because he is terrified by them.   So Ron and I changed the bed at 10 pm last night.  

Ron has gone out to visit with a nurse he worked with and I started washing the sheet and blankets from last night.  As I lifted the bedding up to put it in the washer the smell and sight of a pee soaked circle right in my face triggered first one and then more memories.  I lost track of time, I was that boy having been peed on while on my mat in the hallway, I was the boy so proud of his first bed to be forced to beg to drink a teen male’s urine rather than have it on my first bed at age 8 … only to have them do it to me anyway.  To have to kneel or stand as the males peed on my pants or in them knowing I would be given public punishment by the adopting parents for peeing myself.  Forced to accept them doing to me something I had no way to stop, too small and too weak to stop to do anything, and then suffering the public punishment in front of them as they laughed and mocked me with the approval of the adopting parents.  

I went to the bathroom next to the washer / dryer and threw up in the toilet.  Once done with that I just sat there on the floor and cried.  A damned 62 year old man, once a decorated enlisted military man who served in two branches of the service, sitting on the bathroom floor with my back to the sink cabinet sobbing for remembered past pains, hurts, and emotions I can never seem to make stay away but resurface again and again and again into eternity.  They tear at me, destroy me it seems like every time.

Finally I was able to calm down.  Ron was gone so I had to deal with no support.  Yes I could have called Randy but I did not have my phone and even the thought to find it was something I couldn’t manage.  Damn even as I try to type this I keep breaking out in tears.  I sometimes wonder if the living abusers ever feel bad over what they did to me?  But I know not, they were too well schooled and inducted into hate by their parents.  So I finished putting stuff in the laundry, kept drying my eyes and blowing my nose.  

When I got back to my Pink Palace office … which I will be leaving soon for a grand better brighter room, I took the dry up nasal spray and sat down to write this.  I struggled as always … should I burden my friends with it … Well they did not do this it is not their fault.  Hey they are really good people I shouldn’t throw this dirt on them and soil them with my own past it is not their fault! 

These people don’t deserve to have these thoughts in their head like you do, give them a fuck break from your whining you piece of damaged shit the voice of my adoptive father screams in my head!  It rings so loud along with the other names called me.  The worst were when he was angry or during the abuse.  But his general feeling about me he beat into me.  Now I am so tired.  I want to quit.  I want it all to end.  I want to give up.

But there is joy in my life I force myself to remember.  I have my wonderful husband of nearly 35 year.  I have a home, and enough income to survive.  I have good things in my life.  But they only cover the screams of the abused child I was, even raped after I came home from the military by them until I was able to escape to my own home and then to the safety of Ron’s protection from them. 

Thank you for letting me write this.  As always it is a horrible fight to do it, it is like being abused all over again to describe it.  But the process of doing that, of voicing the hurt makes is so much less, drives it back into the holes it hides into.  I need to write to get it out of me.  I am so grateful there are people who understand this and willing to listen as I do, taking unto themselves their own memories my writing may trigger.  I am so sorry I might do that to others, to hurt them.  But it is the only way I know to get some relief myself.  So I thank you all greatly.   Hugs. 

Reblog of a reblog; a very strong read-go see!

Arise, indeed!

Episcopal Bishops Encouraging Flock To Stand Up For Migrants

I like this person and his teachings.  Clearly.  In truth had he been the one to save me as a 17 yr old beaten boy hiding in his barn I think he may have still sent me to a church school to protect me but he wouldn’t have then expected me to go on and become a priest in their religion.  I couldn’t tell my savior who wanted that from me why I rejected his strong demand / offer and instead went into the military was that I was gay.  I had accepted it to myself.  I was well versed enough in the acts of it due to my abuse to know that along with my internal emotions about guys vs women that the acts themselves did not repulse me.  Just the way they were forced on me. Remember I had been forced to please females as well as males since I was 3 years old and I understood my attractions were to males.  I was very gay.  Instead I think he would have asked me my goals and I would have had to tell him the mystical parts of the religion I had issues with … but the reason I need to withdraw was I was gay.  If he responded as he did in my comment to him, then I would have stayed in his congregation.  Not believing the magic parts of the religion but the community and acceptance that their god has for those different.   Rev. Ed Trevors admits he doesn’t preach facts, he preaches faith, and much of what he stresses is things as a humanest I can fully endorse. 

I do wonder with his … more violent past if he had found a badly beaten very thin small 17 year old boy who told him he was being abuse if he would have done more than force the parents … well in their mind’s owner of the boy to let him leave.  But again maybe that is my hopes / emotions talking over my understanding of reality.   Hugs

So, You Say You Want To Be Like Jesus – Are You Sure?

Oklahoma GOP Bills Would Criminalize Viewing Porn, Criminalize Drag Story Hour, And Ban No-Fault Divorce

Has Oklahoma already become a theocracy?  Is the will of the people not important, or only the doctrines of the fundamentalist Christ the majority of these people belong to so their god will be happy is important.  The voters don’t matter, the wants and needs of those who elect the lawmakers don’t matter, only pleasing their one version of a god out of 1100 other versions of god.  To hell with the rights of the people, to hell with the instruction of the woke hippy Jesus, just push the hates and desires of white males cis straight males to dominate and run everything.   As Roger says if they win how long will they start warring with each other for the top positions of speaking for their god?  Hugs

===================================================================

 

From Oklahoma GOP state Rep. Dusty Deevers:

Sen. Dusty Deevers, R-Elgin, announced on Tuesday a bold slate of eight legislative measures aimed at restoring moral sanity in Oklahoma. Together, these bills set a course for pushing back against the moral decay foisted upon Oklahoma by the far-left’s march through our institutions to destroy the moral foundations upon which the United States and Christian Civilization had long rested.

“Sadly, the left’s century-long assault on morality and decency has been so successful that some have come to accept as normal a society that is drowning in hardcore pornography, prenatal homicide, and sexual performances for children. None of this is normal. Each one of these evils is a result of a policy choice to not stand for what we know is right. Opposing these evils does not mean we are extremists. It means we are sane,” Deevers said.

“Contrary to what the left would have us believe, it doesn’t have to be this way. We can and should imagine and move toward a society that celebrates virtue in the public square rather than vice. We can restore normalcy, decency, and morality; we can protect the most vulnerable, restore a high view of marriage, and shield children from explicit material that can warp their innocent minds. We simply must have the courage to stand against the most radical and degenerate elements of the far-left.”

A sampling from Deever’s bills:

SB456 – The Abolition of Abortion Act

SB456 seeks to protect the lives of all preborn children in Oklahoma by closing the self-managed abortion loophole. While clinics may be prohibited from performing abortions, pro-life laws currently being enforced allow mothers to order abortion pills online and administer them herself. Recent research from the Foundation to Abolish Abortion shows that an estimated 3,274 self-managed abortions are taking place annually in Oklahoma.

SB593 – Prohibiting Pornography in Oklahoma

The bill prohibits pornography in general, providing for criminal penalties of up to 10 years in prison for production, distribution, or possession. It also provides heightened 10-to-30-year criminal penalties for organized pornography trafficking. “Pornography is both degenerate material and a highly addictive drug,” Deevers said. “It ruins marriages, ruins lives, destroys innocence, warps young people’s perception of the opposite sex, turns women into objects, turns men into objects, degrades human dignity, and corrodes the moral fabric of society. Any decent society will stand against this plague with the full weight of the law.”

SB550 – Prohibiting Drag Performances for Children

SB550 would ensure that Oklahoma kids are not subjected to adult cabaret performances including Drag Queen Story Hour. Under the provisions of the bill, the performer would be subject to a prison sentence of one-to-five years, while the organizer of the event would face up to one year behind bars.

SB228 – The Covenant Marriage Act

The Covenant Marriage Act would allow for couples in Oklahoma to opt into a covenant marriage, based on the traditional understanding of marriage as a binding legal contract with meaningful vows to one another. Covenant marriages would only be able to be dissolved in cases of abuse, adultery, or abandonment. Couples who opt into a covenant marriage would be eligible for a $2,500 tax credit.

SB829 – Prohibiting No-Fault Divorce

This bill would end no-fault divorce in Oklahoma by removing “incompatibility” as a justification for divorce, leaving abandonment, gross neglect, extreme cruelty, habitual drunkenness, insanity for a period of five years, adultery, unknown pregnancy, and fraudulent contract as the available justifications. It also establishes that the at-fault parent must pay restitution to the victims of divorce–that is, the children–in the form of a trust fund that they get access to when they turn 18.

Deever’s appeared here in January 2024 when he first tried to make viewing porn and sexting a consenting person a felony.

In March 2024, he declared during a Oklahoma House floor speech that all federal regulations are “against God’s law.”

In September 2024, he declared that people who vote for Kamala Harris are “possessed by demons.”

As you’ve probably already guessed, Deever’s is a pastor.

Report finds 266,000 LGBTQ+ young people left states with anti-LGBTQ laws

  • by Matthew S. Bajko, Assistant Editor

 

  • Wednesday January 22, 2025

Logan Casey, left, of the Movement Advancement Project, and Steven Hobaica, Ph.D., with The Trevor Project, worked on a report looking at LGBTQ+ youth who leave a state because of anti-LGBTQ laws. Photos: Courtesy MAP, Trevor ProjectLogan Casey, left, of the Movement Advancement Project, and Steven Hobaica, Ph.D., with The Trevor Project, worked on a report looking at LGBTQ+ youth who leave a state because of anti-LGBTQ laws. Photos: Courtesy MAP, Trevor Project

A new report estimates that roughly 266,000 LGBTQ+ young people and their families have uprooted their lives and left a state because of anti-LGBTQ politics or laws. It is also detailing in stark relief the positive outcomes on the health and wellbeing of LGBTQ youth that state lawmakers can have when enacting policy.

 

The eight-page research brief being released Wednesday by LGBTQ youth advocacy nonprofit The Trevor Project and the Movement Advancement Project used data sets from both organizations to draw its conclusions. It is the first time the two groups have utilized their data in such a way.

 

The report drew on the findings of Trevor’s 2024 U.S. National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ+ Young People, which was based on the responses of 18,663 LGBTQ+ young people between the ages of 13 to 24 from across the country. And it incorporated MAP’s policy tally scores for all 50 states that it compiles based on what laws individual states have passed benefitting or targeting the LGBTQ community.

 

“Year over year has been a record-breaking year for anti-LGBTQ bills. And the attacks continue to escalate,” said Logan Casey, a queer and transgender man who is MAP’s director of policy research. “The more we can do to illustrate the harm of those attacks, and on the flip side the positive impacts of good policy, I think the better it will be to help us communicate to the public, policymakers and beyond that policies matter in shaping everyone’s individual lives, and that is true for LGBTQ people as well.”

 

One of the key findings in the brief is that an overwhelming 90% of LGBTQ+ young people cited “recent politics” as having impacted their well-being. Among transgender and nonbinary youth, the percentage was 94%.

 

Nearly half (45%) of the transgender and nonbinary young people reported considering moving to a different state because of their home state’s LGBTQ+ politics or laws. Among all LGBTQ+ youth, just 39% had done so.

 

“When we incorporated the MAP data, I was not surprised, but it was striking. It was very clear to me the data had a very clear relationship to how LGBTQ-related policy is related to relocation,” said Steven Hobaica, Ph.D., a Honolulu-based licensed clinical psychologist who is a research scientist at The Trevor Project.

 

According to the research brief, titled “How State Policy Affects the Well-Being and Relocation of LGBTQ+ Young People,” 12% of transgender and nonbinary youth said they had traveled to another state to receive medical care due to their own states’ policies. Among all LGBTQ+ young people, 9% reported doing so.

 

Twenty-seven percent of LGBTQ+ young people reported living in a state with a negative policy index, or within a particularly harmful policy environment, according to the brief. Unsurprisingly, LGBTQ+ young people in states that received a lower LGBTQ+ policy index from MAP, meaning their states have less LGBTQ+-affirming policy, were more likely to consider moving and to travel to another state to access health care, compared to those residing in states that have adopted more LGBTQ+-affirming policy.

 

“For me, I think sometimes when individuals approach policy surrounding a community they are not a part of, they often don’t understand the impacts it can directly have on that community. I hope it points to that,” Hobaica, who identifies as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, said of the research brief.

 

The Trevor project did not ask the youth what states they had moved to in order to find a more LGBTQ-welcoming legislative environment. It remains unclear how many LGBTQ youth and their families have relocated to California, one of a handful of states to declare itself a transgender sanctuary, to escape the anti-LGBTQ laws adopted in their former states.

 

Kathie Moehlig, executive director of Trans Family Support Services, told the Bay Area Reporter that her San Diego-based organization two years ago routinely had fielded calls from LGBTQ families wanting to move out of their states due to anti-LGBTQ laws, especially when it came to health care for their trans children. More recently, they have handled far fewer requests for such assistance.

 

“Most people who sat in a privileged position and could move out of state for care have done that,” said Moehlig, whose 24-year-old son is trans.

A graph shows the number of LGBTQ+ youth considering leaving a state because of its anti-LGBTQ laws. Image: Courtesy The Trevor Project  

Trump impact uncertain
She has not seen any numbers on how many such families have moved to California, but surmised relatively few have due to the high cost of housing in the state and other factors. What impact the Trump administration and its attacks on trans rights will have on such relocations remains to be seen, she added.

“With Trump, maybe more families will move. More likely families will be hunkering down, finding resources, staying connected to community, and staying engaged in what may be coming our way,” said Moehlig. “We really don’t know. We just have to wait and see.”

The researchers noted that only 4% of LGBTQ+ young people in the sample they used had reported leaving a state because of LGBTQ+-related policies. Using estimations that 9.5% of youth age 13 to 17 and 15.2% of young people age 18 to 24 in the U.S. are LGBT, they then deduced the 266,000 number for how many have relocated to a new state.

“Unsurprisingly, these issues are even more pronounced for trans and nonbinary youth,” said Hobaica. “It impacts the whole LGBTQ community, but especially trans and nonbinary youth are going to be the youth who feel the most impact and typically are attacked the most by policymakers.”

In Missouri, where Casey lives, LGBTQ rights have been under assault. It has a negative rating on MAP’s policy tally, with an over score of -1.5/49.

“Politicians here are playing games with LGBTQ people’s lives, in particular LGBTQ young people’s lives,” said Casey.

He has had friends leave the state for Minnesota, California, and Pennsylvania. Casey told the B.A.R. he had contemplated doing so himself but hasn’t yet because Missouri is his home, he grew up in Ferguson, outside St. Louis, and he can still access the health care he needs.

“What me and other trans people are watching is whether the state or the new Trump admin will cut off medical care. That is the line in the sand for many people who either choose to move or have to move,” said Casey.

Positive benefits
While the media’s and public’s attention are usually focused on the negative LGBTQ policies being adopted, and the impacts they have, what often goes missing from the discourse is how LGBTQ people, particularly young people, positively benefit when policymakers adopt affirming legislation, noted Casey. The research brief intentionally highlights those outcomes, noting LGBTQ+ young people are more likely to report being positively impacted by recent politics if they live in a state assigned a higher LGBTQ+ policy index by MAP.

“LGBTQ+ young people living in states with a higher LGBTQ+ policy index reported that recent politics were less likely to negatively impact their well-being. They were also less likely to report crossing state lines for health care or consider moving to another state,” noted the research brief.

Casey told the B.A.R., “It is not just bad policies lead to bad outcomes, it is the reverse is also true. Good policies lead to improved outcomes for mental health and all other kinds of outcomes.”

Shira Berkowitz, senior director of public policy and advocacy at PROMO, Missouri’s statewide LGBTQ advocacy group, believes the research brief will be beneficial to the lobbying efforts it and similar groups in other states undertake this year.

“We do significant policy work to change the landscape in this area so people feel Missouri is a state they can live and thrive in,” said Berkowitz, noting that “the most important thing to most lawmakers is the condition or ability for their state to thrive, or it should be.”

Hopefully the research brief will embolden lawmakers who want to help protect the LGBTQ community, said Casey.

“I hope it adds to the growing body of evidence that harmful policies have real costs on LGBTQ young people and their families across the country, but also that it will encourage legislators in states who want to do something proactive that they should,” said Casey.

For Moehlig, she would like to see pro-LGBTQ lawmakers make an effort to reach LGBTQ young people where they are at. It is not enough to just pass laws and talk about doing so at events, in media outlets, or on social media platforms that may not be reaching LGBTQ youth, contended Moehlig.

“I don’t think it is spoken enough in spaces where kids are going to hear that,” she said. “They need to be reaching in to where they are, whether on social media or whether communicating through their schools. They need to be finding those spaces so kids are hearing directly from the people who hold the power to say, ‘We’ve got you here.'”


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Fact check: Trump made more than 20 false claims in his Inauguration Day remarks

https://www.cnn.com/politics/fact-check-trump-inauguration/index.html

We Get Another Hummingbird This Week: “Border Beauty”

Peace & Justice History for 1/25

January 25, 1930
Mohandas Gandhi, Jawaharlal Nehru and other leaders of the anti-colonial movement in India pledged to achieve complete independence, or Purna Swaraj, from Great Britain.
Nehru said:
“The British Government in India has not only deprived the Indian people of their freedom but has based itself on the exploitation of the masses, and has ruined India economically, politically, culturally and spiritually . . . We hold it to be a crime against men and God to submit any longer to a rule that has caused this fourfold disaster to our country.”
January 25, 2002

Israeli Refuseniks
A group of Israeli reservists issued a declaration saying they would not serve the Israeli Defense Force (IDF) if assigned to the occupied West Bank or Gaza Strip. It was called the Combatants’ Letter, and the organization Courage to Refuse grew out of their resistance.
Captain David Zonshein and Lieutenant Yaniv Itzkovits, officers in an elite unit, realized the missions assigned to them as commanders in the IDF had in fact nothing to do with the defense of the State of Israel, but were rather intended to maintain control of the occupied territories at the price of oppressing the local Palestinian population.
Within three months, 69 such refuseniks had been jailed. 629 Israeli soldiers ultimately signed the pledge. Over 280 members of Courage to Refuse were court-martialed and jailed for periods of up to 35 days as a result of their refusal.

The Israeli refusnik movement today