I remember and I hate that I do.

I am going to put a song link below.  I remember the night as a little boy me and one of my hellspawn siblings hunched close to the TV to watch the movie.  The adoptive father had forbiden us to watch it as he worked nights and was trying to sleep.  But she convinced me it would be OK if we sat really close to the TV and kept the sound down. By this time in my life, I was used to doing what I was told to do.  Now looking back I realize she wanted me there for coverage knowing I would pay for the indiscresion and she wouldn’t.  

So we sat there next to the TV and I heard this song. It was such a song of hope and I wanted so much for it to be true. However as was so often in my life as a child someone had to pay the price, and that someone was me.  When the show was over and as the credits came on the screen he came out.  He said I hope it was worth it.  He ordered his daughter to her room and grabbed my arm dragging me back to his bedroom. I paid the price for her and for hearing the song. I don’t think I need to go into the details, it was the same thing that happened almost daily in my life at that point. One pain or another always equaling someone else taking their enjoyment or anger out on my small body. But the song stuck with me and in many ways became my anthem for hope of a better life.  Sad a 7-year-old needed that.  And even sadder are the memories of what he did to me that night in either his anger or need. Below is the song.   Hugs

Today’s cartoons / memes / news post. Updates on post7-29-2026

My apologies to everyone on today’s post that was to go out today. I tried; I really did try.  I got up full of energy and made lunch, breakfast, lunch, and supper while working on the post.  But the more I tried to do stuff, the more pain I ran head-on into.  So I gave up and went to bed late at night, after 7 PM, and I got up at 3 am to finish. But as I sat in my chair, I just couldn’t accomplish anything to get everything done.  I really tried. So when Ron got up, O made him and I breakfast, and we enjoyed that.  I made potatoes, bacon, sausage, and fried potatoes I made the night before.  But no matter how hard I tried, the more pain I was in.  Then the pain got so bad I had to go to bed in agony. I slept for most of the morning after 8 a.m. Then I got back up at noon and tried again.  But then I tried again. Every time the pain built, I had to get back up to move from the desk.  So I decided maybe moving to doing the laundry while working might help.  It did not.  It is 4 pm and I just cannot do it today. I just couldn’t sit at my desk and the more I tried, the more I needed pain medications, which made me more tired.  So I am giving up.  I will schedule the post for the morning. I do apologize; there is simply nothing I can do. I just had surgery last Tuesday to help with the pain in my back and the damage to my spine.  As they say, the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.  I love doing the posts; I love not onlyly putting them out for everyone, but it sometimes gets to be too much. Especially during the middle of the week.  But tomorrow I have an appointment with my surgeon, and the surgery went well.  So I will make the post extra long to make up for the lack of the posts today and yesterday.

Oh, since I have been back on my feet, I have been trying to do more to help Ron so he can do more to rebuild the house. That means more laundry, more housework, and more meals. Hugs.    Scottie.  

Political cartoons / memes / and news I want to share. 7-20-2026

I am sorry this is so late getting out.  Now that I can walk again I am helping Ron renovate the house and create my new office by making the meals and doing the dishes and laundry.  But I am exhausted at the end of the day.  I got to bed between 6 and 7 pm and get up between 4 and 5 am.  I am not complaining, just telling the facts of my life.  On Monday the 6th I got a spine shot that let me walk again.  It is slowly wearing off and the pain and neuropathy in my right leg is again increasing.  This morning I made breakfast of fried potatoes, two slices of bacon each, two sausage patties each, and three eggs fried over medium where the whites are fully cooked and the yolk is still yellow and runny.  Ron wanted two whole muffins and I had two slices of toast.  

Then I went out with Ron to the nearby Publix to get our 4 cases of Publix caffeine free diet cola which is 24 two litter bottles and while I waited for the store to bring them out to me Ron got a few snacks I wanted, such as peanuts and almonds, along with a few other things.  Then when we got home I started the laundry of towels and sat down for a bit.  Then got up to make Ron lunch but he saw how tired I was and told me he could get it himself so I started doing dishes.  

Our next goal is to get the meat slicer out and make breakfast steaks and sliced ham for sandwiches out of the two medium hams we bought.   It is far cheaper that way than buying individual ham steaks and sliced ham from the deli.  Then Ron says he will make supper but I think if I can stand I will.   But I am very tired.   So now at 2:20 pm I am trying to finish the morning cartoons / memes / news posts. 

But the real reason for writing this on this post is tomorrow.  I have my spine surgery scheduled for 07:30 in the morning.  Yes I am worried, but I have to have it.   This is the one where they put me almost mostly under (the person who called me told me I wouldn’t be able to remember it happened).   Heard that before.  But I did remember.  So nothing by mouth but my morning pills which they went over with Ron and I.  

I admit I am struggling with the fact that I will be basicly nude and unable to protect myself during this.  I have been drugged for sex in my childhood.   So as I told people here I have to have a colonoscopy, and this is the same issue.   The thing I have to help me is that this surgeon I have known and been getting epidurals from him that required my butt to be exposed.  Therefore, I trust him.   

I never told him but I know he knows of my childhood abuse because Doctor Brenda must have recorded it in my chart.  Anyway the point is if I can get the cartoons /  memes / and news post out tomorrow I will.   I just don’t know how I will feel after the M.I.L.D. surgery to cut and trim the spinal cord in my lower spine.   Oh Ron and I just trimmed up two hams into sandwich meat and ham steaks for breakfast.  I will post that soon.     Hugs

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image

 

Hey Tumblr guess what? For the next two weeks, posters are back in my online shop!! You get to choose between 4 rad designs. Get them while they’re hot!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tumblr: Image

#cats from The cats must be crazy

BRING ME SCHRÖDINGER’S HEAD

 

#Writing Humour from Writers Write

 

 

Ron nad I have library cards.  They let you borrow far more than books.  They also have audio books, movies, TV shows, and games for every platform.  When I want a book to listen to but it is too expensive, as audio books tend to be, we borrow it from the library app.  The cool thing is if our branch doesn’t have it the main system will somewhere and we can still borrow it.   Hugs

 

 

Image from What Are You Really Afraid Of?

 

#Jesus Christ from What Are You Really Afraid Of?

 

Image from What Are You Really Afraid Of?

 

#quotes from Emotional Words

 

 

 

 

A Short Biography Of Peter Thiel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul Duginski CagleCartoons.com

 

Reality Show President

 

Trump Rewrites Reality

Trump Desperate For A Scapegoat

 

 

 

 

 

 

undefined for July 20, 2026

 

 

undefined for July 18, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

#anarchism from Black Bloc Antifa

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trump White House Cabinet Positions

 

 

 

 

 

Rebekah Mercer's Dark Money: A Brief History

 

 

Bio: James O'Keefe and Project Veritas Deceptions

 

Disinformation In Travel and Politics

Trump's Pretzel Logic

 

Laura Loomer: Unelected Influencer Of Trump

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joey Weatherford for 7/17/2026

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

David Ellison: The Man Who Got Colbert Fired

 

 

Bryan Johnson's

Milt Priggee WeAreGettingScrewed.org

 

 

undefined for July 20, 2026

 

 

 

Joey Weatherford for 7/14/2026

 

 

 

#white people twitter from White People Twitter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cyclospora Parasites Target Vegetarians

 

 

 

 

 

image

 

 

#SCOTUS from What Are You Really Afraid Of?

 

Chip Bok for 7/17/2026

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Erik Prince: Blackwater and his Mercenary Armies

 

Trump's Iran War and Lies, Continue

 

 

 

Alex Karp CEO Of Palantir

Joey Weatherford for 7/16/2026

 

 

 

 

Trump's War In Iran Without A Plan

 

 

 

Larry Ellison And Oracle's Surveillance State

Human Finger Meets AI Hand

 

OpenAI Co-Founder Greg Brockman's Existential Race

 

Bio: Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lee Zeldin EPA Head Destroyer

 

 

Trump's Push To Bring Back Polluting Coal

 

 

 

 

Bio Of Koch Industries CEO vs Planet Earth

undefined for July 20, 2026

 

 

 

 

Today and why things are the way they are with me and the blog.

So this starts from last night.  Without being graphic or at the risk of oversharing, Ron and I decided to put Tupac on the far out side with me in the middle.   Tupac prefers to be in the middle, which I understand but it interferes with Ron and me being able to show eachother intamaticy and touch / hold each other during the night.  It has been a frustration since Tupac moved in because before that even though we have a king size bed we were always touching and entwined during the night.   

Move to monday morning.  I have a standing order for 4 cases  (24 individual 2-liter bottles of soda) of Publix caffeine-free diet soda.   Because I couldn’t walk Ron has been going to pick them up along with all the rest of our groceries.   But it was taking a lot of time out of his day to do the remodeling we needed to get done.  

So today I went for the soda and a few groceries.   Now I go to the nearest Publix store but it wouldn’t matter they all have super happy employees who are eager to help anyone who asks them.  I often remark if you ask a person in a different store where such item might be they will tell you what aisle and leave it at that.  In every Publix I have ever been that I asked the employee, they stoped what they were doing and took me to where they thought the item might be.  If it was not there they did not just walk away they kept looking with me.  

So remember I just got back to walking, and I have fallen twice.   So I go in with a cart and tell the person at the service desk who I am and what my standing order is.  She makes the calls and then remarks she has not seen me in a while.  I explained that my spouse was coming in to get the sodas.   I always wear my pride hat and it is clear that my spouse is male.  Again never a problem.   

A young man who he later told me he was 22 yrs old came with my order in a cart so I asked him if I could switch my empty cart with his full one.   He was sure.  Then he noticed me taking my cane from the cart before he took it.  He took my cart to the cart area and then stood by while I paid for my soda and then offered to take them to my car for me.   I was grateful and explained that I just got the ability to walk again and was worried about lifting these heavy cases.  

This young energetic happy so very young person who is to me very cute as all young people are to me at 63 years old and disabled.  He pushed my cart out to the car and put them in it while talking a steady stream about things.   I have often told Ron that my pride hat is a magnet for the young Publix boys.   One of them told me he was in in the dinner theater scene and loved acting.  So if anyone mentions to you that the Publix stores are / were founded by Christian people who wanted the stores to show a Christian application in the world, they are correct.  They are the most progressive pro LGBTQ+ and helping the poor while taking care of the immigrant or minority store chain I have ever seen.  

As the young man and I talked I told him I needed to go back into the store and get some groceries.   He walked me all the way back into the store and offered to help me do my shopping.   I declined while thanking him.  

I had 18 items on my list and I admit I added Cheez-It snacks to it.   By the time I was done I was limping and very tired out.  This was the first time grocery shopping alone since I got the epidural on my spine dealing with my right leg that let me walk and the right foot was cramping.   

I do not know how decrepit an old man I looked but when I pulled into the open checkout lane, the young woman at the end of the counter who would normally do the bagging walked up to the end of the aisle in front of my cart.  I appoligised to her for blocking her way and said I would move my cart for her to get by.   She smiled and said no I just wanted to help you unload your cart.  She loaded everything on the converbelt and then I limped up to the pay pad device.

Again I don’t know how disabled I seem but as we chatted the bagging young woman kept asking me if things were going to be too heavy.  When I paid she offered to take my stuff out to the car and load it in the back as the other young man had done.  I demured, I guess I can manage, I said I don’t want to take you from your duties.   Nonsense said the older woman chassier and the younger woman said it is what I want to do and she offered to push the cart.  

The young woman took my cart out to the car and loaded the stuff into the car.  I admit I was grateful, as I was pretty beat and dragging as I walked with her.  I had offered the young man a tip and he refused, I did the same with this young woman and she also refused telling me she was very happy to help me.  Ron tells me he finds the store’s prices slightly higher but I remind him the aisles are wide enough for people to pass and all I wrote above, far different from the walmart he thinks is saving us so much money.  


So I got home and Ron carried the heavy things into the house while I carried the small stuff.   Then after putting stuff away Ron showed me the current “kitchen / livingroom A/C unit” he had pulled apart to clean.  Yesterday all day he cleaned the one in our bedroom and gods how full of dirt and crap it was.  Ron had started the laundry of cat pee towels and then the dark load.  So I took care of all that.  

But it soon became noon and lunch time.   I made him a large sandwich of the meats, lettuce, and the condiments he wanted.  I had four cheese stuffed hot dogs … Sorry the steroids that got me walking also increased my eating and sadly my weight a lot.  I went from 168 to now 182.  It is a catch 22 situation.  Do I want to walk or be thin?  Right now I struggle to control the hunger beast which two months ago I had no hunger at all and would go days without eating.  

So to end this.   Ron is sleeping and I will finish this and work on getting tomorrow’s cartoons/ memes / news post scheduled.  I took out a porkloin for supper and will serve it with mashed potatoes, brown gravy, and a vegetable.  If Ron is still working on the house stuff I will stop everything I am doing and do the best I can to make supper.   If he gives up for the day I will save taking the extra pain medications and he will make supper as I do blog stuff.  

It is 2:45 PM my time.   If I remember my military training it is 14:45 for the rest of the world.  Here again is an issue I want or hope everyone remembers.   With my pain and my medications I get about 12 hours up time during the day.  Right now that time is shrinking for me.  It would be like most people coming home from work at 5 or 6 pm.  They have about 4 hours left to do everything.  I hope everyone understands my day is very compressed and at this point I have about 4 or 5 hours left in my uptime.   

Please don’t feel bad about that.  I am super lucky; I have limitations I can’t break.  But I have a home to be in, a bed to go to, food when I am hungry, and pain medication to help me deal with my life.  I feel bad for Ron my husband for 36 years who has to do the things I can’t, who heard me fall the other night and rushed to the room to help me up.   But the truth is my life is constrained and limited.  I got up at 5 am after a wonderful quality time with my husband.  He can sleep in the afternoon; I can’t.   If I try I am down for the day.  So now I am back to putting tomorrow’s post together.   I just wanted to share this part of my day with you.    Hugs

 

 

 

Today and the plans and what will be.

Hello everyone.  What a morning.   I got up at 4 am and the plan was to power through the cartoons / memes / news post for tomorrow and then dive into the comments.   I understand from what I have been told some are pretty contentious.   However … the best laid plans of mice and men I think is the phrase.   It is now 1:14 pm and I am just getting back to my computers since 8:30 am.

Ron got up late around 8:20 am and he was struggling.   I offered to make breakfast which he really wanted me to do.   But at 9 am my news programs via over the air waves broadcasts of Sunday news programs came on.  But the TV in the kitchen is a very simple plain TV with no features.  The apple box attached to that TV has bluetooth so I can use earbuds.  However again I can’t for broadcast stuff so if Ron doesn’t want to hear it I can’t use the TV.  

Nevertheless Ron said go ahead and watch the news and while I cooked a breakfast of thick sliced bacon, sausage links, and a large bratwurst sausage Ron wanted.  Normally I would do potatoes, but I was not up for that today.  Along with the meat I made 8 hard boiled eggs.  And toast.   

While I was doing this Ron tore apart the bedroom window A/C unit.   It was a dirty mess even though he cleaned the filters regularly.  But as he took it apart it was good he had asked me to order a special A/C cleaning liquid.   Decon 30 I got from Amazon and what a mess he got into as he deep cleaned the unit and then cleaned everything up.  

After I made breakfast and we ate he went back to working on the A/C.   I started cleaning up and doing dishes along with setting up the coffee stuff for tomorrow.   We finished at the same time.  1:20 pm about.   Ron and I then discussed what to do for supper.  It was decided I would make tacos with extra beans and other seasonings while Ron started doing the laundry, both to finish the stuff we had not gotten to and to clean the towels / wash clothes he used to clean the unit.  Ron wanted me to get time to finish the post for tomorrow and I will.   However the comments are a wait and see.   However I pushed sharpening the knives until tomorrow but other than that I have no appointments so should be able to get to comments if I don’t today.   

Last thing I want to mention.  The week after the 4th I had many doctors visits.  As I am a person who engages with the people behind the counters the question kept coming up “What did you do for the 4th”.  Many people complained about the heat and how they tried to either go out or find other activities.  However when they asked me what we did they were surprisingly supportive of what Ron and I did to celebrate the holiday with many saying they wished they had done so as well.  

Ron and I stayed home and we did one of the things we enjoy.  Something we have enjoyed all our time together but much more as we aged.   Cooking and making things in the kitchen together.   When we knocked the walls out and made the extra large kitchen, we did it with just this in mind. We used to make christmas gifts of baked goods we would work together on for days.   

We made a meatloaf.   I have never liked meat loaf before but Ron and James loved it.   They would have it and I would have something else.   But as I have aged my tastes have changed and in truth so has the way we make the meatloaf.   So we made a meatloaf together with Ron doing the making work and me doing the seasoning work.  I then made the potatoes and side dishes.   I will admit at 63 years old it is one of the best 4th of July’s I have ever had.    Hugs

My life with pain.

I will be having surgery soon.  I had a long visit with my pain doctor.  She had studied my last set of MRIs.  She also confered with the pain surgeon who I also see.  Seems I have all the bad things a back can have.  I have ruptured discs, herniated discs, and torn discs, but they hope that will heal, I have protruding discs, bulging discs.  I have arthritis in the length of the spine.  I also have a thickening ligament cord.  If I want to walk again I have to have a procedure called MILD.  The will put me under and then my current pain surgeon will make a 1-inch incision in my back and “shred” the ligament down to the proper size.  I simply have no choice, it is this or the wheelchair and ever larger amounts of pain.  They are not decreasing my pain medication my MRIs back them up, I have a limited quality of life now and would have none with less pain medication.  Ron asked me to ask her the prognosis of where she saw me in the future with my issues.  Because of the way my bones are thickening, thinning, and growing wrong, and the trauma of my childhood it will get worse.  I will some day lose the ability to stand and walk.  Unless things change even surgery to fuse the vertebra will not give me much relief and will cause me more issues.  But I still have my computers and the grand people it lets me stay in touch with.   Best wishes to all and hugs to those that want them.   Scottie

Today and tonight. And I am sorry

It is 6:15 my time and I am in a lot of pain and struggling.  I had my allergy shots this morning then when I got home, I started to work on the laptop Ron’s sister gave him.  It is a cheap incerolron windows 11 with 6 GB of RAM.  It was so frustrating to deal with.  I spent nearly five hours on it before I gave up, put his old Windows 10 laptop back on his desk and hooked it to his monitor along with his USB devices.  By this time my pain levels were hitting maximum.  

So then I went to my office and started to make tomorrow’s cartoons / memes / news post I just wore out.  I started too late and am in too much pain.  So Ron made supper so I could go to bed.  We had originally planned for a hamburger and salad each.  But as he went to make supper I told him I just wanted the salad.  After I ate I was glad I did I barely ate the entire salad he made for me.  

But when I thanked him and said it was good he had not cooked the hamburgers he told me he had cooked them after I told him that as he figured I wouldn’t be able to eat a salad and a hamburger so he had always planned to eat both burgers himself, which he did.  I guess good that it worked out for both of us but bad that he already knew I wouldn’t be able to eat.  

By the way even though this bit of information is not needed or necessary the salad was the only thing I have eaten today.  I don’t know what changed.  I was making great improvement in staying up and in eating.  I was up to eating two rather decent meals a day.  Then suddenly I couldn’t, and I suddenly needed to go back to bed in the morning and to bed before 6 or 7 pm.  Ron is again worried.  I told him it probably was my pain levels as the pain clinic needed to cancel my in person visit to get my trigger point injections.  But I am not sure if he is buying it.   Anyway.  I will try to get up by 4 or 5 to get the mentioned post out in the morning.  But no guarantees on that.  I can only say I enjoy doing them, I really love that people want and enjoy them, but my idea of doing them one day to post the next has not worked out since my relapse.   Best wishes for all and hugs for those that want them.  I am off to bed.  

Here is the situation at nearly 5: 30 pm my time. 1730 for the rest of the world

I barely got the cartoons / memes /news post out for the morning of the 13th on time.  I have been struggling the last four days.   I set my alarm and pulled my old ass out of bed this morning even though Ron protested I need far more sleep and I managed to get today’s cartoons / memes / news post out around noon my time.  It takes 6 or more hours to put it together as I have to sort them as I put them in the post page.  And if something comes up that needs to be inserted before hitting the post I have to work that in.   I am not complaining.  I love doing them and it seems many love seeing them.  There are over 60 separate web pages with each having many things on each one.  

Yesterday I went back through the comments and opened a new tab for everyone I could see addressed to me and a few to Ali that caught my attention.  I really do love the comments.  I will be honest if I could have a blog of just comments I would do that and not post.  I love the interaction with people, and yes even with people I disagree with.  

So today dealing with everything else I got the first one out.  I listened to the mostly biased bulls**t corporate broadcast media and grew ever more upset over the lies and misinformation.   

Then I started on the cartoons / memes / and news post for tomorrow.  At some point Ron told me we had to do supper and we had agreed on ribs, ear corn, and small new potatoes chunked.  As time for supper came near Ron had me take my blood sugar and because I am eating so little / infrequently it was 72, below what my endrochonoligest wants for me because of my pain levels.  He again explained to me that the kind of pain I have causes my body to produce blood sugar to protect itself.  

We started to eat.  I ate two ribs, about four potato chunks and started on an ear of corn when I got so sleepy and tired.  I couldn’t finish.  Ron came to the door of my office and saw me sort of dozing over my plate and demanded I go to bed.  I pointed to the nearly eaten ear of corn and the rest while pretending I had not fallen asleep.  He asked me to eat the small amount of corn left on the ear as he knows how much I like that and then reached in front of me and took the plate with the other stuff away. 

He has already set the bed up for the pile of cat towels that rest close to me on the king size bed because Ron’s cat Tupac clings to and cuddles me at night.  But the multiple layers are needed because he is incontenate and when he wakes up noticing he is lying in his own pee soaked towels he will nudge me to remove them so he has fresh clean towels to then lie back down on.  Why me and not Ron? 

Tomorrow morning I have a pain doctor appointment where I hope they will be able to give me enough trigger point steroid injections that I will be able to walk again.  After that I will try to finish the post I started today, but it will have to be after noon my time as my appointment is for 10 am.  Plus I have new information on Ron’s eye surgery as well as mine.  

I apologize to everyone for being so weak that I cannot get these posts out on time.  My health has gotten so much better and I am starting to grow hair and fingernails again.  I have more energy than even a month ago, but I still get so very tired that I need to go to bed at weird times.  For example I was working on posting something a few days ago and suddenly I had to go laydown for an hour / half before I could get back up to finish it.  

Thank you for understanding, especially about the comments.  Please keep sending them in on posts even if you feel I have not responded.  I try to go back through the WordPress dashboard to open those I missed in new tabs.  I do miss some and if you think I missed your comment you want me to address please send it to me again.  I am not ghosting you; I am just very tired.   

Best wishes to everyone and hugs / love to all who want them.  I really care about people and the people here seem like grand people to care about.   Scottie

 

To nights supper and an apology.

Yesterday I had a relapse after nearly a week of feeling very energetic compared to lately.  Last night I went to bed early.  I had started an email to MDavis who sent me a beautiful, encouraging email and it has been three weeks but I was just feeling up to replying to them.  But today I had my yearly eye appointment with the same eye doctor who referred me to the eye surgery center for needed cataract surgery.  If anyone needs reminding that was a year ago when I was on the gurney with IVs in and eyes medicated but as they were about to take me into surgery the anesthesiologist stopped everyone to ask me questions.   She went over my medical list with me and then sadly said I take more heavy pain medications daily than she could give me during the operation.  That  would mean that I would have to have eye surgery without any sedation.  When I told her I was sensitive to anything near my eyes she told everyone to pause and she went to talk to the surgeon.  They agreed that I would need to go to a much larger surgery center that could put me under enough anesthesia that would knock me totally out.   

So today I saw the same eye doctor at a much bigger facility they had joined.  Long story short after the exam the doctor told me the bad news.  My current vision is far beyond what glasses could help with.  She was emphatic in saying I must get my cataract surgery done as soon as possible.  She went over everything with me and detailed why she couldn’t give me a prescription for glasses that would make it so I could see the computer, the phones, the Ipad, and see well enough to drive better.  At this point my vision is so bad they couldn’t even make the letters smaller than the largest ones they wanted me to read clear.  

She wanted to know why I had not followed up with their surgery center’s referral to the larger university run on in Naples as I was referred to.  I explained to her the horrifically emotional and financially draining year we had had.  She listened and when I explained Ron and I had decided his eyes needed to be done before mine as he has a torn lens and eye inflammation issues, she understood and agreed to take him on as a patient.  But she kept pushing for me to get my eyes done in the next 6 months.  She said she would send the referral, which was good for 6 months and it normally took that long to get set up with the facility and have the necessary visits.  She added that if in the 6th months I was not financially ready to do it the surgery center in Naples would extend my time to have it done.  But she again pushed that I did not have a lot of time to wait with my diminished vision.  She asked how I did my daily stuff and I explained to her I have my large desktop monitors set to 250 and that my browser is set to 110% which I take up to 130 some days.  I also showed her my two over the counter readers I have which one is 150 and the other is 175, which I use for my phone, tablet, and the computer monitors.  

I explained all this to Ron as we drove home.  He agreed to get an appointment with her to start his eye surgery but the closest appointment he could get was in August.  At which point he got upset with me and said we would have to move forward with my eye surgery even before his.   He went on at length about how he had noticed how I was struggling on the computers and with things I was trying to do.  He mentioned the lighted magnifying glasses I keep around to help me read stuff.  He mentioned how now I was having to have him read everything that came in mail and instructions to me.  He reminded me that when he asked me to help him set up his sister’s new electronic entry system on the house she just bought I had to have him do the actions as I explained it to him as I couldn’t see the key pad clearly enough even with a bright light on them.  Then he dropped the mother of all bomb shells on me which made me give in.   He wondered with my vision so bad how I well I was seeing to drive.  He was getting more and more upset.  As I don’t think he is a good driver and I think I am a far better driver I gave in.   So …

I said I would make supper.  I got my very tall adjustable stool out and offered to make fried eggs, fried potatoes, fried bacon, and fresh ham steak I cooked in a large frying pan of water.  All with a side of two slices of toast.  Ron loved the idea which stopped him from harassing me about my eyes.  I do love to cook and it was emotionally satisfying for me.  I was unable to eat much of mine but I did eat the potatoes along with all the ham I took, a strip of bacon and half a piece of toast.  But Ron ate most of what I couldn’t which is why he blames me for his current weight.  Picture below.   Hugs

White Lion – When The Children Cry (Official Music Video)

I hate the YouTube algorithm and and myself more for giving into it and saving all the hateful abuse videos I get.  I am crying now trying not to alert Ron who is in the next room with the door between us open.  I had two open windows.  In one I had so many tabs of abuse that the algorithm pushed them to me because I occasionally watch them.  I deleted 8 of them before switching to the other open window.  What does YouTube think I need to see / hear after all that deleting and not watching all those videos?  The two videos below. 

Am I the one to blame but if so what does that say about all the vulnerable children who are led down hate rabbit holes?  At least the harm happening here is to me done myself aidded by the shit pushed into my feeds and I am so stupid that I click on them and leave the tab open while I try to move onto something else.  But eventually I end up coming back to the ones that hurt me so much.  Who is to blame?  As always in my life, as in my childhood … I am, and I have always been according to those that hurt me.   Goodnight.  Scottie.  Hugs