If you have read the recent comments you will notice they have dealt with self-improvement and taking control over ones life. I strongly believe this. I know it can be done because I did it. I had a choice. I could be like my abusers and be what they wanted to make me. Or I could make sure I was never like them in anyway. I chose the second one. I think I made the correct choice. I prefer to help others than hurt them; I don’t need to harm others to make myself feel better. I like being kind and nice. I like lifting others up even if it is just with a hello and a smile. I treat the people I meet in my life as the humans they are with feelings and needs, not just objects to my own goals. Yes, I think I made the right choice. Hugs


This woman is a good person. She goes to church there or four times a week. She volunteers 4 days in the church thrift stores. She is not a bad person; she really is very nice, not just bright. So one day I was working on her computers, and it was something I needed to do about 3 times each month.
As I was working on her two computers, she kept telling me about her god’s love. Until I exploded!
Where was your god every time I was repeatedly raped as a kid, and why did he not stop it? Did he enjoy watching it? I admitted shouting.
She was silent for a few seconds. Then she said, Scottie, he was holding your hands. Really, I know the guys holding my hands. I knew the girls who were holding my head to force me down on their sex organs. I nearly walked out of the house. That level of stupidity is stunning, that level of excusing the abuse I had as a kid, to give her god credit.
I did finish the job. I also asked her if she wanted me to work on her stuff she kept her god herself. For the last 10 years that has been the truce we have. She still thinks her god is the entirety of existence, and she doesn’t seem to understand that her god watched each of my rapes, the violent rapes, the forced to drink urine, the tied to a stair rails so I could be raped by teenage males. Damn I have to get some relief. I think soon my head will explode. Maybe it should. I am tired. Maybe …maybe. No, not yet, not now. I promised Randy I would tell him before I did. Not yet, not now. But ever closer.
I just don’t understand why a good god would have watched what happened to me and let it go on, no matter what about free will. What about my free will not to be raped or forced to give blowjobs? Doesn’t that count to her god? Hugs
Last night I had the opportunity to watch the new movie remake of He-Man, and I really enjoyed the tongue-in-cheek writing. Like many of you, I grew up on Saturday Morning cartoons. I had an itemized schedule of Mystery Machine’s and Purple Gorilla’s in dune buggies, a Waskilly Wabbit and a hunter with a stutter all listed out starting early in the morning and ending at 11:00 when I was finally kicked outside to act out all those story lines. And, among them was this cartoon “He-Man”! I was a bit old for it when it came out, and from an adult standpoint it was one of the most ridiculously named storylines ever created, but dang I loved the idea of having a hero come to the rescue.

Perhaps there is just comfort knowing who the good guys are and easily identifying the bad guys to settle a heart and mind. The bad guys were always portrayed monstrously by their actions, their words, their appearance. The heroes were strong, pure, caring, and always helped people by opposing evil. The bad guys always wanted people hurt, dominated, exploited. Scooby-Doo always came out the hero and the bad guys always lost. Saturday morning Ethics were easy to understand.
Then, I grew older and I realized that the morality of reality seemed extraordinarily flexible. I was told that the weak were weak because they chose to be weak, the poor were poor because they chose to be poor. The sick were sick…. you get the point. Somehow the absolute ethics of my Saturday morning education didn’t reflect in my life or experience outside that television, no matter how much I longed for it.
In time we are asked to change our heroes. Superman is crushed by cryptonite, Hulk is ruined by his temper, and as much as I want to believe that there is something greater than this world, God still somehow has babies born with defects, children who live in pain, parents who lose their will to go on in this world. But we yearn for that hero who made everything ok in the end that we loved on Saturday morning television.

We yearn so much that we forget that those stories were just stories for children. The people we lift up to solve all our problems are just skin and bone humans, and if they tell us they are our answer to all that hurts, well…

I’ve struggled to understand how relatively smart people could fall for a leadership that has visited the depredations upon the world that this one seems to enjoy. I’ve thought them idiots, racist pigs, deplorable trash and fools, especially as the truth of this man’s toxic morality comes more and more to light. He’s raped, stolen, and killed to cover his crimes and yet he is loved by a troubling number of people. It’s not logical, it’s not rational.
But outside the horrible scum that have latched onto his leprously-stained skirts in this bid for power at any cost administration follow a horde of broken and hurt people who somehow thought this con-artist cared about anyone but himself. They are the children who sat before the television on Saturday mornings and believed somehow that the blond-haired hero with the great propaganda was here to save them. They drank the cool-aid, bought the shirts – and the hats, they believed the hype because they believed the hurt. They are not going to release that hope easily once given and because of that any atrocity is forgiven.


I fearfully believe this Land of Liberty is lost for an inability to understand right or wrong. The utopian hopeful are mocked by a populace that have come to love their chains as they fight to defend those who would make them chattel because they fear that the people hoping to release those bonds have ulterior motives. I share their fear, in part, because I know that they who thirst for power will shed their skin to walk amongst the hopeful seeking a new path. Morality is cheap for those who mock ethics, and people broken and drowning will destroy anything for hope of salvation.

-Randy

I am going to put a song link below. I remember the night as a little boy me and one of my hellspawn siblings hunched close to the TV to watch the movie. The adoptive father had forbiden us to watch it as he worked nights and was trying to sleep. But she convinced me it would be OK if we sat really close to the TV and kept the sound down. By this time in my life, I was used to doing what I was told to do. Now looking back I realize she wanted me there for coverage knowing I would pay for the indiscresion and she wouldn’t.
So we sat there next to the TV and I heard this song. It was such a song of hope and I wanted so much for it to be true. However as was so often in my life as a child someone had to pay the price, and that someone was me. When the show was over and as the credits came on the screen he came out. He said I hope it was worth it. He ordered his daughter to her room and grabbed my arm dragging me back to his bedroom. I paid the price for her and for hearing the song. I don’t think I need to go into the details, it was the same thing that happened almost daily in my life at that point. One pain or another always equaling someone else taking their enjoyment or anger out on my small body. But the song stuck with me and in many ways became my anthem for hope of a better life. Sad a 7-year-old needed that. And even sadder are the memories of what he did to me that night in either his anger or need. Below is the song. Hugs
If you read the law it lets anyone claim to be offended by any media and that it doesn’t need to be declared obscene to be labeled obscene. Why is that? Because to a small group of very vocal haters just the existence of LGBTQ+ people is obscene. It offends their god so it offends them. But don’t try to claim the Bible is obscene or pushes offensive stuff it has special carve outs that make all the icky bad parts OK. I hope this will be appealed to the full appeals court as this attempt to errase an entire population of people based on bigotry must not be allowed to stand. I also just read where the education department under the hypermaga education secretary will not be enforcing or even recording the bullying and abuse of the LGBTQ+ kids at school. Her view is let the little fagots fend for themselves it seems. Remember she and her husband turned a blind eye to the many young boys being sexually assaulted by the wrestlers in their group.
Also the majority of the three judges panel said that the three patrons did not have standing to object because no books had been banned yet. They seem to have a wait and see if the victim is stabbed before taking the knife from the threatening person. That is stupid. Everyone knows what the law is intended to do and the writers of the law admit that openly. It seems the tRump appointed judges want to let attacks on the librarians and on the books that mention gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, non-binary, and questioning kids / people be removed as soon as possible knowing it is harder to put them back than to ban them in the first place. Hugs.
Law creates penalties for librarians distributing content deemed ‘harmful’ to minors