I have had three weeks of steriod shots, allergy shots, and testosterone shots. My hormones are a mess and coursing through me like angry bulls alternately making me happy and then very sad.  I have barely slept for three days. Tonight I made fried chicken and french fries for supper. I need to go to bed but to tell the truth, I am scared to do so. When I do fall asleep, the memories will come back.  Every hard hand and fist that hit me, the times I was hurt in so many ways, I remember them all.  As one of the songs says I told the lies to protect those abusing me because if I had not, it would have been worse.  I feel them.  I live it all over again.  And I am so tired. My pain doctor tried to help, and asked me if she could send me to a trama therapist; she said “Scottie you really need to talk to someone”. I told her another time, not yet, not now.  But every one of these songs has parts of my life in them. I guess I will go back to reading the news rather than go to bed; the news I can deal with maybe.  The memories I cannot, not tonight. Last night, in the middle of the night Ron realized I was very upset and had me move next to him. I need to sleep.  I am afraid to. I wonder if anyone can understand that.  Being afraid to go to sleep?  Hugs