I went out shopping early this morning. Then I came home and after putting the stuff away I did all the dishes. It was not a lot but three days worth and last night I cooked a good meal. I am washing all the bed linens and all the towels in the chairs / places that Tupac lays on. So as I try to do they cartoon / meme post for tomorrow …. My mind is fractured. So these songs are in my mind. Sorry if this hurts anyone. Also remember I am not in danger of self-harm. I won’t do that to all of you who I respect so much. Hugs or best wishes to all as you appreciate the gesture. The songs below are shattering my thoughts. I walk alone, and I wish for the sound of silence. Oh, to have the thoughts in my mind stop! I desperately wish for it. I have not eaten yet today, nor did I after breakfast yesterday and Ron has called me 3 times asking me to eat. Even telling me to order something if it is more pleasing to me. I just can’t. I bought salad stuff today so maybe a salad later. I am so confused. I had four more ready to post and suddenly realized it was useless. Is my life useless? I do good things. My husband loves me. His cat sleeps pressed up against me at night, yet even last night as I struggled to sleep and he moved up onto my pillow I took no comfort from him. I am feeling so numb inside when I let myself feel anything at all because the government is forcing my pain doctors to reduce my medications despite the new MRI showing severe and increased damage to my spine. My doctors say it my be necessary for me to do surgery to get relief because RFK Jr. has determined that all pain clinics lower their clients morphine equviancy to less than 100. Those who do not feel chronic pain or live in long pain because they dont hve to suffer … well illegal drugs all of a sudden get a hollier than though about drugs. Seriously, this former drug adic is restricting needed medication from people like me with seriously damaged spines and no contributions to his campaigns. But drugs from a qualified pain doctor can mean the difference between living a quality life and suffering in even more agony. Hugs
I am sorry. I do not not want to worry anyone or cause fear. But I feel so… out of sync with the world. I just hurt. It is part physical and a lot emotional. The MRI I had just had showed many parts of my lower spine are showing far more damage than my doctors had thought. They thought I had a few more years before surgery. I cannot afford surgery. The MRI moved many of my lower vertebrae from the moderate to severe to extremely severe zone. One the report said was in civilian terms destroyed. The bone matrrial decaded, the inside soft stuff pushed out and the nerves were caught by the edges of the jagged edges of the bones both being forced out and being pinched and being pinced inside as I moved. It is why I cannot sit in my chair very long. Ron is going to get me an air seat when he gets home but I doubt it will help. I am sitting here thinking of why when my spine shows ever more damage the government is requiring that my pain doctors reduce everyone’s pain medications. Just because the former coke addict RFK Jr dosent feel the crippling pain that people like me do doesn’t mean he gets to stop our pain medication or at least shouldn’t. All that does is force us on to illegal drugs to get relief. I wonder if that is the point all along. Think of it, all the friends in pain suddenly not able to vote would change the election in plenty of ways. Hugs
Sorry, but I keep repeating the songs over and over. Hugs
Every body hurts. But today I hurt terribly. Sorry. Now I have to go struggle to make the bed because I washed the bed sheets. More pain. Hugs
Scottie's Playtime 
I am so sorry, Scottie! My wife suffers chronic back pain (very fortunately not as bad as you) and is facing some of the same kinds of BS with her pain medication. We both send you hugs and love!
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Thank you Bruce. Tomorrow I will answer more deeply, but right now I have everyone hurts on a loop and ,,I just wish my pain would stop. Hugs
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Scottie: It is horrendous that you can’t get your meds. I am so sorry. But if it’s any comfort to know you’re not alone, that’s definitely true. I, too, have a badly damaged spine, though not as severe as yours. I’m in PT twice a week. The pain is lessening, but somewhat stubborn.
I do know that deep breathing can sometimes take the edge off. I find this video, “Meditation on the Radical Acceptance of Pain,” can lower the intensity. At least it’s free and has no bad side effects. I hope you’ll try it.
Hugs, Annie
https://www.tarabrach.com/meditation-radical-acceptance-of-pain/
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Hi Annie. Sorry you’re suffering as well. For something so important to human daily life as the spine is so fragile and easily damaged. Thanks for the video. I will try it. I think I will have to be in a better emotional state than I have been for a few days for it to work for me. Hugs.
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There’s no rush. It’s there if/when you need it. I find it helpful.
But deep breathing, hand on belly, is available to you always.
And maybe you can sip some nutritional shakes til your appetite returns.
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We do worry and will worry, but you’re still posting, and that’s good to see. You are an individual who matters to so many. Yet, you’re suffering from what OUR government is doing all because of that malignancy in the white house. You’re a good person and deserve way better. Hugs, M
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I agree with Michael’s comment. It’s close to what I was going to say, but he said it better.
We do worry. That isn’t from anything you are doing wrong, though, it’s because you matter to us and it is frustrating that we can’t do much to help.
I hope you had a good meal and can get some rest. From your description, Tupac is helping you as much as he can. He knows you are kind and loving or he wouldn’t do this. I didn’t need that proof, but maybe it will ease you mind if your thoughts take you that way.
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Hi MDavis. Yes Tupac is trying his best to help. I woke at 4 AM to find him sleeping on my hand. How he manages to do that without waking me I can’t figure out. One morning I woke to find him resting on my pillow snuggled up to my head. The news makes my emotional state worse, so I have been taking news breaks with audiobooks and short movie clips. My pain levels are higher because I am trying to do the house chores Ron would normally do when he is home. This morning it is difficult to even sit in my favorite chair. Hugs
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You probably already know this one, but Paper plates! Plastic cutlery! Paper towels and single use baking dishes! That will cut down dishwashing chores at least. It’s an extra expense, but still cheaper than the pain meds that you can’t get anyway.
You’re probably correct about addict attitude, and there’s a bonus of politicians showboating for their probably addict base.
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Scottie, whether you read/listen to the news or not, it will happen. Stop reading about it. Give yourself a break, and turn off the TV, the radio, the news on the computer. Play some music that you like, pat Tupac, and tell yourself, the bad in the world in not your fault, nor your problem.
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Hi Judy. Thank you. I do take breaks by watching short videos and listening to audiobooks. But I do think we need to understand what is happening in our country and that means watching / reading the news because while we are not the cause we are all part of the solution. Hugs.
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Hi Michael. Yes you are correct the news leaves me torn as I tend to wallow in it for most of my day. I have been taking news breaks and instead I have been listening to audio books. Plus it was bad enough during the big scandal with OxyContin state legislators though they were smarter than trained professionals with training and experience in treating pain so they made laws restricting how much pain medication could be prescribed. RFK Jr. just made it worse for me and others by further restricting the amount of pain medication a person can be given. They require all patients to have a morphine equivalency of no more than 100 with the goal of getting all patients to less than 50. I went from medications that let me have a normal quality of life to struggling unable to do simple tasks, and now it will get worse. I know you have health issues so you understand but people who don’t experience constant or high levels of pain don’t understand how it wears you down making functioning harder and harder. RFK Jr. is a reformed heroin addict and like all true believers, he thinks all pain medication is for getting high, so no one should have them or need them. I am going to look into medical cannabis but Florida makes it hard as our governor and state legislators are Christian nationalists who think cannabis is a horrific tool of the devil himself. Hugs
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I’m sorry in such backward times again, Scottie. Don’t apologize for ‘wallowing’. You have ongoing, very real concerns. If I may, you’re actually speaking for thousands, maybe millions, who are in similar situations across the nation, so I appreciate your voice and insights. Be strong, and keep telling us how you’re doing. Hugs, my friend.
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We send you our love and best wishes Scottie.
You show great courage and fortitude to keep on with your life despite the misery and suffering that chronic pain is brining you, particularly as a degree of your suffering is as the result of a mean-spirited and ignorant administration.
When reading the other replies it is obvious how much you are liked, loved and cared for by folks in the WP community; and these feelings are in response to the person you are. A caring, courageous individual who despite the trails and tribulation placed on you is still here. not giving up.
Bless you Scottie
And best wishes to you and Ron.
Roger and Sheila 🙏🌈
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Hi Roger. Thank you. This is a wonderful community. I am just worn down right now, emotionally and physically. I am doing more than I should be because Ron is in Texas with his sister. As my physical pain worsens they are cutting my medications. All because legislators and a former heroin addict think they know more than trained professionals with medical training in how to treat people in pain. It drives me crazy. It is only 10:30 in the morning and my back aches so much I can hardly sit in my best chair. When the state legislators wanted to show they were tough on illegal drug use they cut the amount and the types of pain medications that could be prescribed in Florida. My medication level at the time allowed me to have a semi normal quality of life. The new laws made it so my doctors had to cut and change my pain medications leaving me struggling to function and do even easy chores. Now the tRump people are going to worsen it for me. At the time they get all the pills they want from the white house doctors office. During tRump’s first term Ronny Jackson was passing out pills like M&Ms. Hugs
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Sorry for the delay in getting back to you on this one Scottie, me not paying attention to my WP notifications- my bad.
Chronic pain is bad enough when it is made worse by the uncaring ignorance of one group who should not be allowed to be anywhere near responsible positions.
We are and will be thinking of you and hoping there will be some sort of solution by which your pain can be eased.
Bless you
Roger and Sheila 🌈🙏
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Hi Roger. Never fear delays or even missing replies. I have tabs of older comments I have to reply to when I get some spare time. I know I won’t get to them all. Hugs
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Time just flies away doesn’t it Scottie?
Take care and Bless you
Roger & Sheila 🙏🌈
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The Disturbed version of ‘The Sound Of Silence’ is one of my all time favourite songs.
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Hi Barry. It is a startling version of that song. The way the singer lets his voice build in intensity is remarkable. Best wishes.
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agreed. Simon and Garfunkel performed it as a pretty song, and it was boring. Disturbed blew the doors off of it, and suddenly you got the message. And Paul Simon, Mr. Arrogant, actually gifted it to them. He knew. This man has an amazing range, and an amazing history.
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