Today and tonight. And I am sorry

It is 6:15 my time and I am in a lot of pain and struggling.  I had my allergy shots this morning then when I got home, I started to work on the laptop Ron’s sister gave him.  It is a cheap incerolron windows 11 with 6 GB of RAM.  It was so frustrating to deal with.  I spent nearly five hours on it before I gave up, put his old Windows 10 laptop back on his desk and hooked it to his monitor along with his USB devices.  By this time my pain levels were hitting maximum.  

So then I went to my office and started to make tomorrow’s cartoons / memes / news post I just wore out.  I started too late and am in too much pain.  So Ron made supper so I could go to bed.  We had originally planned for a hamburger and salad each.  But as he went to make supper I told him I just wanted the salad.  After I ate I was glad I did I barely ate the entire salad he made for me.  

But when I thanked him and said it was good he had not cooked the hamburgers he told me he had cooked them after I told him that as he figured I wouldn’t be able to eat a salad and a hamburger so he had always planned to eat both burgers himself, which he did.  I guess good that it worked out for both of us but bad that he already knew I wouldn’t be able to eat.  

By the way even though this bit of information is not needed or necessary the salad was the only thing I have eaten today.  I don’t know what changed.  I was making great improvement in staying up and in eating.  I was up to eating two rather decent meals a day.  Then suddenly I couldn’t, and I suddenly needed to go back to bed in the morning and to bed before 6 or 7 pm.  Ron is again worried.  I told him it probably was my pain levels as the pain clinic needed to cancel my in person visit to get my trigger point injections.  But I am not sure if he is buying it.   Anyway.  I will try to get up by 4 or 5 to get the mentioned post out in the morning.  But no guarantees on that.  I can only say I enjoy doing them, I really love that people want and enjoy them, but my idea of doing them one day to post the next has not worked out since my relapse.   Best wishes for all and hugs for those that want them.  I am off to bed.  

Here is the situation at nearly 5: 30 pm my time. 1730 for the rest of the world

I barely got the cartoons / memes /news post out for the morning of the 13th on time.  I have been struggling the last four days.   I set my alarm and pulled my old ass out of bed this morning even though Ron protested I need far more sleep and I managed to get today’s cartoons / memes / news post out around noon my time.  It takes 6 or more hours to put it together as I have to sort them as I put them in the post page.  And if something comes up that needs to be inserted before hitting the post I have to work that in.   I am not complaining.  I love doing them and it seems many love seeing them.  There are over 60 separate web pages with each having many things on each one.  

Yesterday I went back through the comments and opened a new tab for everyone I could see addressed to me and a few to Ali that caught my attention.  I really do love the comments.  I will be honest if I could have a blog of just comments I would do that and not post.  I love the interaction with people, and yes even with people I disagree with.  

So today dealing with everything else I got the first one out.  I listened to the mostly biased bulls**t corporate broadcast media and grew ever more upset over the lies and misinformation.   

Then I started on the cartoons / memes / and news post for tomorrow.  At some point Ron told me we had to do supper and we had agreed on ribs, ear corn, and small new potatoes chunked.  As time for supper came near Ron had me take my blood sugar and because I am eating so little / infrequently it was 72, below what my endrochonoligest wants for me because of my pain levels.  He again explained to me that the kind of pain I have causes my body to produce blood sugar to protect itself.  

We started to eat.  I ate two ribs, about four potato chunks and started on an ear of corn when I got so sleepy and tired.  I couldn’t finish.  Ron came to the door of my office and saw me sort of dozing over my plate and demanded I go to bed.  I pointed to the nearly eaten ear of corn and the rest while pretending I had not fallen asleep.  He asked me to eat the small amount of corn left on the ear as he knows how much I like that and then reached in front of me and took the plate with the other stuff away. 

He has already set the bed up for the pile of cat towels that rest close to me on the king size bed because Ron’s cat Tupac clings to and cuddles me at night.  But the multiple layers are needed because he is incontenate and when he wakes up noticing he is lying in his own pee soaked towels he will nudge me to remove them so he has fresh clean towels to then lie back down on.  Why me and not Ron? 

Tomorrow morning I have a pain doctor appointment where I hope they will be able to give me enough trigger point steroid injections that I will be able to walk again.  After that I will try to finish the post I started today, but it will have to be after noon my time as my appointment is for 10 am.  Plus I have new information on Ron’s eye surgery as well as mine.  

I apologize to everyone for being so weak that I cannot get these posts out on time.  My health has gotten so much better and I am starting to grow hair and fingernails again.  I have more energy than even a month ago, but I still get so very tired that I need to go to bed at weird times.  For example I was working on posting something a few days ago and suddenly I had to go laydown for an hour / half before I could get back up to finish it.  

Thank you for understanding, especially about the comments.  Please keep sending them in on posts even if you feel I have not responded.  I try to go back through the WordPress dashboard to open those I missed in new tabs.  I do miss some and if you think I missed your comment you want me to address please send it to me again.  I am not ghosting you; I am just very tired.   

Best wishes to everyone and hugs / love to all who want them.  I really care about people and the people here seem like grand people to care about.   Scottie

 

I have three of these but clearly not the last image.

White Lion – When The Children Cry (Official Music Video)

I hate the YouTube algorithm and and myself more for giving into it and saving all the hateful abuse videos I get.  I am crying now trying not to alert Ron who is in the next room with the door between us open.  I had two open windows.  In one I had so many tabs of abuse that the algorithm pushed them to me because I occasionally watch them.  I deleted 8 of them before switching to the other open window.  What does YouTube think I need to see / hear after all that deleting and not watching all those videos?  The two videos below. 

Am I the one to blame but if so what does that say about all the vulnerable children who are led down hate rabbit holes?  At least the harm happening here is to me done myself aidded by the shit pushed into my feeds and I am so stupid that I click on them and leave the tab open while I try to move onto something else.  But eventually I end up coming back to the ones that hurt me so much.  Who is to blame?  As always in my life, as in my childhood … I am, and I have always been according to those that hurt me.   Goodnight.  Scottie.  Hugs

 

Thank you everyone.

I thank everyone who is still commenting and reading what little I am posting.  I will be back soon hopefully.   I was going to make a video today on what has been going on but I am just too tired.   Hugs to all.  You are grand.   Hugs

The video is long and I lost interest. But I am trying to find my dance and the new day that Samwise speaks of. I hope you find your dance also. Hugs

my eye surgery. Thank you everyone to listening / watching. Hugs

The last few days and the next few.

The last few days I have been trying to help Ron as he took drywall and cabinets down to move the wall between the bathrooms.  I am terribly bruised and Ron wants me to tell everyone that may see them that he did not cause them.  He is worried that if my doctors see all these bruises, marks, and cuts that they will ask me the question we were required to keep asking in the hospital … do you feel safe at home?  He is terrified that one of my providers will suspect him of abusing me.   No it is that my health is so fragile that I bruise easily and helping him as best I can leave me marked.

Today Ron slept until 8:30 am.  I had made it a thing that if the shopping included more than 5 items we went together.  Since we both had to shower, it was late when we got to it.  So we did a quick shop and tomorrow will be the big shop at multiple stores which will exhaust me.   Ron wanted to me to make a spaghetti red sauce so he could use the ravioli he bought and eat up the leftover pasta.   But at the same time due to the work on the house, normal chores that wear me out such as laundry which I am trying to do, and I am going to be too tired to really post.  I am struggling to finish this.  I will be able to click and paste, I will be able to watch videos, but serious thinking, answering comments I will try but doubt I will make much head way.  Best wishes for all, loves and hugs for those that wish it.  I am almost too tired to eat and I have not eaten yet today.  Hugs

Sorry for not posting much today. Update on my fall

As I wrote I fell two days ago.  It was late Monday morning early Tuesday morning.  I couldn’t sleep so I got up and went to my Pink Palace.  I was sitting in my chair and got up then went to take a step and suddenly had no legs, my right leg was totally gone and my left had about 1/4 strength and was not enough to hold me even if I had warning.  See the damage to my spine makes my legs go suddenly dead.  It is why I am supposed to use a cane even in the house.    I went down hard on my right side bruising my ankle, my right hip right at the place of my implant where it goes into my pelvis, coming down hard on my right shoulder, and I threw my hand down in front of me in a fist to break my fall which has given me a swollen hand and bruised knuckles.  It is good I hit my hip where I did, remember I have thin bones osteoporosis.  If I had hit on the bone lower could have broken my leg bone.  A little higher and it could have been my pelvis.  There is a large very dark bruise right in the middle of my still deep very long scar.  The surgeon who did my right hip in 2004 was 74 years old doing his duty for god and his country.  He had been a military surgeon who when he retired from private practice went back to working for the VA.  His office was plastered with posters about the Christian god, and he played Christian radio broadcasts / music while meeting with patients.  Today I would have raised a fuss and made it an issue.  But the guy flayed me, his scar is wide and over 9 inches long.  It runs from my hip across to some of my right butt cheek.  My surgeon in 2017 who did my left hip had a small 1-inch scar.  So I can hardly move the mouse even the small bit required for using the mouse, and my hand hurts too much to really type.  Walking is a real fun exercise right now.

Ron was sound asleep and he said it made a huge boom that woke him.  That may have been the shelf I reached out for support and brought it crashing down on me.  Everything hit the floor including my Xbox One.  Lucky it slid off the shelf as it was tipped to one side as it came off so the box managed to slid down without crashing.  Still works so it is OK.  But as Ron struggled to pick me up, he complained I was not helping much.  I told him I couldn’t control my right leg at all, no muscle control over and could hardly move my left one much less get support out of it.  Looking back he should have gotten my walker.  It has a seat, he could have wheeled me to the bedroom.  He did get me one of my canes which I used to help support me as he supported the other side.  

 

So why not do a video.  The roofing company came this morning to put a new roof on to replace the roof they did that kept leaking.  Now the rep says we need to keep after the company for assistance repairing the ceiling tiles that got wet so that we can secure the skylight they put in.  See it hooks over the inside of the tiles which can’t happen on ours because the skylight kept leaking causing the tiles to swell and then decay away giving the bottom part nothing to hook to.  Plus I got a very important post to go make.  

While the benefit from the steroids is still going the side effects of driving hunger has worn off.  Just in time, I had gained 10 pounds from constant eating.  I think if I can get away with it next month I will not take them.  Plus hopefully the walking and exercising is creating needed muscle.  Anyway to get to the very important post I wanted to make as soon as I get done with this one.  

An update on Ron and his mental decline.  Mornings are the worst for him and some late evenings before he comes to bed.  But lately he has been coming to bed at 8 or 8:30 pm.  This morning he was trying to talk to me about things but it was almost impossible.  He would start sentences with no subject or thing he was talking about, just saying what he heard or saw.  I would have to stop him and gently ask him what we’re talking about, was it a person, place, or thing.  This morning he told me one of the roofers asked him if something was ours, saying Scottie someone dropped stuff off on our lawn.  The roofers had to move it to park their trucks.   Side note I had a stroke in early 2023 and got dysphasia where I could see the word I wanted to say, understood what it meant, but couldn’t get my mouth to say it no matter how hard I worked.  It was so damn frustrating.  My conversations then made more sense than Ron’s lately in the morning.  

I went through the security cameras. Turns out the neighbor two doors down from Ohio were going home today and left a bunch of stuff out on trash day.  We have three trash days a week.  Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  The workers seen it and took the stuff from there to our lawn.  Yes they had to move it because they put it there.   They did not ask Ron if we owned it, Ron asked them why they brought a bicycle with them.  The guy told him where they got it and explained it was being thrown away did Ron mind if they took some of the stuff.  He said no keep it.  Then came in as I said and told me that someone dropped a bike and shelving unit off on our lawn that the roofing guys had to move.  He figured it was maybe stolen because one of the renters of the guy next to us was a person that stole stuff mainly bikes and golf carts.  We saw her on our camera try to steal ours and chased her all the way back into the guy’s house.  

I went through the security cameras and seen the guy show up, park his large work panel truck.  Then he walked up the street he had just driven down, and bring back the bike and several other items back to our lawn.    After I watched the camera then talked to Ron again.  I showed Ron the camera footage, then explained to him what it showed.  So I asked him why the guy asked Ron if it was ours when they knew it was not.  Ron looked at me confused and then explained that the guy did not ask him, that Ron had asked the guy if the stuff was theirs.  Why he would even do that I don’t know.  What do we care as it was not ours? 

This morning knowing these guys were coming I got him up at 6:30 so we could both shower.  After I got mine I told him that he could start his while I got dressed.  I got dressed and still no Ron.  I came out to find him fiddling around with blinds.  I admit I scolded him because I was frustrated.  That was wrong, but I had asked him to get up earlier and he did not want to.  I get up at five am.  I talked to him and asked if he wanted to get up.  No he said.  I said when?  I asked if 6 am would do.  No he was tired.  Ok so I waited to 6:30.  As it was the guys showed up while he was still in the shower because as I figured they came at 7:30.  The same time they came the last time.   

At night when he comes to bed the next time I have to pee I come out to check if he has left food out or forgot to close the refrigerator / freezer.  So many times before I started checking I would come out in the morning to find one of the other totally iced over.  Many times the freezer so iced over the light wouldn’t work until I thawed the switch and the light bulb out.  I can tell if he has set the alarm from the bedroom and set it from there with the keyboard or my phone.  But he is not sundowning as he is far more with it at night than he is in the morning.  In the morning he is struggling hard, he can barely function.  I make coffee, deal with the cats if I have not already, he sits in his chair and often forgets to drink his coffee until I remind him as I am ready for my second cup.  Then he downs his and hands me his cup.

This is my life and how I am trying to deal with it.   Hugs

 

Some clips from TizzyEnt

Sorry this may be the last post I make today.  I am not doing well.  I have had 3 hours sleep in two days.  Monday I got a steroid shot in each shoulder so I could move them again.  My bones ache so bad I wondered if I had gotten a cold or flu again.  Steroids do depress my already depressed immune system.  But I can hardly stand the pain in my hands, arms, legs, and I am not a jolly fellow today.  Tomorrow I have my allergy shots.  That should be great, right, what could go wrong with how I feel.  Ron is going with me and we are going to buy the flooring for the Florida room Ron built and that will be my new office.  As I have said before it is to give me more light and not feeling so isolated and will give us a spare bedroom for visitors.   Hugs