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I have had two bad nights. My butt is all scratched up because in my nightmares I am trying to remove the pain of the things forced into me. My pain provider told me today that I really need to think about finding a new therapist because she could see the knife edge I am on. She asked about how hard it was to talk to Ron and did it help? I had to explain how it hurt Ron to hear of my abuse and I hated to see that hurt settle in on him. I explained it comes in cycles and I am starting into a bad part of the cycle. Hugs
I am so tired of the memories and trying to function normally with these memories ravaging my mind and emotions. I need to run away, I want to run far from the memories, but there is no way to. Sad hugs. Scottie
















































































































































White House version of photo, versus original one by Getty. The vanity is nauseating.
















Bernie Moreno is keeping shut about Max Miller beating his daughter because Max has blackmail on Bernie being gay.
This is gross and emasculating.
It is grotesque to use a man’s funeral as an opportunity to grovel at the feet of another man and to use his legacy to curry favor in such a sycophantic manner.
But that is how weak men see the world.
































































I love everyone, but I had to deal with many issues. Yesterday I had to dump my entire secondary computer to fix a regesty error. But every time I tried to come back up, Microsoft insisted I sign in with an internet that they could monitor. I refused. So I needed to wipe out my entire C drive, and now I am trying to rebuild it. Lucky for me if the powers that be won’t allow me to rejoin the older Windows program, well I have been experimenting with Linux stuff. Hugs




























































































*** personal note. Sorry these are late getting out. I do love them. Today I can’t walk again. I gave myself a shot last Saturday and something went wrong with it. Every two weeks I need to give myself an injection into one of my legs and each time I rotate which leg I do it into. However, I am not sure what went wrong with this shot; maybe I did not get all the air out of the injection syringe or what but my leg is swollen and very painful to bend or move. I take serious pain medications and even with them the pain is so mind-numbing that I struggle to function. I have never had one go this badly or be this painful. Hugs ***



























































Perhaps a silver lining in this day of hate and corruption masquerading as patriotism is the crashing realization that one day we will leave this world. Many will stumble upon a very uncomfortable discovery that their friends and neighbors would not be so very sad to see them go.
I write this today having found out that my neighbor passed away last night. She was one of those people who very acerbically met life on her own terms: loud, bitching about seeming everything, but loving anyone in need and being one of the funniest people I’ve every met – if unintentionally. And, further, she liked my dog and my dog liked her, so –
I recently had the opportunity to watch some of the interview/debate of Neil DeGrasse Tyson on Ben Shapiro’s show. Ben was really trying to push this idea that Neil could speak on the science of transsexuals’ gender, etc. One of the greatest things I took from that was Neil asking him what he was really attempting to accomplish with his banging of the gong? ‘We supposedly live in a free country. No one is obliged to be more masculine or more feminine for you, and they have no right to ask it of you’, he said.


That one line from Neil completely changed how I heard the interview. I realized that Ben spoke with a quickness and decisiveness that projected strength to those who are desperate to hear it – but was really a desperation to control something that wasn’t his to control. I found myself asking Neil’s questions of Ben, and others who seem intent to dictate how people live, how people love. What drives this desperation to dominate others? What is in that morning mirror that scares people so that the only way they can manage is to be sure others meet their rules and expectations rather than find their own?
When I think on those people like Ben Shapiro, Donald Trump, Marjory Taylor Green, Mike Lindell, Rudy Giuliani, Jeff Sessions, their lives are often filled with beautiful arm candy, money, and a dark heart that destroys them in time. Like a poison they’ve taken in, living a life of hate and corruption seems for them like a recipe for eventual disaster. But, like moths to a flame, repeatedly do these people line up to destroy their peace, their credibility, their future until only regret and hate visit them.


As a country, we lost something special and unique when Donald Trump became more than just a spectator and buyer of the political tragedy. Somehow ignorance became a virtue, and being loud meant you were right. Intelligent conversation and caring about others became synonymous with communism, or whatever the boogieman is now. Somehow we in America are supposed to despise the poor and glorify the wealthy, told it is the height of patriotism. We lost our light, and now it seems we can only find our path by blindly swinging at those stuck with us in this morass.
-randy