“Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It ain’t scared of escalators though.”

The Great Escalator Wars by Adam Parkhomenko

It’s Thursday. There are 404 days until the midterm elections. Disinformation from Dallas, Kimmel’s big ratings and making us defend Jim Comey. Read on Substack

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we went from the Tylenol meltdown to the UN pants-shittening to a total goddamn presidential freakout over a broken fucking escalator. We assume for today that Trump will be walking around with both of his feet and his head stuck in buckets of some kind. Despite all the dumb, we actually have some good news. One of the creepiest goddamn weirdos of all time will no longer be in a position to fuck with kids…

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Na-na-na-na. Na-na-na-na. Hey Hey Hey. Goodbye! We’ve been kinda sorta paying attention to this freakshow’s tenure as superintendent and we have wondered for a while just how dumb the kids in Oklahoma must be by now. The poor little morons have been forced to eat Trump Bibles for months, half of them think Be Best is good grammar and the rest think 2 + 2 = Bigly. Plus, doesn’t this dude put off all the vibes of someone whose hard drive would get them sent away for life? That moustache definitely used to hang out on Epstein’s island. Dude is out here looking like Jim Dangle from Reno 911.

Anyway, congratulations to the children of Oklahoma who would be bursting out in song today if their music programs hadn’t been cut in favor of Trump Appreciation Class. As for Ryan, well, he can kiss our asses, eat shit and fuck all the way off. Goddamn weirdo. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: This has nothing to do with anything, but remember those switchblade combs? Those were cool. We want to bring those back in style. Also, we did a therapy session yesterday and you can catch it here if you missed it live.

JD Vance should pretend he’s a couch and…

Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman Sep 24

Thank you Leah Anderson, Jeanne Elbe, Kathryn, Maureen Drews, Jason Dyer, and many others for tuning into our weekly therapy session!

Read full story

Note three: We’re getting closer to a government shutdown, and the White House’s big threat is that they would use a shutdown to fire federal workers. Someone should tell these assholes they already did that and they’re currently busy trying to rehire them all. Idiots. More: NBC News

Note four: We have got to hand it to the Onion. They made an Epstein documentary. Wired describes it as “absolutely unhinged.” It’s called “Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile.” It says a lot about where we are as a country that we rely on the Onion for this stuff instead of CNN. More: Wired

Note five: We wish we were kidding about our dumbshit president totally freaking out about a stopped escalator. He’s calling for investigations and Fox News has his back. It reminds us of the line from Ace Ventura — “Had I been drinking from the toilet, I could’ve been killed.” For a big tough guy, Trump sure is a whiny little bitch.

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Note six: Senate Democrats are out with a report about what Elon Leon’s DOGE d-bags were really up to and it is infuriating. We can’t wait for a Democratic administration to lock these little shits up. More: Wired

Note seven: The French sentenced Sarkozy to five years. How the hell does every other country know how to do this except ours? More: NBC News

Note eight: Gross Stephen Miller’s gross wife is talking about having gross sex with him. Here’s a link, but we don’t recommend clicking on it. More: HuffPost

Note nine: Trump is upset that people are upset about his friendship with Epstein and the ensuing cover-up. He says Palm Beach in the 90s was a “different time.” Motherfucker child rape was still bad in the 1990s. More: Mediaite

Note 10: After a couple weeks off, South Park returned last night and Kyle’s mom (who is Jewish) went off on Bibi Netanyahu.

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Note 11: The New York Times was very worried that a Trump official might get booed during one of their ass-kissing sessions. To that, we say BOOOOOOOOO!!!!! More: Mediaite

Note 12: The Tylenol thing was such a fucking disaster that Trump’s own allies are walking it back. Can you imagine the coverage if Biden… More: Independent

Note 13: Please don’t forget we have some big elections coming up in New Jersey, Virginia, California and Pennsylvania! Please get involved however you can. Those candidates need some Sexy Patriot energy. More: Pix11

Note 14: It’s honestly wild how much of a disconnect there is between Democratic leadership in D.C. and Democrats in the states. And it’s not hard to see which one is actually in touch with what voters are demanding. More: NBC News

Note 15: Just a reminder that before Kimmel was put through the ringer, plenty of corporate media outlets fired Black women with little to no public outrage. Thank you to Karen Attiah, formerly of the Washington Post, for firing back. And thanks to our friend Katie Phang for helping her.

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Note 16: Two things to look forward to — Taylor Swift has a new album out next week, and the second part of Wicked will be out soon. Also, we don’t know about y’all, but we can’t freaking wait to see that new Paul Thomas Anderson movie. It seems pretty timely. More: USA Today

Note 17: It is fucking wild how hard the White House and the Republican Party are working to keep the Epstein files hidden. It’s even wilder how the people who used to want to see them don’t seem to give a shit anymore. More: CNN

Note 18: We’re starting to have a little hope that our country isn’t as dumb as it seems. The brain worm guy’s polling numbers are in the shitter. Which means he’ll probably swim in them. More: CNN, WSAV

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going back to South Park. If we’ve learned anything this week, it’s that comedy is leading the resistance while other institutions bend the knee and kiss the ass. We picked this clip because the Don Jr. impression had us fucking howling…

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Note 20: And on that note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week. Except Ryan Walters. That dude and his creepy stache can smooch our taints. Love y’all! (snip-MORE news on the page)

Republican Caught With Porn Hides Behind Charlie Kirk

I have read rumors about this guy for a long time. But I was always hopeful he played for the straight team because of how hateful he is. He is an all out racist. But they claim to have checked it out and it is true. There clearly is some excitement in Ryan’s pants.

He’s SO Bad At This…

I believe that Chuck Schumer cares far more for his big money donors and mythical Baileys than for the lower income people. I think he was good at the game in the 1990s. I think he relied heavily on Pelosi during tRump’s first term. If you don’t watch the video, know that the candidates running in red states to unseat the republicans in those seats don’t want Schumer to campaign with them in any way. In state after state, the new democratic candidates for Senate say they won’t vote for Schumer. The only one who may would be Mills in Maine because she has not declared yet and Schumer is pushing her hard to enter … in her upper 70s. Screw those young upstarts in their 40s and 50s, those wet behind the ears kids. let’s put a seasoned 77-year-old in the Senate for a six year term. It seems that Schumer’s plan for the midterms is to do nothing, take no position on anything that might upset anyone and hope that tRump is so bad people will be so sick of him that they vote for the democrats. It did not work that way in 2024 and it won’t in 2026. He went on Morning Joe, no young voter is watching Morning Joe. Only older voters and donors are. Sam points out Schumer could be saying to the public that tRump’s wealth has doubled in 8 months, has yours? He could be doing interviews saying what the FCC is doing is bad so if we win we are going to X and X. But Schumer won’t even bring up Epstein. I find all that Sam Seder says and shows of Schumer to be true, which heralds that we are in big trouble in the midterms. Hugs

Trump’s Cult And Christian America

Israel: A Society In Denial

This is incredibly disgusting and horrific. The Israeli media is pushing garbage, lies, and misinformation on the Israeli public. They don’t believe what other news sources say about starving children or women. One Israeli man said he was going into the military in two months and hoped to be sent to Gaza to kill the Palestinians. When asked about the women and children he claimed there were no innocents, that they were all Hamas. He was asked about kids, little kids and babies his answer were they were either Hamas or terrorists or future terrorists. Better to kill the babies now rather than them growing up to hurt an Israeli. Only one couple called for an end to the war. The others demand Hamas release the hostages. The surrounding crowd did not believe them when they said that Hamas was willing to return the hostages in exchange for stopping the war but Netanyahu killed the negotiations. They are as brained washed as Fox viewers and when the truth comes out they will be living in Palestinian land claiming innocence because they willfully did not know of what the military was doing. Oh well water under the bridge they will claim. I am seriously anti-Israel’s government and military. I think they are equal to Hitlers government and supporters. They need to suffer the same fate. Following orders doesn’t cut it. Being Jewish is not a pass for committing genocide. Never again is for all people or it is not for any people. Best wishes for all and hugs for those that want them.

Tuesday Night’s Josh Day Set

Timely and informative, as only Josh delivers-enjoy!

IHIP News: Trump COLLAPSES During SLURRED Speech as Polls NOSE DIVE!!

Shadow POTUS Spews Hatred At Kirk’s Memorial

Same As Here In The USA

We each and all have to be diligent with checking what we post before we post it, because this is real, and it’s in many places.

Russian Fake News Generator

Snippet from BBC:

A secret Russian-funded network is attempting to disrupt upcoming democratic elections in an eastern European state, the BBC has found.

Using an undercover reporter, we discovered the network promised to pay participants if they posted pro-Russian propaganda and fake news undermining Moldova’s pro-EU ruling party ahead of the country’s 28 September parliamentary ballot.

Participants were paid to find supporters of Moldova’s pro-Russia opposition to secretly record – and also to carry out a so-called poll. This was done in the name of a non-existent organisation, making it illegal. The results of this selective sampling, an organiser from the network suggested, could lay the groundwork to question the outcome of the election.

The results of the so-called poll, suggesting the ruling party will lose, have already been published online. (snip-go read it)